Extremely annoyed....vent

[FayeW]

Do you know that vanity is the reason she chose not to breasfeed? I was unable to breastfeed because I had had a breast reduction not because of vanity....oh wait... I guess it was I'm just saying that women may have many reasons to choose not to breastfeed and they don't always share them with anyone other than their husbands or doctors. I personally think it is noone else's business how someone chooses to feed their child and I really wish it would become a non-issue. Everyone(hopefully) tries to do what they think is best for their child whether that means breastfeeding or formula feeding , co-sleeping or cry it out.

Actually, it was part vanity, and partly because she wouldn't be able to make her husband (who works full time at a pretty demanding, physical job that requires long, long hours) get up in the night for his 50% of the feedings. I guess his doing 100% of the providing for their family didn't occur to her. They are a lovely family, and she is a very nice girl, but he's henpecked.

 

[Magpie]

This is the problem right here, the judging. I was well-and-truly bullied into trying to BF, even though I was inverted, both sides. It got to the point where I had to pack away my painful shyness and say "My daughter is starving to death, I am going to buy formula and feeding her!" for the nurses/lactation specialists to actually listen to me. They listened, yes, but goodness didn't they treat me terribly afterwards. Thank goodness there were a couple of people there who I was able to see who cheered me on for thinking of my child's health over what other people thought was right. Yes, omg, I formula fed my daughter to SAVE her life. How ironic, eh?

So, yeah, vanity had absolutely nothing to do with it. And, I attempted to BF her, it failed, and I was made to feel like a failure and a bad mother for that.

It goes both ways; it's not fair for anyone to judge anyone on this score and I truthfully don't care HOW you fed your baby, as long as your baby was fed; don't crow at me about how you were able to BF your child for THIIIS long and is was SOOOO wonderful and peaceful and calming and all that... because y'know, it was pretty cool to be able to feed my DD out of a bottle rather than watch her slowly starve to death trying to nurse her myself.

JMHO. YMMV.

I was inverted, too. Oh my gosh, you have my sympathies! It's really tough to deal with. My midwives were over for hours every day, and I had to express my milk with a pump and wear these weird nipple extenders that made me feel like I had Valkyrie armour on - it was hard work! No one thought I'd be able to do it, not even my midwives, but eventually I succeeded. And since my nipples were right ways out after that, the second baby was a breeze.

But I'd never judge any woman for trying and failing. Sheesh - you tried! And even if you never tried, so what? Some women can't breastfeed for a million reasons - they're physically incapable, they're on meds, they've got psychological issues with breastfeeding, their baby is too sick, they're working, the hospital accidentally undermined their efforts, whatever their reasons, it's none of my business. We're lucky we have formula, so women don't have to turn to wet nurses, like in the old days.

FWIW, I listed the positives (for me) of breastfeeding in response to a poster who said she was considering it but thought the negatives of breastfeeding outweighed the positives. I'm sure you could just easily list what you loved about bottle feeding!

 

[NMAmy]

Yeesh, awful lot of assuming going on in this thread, on BOTH sides of this silly, neverending debate. Maybe we should just all agree to disagree, and go our merry ways? The sarcasm and fake lol'ing is giving me the bends...

Amen. I thought sarcasm was verboten on these boards but I'm sure seeing a whole lot of it lately.

I think women seem to spend way too much time caring what others think (or what they perceive someone is thinking of them.) Breastfeed or don't. It's your decision and you don't have to justify it to anyone. Actually, the DIS boards is the only place I've seen people get all militant over it. I'm glad that I didn't have to listen to it 19 years ago when I had a baby.

 

[PebblesMom]

Well actual we had a lady with size xxxl on the flight home in May. She took of her shirt and fed here child freely in public a few times.
She exposed both her naked breasts to every one that wanted to take a look. It was an intercontinental flight so she had lots of "public"walking along on their way to the washroom.
The cabin crew asked several times to cover up,brought her a blanked but she refused.
She was better than the films they showed on the flight
Looking back I should have taken pictures for my scarp album.

I BF and FF both of my boys and I would have felt uncomfortable sitting by a woman who took her shirt off to BF. I would have been comfortable with one being taken out to feed her child, but the whole shirt off a few times on a 12 hour flight I would have been uncomfortable with (and as a PP mentioned it would not have been because I wanted to "molest" them). I have seen women who did this and I am not comfortable with it. BF can be done so that the whole world does not have to see what Jr. is having for dinner! I think how a mother feeds her child is her is her business, but this thread has turned into a good example of how a difference in opinion can turn into unfair attacks.

 

[C.Ann]

Sounds like something that Kelly - from The Housewives of New York City - would say.. Totally off the wall - not to mention uncalled for..

Women breast feed - or don't breast feed - for a million and one different reasons and quite frankly, I don't have much respect for either side making judgements against the other..

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I BF and FF both of my boys and I would have felt uncomfortable sitting by a woman who took her shirt off to BF. I would have been comfortable with one being taken out to feed her child, but the whole shirt off a few times on a 12 hour flight I would have been uncomfortable with (and as a PP mentioned it would not have been because I wanted to "molest" them). I have seen women who did this and I am not comfortable with it. BF can be done so that the whole world does not have to see what Jr. is having for dinner! I think how a mother feeds her child is her is her business, but this thread has turned into a good example of how a difference in opinion can turn into unfair attacks.

Who said that?? That's horrible!

 

[princessmom29]

This is the problem right here, the judging. I was well-and-truly bullied into trying to BF, even though I was inverted, both sides. It got to the point where I had to pack away my painful shyness and say "My daughter is starving to death, I am going to buy formula and feeding her!" for the nurses/lactation specialists to actually listen to me. They listened, yes, but goodness didn't they treat me terribly afterwards. Thank goodness there were a couple of people there who I was able to see who cheered me on for thinking of my child's health over what other people thought was right. Yes, omg, I formula fed my daughter to SAVE her life. How ironic, eh?

So, yeah, vanity had absolutely nothing to do with it. And, I attempted to BF her, it failed, and I was made to feel like a failure and a bad mother for that.

It goes both ways; it's not fair for anyone to judge anyone on this score and I truthfully don't care HOW you fed your baby, as long as your baby was fed; don't crow at me about how you were able to BF your child for THIIIS long and is was SOOOO wonderful and peaceful and calming and all that... because y'know, it was pretty cool to be able to feed my DD out of a bottle rather than watch her slowly starve to death trying to nurse her myself.

JMHO. YMMV.

It took my DD losing over a pound in the first two weeks to convince the medical staff that she wasn't getting enough nutrition. I was nursing for 45 min solid and them 30 min later starting over because she was screaming hungry. This went on 24/7 for the first two weeks. I was just not porducing milk. I never got engorged, leaked or had pain when I stopped nursing. There was just nthing with any ntritional value there.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

It took my DD losing over a pound in the first two weeks to convince the medical staff that she wasn't getting enough nutrition. I was nursing for 45 min solid and them 30 min later starting over because she was screaming hungry. This went on 24/7 for the first two weeks. I was just not porducing milk. I never got engorged, leaked or had pain when I stopped nursing. There was just nthing with any ntritional value there.

No one should have told you that you had to keep trying. I'm sorry that was your experience. Only moms know what is best for them and their babies. I know a lot of the militant bf advocates use guilt techniques on new moms, which is taking advantage of women when they are the most vulnerable and hormonal. I totally see how the term bf nazi came into use. I just wish everyone would not paint all bf moms with the same brush. It's insulting and hurts.

 

[CMHusband]

We've had 4 kids and one of them was even a Premie that only weighed 4 lbs. My wife never breast fed any of them. The premie is now an amazing 5'10" beautiful young woman and all of the others are strong as Oxen. Breast feeding has many advantages for both the mother and the child, but not doing it ISN"T A CRIME!

I had a woman in the market accost me the other day because I was buying white bread and not whole wheat. She bent my ear for about 5 minutes...It takes all kinds, sometimes ya gotta ignore people.

 

[Ceila]

You had me until the bolded part. Was that really necessary? I'm so sick of people accusing women that BF that they want to engage in some sort of peep show with the entire world. Where exactly did the OP say that? I must have missed it in her OP....Come up with a better insult, please.
It's not just some breastfeeding advocates that are " a little crazy". So are you now insulting the OP by implying that SHE is "crazy?" Nice. I nursed my girls when they were young, and I would get go to h*** looks from everyone. And I'm talking hiding everything under a blanket. Do you know how many times I had to go sit on a toilet at Kmart to breastfeed because this was years before they had "family rooms" with nice couches and chairs. So because of people who are anti BF, I got nasty looks and people like you accusing me of flashing my ****s like I'm Pam Anderson. Good grief! I nursed DD for over a year. We were out in public many, many times, theaters, shopping malls, the grocery store, church, restaurants, the train - everywhere, and since we traveled a lot, I nursed in in no less than 9 different states, from Texas to New Jersey. I rarely went to a nursing room, since they usually didn't exist where I went. Nobody ever said anything to me, gave me a dirty look, or bothered me in the least. I honestly have trouble believing people who claim that they were given a hard time more than once or twice, unless it was by the same person more than once.

I just didn't like the way the OP implied that we sling our breasts around for the world to see. Again, point out where she implied that everyone who BFs (and I'm going with "everyone" because you use "we" meaning those who BF) does this. Oh wait, you can't, because she didn't....Some people feel the need to embellish the truth in order to create outrage.Hmm, kind of like when you took the OP's comment and blew it up into something so you could create your own outrage over it.

You know, people who look to be offended are usually successful.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I had a woman in the market accost me the other day because I was buying white bread and not whole wheat. She bent my ear for about 5 minutes...It takes all kinds, sometimes ya gotta ignore people.

Everyone has an opinion, and of course yours is wrong. LOL
I wish people would keep their "correct" opinions to themselves. Unfortunately, the only people who seem to offer unsolicted advice are older people and I can't say anything to them like "mind your own beeswax".

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

You know, people who look to be offended are usually successful.

I embellished nothing. I have a hard time believing you didn't receive any dirty looks...or maybe it has something to do with where you live. I don't know and I don't care. People are just so mean. My god, just live and let live. I felt insulted by what she wrote. She felt insulted by what her friends trainer or someone like that said. Are her feelings more valid than mine? Are yours more valid than mine? No. But I can promise you, I'll get over it. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna call someone out for being insulting, just like you felt the need to call me out for...something. Anything.
Why don't you go back and highlight a little more of my posts, like how in just about every single one, I say I have never insulted someone who didn't breastfeed. Oh, but you won't do that, will you? It's much more fun to pick and choose the fun stuff.

Oh, and I never called the OP crazy. I was responding to her post where she talked about bf nazis are crazy.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate, but I think that if a mother cannot breastfeed because of a health reason or other extenuating circumstances that is fine. I imagine it would be tough to breastfeed while working a demanding job for example. However, I've had a few women tell me they weren't going to do it because their husband said it would turn them off or because they didn't want to have saggy breasts. In those cases, they maybe shouldn't have had children if they weren't ready to put their child above something like perky ****s. But I would never say anything to them.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate, but I think that if a mother cannot breastfeed because of a health reason or other extenuating circumstances that is fine. I imagine it would be tough to breastfeed while working a demanding job for example. However, I've had a few women tell me they weren't going to do it because their husband said it would turn them off or because they didn't want to have saggy breasts. In those cases, they maybe shouldn't have had children if they weren't ready to put their child above something like perky ****s. But I would never say anything to them.

I was lucky enough to be a SAHM when my girls were little. I could never had BF if I had to work. And yes, there are a lot of reasons why women can't BF. My mother in law bf until her fourth child, he apparently was allergic to her breast milk and after that she used the bottle with him and her three subsequent children (inc my DH). I don't judge anyone. It's a very personal decision. I think trying to force a woman one way or the other is wrong. I also don't like being insulted for the choice I made. But, such is life...

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

thought ya'll would get a kick out of this---breast feeding or not---it's funny!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/4868385...ebook&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share

 

[ols386]

thought ya'll would get a kick out of this---breast feeding or not---it's funny!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/4868385...ebook&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share

That's funny.

 

[kpm76]

I'm actually worried about this very sort of situation happening to me someday. As of yet, I'm unsure of whether I'll breastfeed, but I'm leaning towards no. It's not because of any medical reason I can't, I'm just not sure the benefits (most of which are overplayed by proponents) are worth the negatives. Mind you, I am certainly not against breastfeeding, and I understand womens' anger at those who want to prevent them from breastfeeding in public. I personally have no problem with it (as long as they don't have any problem with me seeing them, cause I see no particular reason to look away). However, I don't like it when breastfeeding aficianados turn around and start claiming that every woman who does not want to breastfeed is selfish and evil and obviously doesn't care about their kids.

With all due respect, what are the negatives? Unfortunately, BF is still not encouraged enough and the support systems are not in place so that every woman who wants to do it has the chance. Perhaps I am reading too much into this and please correct me if my assumptions are wrong, but I gather that for you the negatives would be having to deal with unfriendly stares and remarks etc. Sadly, I do think you have to have a certain "personality" to BF. My sister refused because our mom never BF us and, like you, doesn't think it's all that beneficial. She also didn't want to deal with the possibility of having to nurse in public.

I am a strong advocate for BF but I also fully respect a mom's decision to feed her baby as she sees fit; however, you really can't argue with the fact that BF does have benefits that formula cannot provide. No need to go into all of them at this point but having a mom's antibodies to fight off sickness in the early days and weeks is undeniable. Something natural that the body produces will always trump something synthetic. For example, I was induced with Pitocin when I had DD. It will never be as good as going into labor on your own and having the body produce Oxytocin. Pitocin comes with its own set of side effects but in many cases an induction is medically necessary.....

 

[luvmy3]

I'm a strong breastfeeding advocate, but I think that if a mother cannot breastfeed because of a health reason or other extenuating circumstances that is fine. I imagine it would be tough to breastfeed while working a demanding job for example. However, I've had a few women tell me they weren't going to do it because their husband said it would turn them off or because they didn't want to have saggy breasts. In those cases, they maybe shouldn't have had children if they weren't ready to put their child above something like perky ****s. But I would never say anything to them.

You didn't need to say it, it sad enough that people think like that I consider a physical relationship with my husband to be a very important part of my marriage, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that because it can effect the marriage as a whole. And being that they just had a baby, I would say that their marriage, while isn't more important than their babies life, is certainly important enough not to jeopardize for the sake of that new baby. Not much disgusts me here, but yor comment certainly did.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

You didn't need to say it, it sad enough that people think like that I consider a physical relationship with my husband to be a very important part of my marriage, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that because it can effect the marriage as a whole. And being that they just had a baby, I would say that their marriage, while isn't more important than their babies life, is certainly important enough not to jeopardize for the sake of that new baby. Not much disgusts me here, but yor comment certainly did.

I think it's sad that one might think that their marriage would suffer if they breastfed. I guess one's marriage isn't strong enough to begin with if one's marriage and sex life would suffer from saggy "girls"...

 

[luvmy3]

I think it's sad that one might think that their marriage would suffer if they breastfed. I guess one's marriage isn't strong enough to begin with if one's marriage and sex life would suffer from saggy "girls"...

You obviously missed the part of the pp where she made the comment that the husband would be turned off, thats what I was referring to.
Oh and FTR, men (not all) don't get turned off by sagging nursing breasts, its much more psychological than physical but I suppose those who make those comments wouldn't bother to educate themselves about it.