Expecting Too Much From A Friend?

[Planogirl]

Maybe in their or just his eyes the rules have changed since the engagement. Maybe he likes you but doesn't feel comfortable with her hanging out with a guy. I doubt that the fling has much to do with that. Jealousy can rear its ugly head whether you had a fling or not.

Or maybe it's not even any of that but she is just moving on. People do that all the time for many reasons.

I agree with those who say to just wait and see what happens. I wouldn't close any doors nor would I let my feelings be hurt. If your relationship is (was) comfortable enough then maybe consider talking to her about it but don't put her on the spot if you can avoid it.

 

[HM]

My advice is to take the time and energy you are spending on thinking about what happened to this relationship and put it to better use in other friendships you currently have. You will probably never know the reasons that she seems to be stepping back, but you're going to have to accept it and just move on.

 

[Ceila]

She has clearly moved on and tried to let you save face by dropping obvious hints instead of saying it outright. Have some self respect and let it go.

On another note, I also suggest eliminating the bold, the italics, and the detailed drama in your posts. It makes you come across as a middle school drama queen. And yes, I teach kids that age, and that 's exactly how they write.

 

[Hillbeans]

I think you are way too "into" this friendship and she just isn't. She's now engaged and moving on with her life and you don't want to accept that. People change, friendships change.

I can understand why you're upset about the wedding, I would be too, truth be told. It stings and hurts but I don't think it was deliberate.

 

[Wendy31]

With all the excuses you are making, it sounds like you may still have some unresolved feelings for her.

This is kind of what I was thinking as well, honestly.

If I were your wife, I'd be concerned that you were still so hung up on a past relationship.

Friendships change & evolve as years pass. I think you just need to let this one quietly move on.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

As others stated, it's very possible her fiancé doesn't feel comfortable with her continuing this friendship. He may have seemed fine with it, but deep down he might not be. Her loyalty is with him & if he didn't want to attend your wedding, and wants her to cut ties, I'm sure she would respect his wishes. Your wife is fine with your friendship, but had she not been, I'd think you'd respect that & know she comes before the friendship. If there was never a fling and strictly a platonic relationship that's 1 thing...but there was more which changes the dynamic.

I've had a guy best friend since my childhood. We were super close and like siblings. DH likes him but doesn't really want to spend too much time with him, so my friend and I drifted. Thanks to FB we talk and keep in touch but my DH comes before any friendships and it took a back seat. Friendships change and evolve, some dissolve. Good luck! Maybe you just need closure or an explanation from her. I honestly believe it had to do with the fact you guys hooked up years ago.

 

[yoopermom]

My BF is a man, also. We are very, very unusual in that our friendship has stayed extremely strong through his two marriages and my one, but I really don't think that's the usual.

If I were you, choose whatever form of communication works best for you, tell her that you realize that both your lives are going through some major changes with the marriages, but that you value the length and depth of your friendship, and hope that it will continue into the future, and that you'll be there for her "whenever", even if it's been awhile. That makes you seem like the adult, allowing her space, but leaving the door open.

Good luck, and don't feel bad for what seem to be honest feelings that you've been having. Friendships ARE important, no matter who they are between.

Terri

 

[JanaDee]

She's just not into you.

 

[DisneyFoodieFan]

Why don't you just ask her?

 

[cassandrap83]

It's pretty obvious to me that she has told her fiance about you, and he is not comfortable hanging out with you.

She was probably one of the first to text/email you on your birthday because she didn't have anyone else in her life. Now she does.

It sucks to have relationships go by the wayside, but sadly, it happens.

 

[NHdisneylover]

She has clearly moved on and tried to let you save face by dropping obvious hints instead of saying it outright. Have some self respect and let it go.

On another note, I also suggest eliminating the bold, the italics, and the detailed drama in your posts. It makes you come across as a middle school drama queen. And yes, I teach kids that age, and that 's exactly how they write.

This comes across as harsh, but I have to agree; reading it all I could think was that this sounds like middle school girl drama, right down to ranking BFFs as first, second, etc I had no idea ANY adult every kept track of that sort of thing.

OP, I agree that it sounds like she has moved on (possible matured and tired of you continuing to be so dramatic and not in the same adult places she is? or possibly because her fiancee is not comfortable with the relationship, or it could be any number of other things).

You need to let this go and quit hounding her.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I agree with other posters who say that she has moved on. You live far away from each other. You don't see each other on a regular basis. You are at different stages in your lives. That happens to friendships, whether they are same sex or opposite sex.

She doesn't owe you an explanation of why she didn't attend your wedding though it might have been nice. If her parents live 3 hours from you, she probably has to budget her travel dollars wisely. Her not stopping in to see you or even letting you know she is passing through should be an indication that your friendship is not as important to her as it once was.

Let it go and move on.

As to the friend who got off work at 9 and didn't show up to the reception. He might have gotten off work later, it might have taken too much time to go home, shower, change and get to your reception. He did let you know a week in advance that he might not make it and he was considerate enough to let you know he couldn't make it that day.

Sounds like you are hanging on to these friendships, wanting to make them something that they are not any longer. Time to let them go and move on.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with other posters who say that she has moved on. You live far away from each other. You don't see each other on a regular basis. You are at different stages in your lives. That happens to friendships, whether they are same sex or opposite sex.

She doesn't owe you an explanation of why she didn't attend your wedding though it might have been nice. If her parents live 3 hours from you, she probably has to budget her travel dollars wisely. Her not stopping in to see you or even letting you know she is passing through should be an indication that your friendship is not as important to her as it once was.

Let it go and move on.

As to the friend who got off work at 9 and didn't show up to the reception. He might have gotten off work later, it might have taken too much time to go home, shower, change and get to your reception. He did let you know a week in advance that he might not make it and he was considerate enough to let you know he couldn't make it that day.

Sounds like you are hanging on to these friendships, wanting to make them something that they are not any longer. Time to let them go and move on.

100% agree with the bolded