Field Trip or Family Vacation???

[DisneyNutMic]

Now let's get it out there that my son is in 4th grade. His class is going on an awesome field trip but it's not cheap. They are going to the Outer Banks for 4 days. It's a little BIG for a 4th grade trip if you ask me. The cost isn't bad. It's $308 for him to go. It was $320 for each parent to go. My fiance and I were going to go on this trip with him but his Father and StepMom signed up to go and signed our son up at the same time. Ok fiance and I won't go. Custody papers say nothing about who pays for field trips. If Dad is going and stepmom signed paperwork for son to go and they were paying (all included on permission slip) I assume they are paying. Boy was I wrong. I told my son that I can afford to send him on this trip OR we can go on a family vacation next year. Either way is fine but I just can't afford to do both. He didn't hesitate in saying FAMILY VACATION. Well stepmom pitched an immortal holy fit last night blessing me out for not paying (while she signed him up and said she was paying). Now I'm torn. I don't want him to miss the field trip because it will be a good one. But I simply can't afford a family vacation AND this field trip. What would you do???

 

[java]

Huh? They expect you to foot the whole bill for your son? What about splitting it? $154 isn't all that bad. Hang in there she sounds like a real winner.

 

[ameraumi]

Ugh, custody/parenting issues suck!

That said, nothing should have been signed until all parties had a chance to talk. Who is CP, you? Or do you have 50/50 custody? What does the court order state as far as school expenses?

IMO, step mom should not be signing anything. But since they did, and they signed up to go, I would be like you and take it that since nothing was discussed before they would be paying for the field trip.

Have you talked to your ex about this yet?

 

[Kellydelly]

Ask your ex to pay for half of the field trip .

 

[DisneyNutMic]

Yes I am CP but school expenses are not listed in the custody paperwork. Half I wouldn't mind paying. But they didn't discuss with me before signing him up. Dad is pretty much backboneless and puts up with everything she does (she is a real piece of work too). This is just one big mess. My son however seems OK with the whole thing thank goodness.

 

[ccgirl]

Now let's get it out there that my son is in 4th grade. His class is going on an awesome field trip but it's not cheap. They are going to the Outer Banks for 4 days. It's a little BIG for a 4th grade trip if you ask me. The cost isn't bad. It's $308 for him to go. It was $320 for each parent to go. My fiance and I were going to go on this trip with him but his Father and StepMom signed up to go and signed our son up at the same time. Ok fiance and I won't go. Custody papers say nothing about who pays for field trips. If Dad is going and stepmom signed paperwork for son to go and they were paying (all included on permission slip) I assume they are paying. Boy was I wrong. I told my son that I can afford to send him on this trip OR we can go on a family vacation next year. Either way is fine but I just can't afford to do both. He didn't hesitate in saying FAMILY VACATION. Well stepmom pitched an immortal holy fit last night blessing me out for not paying (while she signed him up and said she was paying). Now I'm torn. I don't want him to miss the field trip because it will be a good one. But I simply can't afford a family vacation AND this field trip. What would you do???

How did the dad and stepmom find out about the trip and get the paperwork if you are the CP? Personally, I would discuss with his dad that you should each pay half. YOu said your former DH has no backbone did not discuss signing him up. Were you going to discuss it with him before signing your son up? It would have been $620 for you and your fiancee to go. Now, former DH and his wife are going and saving you $640 that you can now put toward a family vacation. Can you really not afford $150 for the trip? It sounds like you were going to pay for all of it before your former DH and his wife signed up to go? If you can't afford it, I would probably have a yard sale or try to sell something for him to go. Put the family vacation on hold for an extra month or so while you save up the extra $150 that you are spending on this. Try not to put your DS in the middle (not saying you are). I remember hearing things from both my mom and dad when they were divorced. It's a horrible place for a child to be in.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[arihillfarm]

Whoever is going on the trip with him should be the one to pay your son's way. You had already planned on going with your fiance and paying for your son. It sounds like stepmom and Dad got wind of this trip and decided to one-up you by getting there "first" and then trying to make you look bad for not paying for your son. I wouldn't play this game. Tell your ex that if they cannot afford to pay for all three people to go, then stepmom stays home and make this a daddy/son trip. I will say that if adult/parent travel were not an issue and your son was going by himself, that you and his dad should split the cost but that's clearly not the case here. I certainly wouldn't cancel a family vacation over this nor would I allow an 8 year old to make that decision for my family.

-Astrid

 

[minniebeth]

Regardless of what the custody paperwork says, I would try to reason with them to pay half. (I wouldn't pay all, just my opinion.) It really stinks that you are in this position but it sounds like a great trip and experience for your DS to be able to go on this kind of trip with his class! There will be other opportunities for you to go on family vacations, only one 4th grade trip.
Good luck!

 

[neatokimmo]

Whoever is going on the trip with him should be the one to pay your son's way. You had already planned on going with your fiance and paying for your son. It sounds like stepmom and Dad got wind of this trip and decided to one-up you by getting there "first" and then trying to make you look bad for not paying for your son. I wouldn't play this game. Tell your ex that if they cannot afford to pay for all three people to go, then stepmom stays home and make this a daddy/son trip. I will say that if adult/parent travel were not an issue and your son was going by himself, that you and his dad should split the cost but that's clearly not the case here. I certainly wouldn't cancel a family vacation over this nor would I allow an 8 year old to make that decision for my family.

-Astrid

This. Let the school trip be their family trip and take your son someplace awesome next year.

And YES outer banks? Overnight? Really anywhere overnight? That is pretty fancy for 4th grade.

 

[minniebeth]

Whoever is going on the trip with him should be the one to pay your son's way. You had already planned on going with your fiance and paying for your son. It sounds like stepmom and Dad got wind of this trip and decided to one-up you by getting there "first" and then trying to make you look bad for not paying for your son. I wouldn't play this game. Tell your ex that if they cannot afford to pay for all three people to go, then stepmom stays home and make this a daddy/son trip. I will say that if adult/parent travel were not an issue and your son was going by himself, that you and his dad should split the cost but that's clearly not the case here. I certainly wouldn't cancel a family vacation over this nor would I allow an 8 year old to make that decision for my family.

-Astrid

I read this after I posted and agree with it 100%~

 

[arihillfarm]

How did the dad and stepmom find out about the trip and get the paperwork if you are the CP? Personally, I would discuss with his dad that you should each pay half. YOu said your former DH has no backbone did not discuss signing him up. Were you going to discuss it with him before signing your son up? Can you really not afford $150 for the trip? It sounds like you were going to pay for all of it before your former DH and his wife signed up to go? If you can't afford it, I would probably have a yard sale or try to sell something for him to go. Put the family vacation on hold for an extra month or so while you save up the extra $150 that you are spending on this. Try not to put your DS in the middle (not saying you are). I remember hearing things from both my mom and dad when they were divorced. It's a horrible place for a child to be in.

Good luck with your decision.

It sounds to me like this trip with son, mom and fiance would have been the family vacation. I read her post as saying that it was either this trip as a family or a different family vacation next year. Since she and her fiance are no longer able to go on this trip, Dad needs to step up and pay for his own "family vacation" that he decided on so that Mom can afford to have her family vacation next year.

-Astrid

 

[scrapquitler]

Now let's get it out there that my son is in 4th grade. His class is going on an awesome field trip but it's not cheap. They are going to the Outer Banks for 4 days. It's a little BIG for a 4th grade trip if you ask me. The cost isn't bad. It's $308 for him to go. It was $320 for each parent to go. My fiance and I were going to go on this trip with him but his Father and StepMom signed up to go and signed our son up at the same time. Ok fiance and I won't go. Custody papers say nothing about who pays for field trips. If Dad is going and stepmom signed paperwork for son to go and they were paying (all included on permission slip) I assume they are paying. Boy was I wrong. I told my son that I can afford to send him on this trip OR we can go on a family vacation next year. Either way is fine but I just can't afford to do both. He didn't hesitate in saying FAMILY VACATION. Well stepmom pitched an immortal holy fit last night blessing me out for not paying (while she signed him up and said she was paying). Now I'm torn. I don't want him to miss the field trip because it will be a good one. But I simply can't afford a family vacation AND this field trip. What would you do???

Wait a minute. They want YOU to pay for the child to attend, and they are going to go as well? I'd proably get snarky about it and say, "That's fine, NEXT year, we are taking him to Walt Disney World. You pay for his trip there, and we'll take him"

How can they expect you to pay for the child's trip if THEY are paying $640 for themselves to go with him? That just seems ridiculous and off to me.

I do think it's reasonable for each parent to pay half of the expenses for the child to, if everyone is on board for him to go. Personally, a $300 four night school field trip for a fourth grader is NOT something I would go for. But that's just me.

Step Mom should stay out of it, and you and Ex-DH should be discussing it before any decision is made about iwhich parent (if any) should accompany your son on the trip and who should pay for it.

 

[DisneyNutMic]

Yes finance and I were going and we don't have a problem paying for all of us to go (it was going to be our family trip next year). What I can't afford it to pay $308 for son to go on field trip PLUS paying for all of us for a family vacation. I am more than willing to pay for half of the trip. I have no problem doing that. My ex won't even hear me out though. I tried to talk with him last night about it and he got angry and hung up on me. His wife signed them up without even discussing with her own DH much less me. It's a bad situation all around and I am trying my hardest to do what is right by my son. It's just not easy sometimes. We even offered to give up somethings that we have planned to do with my son (fiance and I) which would free up enough money to pay for this trip but he said he would rather do the things already planned.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

First, I would take your son out of the equation, don't give him an ultimatum.

If you can afford it, I would offer your ex 1/2 of the field trip (son's portion only). Then if your son does ask, just tell him the truth. You offered to pay your portion. Not a word more. And then wait until he gets home to amp up your family vacation.

It will be so much better for your son if you don't start a war over this.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

 

[neatokimmo]

Yes finance and I were going and we don't have a problem paying for all of us to go (it was going to be our family trip next year). What I can't afford it to pay $308 for son to go on field trip PLUS paying for all of us for a family vacation. I am more than willing to pay for half of the trip. I have no problem doing that. My ex won't even hear me out though. I tried to talk with him last night about it and he got angry and hung up on me. His wife signed them up without even discussing with her own DH much less me. It's a bad situation all around and I am trying my hardest to do what is right by my son. It's just not easy sometimes. We even offered to give up somethings that we have planned to do with my son (fiance and I) which would free up enough money to pay for this trip but he said he would rather do the things already planned.

I don't think I'd discuss it with him anymore. When payment time arrives, don't send a payment, you didn't sign the permission slip. I would let the teacher know what is going on if you are comfortable with that. At some point they will need a headcount and you don't want to put them in limbo.

 

[mrseace711]

Sounds like they are just trying to be cheap, and purposely start this arguement with you! I would go in person and pay half with a check that can be canceled, and have them write out a receipt. Make a copy and send it over to your Ex with a quick note stating nicely he can pay the OTHER half when he goes and pays for himself and his fiance end of story.

 

[DisneyNutMic]

The first payment was due last Friday. I emailed the teacher this morning and apologized for her getting caught in the middle as well. And if it seems like I gave my son an ultimatum that came across wrong. We told him that we could afford to pay for it but would involve missing out on some things that we already have planned for him and he said he would rather do those things (we had to discuss this with him because he already knows of the other plans). It was more like him chosing do you want to go to the park or to the movies. All of the things we were asking if he would rather not do so that he can go on this trip were things for him.

 

[RachaelA]

Why is the school letting a noncustodial STEP parent sign a child up for the trip. Unless the stepmom has legal rights (which it seems like she doesn't!), she shouldn't have even been allowed to sign him up!

I'd be talking to the school and making sure they have copies of the custody agreement. This could have all been avoided if the school had followed what order (ie: either only custodial parent can make the decision or only mom or dad not a step parents could sign him up).

 

[ccgirl]

Why is the school letting a noncustodial STEP parent sign a child up for the trip. Unless the stepmom has legal rights (which it seems like she doesn't!), she shouldn't have even been allowed to sign him up!

I'd be talking to the school and making sure they have copies of the custody agreement. This could have all been avoided if the school had followed what order (ie: either only custodial parent can make the decision or only mom or dad not a step parents could sign him up).

THis is the part I'm not understanding. How did they even find out/get the paperwork if they are the non-custodial parent? Is the school aware of this situation?

 

[mrsklamc]

I would just say to them, point blank, "What makes you think YOU can spend MY money?"