Engagement Party Dilemma

[C.Ann]

I think someone needs to buy an etiquette book.

Yes - I can think of a number of people who would benefit from one..

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Yes - I can think of a number of people who would benefit from one..

The OP and one other poster come to mind!

 

[C.Ann]

The OP and one other poster come to mind!

Well maybe if you ask Santa - real politely...

 

[Magic Mom]

I still can't think of any justification that would make inviting a family member to a function with the stipulation that their date doesn't look skanky, OK.


"Joe, we have decided to "let" you come to our party (lucky you!) but you can only come if your date gets her wardrobe approved by us first. We are afraid she might wear hooker pumps and a micro mini since she is a waitress and all."

 

[mickeysgal]

It's appalling. The OP's family stalked this girl on Facebook, made a character assessment about her, and dammed her right from the start. Guilty as charged as they envisioned it to be and she hasn't even met anyone yet.

Nice.

If this is what being "conservative" is, well, good luck and good riddance. Being conservatative doesn't give anyone the right to completely forgo any manners. Rude doesn't even begin to cover how awful this is to treat another person like this. Pulling out the "my party, my rules" card is, in this case, just an excuse to hide behind being despicable, condesending, and totally classless.

And I have to agree with some of the prior posters. If the nephew said that phrase, there already is some prior history there. Granted, he shouldn't have said that, but I would bet it's a reaction to being treated like a piece of dirt.

Like I said in an earlier post, can't wait to see the wedding invitations. Perhaps there will be a waiver to be signed and notorized about appropriate non-cleavage attire only allowed. We wouldn't want the conservative family having to suffer a moment of scary indecent exposure.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

it's appalling. The op's family stalked this girl on facebook, made a character assessment about her, and dammed her right from the start. Guilty as charged as they envisioned it to be and she hasn't even met anyone yet.

Nice.

If this is what being "conservative" is, well, good luck and good riddance. Being conservatative doesn't give anyone the right to completely forgo any manners. Rude doesn't even begin to cover how awful this is to treat another person like this. Pulling out the "my party, my rules" card is, in this case, just an excuse to hide behind being despicable, condesending, and totally classless.

And i have to agree with some of the prior posters. If the nephew said that phrase, there already is some prior history there. Granted, he shouldn't have said that, but i would bet it's a reaction to being treated like a piece of dirt.

Like i said in an earlier post, can't wait to see the wedding invitations. Perhaps there will be a waiver to be signed and notorized about appropriate non-cleavage attire only allowed. We wouldn't want the conservative family having to suffer a moment of scary indecent exposure.

ita

 

[Skywalker]

It'd be hilarious if down the road this is the woman that the cousin will marry! I can just see the OP's daughter refusing to attend family functions because "she" will be there, and might be dressed inappropriately in her opinion, lol. And if this other woman does become part of the family, you all just created problems out of nothing.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I still can't think of any justification that would make inviting a family member to a function with the stipulation that their date doesn't look skanky, OK.


"Joe, we have decided to "let" you come to our party (lucky you!) but you can only come if your date gets her wardrobe approved by us first. We are afraid she might wear hooker pumps and a micro mini since she is a waitress and all."

I have a family member or two that could have greAtly benefitted from such tough love fashion advice. We keep our mouths shut and then they are desparate for help when their wardrobe malfunctions at the event.
It actually makes me feel bad that they just don't have a clue, but I am kind and just do what I can to help the situation so that they do maintain some dignity when they don't have a spare dress outfit available.

Anyway---I think we are being hard on the OP and giving too much BOD to the person that decided to respond by calling her a female dog. History or not...speaks of his character, not the OP. I know a few trash mouths in my family and they really don't have any reason to speak like that except their lack of class. It is horrifying. (oddly, these are the ones that dress "fine" on the conservative spectrum. They'd just make a sailor blush with their vocabulary.)

It just seems so wrong when people have to get down and dirty like that and I get to not caring what their side of the story is.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It'd be hilarious if down the road this is the woman that the cousin will marry! I can just see the OP's daughter refusing to attend family functions because "she" will be there, and might be dressed inappropriately in her opinion, lol. And if this other woman does become part of the family, you all just created problems out of nothing.

I'm sure she will have a much more lenient dress code for her guests.

 

[wilderness01]

I can't believe you read all of the responses, and still think the cousin was the rude one! I can't imagine someone dictating what can and can't be worn to an engagement party, or any celebration, for that matter! This isn't a private visit with the Pope (and I think he'd be much more relaxed about choice of clothing).

What do you think of a restaurant that has a dress code? A dress code is a dress code. Do you not follow it?

I think the person paying can ask to have business casual without it being a huge deal. Her party, her rules.

If the cousin was apologized to and didn't apologize back for his lack of manners, that says a whole lot. Univite him and go about your day. Who needs this bs stress?

 

[rie'smom]

I hope she goes to the wedding in something like this:

It really is outrageous that there is a dress code for this party. What if the cousin marries the Hooter's girl? They might have a party. How would this bride to be feel if there was a statement demanding that no one dress like uptight, judgmental conservatives?

The Hooter's uniforms are just that. Did the bride to be feel the need to tell doctors and nurses that their working clothes weren't appropriate engagement party attire as well?

Just because someone works at Hooters or any other place doesn't mean they don't know how to dress appropriately. I'm with the cousin on this one and wholeheartedly high five his sentiment.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think the Hooter gig is just the icing on the cake as per her dd's observation of facebook pics that she dresses unacceptably (per their observations) when she isn't in her uniform.

 

[Stacerita]

What do you think of a restaurant that has a dress code? A dress code is a dress code. Do you not follow it?

I think the person paying can ask to have business casual without it being a huge deal. Her party, her rules.

If the cousin was apologized to and didn't apologize back for his lack of manners, that says a whole lot. Univite him and go about your day. Who needs this bs stress?

But they weren't asking for everyone to be 'business casual'. They singled this one person out and assumed that she did not know how to dress apporpriately for a special occassion. If everyone attending the party was told to dress business casual, it should state so on the invite. Not single one person, who they do not even know, out. Speaks to their character and how quickly they are to judge someone else.

 

[kirstenb1]

shucks...I was hoping there was a Miss Manners way to tell someone to not dress like a tramp!

 

[klacey1]

Honestly, while what the cousin said wasn't very nice, I can DEFINITELY understand why he felt attacked.
I think the cousin's real place of rudeness was asking to bring a guest. It's incredibly rude to ask your host (especially ones you don't know-- if the OP's family is hosting) if you can bring someone without it being stated on the invite. I think when he asked, your FSonIL should have told him that it's an intimate affair and was being limited to those the happy couple knew and loved best. Builds up the cousin's ego a bit, and no having to even confront the issue of the OP judging a girl she's never met. That was your mistake, OP. The question of a date should have been vetoed and the situation would have been avoided.

 

[Disney Doll]

This.

Even if your DD was polite, it comes down to the fact that she implied "Hey, tell your trashy Hooters friend to cover her b**bs for my party." What the cousin said was rude, but like NHdisneylover said, it may have just been a knee-jerk reaction to an insult.

Well perhaps people's perceptions of her wouldn't be so bad if she did not post public pictures of herself half-undressed. People who are not smart enough to know that what one posts on Facebook is PUBLIC and therefore one might want to not post things that would show one in a bad light, aren't smart enough to know how to dress appropriately.You can like it or not, but the reality of life is that people are judging people all the time, based on looks, skin color, weight, disability, hair coverings and a myriad of other visible things.

Also, I'm guessing that all of you would have no problem inviting a stranger into your home (because essentially what this girl is to the OP is a stranger) no matter what he or she looked like, right? Next homeless person you see, invite them for dinner. Don't worry about the smell of bugs they may be bringing in...after all, you don't judge people based on their looks.

OP, I'd probably disnivite the cousin and just move on with the party without him and his date.

 

[Acklander]

Also, I'm guessing that all of you would have no problem inviting a stranger into your home (because essentially what this girl is to the OP is a stranger) no matter what he or she looked like, right? Next homeless person you see, invite them for dinner. Don't worry about the smell of bugs they may be bringing in...after all, you don't judge people based on their looks.

.

There's a big difference between inviting a homeless person in for dinner, and a family member bringing a friend along to a party.

 

[Disney Doll]

There's a big difference between inviting a homeless person in for dinner, and a family member bringing a friend along to a party.

Why? Both people are strangers. The OP & her family don't know this girl, just like the rest of us wouldn't know the homeless person. The cousin doesn't sound like he's any prize, so what's to say his choice of companions is any better?

Sorry, a stranger's a stranger.

 

[Disney Doll]

I hope she goes to the wedding in something like this:

I think that's a great idea and would prove the OP's original point that the girl as no idea how to dress appropriately.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Well maybe if you ask Santa - real politely...

I don't need one. I have led seminars on business etiquette for new grads so I am well versed in what is proper.

I would be happy to send you and the op copies of what I use for social and business etiquette.

Education is a big passion for me and I love helping those who need assistance .