Engagement Party Dilemma

[jaminmd]

I agree with NHdisneylover that there is no way to tell someone this "sweetly."

If you and your dd didn't want the cousin to bring a guest, you should have told him so. Insulting his date's POSSIBLE clothing choices before the event was rude and pretty darned judgemental. You have no idea what this woman would have worn. Did everyone get the No Slutty Clothes lecture or just him? I can see why he responded back as he did. I bet he was feeling defensive and rightly so.

Your dd and future SIL were the rude ones in this case, IMO.

Being conservative doesn't equal being rude. What you did was rude & judgmental & quite frankly I think you deserved the response you got. Your DD sounds like she just doesn't like this girl, period. Then you should have told the cousin he can't bring a guest.

But to assume she'll dress like trash was way out of line. Next time try giving people the benefit of the doubt before you're so high & mighty.

 

[Mermaid02]

Being conservative doesn't equal being rude. What you did was rude & judgmental & quite frankly I think you deserved the response you got. Your DD sounds like she just doesn't like this girl, period. Then you should have told the cousin he can't bring a guest.

But to assume she'll dress like trash was way out of line. Next time try giving people the benefit of the doubt before you're so high & mighty.

I agree. Sorry OP. I doubt this girl was going to wear a teddy to the party.

Would a little cleavage have killed anyone?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP, your family were in the wrong for dictating dress code to the cousin's date. The cousin's reaction sounds pretty normal to the rudeness your dd displayed.

If guests were not allowed, the appropriate action was to tell cousin that guests are not allowed when he asked. At that point the cousin could decline the invitation if he did not want to come solo.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm going to guess it's a moot point anyway. I seriously doubt FSIL's cousin wants to attend anything where FSIL & your DD are present, let alone being celebrated.

IMO embracing conservative beliefs shouldn't equate w/ judgmental ones.

 

[kidzmom3]

you were rude. And probably have irrevocably damaged your daughter and future son in laws relationship. This will have a ripple affect and may cause problems for your daughter with the rest of her husbands family.

And i think _itchy is the perfect description of how this came across to the cousin.

 

[cabanafrau]

Now that I've reflected on this a bit more, I'm confused how & why DD even thought to investigate the cousin's prospective date on facebook? Did cousin ask to attend w/ date & have to submit her name & a synopsis of their relationship, including the fact she lives out of state, works at Hooters & he's only met her 5? times himself???

Things that make you go, hmmmm.

 

[Acklander]

If it were me I would have just stated what the dress code was (i.e. casual, semi-formal, biz casual, or whatever)and left it at that. Yes, there's a chance she might have shown up in something inappropriate - there's always that chance no matter who you invite - but so what? Focus on the celebration, not the petty details.

 

[scrapquitler]

In you weren't allowing for him to bring a date, then you should have just stated so. Telling him what his friend should wear is out of line. You either let him bring a guest or not. You shouldn't be dictating who and how they should dress.

Just because she has pictures of herself like that on Facebook doesn't mean she is going to dress like that for this party, and for you to presume she would and mention it to the cousin was rude and inappropriate.

Just my opinion.

 

[sunnyday123]

Now that I've reflected on this a bit more, I'm confused how & why DD even thought to investigate the cousin's prospective date on facebook? Did cousin ask to attend w/ date & have to submit her name & a synopsis of their relationship, including the fact she lives out of state, works at Hooters & he's only met her 5? times himself???

Things that make you go, hmmmm.

Are you checking out all of the guests and telling them what they can/can't wear? Way over the line,judgemental and rude.

And I'd show up in hooker boots and a bikini if I were invited.

 

[mjkacmom]

In you weren't allowing for him to bring a date, then you should have just stated so. Telling him what his friend should wear is out of line. You either let him bring a guest or not. You shouldn't be dictating who and how they should dress.

This!

 

[MichelleVW]

You were wrong and I will give him the benefit of the doubt on his reaction. I certainly would not attend your party. You made it pretty clear they aren't welcome.

Being conservative doesn't equal being rude. What you did was rude & judgmental & quite frankly I think you deserved the response you got. Your DD sounds like she just doesn't like this girl, period. Then you should have told the cousin he can't bring a guest.

But to assume she'll dress like trash was way out of line. Next time try giving people the benefit of the doubt before you're so high & mighty.

What they said! Being conservative doesn't mean being rude and judgmental. Just last week at church my pastor talked about how much he loved our church because we were full of non judgmental and welcoming people.

 

[LuvLDM]

I agree w/ the majority, your Dd & Future Sil were quite rude. I really can't blame the cousin for his response.

 

[Keli]

At this point that cousin would be uninvited to the party and I'd just go on without him and not worry about the whole thing.
I am assuming that your dd has a lot of very conservative family members and you were worried about them being offended by the clothing choices of the cousin's date. I know how tricky it can be when you are getting two families together for the first time and you're really wanting all of your family to approve of the fsil and his family.
Sometimes that can be difficult to handle and this won't be the last land mine you have to negotiate before the wedding is over.

 

[Carly_Roach]

You were wrong and I will give him the benefit of the doubt on his reaction. I certainly would not attend your party. You made it pretty clear they aren't welcome.

I agree. Just because she's one way on Facebook doesn't mean she's doesn't know how to dress appropriately for a semi-formal occasion. I'm afraid with that one comment the bride has shown how nasty she can be to people she doesn't even know.

Furthermore, we're talking about poisoning a family relationship over an engagement party for a wedding that's 1 and 1/2 years away and may never happen. Especially since it's now common knowledge that the bride can be a bit of a prissy, controlling, judgmental witch.

But the bride can now rest easy that there won't be any trashy people from that branch of the family attending her engagement party OR her wedding ceremony. She can probably forget about any gifts from them ever again, too. But at least they won't be showing up dressed inappropriately and embarassing her so it's all worth it, right?

 

[Mkrop]

Totally rude on the OP and her DD.

You can not dictate what people wear to events,you can suggest a dress code or emphasize the location in hopes that the dress is appropriate. And assuming how she would dress based on FB pages or working at Hooters is rude. She may have come to your party dress perfectly fine.

 

[krcit]

Totally rude on the OP and her DD.

You can not dictate what people wear to events,you can suggest a dress code or emphasize the location in hopes that the dress is appropriate. And assuming how she would dress based on FB pages or working at Hooters is rude. She may have come to your party dress perfectly fine.

I would think it's a non-issue now anyway because I'm sure the girlfriend wouldn't want to come to the party now anyway. I know I wouldn't.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

HOW RUDE! I think if I were the unwelcome guest I'd turn up in my raunchiest outfit and tell the people who insulted me right to their face how rude they were!

I can't believe the OP and her daughter wold consider their behaviour to be acceptable in any way!

 

[Magic Mom]

Invites are addressed to that person only/couples/or families, not dates. We only wanted people there who we all personally know to celebrate with them and us.

Then you should have left how she trashy she may or may not look out of it and just told him that guests weren't invited from anyone. I think it was rude no matter how gently it was put to tell him to make sure his date didn't look sleezy.

I understand perfering that everyone attending look nice, but really, what would have happened if she did show up in a skimpy dress? Nothing. A few eyebrows would have raised, and then all the focus would have turned to the happy couple as it should be. That's it.

 

[Magic Mom]

This.

What I don't understand is why you assumed she would dress trashy because she's a waitress at Hooters and apparently wants to model.

My neice works at Hooters and she is a lovely young woman paying her OWN way through college. I would be irate if someone in the family insinuated that she was trashy because of her job.

 

[cabanafrau]

Are you checking out all of the guests and telling them what they can/can't wear? Way over the line,judgemental and rude.

And I'd show up in hooker boots and a bikini if I were invited.

If I were in charge of any invites including you, there would be a reminder to all invited that cameras are strongly recommended because Sunnyday is invited, so things could get interesting!