Financial disaster

[TallyTutter]

 

[ditchdocsgirl]

70,000 cc debt , how do cc companys keep sending high lines of credit do they not check how many cards she has??? omg.. Her reality stick is about to hit, and its not going to be pretty. Do keep us posted, I'd like to see what comes of that much debt and no sense of worry about it.

But to warn you in advance I'm a thread killer... ...everyone I post on no one ever replys back,... so if this happens, forgive me

 

[ceecee]

Sounds to me like she never intended to pay off the bills. Sounds like you have really grown apart in your friendship. That would be something I would have a hard time not telling her the truth about!

 

[Princess April]

Oh ditchdocsgirl... I won't let you be a tread killer, not on my watch.... (that's my job!....lol ) But I have a friend that is in a similar situation but I'm gonna post it on the credit boards... I don't have any ideas about bankruptcy and I wanna know what they are in for.

 

[ditchdocsgirl]

Thank you Princess April

 

[hinodis]

She knows better then to come for me for money. Her parents are very wealthy and she talked to her Mom about it and her Mom said. Well, I can give you a ride to the Cherry Street Mission (homeless shelter) when you lose everything. She can't believe her parents would do that to their grand kids. Good for you MOM!

 

[Solomonsmom81]

I think all you can do from here is pray about it and let GOd take care of the rest, it only seems fair that she pays them off because other wise everything she ever paid for with them was basically a free gift and if you feel she needs to know how you feel then maybe it will help in the end.

 

[disneysteve]

They are going on a trip to cedar point and staying at the breakers for 3 nights next week.

Oh I almost forgot there getting a pool too, end of season sale

And how will they be paying for their vacation and new pool? Let me guess. They're charging them.

These people are living in la-la land. They are so far gone they don't see any point in trying to stop the train from plummeting off the cliff.

The first rule when you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging. These folks instead are digging faster and deeper. They will be bankrupt and, likely, homeless in the not too distant future. If you want to be a friend, just give a shoulder to cry on. As for financial advice, clearly, she doesn't really want any or isn't ready to accept any at this point.

 

[crisi]

She knows better then to come for me for money. Her parents are very wealthy and she talked to her Mom about it and her Mom said. Well, I can give you a ride to the Cherry Street Mission (homeless shelter) when you lose everything. She can't believe her parents would do that to their grand kids. Good for you MOM!

They probably won't do it to their grandkids, but I know three different sets of grandparents who took in their grandkids, but let their own kids go homeless when they did this sort of thing.

 

[mikimaus6009]

OK, here's my two cents: I think she told you because she is looking for absolution. No person really believes it's OK, but she figures that you (being the good friend you are) will console her and tell her it's OK. This absolves her of the guilt connected with her "crime" and she can go on her merry way without that uncomfortable burden.

My advice (for what it's worth) is to find that gray area that the real world exists in. Of course you will still be her friend, listen to her, and love her. I would simply tell her you are very uncomfortable talking about money (with anyone) and would love to talk with her about everything else. She may be making a morally wrong choice, but that doesn't mean you need to abandon her or lose your sense of friendship/loyalty. I always try to be the kind of person I am proud of, regardless of how others conduct themselves. Hope this helps!

 

[tinatark]

In many states, even though the house may be in one spouse's name, the actual ownership is joint because they are married.

Are they paying the other bills? The house and cars and "his" credit cards?

I'm not even sure she can file single Ch7 bankruptcy because she has no income now but her situation hasn't changed since she applied for the credit cards. She does need to see a Bky attorney about filing Ch7 in her name, as the creditors should be very close to filing for judgements against her. Those can attach to bank accts, tax returns, etc. The creditors can also charge off the debt and send her an income form - the "income" (debt she didn't pay) is taxable when she files income taxes for the year.

 

[ROIE01581]

My friend has been telling me about how hard it has been financially for her for the past several months. Today she broke down and told the ugly truth. She had $50,000+ in CC debt and she stopped paying on them last October. The CC's were all in her name only. They now are at $70,000+ due to fees and interest. Everything they own except the house is in DH's name only. She does not work. Her theory is that the CC co.'s can not touch her because she has no income and no assets. Mortgage = home value. She told me DH has run up the CC's in his name to $25,000. DH does not make enough money to cover monthly living expenses. I told her they are going to lose the house and the cars. She is convinced that they can't touch her. she said they can't take anything in his name only or garnish his wages. I am just shocked!! She asked me what should I do? I said get a job and start paying for all the stuff you charged. She said I can't get a job, then I will have to pay on my cards and they are too high. Should I tell her what I really think or just stay out of it? I had no idea things were so bad. Does anyone know what the CC people can actually do? She needs a dose of reality if you ask me.

\\

She does not have the credit or assets to get credit cards in her name only if she does not work. They had to have had her husband's information to let her have that much credit. She needs to check her credit report. If her husbands name is on her credit report, his pay is on the line.

They will need to file bankrupcy to keep the house and the cars.
If they both have there name on the house it should be as tenents in the entirity. That way they both own the entire house and it can not be sold to cover just one's bills.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I think people in debt like the OP's friend absolutely have no intention of paying it back. They just assume they can just declare bankruptcy and all debt is just magically wiped away, and they keep everything they have - cars, houses, etc. Isn't bankruptcy amazing! Everyone always hears stories of a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who declared bankruptcy and never had to pay a dime and life just went on perfectly. Sadly some people never do research and think bankruptcy is such an easy painless thing to do with no repercussions at all.

Sadly I have a close relative looking at a hopeless financial situation - she's 28,000 dollars in debt; divorced raising 2 kids on a blue collar job. I'm sure she is going to look long and hard at bankruptcy as a option.

Seems more and more folks are finding themselves into these situations.

 

[hinodis]

She had a job several years ago so that may be when she got the cards. As far as the bankrupsy she has filed twice before. The last time was about 15 or so years ago. One of the bills she never paid was the jewlery she bought from my Dad's store. That was in the first bankrupsy. I was really upset and did not really talk to her for a couple of years. I guess I eventually got over it. Forgot about it really until just know. I see a definate pattern here. I wonder when she will crash and burn.

 

[Lorain1]

You have got to be kidding me.... She has filed two times before. I honestly think there is a limit. I can't give you advice because it's not my place, but from experience run........ run very fast.... It's not worth you worrying about, getting aggrivated, or anything. This is her headache and let her deal with it. I wouldn't give her advice, I would tell her she dug the hole, now lay in it.

I admit I was and still am getting worried because of my $10,000 in cc debts. My mother lives with me and since her accident (she was run over by a truck while crossing the street) we have had no choice but to charge groceries sometimes or gas with all her appointments and a few (but I mean a very few) extras that aren't really needed but brighten her day.

Your friend doesn't get any sympothy from me. I understand the reasoning behind not "wanting" to pay, but heck stop "wanting" the things you can't afford.

 

[MrsPete]

I would have a hard time maintaining the friendship. I would have a hard time looking her in the eye. And I would warn her now not to come to me for financial help, ever. She's not incapable of holding down a job, she chooses not to.

I have to agree. Next time she called, I'd be heading out the door. Too busy to talk.

Her excuse is, "We live on Long Island and my children can't wear clothing from regular department stores!!!" Meanwhile her poor DH is killing himself trying to not lose everything they own..) Whatever..

I refuse to believe that anyplace has special money rules -- the truth is that some people who live there have chosen to "buy into" certain spending or lifestyle habits.

The first rule when you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging. These folks instead are digging faster and deeper. They will be bankrupt and, likely, homeless in the not too distant future.

Sounds like she might've decided that she's going to have to declare bankruptcy, and she's going to spend, spend, spend in preparation for it. She might be doing that thinking that she won't be able to buy clothes, gifts, etc. in the near future, so she'd better stock up now, or she might be thinking that these items could be ebayed to bring in cash. Or it could be that she just doesn't have a clue, that she hasn't figured out -- as many people haven't -- that spending habits affect your financial stability!

 

[fac]

It really bothers me what she has done. I had to get off the phone before I said something I might regret. She blames alot of it on DH but she let it happen. They are going on a trip to cedar point and staying at the breakers for 3 nights next week. I just could not believe it. I asked her about bankrupcy and she said her DH does not want to do that It just makes me so mad that they ran up all that debt living above their means. Oh I almost forgot there getting a pool too, end of season sale . It is just killinig me.

I think everyone has given you good advice. If I were you, I will not bother, it is just not worth the time or may be I am getting old and cold.
She seems to try to get a way out.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It's hard to reason with someone like that. There's not much you can do but listen and then leave her to her own devices.

I just don't get why people buy things they can't pay for. Several years ago, I worked with a woman who seemed to have a new outfit everyday. She would even say she had to go shopping to buy something to wear tomorrow. We were both executive assistants at a bank and she was a level below me so I knew about how much she made. I once asked her how she could afford a new outfit everyday. She said, "I charge it and then make the minimum payment. I figured out that for $100 a month, I can have anything I want!" At least she was making the minimum payment. But that was mostly interest and she was hardly touching the principle. And if she kept charging, the minimum payment would just keep increasing. I just shook my head and walked away, happy to wear my "used" clothes yet again tomorrow!

 

[Karlzmom]

It really bothers me what she has done. I had to get off the phone before I said something I might regret. She blames alot of it on DH but she let it happen. They are going on a trip to cedar point and staying at the breakers for 3 nights next week. I just could not believe it. I asked her about bankrupcy and she said her DH does not want to do that It just makes me so mad that they ran up all that debt living above their means. Oh I almost forgot there getting a pool too, end of season sale . It is just killinig me.

I think that bit of info says it all! Clearly the issue is not a "necessity" [though its not a legal excuse, it is maybe a moral one...] Her spending habits are theft, and her unwillingness to curb b/c there are things she wants to do will likely catch up with her...and could land her in prison if the cards decide that fraud was involved [which sounds very likely to this fraud prosecutor] as she obtained lines of credit in her own name with no income, so they couldn't really be repaid.
So, are you comfortable being "friends" with someone who lies and steals? Do you really think she'd be a "friend" to you? Are you comfortable going shopping/to lunch/or a movie with someone you know is living on money that isn't really theirs [but instead belongs to the creditors]? How do you feel about someone in your life who has no problem lying and betraying trust placed in them? How would you feel if your reputation becomes tarnished due to your association with her? [after all, we are known by the company we keep....]
Best of luck, sounds like you have a gut feeling on the right answer....its ok, go with your gut.

 

[Karlzmom]

She had a job several years ago so that may be when she got the cards. As far as the bankrupsy she has filed twice before. The last time was about 15 or so years ago. One of the bills she never paid was the jewlery she bought from my Dad's store. That was in the first bankrupsy. I was really upset and did not really talk to her for a couple of years. I guess I eventually got over it. Forgot about it really until just know. I see a definate pattern here. I wonder when she will crash and burn.

Ok, I just HAVE to ask...did she ever repay your dad? I would think that as a *friend* she would feel obliged to make it right..How about a heartfelt apology to your dad for stealing from him? I can't imagine even considering letting someone back into my life without sincere repentance and amends having been made....