Exhausted from parenting/ASD children/Welcome to Schmolland!

[Clochette nordique]

Just wanted to post with some encouragement. I think I've posted before about my DD, who is now 21. Short version, she didn't really talk much until she was about 7/8, and was pretty much in her own little world. She was diagnosed with ADD and CAPD, but we are both sure the problem is Asperger's. School was a nightmare, and despite a high IQ she flunked out of college after 3 semesters.
She is now working at the Apple Store and doing very well, in fact expects a promotion to Genius within the next 6 months. She has a boyfriend, even though he lives in another state. They met here, and have visited each other, but developed most of their relationship long distance.
She is finally taking responsibility for her own well being, though she still lives at home. She eats gluten free, and tries to avoid sugar. Mainly because she knows that gluten makes her sick, and too much sugar causes some big mood swings for her. At home, we eat clean protein and a lot of organic veggies, hardly any starchy carbs. I still give her the supplements most days, but they include a multi, fish oil, extra magnesium (for anxiety), B complex, D3 drops, and Methyl B12 about once a week.
It seems like if she sticks to this regimen, she does well. There are still social problems, mainly with other women at work, but as always she gets along great with the guys. If you met her now, it would take a while to figure out she is a bit quirky.
She has never been able to take any of the neuro type meds, she couldn't even take BC pills because the extra hormones made her anxiety flare up like crazy. So happy we have found a nutritional approach for her. Now if she will stick to it, that would be great. I think there is even a possibility she will start taking some classes in the fall!

Thank you so very much!

Poussière de fée!

 

[iwrbnd]

My 13 year old son (high functioning autism/aspergers/who knows) struggled a lot the last quarter of school. He would just shut down in class and his grades really dropped. We had him evaluated at the children's hospital and they said his IQ is 127 with language at 129 and math at 131. I'm confused how a kid so smart can struggle so much in school! Any insights?

 

[lovethattink]

Hey all, I'm not on the DIS much anymore but I lurk occasionally.

Very envious of those that are done with school. We get done June 20th. Was supposed to be June 22nd but because we had a mild winter and no snow days they took 2 days off the calendar.

Thank goodness. DS is hating school. He has 9 more days (we are going away for 2 next week)

He's a mess and is chewing etc. I actually ended up picking him up at school today as he was exhibiting behaviors at school that he hasn't before (all stuff he has done at home) and they didn't know how to handle it. If the autism team at the district level had done their job there would have been something in place. They'll get an earful at our CSE on Thursday. We're doing everything we can.

We know the issues are the end of school and the fact we'll be moving out of state (from New York to Michigan) over the summer as I am losing my job and couldn't find anything in our current location. We have been to visit the new area and will be going there next week to look at apartments. DS is convinced he will be the only autistic kid in Michigan. We assured him he won't. As we are currently Home Schooling our DD we will probably HS him too. Every school year I think things will be better and every year, they're not.

In the mean tmie 9 days!

We have been homeschooling for 2 years. It works very well for us and we are able to accomodate his needs at home. Have you researched any homeschool co-ops or support groups in the Michigan area you are going to move to? We are in a field trip homeschooling group.

My 13 year old son (high functioning autism/aspergers/who knows) struggled a lot the last quarter of school. He would just shut down in class and his grades really dropped. We had him evaluated at the children's hospital and they said his IQ is 127 with language at 129 and math at 131. I'm confused how a kid so smart can struggle so much in school! Any insights?

Maybe it's the style of teaching being done in the school. For example, my son is a tactile learner and it doesn't sink in his brain til he touches it. My oldest son is a visual learner, he can't learn by hearing instruction, he needs to see it.

 

[iwrbnd]

Thank you but it's not that he doesn't get the concepts, he does. I don't know what the problem is! He wants to get good grades and stresses when he doesn't but then he struggles and then just shuts down and spends a lot of the day in the office. He understands everything they teach but doesn't always think everything is relative or important. Frustrating. He's such a sweet boy and I hate seeing the struggles. He's so happy at home. Wish it could be summer all the time!

 

[Clochette nordique]

Thank you but it's not that he doesn't get the concepts, he does. I don't know what the problem is! He wants to get good grades and stresses when he doesn't but then he struggles and then just shuts down and spends a lot of the day in the office. He understands everything they teach but doesn't always think everything is relative or important. Frustrating. He's such a sweet boy and I hate seeing the struggles. He's so happy at home. Wish it could be summer all the time!

One author once said: "our society is failing it's teenagers. We just don't prepare them for the level of anxiety that is attached to hormonal changes and transition times. Then just imagine what Autistic teenagers have to endure....!" (author of "Teen Mind, Teen Brain")

I see lots of teens on the Spectrum in my practice (NT kids as well) and we always end up looking on the "anxiety" side of life. Same with DD12. (And DH47! - who had been diagnosed with "AssBurger" a year ago today.) That's the "Why me? Why now? Why here? and What did I do to deserve that? kind of processing" that is so important at this age. And sadly, many grown ups just think that it's going to go away... Maybe, just maybe, with NT kids, at some point, they'll figure it out. But our kids on the spectrum may never. They need help. So worth looking on this side. Remember your teenage time, and just dive. From personal and professional experience: nothing to lose, discussion on the horizon any way.

It may be worth looking that way. Who knows?

Good luck and keep us posted,

Poussière de fée!

 

[iwrbnd]

Thank you for your response! So do you think I should look into counseling? He has been diagnosed with anxiety and he's a perfectionists also. The problem is he has zero insight into how and why he does things so I thought counseling might not be effective. He is so incredibly sweet and hates attention so these shutdowns he's having are extra hard for him. He says he has no idea why he does it. Uugghh.

 

[Clochette nordique]

Thank you for your response! So do you think I should look into counseling? He has been diagnosed with anxiety and he's a perfectionists also. The problem is he has zero insight into how and why he does things so I thought counseling might not be effective. He is so incredibly sweet and hates attention so these shutdowns he's having are extra hard for him. He says he has no idea why he does it. Uugghh.

"Counselling" is on a wide spectrum too

Seriously, your son may have insights but may not be able to recognize or to process them. Remember: Carly has insights but nobody knew she did. I was a teacher before being a counsellor and a therapist and even if there is no "insight", there is always place to learn to cope better. Any way teens can learn to cope with anxiety, is a good way. WE ALL need it. So, my understanding is that if the person you know/get is a counsellor, well, use her/him. If you find a specialized Youth Worker, ask her/him. If it's a teacher, just the same. Skills can be taught (is my English O.K.?) by many people. When it gets to anxiety, the point is to use the anxiety coping mechanism. It's as "physical" as "emotional". If none of this work, then, you may consult a therapist that knows about the spectrum, because there may be an emotional blocage that prevents the processing.

Research "Butterfly Hugs", breathing exercises, mind re-focussing exercises, bi-lateral brain functioning (E.M.D.R.), "Adult soothing" exercises, E.F.T., N.L.P., "Brain Gym", to reduce anxiety. Straight C.B.T. "Mind Over Mood" exercises are good and can be done "intellectually" at first (to find possible states of mind and to get the ABCs since anxiety can be worked as a sort of behaviour). But mostly, if you can find somebody, any body, used to help Teens on the Spectrum, or teens with intellectual difficulties, it should help. Even the good old "social stories" can help, I have few books at the office that have some exercises on the topic.

"E.M.D.R. = Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing"
"E.F.T. = Emotional Freedom Technique (and not Treatment)"
"N.L.P. = Neuro-Linguistic Programmation"
"C.B.T. = Cognitive Behavioural Treatment or Technique"
"ABCs = Antecedents, Behaviours, Consequences"

Au plaisir, keep us posted,

Poussière de fée!

 

[toodycat]

My 13 year old son (high functioning autism/aspergers/who knows) struggled a lot the last quarter of school. He would just shut down in class and his grades really dropped. We had him evaluated at the children's hospital and they said his IQ is 127 with language at 129 and math at 131. I'm confused how a kid so smart can struggle so much in school! Any insights?

Lots of kids on the spectrum have high IQs but that doesn't always translate to academic success. Lots of stuff could be going on. For example, my DS was seated by the window and away from the Smartboard in math class last year. He couldn't focus at all. I've taught ASD kids who suffer from anxiety if their classmates are rambunctious at all. That could be a distraction. Your son may miss things in class and his social issues could definitely prevent him from raising his hand to ask questions. If anyone in the class is teasing or bullying him, it might make it impossible to concentrate. Additionally, if a teacher is someone who doesn't accommodate kids on the spectrum, that could be a problem. If the teacher is the sort of person who calls on kids rapid-fire and at random, your child be preoccupied with thoughts of "Am I going to get called on? What will I say?" which could interfere with his ability to focus on content. My son also would think he thoroughly understood something and then bomb a test. It could be a case not knowing what you don't know, if you see what I mean. If possible, I would ask the school psychologist or your developmental pediatrician or child psychologist to observe your son in class and give you some feedback.

 

[iwrbnd]

Thank you for all the ideas. Counseling sounds like something I should look into. We live in a small town though so it's hard to find anything specialized. It's hard to watch my straight A kid drop to C's, D's and F's but it's even harder to see him unhappy! The teachers all say he understands the content but what I'm gathering is writing creatively is hard for him and our school has something called "Writing across the Curriculum" where they incorporate writing into every subject. This floors him. He had to write a Valentines poem once about math concepts! Might as well just pour acid in his eyes! (The only score he did poorly on in his IQ test was writing, which was actually really low, down in the 80's!). His middle school also has "block scheduling" which is 5 classes one day and then 5 completely different classes the next. It takes a lot of organization, which is another area he struggles in. Poor kid. I'm starting to think about homeschooling. We have a really good co-op group of homeschoolers in our area. That is really out of my comfort zone, especially because I've been a teacher in the public schools before!

 

[lovethattink]

Thank you for all the ideas. Counseling sounds like something I should look into. We live in a small town though so it's hard to find anything specialized. It's hard to watch my straight A kid drop to C's, D's and F's but it's even harder to see him unhappy! The teachers all say he understands the content but what I'm gathering is writing creatively is hard for him and our school has something called "Writing across the Curriculum" where they incorporate writing into every subject. This floors him. He had to write a Valentines poem once about math concepts! Might as well just pour acid in his eyes! (The only score he did poorly on in his IQ test was writing, which was actually really low, down in the 80's!). His middle school also has "block scheduling" which is 5 classes one day and then 5 completely different classes the next. It takes a lot of organization, which is another area he struggles in. Poor kid. I'm starting to think about homeschooling. We have a really good co-op group of homeschoolers in our area. That is really out of my comfort zone, especially because I've been a teacher in the public schools before!

If you are thinking of homeschooling, be sure to really research the curriculums and laws regarding homeschooling in your state.

My oldest has writing problems too. When we looked for a curriculum for him we looked for one that was computer based so he could type. He has mild CP so even when he was in school, they allowed him to turn in any writing via computer.

My youngest is all about rules and he wants structure, so we went with Abeka DVD curriculum for him.

Many of my friends mix and match their curriculum.

Some homeschoolers use umbrella schools so that someone can keep track of the grades and they'll get an actual report card and high school diploma.

Many states hold homeschool conventions annual. It's great to take a look at all the curriculums at one place and speak to other parents who homeschool.

Where things become tricky and vary from state to state is with sports, OT/PT, clubs, etc. Some are available to homeschoolers at public schools and some are not. If you chose an umbrella school, it's considered a private school, so all those options are not available.

My oldest played football for a different private school. My youngest played baseball through a program offered in the county to children with special needs. He'll play soccer in the fall.

Many private technical schools won't accept homeschoolers without a GED. My son ran into this but found the same major at a state college and they accepted him with his high school diploma from a non-traditional private school (umbrella school).

 

[iwrbnd]

Those are some really good questions and ones I'm going to have to think about! He loves band and I think he can still do it because there are other homeschoolers in the public school band. This is all so overwhelming and I don't know what to do. We have a really good school here (small town and the teachers really care) but we can't have another year like last year! He won't make it, at least he won't make it in one emotional piece!

 

[toodycat]

Before you commit to home schooling, you should ask the school to modify the writing across the curriculum lessons for your son. For a student with a writing deficit, writing in every class is not appropriate; it will just make him anxious. His IEP should limit writing to social studies and language arts, so that he can feel successful in math and science. Additionally, any special Ed services he is receiving should include one on one writing instruction at his ability level. I prefer the public schools because of the socialization exposure available to ASD kids. Good luck.

 

[iwrbnd]

That's a good idea about modifying the writing in his curriculum. I'll have to talk to the school about that! It sure would help to get rid of that. Another problem he has is how much he reads. He uses books as an escape and reads about 3-4 large books a week. I know he reads through school instead of listening and doing homework. We're probably going to have to take away his books, which seems really weird to do, doesn't it?

 

[toodycat]

That's a good idea about modifying the writing in his curriculum. I'll have to talk to the school about that! It sure would help to get rid of that. Another problem he has is how much he reads. He uses books as an escape and reads about 3-4 large books a week. I know he reads through school instead of listening and doing homework. We're probably going to have to take away his books, which seems really weird to do, doesn't it?

I wouldn't take away his books. I would ask the school to build some time into his schedule to read. That way, he knows he has something to look forward to. Certainly, reading in class could be affecting his grades if that is what he is doing instead of being attentive to lessons and doing homework. Does he have an agenda book in which he or a teacher can record his assignments, so that you know what is supposed to be done for homework and what long-range assignments are in place? That should an accommodation as well. Also, if he has a special ed teacher he sees every day, she could hold the book and give it to him once his classwork is complete. But, if book are objects he needs to feel secure in school, that obviously won't work. I always found that giving my son a specific routine helped. He knew that he could play video games from 3-4:30, but after that it was homework time. (Since ASD kids thrive on routine, once he got used to it, it worked well, but was pretty much inviolate.)

Hang in there. I know this is a challenging road. My DS had some very tough times in middle school, too. But, he is graduating high school this weekend and all of those struggles just seem like water under the bridge and a few more grey hairs. It gets better!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Regarding home schooling.

We just started HS our NT 6th grader this past fall. Our 3rd grade son with Asperger's is begging to be home schooled. We kept him in school as the school and district had all kind of great ideas for socialization this past school year. But none of it happened and he hates school even more. We had the CSE meeting and everyone was surprised. Huge lack of communication between the team members.

As it is we are moving next year to Michigan and we will most likely HS him along with his sister. New York State (where we are now) does not allow for HS to take part in school programs but the HS community is huge and if your kid wants to do something (chess, music, ice skating, bowling, soccer etc) it's there or you start your own group.

If you son wants to stay in school that's a different story.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Home schooling isn't for everyone and neither is regular school, do what you think is best in your heart for your kid.

PS our DD absolutely has loved being home schooled and does not want to go to school when we move. She likes that she can go at her own pace. One telling thing for us is when she asked us a question and we answered it she said "Thank you, I couldn't ask questions at school because the kids would laugh" Or when she was having problems getting her math (she processes things slowly) she thanked us for giving her time because at school the teacher's assistant would tell her to hurry up.

 

[C&G'sMama]

We have been homeschooling for 2 years. It works very well for us and we are able to accomodate his needs at home. Have you researched any homeschool co-ops or support groups in the Michigan area you are going to move to? We are in a field trip homeschooling group.

Thank you I just saw your reply above.

Here in Rochester where we are now there is a ton of stuff. My daughter participated in Home School ice skating, chess and bowling this year. She also Irish Dances and plays soccer on a city league which she did when she was in school, but we've found with HS there's so much more time to do this other stuff and it's a lot cheaper during the day.


We have started researching HS in Michigan and what groups are there. DSis already telling everyone he will be home schooled and taking field trips to Chicago (about an hour and a half by train from our new location) so we're going to try it with him this fall.


We'll keep you posted as we start our new adventure.

 

[blondietink]

My 13 year old son (high functioning autism/aspergers/who knows) struggled a lot the last quarter of school. He would just shut down in class and his grades really dropped. We had him evaluated at the children's hospital and they said his IQ is 127 with language at 129 and math at 131. I'm confused how a kid so smart can struggle so much in school! Any insights?

Teenager ....I swear those were the worst years of dealing with DS and autism. Otherwise, he is probably bored with school. Many smart kids are bored because of the watering down of content in general in the schools. Trust me, I know. DH is a teacher and he has said many, many times how easy the content is now compared with even 5 years ago. In order for schools to meet the Adequate Yearly Progress required by NCLB, states have watered down the content so the students who are average or not quite as smart can understand and pass to the next grade.

 

[lovethattink]

Thank you I just saw your reply above.

Here in Rochester where we are now there is a ton of stuff. My daughter participated in Home School ice skating, chess and bowling this year. She also Irish Dances and plays soccer on a city league which she did when she was in school, but we've found with HS there's so much more time to do this other stuff and it's a lot cheaper during the day.


We have started researching HS in Michigan and what groups are there. DSis already telling everyone he will be home schooled and taking field trips to Chicago (about an hour and a half by train from our new location) so we're going to try it with him this fall.


We'll keep you posted as we start our new adventure.

That sounds great! Glad you dd is thriving with HS. Like you said it's not for everyone, but it's a great fit for us.

Now that ds's seizures are better controlled he will be able to do more. We live in central FL and there are so many museums, aquariums, science centers, theaters, etc that have special learning experiences just for homeschoolers during the day. There's so many things offered!

Field Trips to Chicago sound like lots of fun!

 

[iwrbnd]

Thanks for all the homeschooling advice! I'm definitely looking into it especially after I asked my son what he thought and he looked so relieved and excited! He said "Why wouldn't I want to be home schooled???"

About taking away his books. Now that I've thought about a poster's comment (I don't know how to hilight the comment, sorry!) I think they are right and it would stress him out not to have his books. He is reading them at inappropriate times in school so I'll have to address that...unless we home school, then that issue is gone!!! I'm starting to get excited about possibly homeschooling but dread telling the schools. They've tried so hard with him and I don't want to seem unappreciative.

 

[lovethattink]

Thanks for all the homeschooling advice! I'm definitely looking into it especially after I asked my son what he thought and he looked so relieved and excited! He said "Why wouldn't I want to be home schooled???"

About taking away his books. Now that I've thought about a poster's comment (I don't know how to hilight the comment, sorry!) I think they are right and it would stress him out not to have his books. He is reading them at inappropriate times in school so I'll have to address that...unless we home school, then that issue is gone!!! I'm starting to get excited about possibly homeschooling but dread telling the schools. They've tried so hard with him and I don't want to seem unappreciative.

Does he have an IEP in place at the school? It could be a matter of updating the IEP to address the most recent issues.

It's great that he loves to read. But homeschooling won't remove the reading at inappropriate times.

I had to remove so many distractions from where my son does his school work. There can't be a toy within reach or it's in his hand and he's playing. Noises from outside can totally distract him. Someone making food in the kitchen is another distraction. We've all had to change our routines and habits to accomodate his learning.

His meltdowns have greatly decreased in intensity and frequency. I listen for things like "this is stupid", "I hate school", etc as signs that he is becoming frustrated with his task. Because they usually mean, "I don't understand this". I also have to pay close attention to getting overwhelmed by new material.

There's been many times we have to just stop right where we are and move on to something else or take a break and then go back. There's also been many tears when something doesn't look perfect or he makes a mistake. Mistakes are what most of his meltdowns are about, and he has an adversion to using an eraser for some reason. This is what we are working on the most.