Engagement Party Dilemma

[figaromeetsmarie]

Thank you all for your inputs. After much debating I feel like he was the rude one. We only invited 30 people to the party, and all of those people our family and his family have known their entire lives. The cousin knew they wanted to keep it to just people that actually knew them, but DD and DSIN talked it over and decided to let her come to be nice to his cousin (and so he has someone else to talk to his own age that he knows). This cousin has a history and "making scenes" at family events FSIL says. The way they worded it was this "We want everyone to wear casual business type of style, so nothing is hanging out, no jeans, etc from any of the guests."

I guess they could have worded it in a different way. Both DD and FSIL apologized to the cousin, but told him he has no right to throw out names (and he didn't even apologize about that).

Also, things probably just got taken the wrong way and could have been worded a little differently.

Thanks for all your inputs!

 

[Pakey]

I'm going to be looking forward to the wedding invitations.

 

[mickeysgal]

In you weren't allowing for him to bring a date, then you should have just stated so. Telling him what his friend should wear is out of line. You either let him bring a guest or not. You shouldn't be dictating who and how they should dress.

Have to agree. If he was allowed a date, there should have been no approval process about who it is, where they work, what they wear, and what pictures they have of themselves on Facebook. Seems a bit too creepy to me that this person was checked out to see if they pass the conservative test first before allowed a pass to the event. Granted, he should not have make the remark, but it never should have gotten to that point to begin with. Geez, what are you going to do when it comes down to the wedding? Submit applications first?

 

[Mermaid02]

Thank you all for your inputs. After much debating I feel like he was the rude one. We only invited 30 people to the party, and all of those people our family and his family have known their entire lives. The cousin knew they wanted to keep it to just people that actually knew them, but DD and DSIN talked it over and decided to let her come to be nice to his cousin (and so he has someone else to talk to his own age that he knows). This cousin has a history and "making scenes" at family events FSIL says. The way they worded it was this "We want everyone to wear casual business type of style, so nothing is hanging out, no jeans, etc from any of the guests."

I guess they could have worded it in a different way. Both DD and FSIL apologized to the cousin, but told him he has no right to throw out names (and he didn't even apologize about that).

Also, things probably just got taken the wrong way and could have been worded a little differently.

Thanks for all your inputs!

Of course he was rude- name calling is never "ok". But there was a whole lot of rude going on.....

again, would a little cleavage have killed anyone?

 

[mjkacmom]

The way they worded it was this "We want everyone to wear casual business type of style, so nothing is hanging out, no jeans, etc from any of the guests."
!

I can't believe you read all of the responses, and still think the cousin was the rude one! I can't imagine someone dictating what can and can't be worn to an engagement party, or any celebration, for that matter! This isn't a private visit with the Pope (and I think he'd be much more relaxed about choice of clothing).

 

[MichelleVW]

I can't believe you read all of the responses, and still think the cousin was the rude one! I can't imagine someone dictating what can and can't be worn to an engagement party, or any celebration, for that matter! This isn't a private visit with the Pope (and I think he'd be much more relaxed about choice of clothing).

Judgmental people usually see the other person as being rude since they are perfect.

 

[Magic Mom]

Of course he was rude- name calling is never "ok". But there was a whole lot of rude going on.....

again, would a little cleavage have killed anyone?

Well, maybe if the other women at the party didn't have much themselves....

 

[mickeysgal]

again, would a little cleavage have killed anyone?

Plenty of adult women show a little cleavage especially in formal, party dresses. And they don't work for Hooters. Really, how in the world can you control what people are going to wear? I'm sure that this girl-friend wouldn't have showed up dressed like Daisy Duke to the engagement party. And if she did have that much of a blip in judgement, all everyone should have to do is be adult enough to just deal with it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Plenty of adult women show a little cleavage especially in formal, party dresses. And they don't work for Hooters. Really, how in the world can you control what people are going to wear? I'm sure that this girl-friend wouldn't have showed up dressed like Daisy Duke to the engagement party. And if she did have that much of a blip in judgement, all everyone should have to do is be adult enough to just deal with it.

Exactly.

And there's nothing wrong with working at Hooters..... it's not for everyone, but it's not a brothel for heaven's sake.

A gracious hostess would have made EVERYONE feel welcome.... Think of Miss Melanie in gone with the wind...... kind to everyone.

Anyone else thinking of Dana Carvey right now?

 

[Hannathy]

So when Uncle Joe shows up in jeans and a flannel shirt will they not let him in or maybe have loaner jackets like restaurants do.

 

[mickeysgal]

So when Uncle Joe shows up in jeans and a flannel shirt will they not let him in or maybe have loaner jackets like restaurants do.

As long as Uncle Joe doesn't show any man cleaveage, I'm sure he'll be fine!

 

[Kat77]

Of course he was rude- name calling is never "ok". But there was a whole lot of rude going on.....

again, would a little cleavage have killed anyone?

The sight of free heaving cleavage has been known to cause fainting in corset wearers...

 

[badblackpug]

Thank you all for your inputs. After much debating I feel like he was the rude one. We only invited 30 people to the party, and all of those people our family and his family have known their entire lives. The cousin knew they wanted to keep it to just people that actually knew them, but DD and DSIN talked it over and decided to let her come to be nice to his cousin (and so he has someone else to talk to his own age that he knows). This cousin has a history and "making scenes" at family events FSIL says. The way they worded it was this "We want everyone to wear casual business type of style, so nothing is hanging out, no jeans, etc from any of the guests."

I guess they could have worded it in a different way. Both DD and FSIL apologized to the cousin, but told him he has no right to throw out names (and he didn't even apologize about that).

Also, things probably just got taken the wrong way and could have been worded a little differently.

Thanks for all your inputs!

Yes he was wrong for name calling, and for asking to bring an uninvited guest, but your daughter was equally as wrong for dictating what his guest should wear. She could have left it at...."We are not issuing invitations for guests." and allowed him to choose whether, or not, he wanted to come alone. To give an invitation and then to passive-aggressively make it known you don't approve of his date is just plain rude, in any terms.

 

[Took]

Then you should have left how she trashy she may or may not look out of it and just told him that guests weren't invited from anyone. I think it was rude no matter how gently it was put to tell him to make sure his date didn't look sleezy.

I understand perfering that everyone attending look nice, but really, what would have happened if she did show up in a skimpy dress? Nothing. A few eyebrows would have raised, and then all the focus would have turned to the happy couple as it should be. That's it.

I agree. Rude to mention the clothing of a specific person. Cousin's response was out of line, too, however. Responding rudely to rude behavior makes two wrongs.

 

[TinknBellesMom]

After much debating I feel like he was the rude one.

Who were you debating with? Yourself?

"He was rude." "No, he was inconsiderate" "No, he was rude."

 

[kidzmom3]

this op is so ridiculous. I love when people post thinking everyone will agree with them. Then, when they don't they add more details to justify their own point of view. I am sure this has already caused bad feelings from his side of the family. I hope your daughter enjoys being the one "talked about" , just like she was the one talking about the cousins girlfriend.

 

[sunnyday123]

If I were in charge of any invites including you, there would be a reminder to all invited that cameras are strongly recommended because Sunnyday is invited, so things could get interesting!

Bow chica waa waa,chica waa waa. It's chilly though, I might add a feather boa.


But seriously OP, judging someone on the way they dress or what they do for a living, is crossing a line-and a bad one. It also appears that everyone telling you that you were the one who was rude doesn't matter, but please be aware you're going to drive a wedge into your DD's new family.

 

[lil mermaid]

Thank you all for your inputs. After much debating I feel like he was the rude one. We only invited 30 people to the party, and all of those people our family and his family have known their entire lives. The cousin knew they wanted to keep it to just people that actually knew them, but DD and DSIN talked it over and decided to let her come to be nice to his cousin (and so he has someone else to talk to his own age that he knows). This cousin has a history and "making scenes" at family events FSIL says. The way they worded it was this "We want everyone to wear casual business type of style, so nothing is hanging out, no jeans, etc from any of the guests."

I guess they could have worded it in a different way. Both DD and FSIL apologized to the cousin, but told him he has no right to throw out names (and he didn't even apologize about that).

Also, things probably just got taken the wrong way and could have been worded a little differently.

Thanks for all your inputs!

So after much debate, you decided you were absolutely right and everyone else is wrong?

 

[Magic Mom]

So after much debate, you decided you were absolutely right and everyone else is wrong?

That's the best kind of debate to have. It's called The Predetermined Outcome Debate.

 

[mdsoccermom]

What would happent if after all of this he shows up with this woman and she isn't dressed as appropriately as you would like? Or any other woman, for that matter? Will you ask them to leave?