Extremely annoyed....vent

[sunnyday123]

Since when is it acceptable to tell someone that they are essentially killing their child if they do not breastfeed them????

Today at the gym, my personal trainer and I were talking. We got on the topic of her having kids because right now they are in the process of beginning IVF.
Well, she was telling me about a discussion she had with her OB because she will not be able to breastfeed under any circumstance. So while we were having this discussion I guess one of the other members overheard what she was saying and she said (no joke) "If you can't breastfeed than you shouldn't have a child. You are going to be killing them by giving them formula".....SERIOUSLY????? I wanted to punch her right there. My trainer told her to stick it where the sun don't shine...and a few other no DIS friendly things

Now, I am all for breastfeeding.......As long as you are not flashing your b***s all over the place, nurse until your heart (well...your babies stomach) is content.. I think it's great....if you decide to do it but I don't think less of anyone because they don't. Heck, if I am still taking one of my medictations I am on right now when I get pregnant, I won't be able to breastfeed either. I think its wonderful to EDUCATE parents so that they can make an informed decision but I think there is a line that people do tend to cross between education and bullying

This lady is why some people have the idea that breastfeeding advocates are extreme and a little crazy.

Now, I know there are a lot of moms on here who advocate breastfeeding and I'm very curious....does anyone here hold the same opinion? That not breastfeeding is so bad that if you know you can't than you shouldn't have a child? Was this lady completely out of line by saying this?

I totally, 100% agree with you. As a side note, I know people who have nursed, and their children have allergies up the whaa-zoo. It's nobodys business how I raise my infant, and I hate all those crunchy types
who "push" nursing.

And I probably would have mentioned to her to do some things that were anatomicaly impossible.

 

[Disneyadore]

I agree it was socially awkward, but "disgusting"? Really? Were her breasts covered with suppurating wounds or something? Did she have leprosy?

Otherwise it was just a pair of breasts. No big deal. You can see them at any beach in Europe, hanging out for all the world to see. Or go to some parts of Africa or South America, where no one covers their breasts. Ever.

Or if you don't want to travel all the way off continent...

*Ottawa had a naked bike ride last weekend. Plenty of breasts there.
*There was a nurse-in at the park a few weeks ago.
*Some ladies like to go topless at the local beach.
*Old ladies apparently like to pull their tops up and wave their breasts around at Cher concerts - on the Jumbo-tron screen, no less!
*Any Canadian protest rally, barring the extreme right wing ones, usually features a few topless female protesters.
*Nickleback concerts... I was quite amused when Chad Kroeger said, "Don't think I don't notice all you lovely breasts... I mean, ladies out there!"

In all those cases you have the freedom to remove yourself from the "Place Delict " but in a cookie jar called plane you just have to sit out the ride with a nut case.

 

[masonjar]

My husband's office is in a health department. He and a nurse were talking and he mentioned that my son just finished 6th grade and had perfect attendance K - 6th grade. The nurse got so excited and asked if I had breast fed because that would be a great story/example to give parents when they come in. He said actually, no I didn't ever breast feed...she was so let down because her theory was shot. Being that I didn't breast feed and he went to daycare, I'm surprised we will be celebrating his 12th birthday in a few weeks.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I think that she has a greater chance of being beaten to death for making such rude comments than any child has because of not being breastfed

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

In all those cases you have the freedom to remove yourself from the "Place Delict " but in a cookie jar called plane you just have to sit out the ride with a nut case.

So, just to confirm, she did sit on a plane topless for the entire 12 hours? I don't know if you missed this question when I originally asked it.

Oh, and I think you accidentally skipped the post where I asked you to quote where I said it was ok to insult anyone. You accused me of that, and I just cannot find it anywhere! I don't even remember typing that!! Hmmmmm.....

 

[luvmy3]

Well actual we had a lady with size xxxl on the flight home in May. She took of her shirt and fed here child freely in public a few times.
She exposed both her naked breasts to every one that wanted to take a look. It was an intercontinental flight so she had lots of "public"walking along on their way to the washroom.
The cabin crew asked several times to cover up,brought her a blanked but she refused.
She was better than the films they showed on the flight
Looking back I should have taken pictures for my scarp album.

Was she American?

 

[kellyg403]

OP, I don't know how I would have gotten out there without saying something so sincerely unkind, the lady would have been crying. Really.

I am a non BF'er. I just chose what was right for me and my children. I don't care what others choose...honestly, I probably am the only one of my friends that chose not to. Even my dil and dd bf and perfectly o.k. by me, its what they chose to do. My grandd and grandson both have allergies, genetics and all that. Its a far cry for me to believe that bf doesn't have to go hand in hand with nature/nurture/genetics in order to be everything they tell it will be. Just like formula feeding, genetics and nurture are part of the deal. Just not one size fits all. I don't care what others do, I am glad they were able to make a choice that was successful for them, and I am glad my choice worked for me. To be so judgemental as this lady...wooo.

Last I heard, we were all humans, thus terminal from the day of birth. Unless there REALLY is something I don't know about!

Kelly

 

[Magpie]

I'm actually worried about this very sort of situation happening to me someday. As of yet, I'm unsure of whether I'll breastfeed, but I'm leaning towards no. It's not because of any medical reason I can't, I'm just not sure the benefits (most of which are overplayed by proponents) are worth the negatives. Mind you, I am certainly not against breastfeeding, and I understand womens' anger at those who want to prevent them from breastfeeding in public. I personally have no problem with it (as long as they don't have any problem with me seeing them, cause I see no particular reason to look away). However, I don't like it when breastfeeding aficianados turn around and start claiming that every woman who does not want to breastfeed is selfish and evil and obviously doesn't care about their kids.

Aw...

Look, other than that one doctor, my experience breastfeeding was very positive. I breastfed in restaurants and at the University and in parks and in malls and everywhere you can imagine and no one gave me a hard time. People smiled!

Here's why I liked breastfeeding...

1. When I got trapped in the elevator with my baby, I knew I could just sit down and nurse her and not worry. No matter what happened, as long as my baby had me, she had everything she needed! Well... except for diapers.

2. If I wanted to go out all I needed to do was stuff a diaper in my pocket, grab my baby, and go.

3. No washing, no heating, no sterilizing... Dinner was always on tap, and perfectly prepared.

4. Nursing is the perfect excuse to put your feet up in the evening and have your husband do all the housework.

5. Instant weight loss! Dunno if it works for everyone, but I dropped all that baby weight inside of a month. My doctor said it was because nursing burns mucho calories.

6. When my babies were sick, I didn't have to worry about them getting dehydrated, all I had to do was keep nursing them. The doctors at the emergency clinics were always relieved to hear that I was breastfeeding. Apparently it makes their job easier, because breastmilk will stay down when formula won't.

7. My husband thought it was hawt.

8. And it felt good. Kinda tickly. Impossible to describe, except to say that I still get a longing kind of tingle when I hear babies crying.

Here's why breastfeeding was hard for me...

1. It took a couple of weeks to get my firstborn to nurse properly. I didn't know what I was doing, and neither did she - not a good combination. Second child latched on easy as pie, though!

2. Nursing can cause you to cramp during the first hours after delivery. It's good because it's cleaning out your system faster, but it HURTS.

3. Sometimes - especially when it's hot - you just want to peel that sticky little creature off your skin and get some space.

4. I always had to do night feedings. (But I cheated by sleeping with my babies, so this wasn't as bad as it might have been.)

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you and your baby will be fine!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

1. When I got trapped in the elevator with my baby, I knew I could just sit down and nurse her and not worry. No matter what happened, as long as my baby had me, she had everything she needed! Well... except for diapers.

I have to admit, this is a situation I have not considered!

Really, I think we're all pretty much saying the same thing here. Everybody tries their best for their baby, so don't judge lest ye be judged.

 

[Magpie]

In all those cases you have the freedom to remove yourself from the "Place Delict " but in a cookie jar called plane you just have to sit out the ride with a nut case.

Which is why it was socially awkward!

Still doesn't make it "totally disgusting" though. Any man should be able to cope with the sight of a pair of exposed breasts without experiencing either extreme distress, or an uncontrollable desire to molest them.

Just as any man should be able to cope with the sight of a woman's exposed face, and not think it "totally disgusting" that she's waving her hair around for everyone to see.

 

[ama223]

I would have told the woman "You're absolutely right! She will die, someday.. so will a breastfed baby"

What an idiot!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Since when is it acceptable to tell someone that they are essentially killing their child if they do not breastfeed them????

It's not acceptable.

The woman was a jerk.

So are the people who tell breastfeeding mothers that it's gross or disgusting, and that they should go do it in the bathroom, or "cover up", when no more skin is exposed than when they're wearing a tank top.

Babies need to be fed, period. Why can't women support each other in whatever way they choose to do it, rather than cut each other down?

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

OP...I think that is just awful! I've been on 'both sides of the fence' I pumped and FF my first (he was a nicu baby) and I BF my second. I got dirty looks for giving my oldest a bottle (and not BF), and I got dirty looks for BF my second son in public places (even though I didn't expose anything).

And all those 'well wishers' with their good intentions...my boys broke all the stereotypes.

DS1...formula fed...never sick, never fussy...rarely misses any time at school
DS2...breast fed...always sick, always fussy...gets anything going around...

There are extremists on every heated issue...I just do my best to ignore them.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Aw...

Look, other than that one doctor, my experience breastfeeding was very positive. I breastfed in restaurants and at the University and in parks and in malls and everywhere you can imagine and no one gave me a hard time. People smiled!

Here's why I liked breastfeeding...

1. When I got trapped in the elevator with my baby, I knew I could just sit down and nurse her and not worry. No matter what happened, as long as my baby had me, she had everything she needed! Well... except for diapers.

2. If I wanted to go out all I needed to do was stuff a diaper in my pocket, grab my baby, and go.

3. No washing, no heating, no sterilizing... Dinner was always on tap, and perfectly prepared.

4. Nursing is the perfect excuse to put your feet up in the evening and have your husband do all the housework.

5. Instant weight loss! Dunno if it works for everyone, but I dropped all that baby weight inside of a month. My doctor said it was because nursing burns mucho calories.

6. When my babies were sick, I didn't have to worry about them getting dehydrated, all I had to do was keep nursing them. The doctors at the emergency clinics were always relieved to hear that I was breastfeeding. Apparently it makes their job easier, because breastmilk will stay down when formula won't.

7. My husband thought it was hawt.

8. And it felt good. Kinda tickly. Impossible to describe, except to say that I still get a longing kind of tingle when I hear babies crying.

Here's why breastfeeding was hard for me...

1. It took a couple of weeks to get my firstborn to nurse properly. I didn't know what I was doing, and neither did she - not a good combination. Second child latched on easy as pie, though!

2. Nursing can cause you to cramp during the first hours after delivery. It's good because it's cleaning out your system faster, but it HURTS.

3. Sometimes - especially when it's hot - you just want to peel that sticky little creature off your skin and get some space.

4. I always had to do night feedings. (But I cheated by sleeping with my babies, so this wasn't as bad as it might have been.)

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you and your baby will be fine!

Great post! Pros and Cons. And yes, my weight came off super fast with breast feeding. And my babies slept with me so I was able to not have to get out of bed all the time. I'll add one pro to your list. NO PERIOD!!! When you are breastfeeding regularly, you don't get a period. That's always a plus in my book.

I'll add a couple of cons to your list in a last ditch effort to prove to people I'm no nazi.

Neither one of my babies would take a bottle or a paci. So I was literally the ONLY person who could keep them. And they went everywhere I did. That made grocery shopping fun. NOT. And if one of them woke up crying in the middle of Food Lion, I would have to leave my buggy in the back, go into the restroom and breastfeed for 20-30 min. That was the time when Haley woke up screaming to eat and I was carrying her out so I could feed her and that old woman said "I'd jerk a knot in your head for letting that baby cry like that". I cried and cried over that. People are so mean.
Oh, another fun fact about breastfeeding, is leaking. Have to carry those pads around everywhere and sometimes I would go through handfuls in a couple of hours. And as most moms who breastfed can tell you, whenever your baby cries, your milk is triggered and you start dripping. AND the really "cool" part is that this happens when ANY baby cries. Not just yours.
Not to mention having to abstain from alcohol, which wasnt a HUGE deal for me.
Oh, and I did fly one time when I was breastfeeding. I kept her head covered and she ate until she went to sleep and didn't wake up til the plane landed 3 hours later.

 

[Magpie]

Great post! Pros and Cons. And yes, my weight came off super fast with breast feeding. And my babies slept with me so I was able to not have to get out of bed all the time. I'll add one pro to your list. NO PERIOD!!! When you are breastfeeding regularly, you don't get a period. That's always a plus in my book.

I'll add a couple of cons to your list in a last ditch effort to prove to people I'm no nazi.

Neither one of my babies would take a bottle or a paci. So I was literally the ONLY person who could keep them. And they went everywhere I did. That made grocery shopping fun. NOT. And if one of them woke up crying in the middle of Food Lion, I would have to leave my buggy in the back, go into the restroom and breastfeed for 20-30 min. That was the time when Haley woke up screaming to eat and I was carrying her out so I could feed her and that old woman said "I'd jerk a knot in your head for letting that baby cry like that". I cried and cried over that. People are so mean.
Oh, another fun fact about breastfeeding, is leaking. Have to carry those pads around everywhere and sometimes I would go through handfuls in a couple of hours. And as most moms who breastfed can tell you, whenever your baby cries, your milk is triggered and you start dripping. AND the really "cool" part is that this happens when ANY baby cries. Not just yours.
Not to mention having to abstain from alcohol, which wasnt a HUGE deal for me.
Oh, and I did fly one time when I was breastfeeding. I kept her head covered and she ate until she went to sleep and didn't wake up til the plane landed 3 hours later.

I forgot about the dripping! Funny thing, though, that was more of a problem with my first than my second. I didn't really leak much with him. Maybe because he was such a big eater, he didn't leave much behind...

I never used a buggy, though. I used a sling. It made shopping and getting around on the bus a lot easier. Plus, if I needed to nurse, all I had to do was sit down. I didn't even have to take her out of the sling to feed her - people would assume she was sleeping!

And the only time I drank while breastfeeding was when my first was colicky. I had a glass of wine to see if that would shut her up. Sadly, it didn't work. And then I got a headache, because I'm not used to alcohol! So as experiments go, I'd say that one was a failure.

 

[Disneyadore]

Which is why it was socially awkward!

Still doesn't make it "totally disgusting" though. Any man should be able to cope with the sight of a pair of exposed breasts without experiencing either extreme distress, or an uncontrollable desire to molest them.

Just as any man should be able to cope with the sight of a woman's exposed face, and not think it "totally disgusting" that she's waving her hair around for everyone to see.

You make me spit my coffee on my lap top.
I will print out this comment, laminate it and hang it over my bed.
The country that almost hangs a man for wearing Speedo's in a public swimming pool,calling him a per** now tries to convince me that a woman flashing her "Naked Jewels" is totally normal and acceptable.

 

[Planogirl]

People have the right to their opinions and people should also feel free to tell others to mind their business. The woman who made the comment was truly nasty and I probably would have told her so.

As for exposing oneself (how did people get on that subject), I think it's silly and selfish to do so in the manner described on the airplane. It is courteous to keep others' feelings in mind in such a confined space and you feeling differently doesn't matter. I'd like to play loud music to keep myself entertained on an airplane but I won't. People are all too much about "me" nowadays.

 

[Disneyadore]

Was she American?

I really have no idea. I tried to avoid making eye contact or looking her way. Just tried to be polite although that word obviously did not exist in her dictionary.

 

[Darsa]

People are all too much about "me" nowadays.

That's exactly it. "My way is the right way, and anyone else doing it differently is WRONG", no matter what "it" is, this seems to be the general opinion of the world these days.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Aw...

Look, other than that one doctor, my experience breastfeeding was very positive. I breastfed in restaurants and at the University and in parks and in malls and everywhere you can imagine and no one gave me a hard time. People smiled!

Here's why I liked breastfeeding...

1. When I got trapped in the elevator with my baby, I knew I could just sit down and nurse her and not worry. No matter what happened, as long as my baby had me, she had everything she needed! Well... except for diapers.

2. If I wanted to go out all I needed to do was stuff a diaper in my pocket, grab my baby, and go.

3. No washing, no heating, no sterilizing... Dinner was always on tap, and perfectly prepared.

4. Nursing is the perfect excuse to put your feet up in the evening and have your husband do all the housework.

5. Instant weight loss! Dunno if it works for everyone, but I dropped all that baby weight inside of a month. My doctor said it was because nursing burns mucho calories.

6. When my babies were sick, I didn't have to worry about them getting dehydrated, all I had to do was keep nursing them. The doctors at the emergency clinics were always relieved to hear that I was breastfeeding. Apparently it makes their job easier, because breastmilk will stay down when formula won't.

7. My husband thought it was hawt.

8. And it felt good. Kinda tickly. Impossible to describe, except to say that I still get a longing kind of tingle when I hear babies crying.

Here's why breastfeeding was hard for me...

1. It took a couple of weeks to get my firstborn to nurse properly. I didn't know what I was doing, and neither did she - not a good combination. Second child latched on easy as pie, though!

2. Nursing can cause you to cramp during the first hours after delivery. It's good because it's cleaning out your system faster, but it HURTS.

3. Sometimes - especially when it's hot - you just want to peel that sticky little creature off your skin and get some space.

4. I always had to do night feedings. (But I cheated by sleeping with my babies, so this wasn't as bad as it might have been.)

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure you and your baby will be fine!

LOL, I never thought about the elevator thing, either, but I sure loved never having to worry about taking a bottle with us when we went out.

My dd has a couple of birth defects and had to be put under general anesthesia a couple of times as a baby (hmm, will someone accuse me of drinking while pg or not taking my folic acid?). How wonderful it was to hear that breastmilk is considered a clear fluid, so I could still feed her up until just a couple of hours before the procedures!

On the con side, I was working when she was a baby, so I had to pump. Yea, formula would have been easier on the working days, but she still breast fed more than she drank pumped milk, so overall, I loved having less bottles to fill and wash!

OP...I think that is just awful! I've been on 'both sides of the fence' I pumped and FF my first (he was a nicu baby) and I BF my second. I got dirty looks for giving my oldest a bottle (and not BF), and I got dirty looks for BF my second son in public places (even though I didn't expose anything).

And all those 'well wishers' with their good intentions...my boys broke all the stereotypes.

DS1...formula fed...never sick, never fussy...rarely misses any time at school
DS2...breast fed...always sick, always fussy...gets anything going around...

There are extremists on every heated issue...I just do my best to ignore them.

I have been on both sides, too, and had the same experience. I breastfed my first and got dirty looks, even though no one could have seen a thing. Then, I also got dirty looks when I FF'd my second, who I tried to breastfeed, but was unable to since I didn't give birth to her.

My girls do follow the rule on the health aspects, though. Bf dd has a better immune system than her ff sister. She'll get a sniffle for a day or two, then it's gone, while her sister gets horrible colds than last a week, coughs that hang on for a month, ear infections, etc.