Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[bumbershoot]

Just a quick thing to point out, because I think the month-math is being lost here. The kids left yesterday. They will be there 10 days. That means they get back July 6, maybe 7. Then they are leaving again for another trip on the 15th.

That mere week of downtime is what the OP is concerned with (part of it). That's not much time *at all*. And yeah, they might be exhausted! Sunburned, dehydrated, all those things that can happen with a "fun" summer vacation, and, may I just say...can happen more easily with a non-custodial parent who isn't as used to taking care of kids. And, may I say again, could happen even easier with a non-custodial parent who is, basically, now on a second-honeymoon (right after the first!) with his new spouse.

So I understand why the OP is concerned about that. It took me and my brother at least a day to get over a WEEKEND with our father. He fed us ridiculous foods, smoked all over us, and caused stress just by being him... And our vacations with him were always weird, too, though the one good thing about those vacations was that he ALWAYS picked a hotel with a pool AND stopped early enough in the day to let us swim. Of course...that just got us sunburned easier, LOL.

And now you have one child crying and feeling sorry for you because the dad took them. The kids shouldn't feel bad that dad took them to Disney. It's not their fault he trumped you. They should not worry about it and have a good time.

I'm quoting you but this is to everyone who has also said it. A child of divorce is going to have those sorts of feelings. It is normal and natural, and it's not awful for those feelings to sprout up. Heck, my son and I get to have fun while visiting my brother in San Diego while my hubby works, and WE feel guilty for having experiences without him, and we're married! It's OK and normal for kids ot have those feelings, and it does NOT mean that some adult is making the kids have the feelings.

Yes the OP can help stop those feelings by assuring the children that she's OK and she's just happy that they get to spend even more time at WDW, but the feeling of guilt from them isn't her fault.

It was a celebration of a new chapter as a new little family. ....

We carefully planned our weekly schedule, picked our favorite restaurants and made dining reservations.

I'm glad you're still going. Think of it this way. They've won a sweepstakes and got to go on this trip, just before the trip with you. Both will still be good, and neither *has to* detract from the other.

I didn't read all the posts, but my question is, can he take the kids out of state without your permission/knowledge? If you're in GA and they're now in FL, then he took them out of state.

That's what I kept thinking.

Obviously the kids can be taken out of state (since you are), but you've let him know, and he *did not*.

When I read your post and your concern over whether your kids would want to go back so soon, I was reminded of the faces we see at Orlando Intl airport when we arrive. All those people waiting to board their planes with the longest faces because they have to go home. Just think, your angels won't have that face because they know they are coming right back, and coming back with MOM

Good point.

Find a star to wish on late one night. And make a wish for peace in the family. A girl can dream, right?

Sniffle sniffle.

After all the moment the divorce was finalized he took the kids for ten days.

The moment the divorce was final he got married, in an "elaborate" church wedding (= it was planned well in advance) and went to Mexico. Then had Father's Day weekend still without telling them he was married. Only now is he taking them to WDW.

I have not had a chance to talk to them since the one call yesterday. He has shut off their cell phone but I have definitely taken to heart what everyone has posted as I mentioned in my other post.

I only called the probate court because of the suspicions surrounding their marriage and certainly the fact if he had married while we were still married would present a problem.

That's sickening that he turned off their phones. If they don't figure it out now, for future trips, make sure they have calling cards so they can use a landline phone to contact you if needed.

Depending on the church, might be interesting if the officiant knew about the timeline, and how close he cut it all.

totally sucks sometimes lol but then I look at them; and even when everyone says "one day they'll know" "one day they'll see", if I really love my kids I really wouldn't ever want that day to come would I?

Child of two divorces here. To want your children to always live in ignorance of the true nature of a parent isn't kind, IMO. When my mom finally talked to me as an adult about my dad, I felt like SUCH a fool. Sure, as an older kid and teen I knew he was a jerk, but not THAT big a jerk. For me, my mom not telling me about him was like keeping a secret, and if there's one thing I hate, it's secrets. You don't want your kids to always be blind to the reality of their father... (especially b/c if they don't wise up eventually, he will continue to cause emotional harm to them even as adults)

That legality is what I am currently trying to figure out.The only travel addressed in our decree is out of country travel. But from what I understand something about crossing state lines, and I having no idea where they were and then texting me that he was turning off their phone until they returned might possibly constitute kidnapping. Especially since the decree is very clear about telephone access.....

I am being put in a position to follow the court order to the t. nothing more and nothing less and it sucks.

Might not be worth following up on now, but probably IS worth a phone call to your attorney to have it go somewhere official for the future.

And...it's time to make the ex follow things to a T as well.

Hey..I've been thinking about this all evening! Please do NOT get into the legality/kidnapping thing with him because if he's as much as a spiteful jerk as he sounds like, it'll give HIM ideas to destroy your trip because you also have to take the kids over state lines. If he gets the idea that he can try to stop your trip, he very well may try to do that just to make matters worse so I would advise you NOT to try to say/do anything about this or it could come back to bite you. It's too late now if they're already there.

Except that he already knows where she is taking them. That is the difference.

 

[Rhonna]

Having read every post so far I would like to make a suggestion to OP.

Do NOT try to compete or feel you have to make your trip extra special for the kids as if what you had planned will not live up to what their father could give (spend on) them on his trip.

After what has happened, they will need to feel that on the vacation with YOU they can RELAX. They are stressed (as are you) and if they get the vibe that you are trying too hard, it puts pressure on them and you. Just go and enjoy what you had planned and whatever changes the children may want but please don't feel your trip is somehow inferior to the ex's and that you have to overcompensate, even if it's with "freebie" things.

 

[Sammie]

Since you have rented DVC then you really don't have much choice but to go.

Now, I have not read every comment so if this has been said, please forgive. I know this divorce is fresh and it's hard but for the kids sake try very hard not to make anything between you and the ex, a contest. No one trumps the other, and if they do, the kids lose.

Go on your trip with them and for their sake try very hard to forget what their father did.

Focus on what they want to do and if they mention they would like to do something again, that they did with Dad, then do it.

Believe me take the higher ground and years from now you will be the one that wins.

 

[KJMAX1]

You TOTALLY have to go!!! That is your trip!!!! The trip the kids are on now is one that wasnt planned, its without thought, and its without MOM! You and your kids planned, and dreamed of your vacation. You need to go make those memories with them. Dont let your stupid ex control you through his actions. The kids will always remember what a hellish trip he is putting them through, but your trip is SO different. Its one with fun, dreams, and hopes.

It will be in those quiet, almost magical moments that you will create the best memory. One of my fondest, and one of the saddest memories I have, is sitting at one of the resorts eating breakfast, and seeing my three oldest across the table sitting there having fun, and realizing how fast time flies, and before we knew it they would be where we are today. Enjoy every single minute because life IS short, and youve waited 2.5years for this!

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

Just piping in here to give you a big hug



Yes, your ex is a jerk and you are well rid of him!

As others have said, go!!! The kids will have a great time because they are with Mom, not the new lady they are trying to get used to.

And, if your ex is like mine, when (if) he finally has kids with the new wife, your children will be put into the background. You have to be strong, be both Mom & Dad, and bite your tongue because it isn't right to slam that SOB even though you would have every right to!

You are an awesome, strong lady and you will go and have an incredible time! The nice thing about this preliminary trip is, you will be able to skip over the rides that are so-so or have super long lines because no one will be heartbroken if they don't ride this time.

 

[bwilcox]

Part of what makes a WDW trip special is who you experience it with. After the anticipation and working so hard, I have a feeling that even if your trip with the kids isn't as "fancy" as the one your scum ex took them on, it will be even more special to them.

 

[sunnysideup3]

I would go. I think your kids would look forward to spending time with you and there's no such thing as Disney fatigue. I hope you go and have a wonderful time with them....

 

[Disneyliscious]

Hey..I've been thinking about this all evening! Please do NOT get into the legality/kidnapping thing with him because if he's as much as a spiteful jerk as he sounds like, it'll give HIM ideas to destroy your trip because you also have to take the kids over state lines. If he gets the idea that he can try to stop your trip, he very well may try to do that just to make matters worse so I would advise you NOT to try to say/do anything about this or it could come back to bite you. It's too late now if they're already there.

He should have let you know where they'd be...that's just WRONG.

So sorry for all the stress you're under. Focus on your upcoming trip and know that you WILL get through all this.

I get what you are saying here but if this woman doesn't start standing up for herself he will continue to do this crap over and over. She has to let him know she won't stand for it. He controlled her when they were married and he is still trying to control her. Since its a first offense its likely nothing would happen to him anyway but its on record at that point in case she has to go back to court again in the future.

Its doubtful it would be kidnapping charges, but I bet he is definitely in contempt of court of some kind. My divorce states that me nor my ex-husband can take our son across state lines without 2 weeks notice and written contact information given to the parent who is staying home. If your divorce doesn't say something similar, you can amend it in the courts to stop things like this from happening again.

I wouldn't worry so much about the trip they are on but I would be FURIOUS at not being able to get in touch with my kids.

 

[Leajess99]

My Sydney will be turning 10 right before we leave and my son Alex is 12. We have so carefully planned every detail that Im just in shock. Since someone gave us tickets, that's the most expensive part of the trip. The next part was the accomodations which we saved and saved for. This trip meant more to us that just being at Disney. It was a celebration of a new chapter as a new little family. A 2.5 year divorce is no picnic for anyone.

We carefully planned our weekly schedule, picked our favorite restaurants and made dining reservations.

I would go and just continue with what you had planned. Unless he made dining reservations than the kids will not have that experience. I am sure they would rather go with you and are probably not enjoying this trip like they should as you already said the one texted you sorry.

Some men (and women) can be jerks. The trip is paid for so please go and enjoy yourselves. Let the kids decide what they want to do and just take the time.

 

[Leajess99]

That legality is what I am currently trying to figure out.The only travel addressed in our decree is out of country travel. But from what I understand something about crossing state lines, and I having no idea where they were and then texting me that he was turning off their phone until they returned might possibly constitute kidnapping. Especially since the decree is very clear about telephone access. He enjoys tormenting me and controlling me.And despite that I have always told him where they were when we travelled (to my detriment obviously) he's just hateful and spiteful and wants me to worry and panic. We will never agree on anything because he makes decisions based on his rights, what's his, what conveniences him and benefits him. While I will always (whether I have liked it or not) truly made decisions took into consideration what Sydney and Alex wanted or needed. This visitation is a perfect example. He should not have two consecutive weeks, but my kids wanted to feel like they had more down time and the back and forth made them feel on the go all the time, so I let him have 2 consecutive weeks. I am being put in a position to follow the court order to the t. nothing more and nothing less and it sucks.

I would seriously check on the phone situation. If the kids have their own cell phones that you pay for and provide than I don't see how he can deny them access. My ex was informed that he cannot turn off the cell phone nor can he deny the children useage of them.

My ex is also required to provide me with an itinerary
for visitation if he is traveling away from his own residence state. I am to have access to the kids via phone as well. My ex learned really quick that I will hold him responsible when I took him back to court for neglect and abuse towards our kids.

 

[BlondeViki]

I'm sorry I don't have any really practical advice but I didn't want to read-and-run without letting you know that my heart went out to you when I read this.

I think the only thing I can say is to echo others who have said rise above your ex's behaviour, don't try and compete but have your trip and do it your way. It will be different and special because of the way you planned and saved for it. You can go there determined to have the best time and make sure your kids have the best time and no one can take that from you

 

[tarheel618]

OP I am sorry this is happening to you.

His plan is to rattle you, make you change your trip or just make you mad about it.

Do your trip, use those EMH hours, make it the trip you had planned.

What will irk him is that his trip had no affect (as far as he can see) on you and your trip?

Another idea I haven't seen here is looking for Hidden Mickey's, the brides ring at Haunted Mansion and all those things that your ex will not have done. There use to be a link on Disboards that listed all these extra things you can do. Hopefully, someone will have it book marked.



Good luck

 

[Aliceacc]

I know nothing of the realities of divorce, but the teacher in me says this: document, document, document.

Speak to your lawyer. Start a paper trail. Go on your vacation and have a great time. But let your lawyer know what's going on, as far as you not knowing ahead of time and the cell phone issue.

These things need to be ironed out for the future.

 

[kismet1003]

I think you should 100% go and fully enjoy every minute with your family. You will be making lifetime memories for yourself and those kids and nothing can 'trump' that. I guarantee the kids are still looking forward to this trip after all the excitement and hard work!!

Maybe you can do a trip report when you get home! Enjoy and take care of yourself.

 

[eliza61]

echoing most of the other posters. I would move my trip back to another time. Have not read all the pages but....

Keep reminding yourself that if this is the type of person your ex is, you are so much better off without him.

Could you possible turn in some of your ticket and do a day at Universal. that would make the trip a bit different.

 

[kinggartk]

I don't know your situation. I don't know if he is a good dad or ar a bad dad. It is tacky not to inlcude his kids in his wedding (was that his decision or their decision or your decision?) I know, too often, in a divorce situation, Dad has to take what ever time with his kids he can get. Courts tell him when he can have his kids, so he has to take advantage of his opportunities.

My wife was a child of a divorce, and her father had to fight tooth and nail to get any time with his kids. Even though court had mandated time for him to get them, her mom made it very difficult for him. She constantly filled the kids mind with how horrible a father he was and as a result they hated him.

My wife has just recently resurrected her relationship with her father and it turns out that is not not such a bad guy. Her mom just used the kids to get revenge on him. I beleive this is the case in a lot of failed marriages.

Now I'm not saying your like my MIL, maybe he is the one like her. I don't know you so I can't pass judgement. I'm just making a general statement that fathers are usually left to fight for their kids, while the court usually sides with the mom by default.

So...what is my point? I don't blame you for being upset about this situation, but I don't blame the dad for wanting to share a nice trip with his kids. He's got to try to get the special moments that he can get when he can get them. Lets face it, your two different families now and there will be times when things just don't go your way. My guess is there will be more times when things just won't go dad's way.

The biggest losers in a divorce is the kids. Don't let them suffer because you and dad can't get along.

So....go on and have your own trip to WDW with the kids and just remember this is just one of the dozen or more times that they have been to WDW.

 

[JUJU814]

I get what you are saying here but if this woman doesn't start standing up for herself he will continue to do this crap over and over. She has to let him know she won't stand for it. He controlled her when they were married and he is still trying to control her. Since its a first offense its likely nothing would happen to him anyway but its on record at that point in case she has to go back to court again in the future.

Its doubtful it would be kidnapping charges, but I bet he is definitely in contempt of court of some kind. My divorce states that me nor my ex-husband can take our son across state lines without 2 weeks notice and written contact information given to the parent who is staying home. If your divorce doesn't say something similar, you can amend it in the courts to stop things like this from happening again.

I wouldn't worry so much about the trip they are on but I would be FURIOUS at not being able to get in touch with my kids.

I totally agree with you. I just hope he doesn't try to pull some stunt and stop her trip...based on everything written in this thread, it sounds like something he'd have up his sleeve.

I would be *beyond* outraged about not being able to get in touch with my kids.

 

[DisneyJoo2008]

What a spiteful man. I'm sorry. My opinion is that you still go and have a wonderful time! It can't possibly be the same trip to them and from the sounds of it your daughter would rather it be with YOU! Maybe ask them now what they did (restaurants etc) and try to plan a little differently as much as you can. I KNOW my kids would not mind going again even so close! How old are they???

ETA: What kind of a father has a big wedding without his kids present!! Definately take them......they will have more fun with you.

My Father also got married to his 2nd wife without inviting my Sister and I!!! He's now married to his 3rd wife but we did get invited to that as she's a *little* bit nicer than the 2nd one!!!

You TOTALLY have to go!!! That is your trip!!!! The trip the kids are on now is one that wasnt planned, its without thought, and its without MOM! You and your kids planned, and dreamed of your vacation. You need to go make those memories with them. Dont let your stupid ex control you through his actions. The kids will always remember what a hellish trip he is putting them through, but your trip is SO different. Its one with fun, dreams, and hopes.

It will be in those quiet, almost magical moments that you will create the best memory. One of my fondest, and one of the saddest memories I have, is sitting at one of the resorts eating breakfast, and seeing my three oldest across the table sitting there having fun, and realizing how fast time flies, and before we knew it they would be where we are today. Enjoy every single minute because life IS short, and youve waited 2.5years for this!

Agree with this poster - you TOTALLY have to go!!!!!!!


Wishing you a trip FULL of happiness and pixie dust and lots of best wishes for your NEW, WONDERFUL future without such a ^*£()£%^(£*^&£( in your life xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Shmily1]

Go take your trip and have a blast with your babies. What he does with them doesn't matter and he can never replace the memories you will make with them. All three of you have been looking forward to this so do not let him mess this up for all of you. No matter if they rode the teacups sixteen times while there, it wasn't with you. You weren't there to put them to bed each night and lay there laughing half the night away about all the fun you had during the day.

Don't let him get you down. That's what he's trying to do but it's not just you that was looking forward to this trip. It's evident they WANT to be there with you. Do it and make sure they call him while there so he can hear how much fun they are having!

 

[Kona65]

Wow, this is going to be a long tread. So many opinions.