Ex-Wife will not allow husbands kids to go....

[sk!mom]

It's not so much to alleviate any fears, but why is it so difficult to tell the mom. It seems very disrespectful to keep secrets about the kids whereabouts with the kids mother. I would not trust anyone with my kids if they can't give me the decency of knowing where my kids are going and what they are doing. These kids are not adults, they are kids and the mother has every right to know where her kids are at all times.

I think both parents are playing games with these kids lives and emotions. But I still think any mother has the right to know where her kids are at all times. Also, I am probably going to get flamed for this, but in my personal experience, it is usually the step parents that cause most of the issues when it comes to the original parents kids.

Actually, once she divorced their dad it's highly doubtful that she "has every right to know where her kids are at all times." In all the divorce cases I'm personally familiar with both parents are allowed time with the children and they have no obligation to get permission or give itineraries to the other parent for that time. Yes, in the cases that work the best, the parents do discuss and treat each other with respect but it isn't a "right."

As always, no matter who's at fault, the kids are the losers. Hopefully, in the future, the OP and her DH will respect the deadlines as that is likely the only real solution.

 

[sk!mom]

I hope the situation works out so that all of the kids can go together to Disney. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to blend families together but the one thing I do know is there is no way I could let my kids go on vacation without knowing where they were going.

Then don't ever get divorced!

 

[TinkerBelle920]

Then don't ever get divorced!

Exactly my thoughts! I've almost said that to a few people on this thread.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Just to clarify.....She already had her dates picked out and her vacation is the first week of June and one in July...She refused that particular week because he was one day late in telling her and she can....AND that he would only tell her that we were crossing state lines for this trip....and did not specifically tell her where we were going (which he does not have to do). The trip in July is a trip taken every year to see family (so she knew were this trip was going to be).

Both parents need to stop playing the "I don't have to" game. Dad doesn't HAVE to tell mom where he's taking the kids, but it would be the right thing to do.

Mom doesn't have to give dad a break since he missed the deadline, but it would be the right thing to do.

They are both playing a stupid game that only hurts their children.

My DF has his kids for the month of July and they are with their mom the rest of the summer. This schedule allows both parents to plan vacations (within the USA)without involving the other parent. DF can't take his kids out of state without giving their mom a local address and phone number.

 

[chimilady]

Both parents need to stop playing the "I don't have to" game. Dad doesn't HAVE to tell mom where he's taking the kids, but it would be the right thing to do.

Mom doesn't have to give dad a break since he missed the deadline, but it would be the right thing to do.

They are both playing a stupid game that only hurts their children.

Yes, but the OP works with the legal system, surely the OP would know legally what the consequences were of trying to get around the agreement. Agreements are in place because people do not like to accommodate their exes.

 

[marmalade]

Wow I think you may have watched one to many disney movies and buy into the evil stepmother thing a little too much. From my experience and many people I know it is typically the birth mothers who are bitter and jeaous who usually ruin their childs lives. But really it can be anyone just because someone is a step parent or bio parents doesn't make them more prone to hurting the children. It's whoever is the insecure and childish person. In some situations all parties are mature.

I forgot about this thread, but no my opinions are not based on my Disney movie watching experiences.

Yes, birth mothers can be bitter and jealous sometimes, I can't argue with that. It's just that in my personal experiences, that a lot of the issues arise because the step parents try to get in the way of the bio parents. The bio parents raised the kids prior to divorce and now the step parent jumps in and thinks things should be done differently. It's hard raising kids with 2 parents, let alone throwing in an additional 2 in the mix.

 

[Mama Who]

I get that but you know I have dealt with my dh's ex and I have been a step mom now for 9 years and I can tell you there are reasons why they didn't tell her.

We are also thinking we are dealing with a normal person too but i can tell from experience that some people are just not normal especially when it comes to situations like this. In fact we were a few years back going to book a vacation out of state but not tell dh's ex until we picked them up and then give her all the details on paper along with all contact info. WhY? B/c we from experience knew that she would pitch the biggest fit and not have the kids at the pick up site and refuse to let dh have his kids. Dh doesn't need his ex's permission to take the kids out of state just that he has to let her know all contact info.

My point is simply this from op's experience her dh might have a very good reason not to let his ex know the plans or any more info then he needs to give.

it is really a shame that people can't just be adults and not let things like this get so ugly to where kids miss out of things like this.

Don't you think maybe just like "there are reasons" for Dad to refuse to tell Mom where he wants to take the kids there might be reasons for Mom to refuse to let him ignore the deadline?

Both parents are being difficult. Both parents might have really good reasons for it. Both parents might be that not-so-normal person you refer to.

In this specific case, Dad needs Mom's permission to take the kids. Mom's permission is contingent on Dad not playing "because I can" with the information. He's asking for a favor. People who ask for favors have to live with conditions.

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

There is no way I would deny my kids a Disney vacation because my husband's ex refuses to let his kid go. She can let him go and enjoy the experience with us, or we will go without him. Period.

His son goes on plenty of trips with his mom and her family that my kids don't go on and my kids will go on trips that he doesn't go on. Life is not fair. Nobody says it has to be.

OP I hope the ex changes her mind and lets the kids go but if she doesn't I would take your kids anyway.

 

[CdnKayDee]

I have been married 12 years and trust me I would need my wifes premission to take our 2 kids to Disney. I really have to say here that married couples and divorced couples our in the exact same boat here the only dfference is that married couples usually get along. But when you have to go to court for this I think you have to ask yourself am I being just as bad about this as the other is.

 

[krismanda]

I think it is perfectly ok for OP to take her own children on the trip without the stepkids. I agree with what a previous poster said that in this situation it just isn't always going to be fair and everyone is going to have to deal with that. OP attempted to bring the kids, the mother, for whatever reason, has decided to be unreasonable about it. I would not allow her to hold my family's vacation hostage as well. I wouldn't tell them about the trip and if she does and they ask about it, I would be honest about the reason that they are not going. She can deal with the fallout as she likes.

It would have been great if the OP could have met the deadline, but the reality is that isn't always possible with work scheduling. Unfortunately, her work doesn't have to abide by her husband's custody. They attempted to include the children and that is the best they can do in this situation.

 

[Cierese]

This is off topic, but YES my husband is very involved and helps her out whenever she needs it...if she wants to go out of town for the weekend and it is her weekend, he takes the kids (really because he wants to spend more time with them) Baseball is another issue...She has rarely taken the kids to baseball....We postponed our honeymoon to have his kids because she "suddenly" had to work....and I would NEVER tell him he shouldn't have extra time with his children, so we can have a honeymoon. But I feel that he helps her out whenever she needs it, but when we need something....she is black/white....no gray......
I also would never tell him to play her game the way she plays, but I deal with an ex who is never here, never home and can never help out (military)....she just really doesnt know how well she has it sometimes, as far as ex's and help go...

Sorry about the rant, but I needed it.

Vent all you want, its allowed from time to time. I have an ex in the military as well... remarried, they have two kids and stationed in Germany for now. He rarely calls the kids but if he's stateside for school or vacation he will call super last minute (he called me last week to tell me they will be on leave 10+ hrs away visiting his wife's family next week through first week of July) Of course because he doesn't communicate I go ahead and schedule the kids to be at church camp and then he gets mad and expects me to cancel everything.. which I do for 2 reasons: 1. They rarely see him and should get to and 2. I get blamed for 'keeping the kids from seeing him' if I don't and would rather not deal with him... We don't have any visitation stuff set in stone because I knew with his job, there's never anything permanent such as vacation days to rely on.

 

[Wendybird55]

Now I know this may sound naive or a bit stupid as I can only assume these situations can be complicated. But since you are already taking his kids away earlier in the summer, is there any way your ex can change his time with your kids so they can join you then? This way you can all go away together early in the summer? I understand your ex may already have plans and you may already have set the 2 seperate vacation plans, but it's just a thought.

 

[tinkerpea]

Wow some peoples CO are insane!!
Im the parent with custody I am remarried and have no children with my dh of 4 years,we have been together since my boys was "twins 3 months" and "oldest 3" the oldest is NOT my ex's. My dh has NO children of his own and has never been married before me.He does however raise my boys as his own.

Both my Dh and ex are in the Military when i left my ex i was 8 months pregnant he came down to visit the babies when they was born and we tried again for another month (it didnt work). when the twins was 8 wks he came to visit and took them any I didnt get them bk for 2 months! It broke my heart and i nearly had break down! it took me 2 months to get into court the police could do nothing as we was married and we had equal rights at that time,When we finally got to court we was given 1 wk each with the twins for the next yr neither ine choose this it was a big screw up by the judge and family court officer! ex was working full time and when he had the babies they was put into day care,when i had them they was with me all day i hated the thought of them being away from me but couldnt get bk into court as they was full! we also lived 6 hours drive apart and so every wk end i had to do the 6 hour drive to pick up the babies i loved them so much that there was no way i wouldnt have done this,i couldnt move nearer as I owned the house where i lived(it was bought before the marriage and was mine)so i could not afford to move.
during this time i met Dh my rock anyways i finally got bk to court and got custody of the Twins he was granted 1 wk end a month and half of each half term along with 2 wks at summer holiday!
I hated this man so much for what he did to me i says he did it as he thought id go bk to him" he was controlling and abusive " i considered going bk for the kids but my family wouldnt let me!
My point to all this is I after everything my ex did to me spend every Birthday of the boys with him plus my Dh and son example last month we all went out for dinner to celebrate our twins bday, we spend days at the boys football matches I let him take the boys to see his sister in Australia for 3 wks!! when they was 3, I didnt want him to take them but i didnt want them to find out when they was older that they was refused by me.I knew because he was forces he couldnt just go AWOL!
Dh and I have taken the boys to Disney 3 times now plus on other holidays my Ex only has to ring me and say is it Ok if i have the boys this wk end as i cant do next wk and I let him if we dont have plans that we cant change.
Now that Dh is posted nearer to my ex (only about 40 mins away) I allow my ex to have the boys every other wk end when he is free My boys love their dad and i will not stop them from seeing him I give him extra time as it benefits the boys but it was NOT EASY at the start it has taken at least 3 years to get to this point and most of my family dont understand how i do it after what he did to me......... I tell them its not about me though its about them!

My dh is not looked at as a step dad he is looked at as their dad,Both parents are called dad its their choice and my ex has had to deal with that my ex has to respect my Dh as he is the person who puts food on the table and a roof over our heads my ex does give maintanace for the boys but its only half of what he is ment to,we are happy with this arrangment as it means he has the money to do things with the boys when he has them.

My son who is now adopted by my Dh does things without the twins and vice versa,when the twins are with their dad they go out and do things so we do the same with Ds,the ex takes the twins camping etc and so the boys have had to learn that life isnt always fair and that Ds wont be sat in at home whilst they are out having fun!
It wasnt easy to start with they did get jealous when Ds did something and he got jealous when they came back and told him what they had done it was to be expected and we dealt with it.Whilst the twins go on holidays(not abroad) without ds I couldnt go on holiday without the twins but that is because they are mine and i dont choose to have memories without out all the boys.

i think its really bad that parents are not flexible for the sake of their children I totally understnad that it not easy to get along with the EX i have no idea how ive done it its took a while,I admit at the start because of the hate i had for the man when i gained custody i wanted to only ever let him have that 2 days a month and no more so he knew how it felt when he took them from me,But that wasnt in the best interest of the boys.we have had huge arguments over the smallest stupid things and things can get very heated,I never thought id see the day where my Dh would invite the ex in whilst waiting for the kids to get ready.or that we would go on days out together the boys enjoy this and they always say its great when we do stuff like that.
I do know that if the other parent would not allow me to take their children to Disney i would take mine as i dont feel my child should be left out because another parent decided not to let theirs go,I would however not rub it in their faces by putting up pictures and talking about the trip but would tell the child that I will take them too as soon as allowed.I think i would try my very hardest to reason with the other parent for the sake of those kids though.


sorry for long post but reading these posts i was competly shocked at how insane the CO for some people was and how unflexible parents can be towards the other parent I thought if i who has been abused and controlled by my ex can get through this for the kids then others can try.