End of the Year Teacher Gift - Room Mom rampage

[LadySiren]

I've never actually been in that situation, but one of the PPs said he/she would leave a child's name off if that child's parent didn't contribute and/or participate. To me, it sounded as if she would do a partial list of names. But imagine if the teacher left the card on her desk, either to show off the pretty card or unintentionally, and the child who didn't get to participate saw it? What if that same child was aware that their parent didn't have the money to contribute or worse, maybe the parent just didn't care?

How much would it suck to have a child thinking, "I'm too poor to take part" or "my parent didn't care that I would be left out"? I'd hate for any kid to feel badly because they were left out due to financial or other reasons. I don't doubt that most, if not all teachers would be sensitive about the child's feelings, but I can also see how easy it would be for a child to be accidentally subjected to being hurt in this way.

That's was the only point of my previous - leaving a child out intentionally because a parent cannot or will not participate hurts the child (or hurts the child more) rather than the parent. I'd hope no room mom would ever do that to someone else's child. Life is too short for such unkindness, and what goes around comes around, IMO anyway.

As a class mom, I'd never leave off a name (we actually just put "your class"). However, if a child's name was left off, do you really think the child will know? I'm sure the teacher won't even notice. Most class mom's I know would never give a partial list of names, though.

At are school, most know it's pretty much a given to donate $5 twice a year, and most are happy to do this. The PTO has decided it much be a set amount, because in the past, some got so much more than others.

 

[LadySiren]

FYI: finally found the PP where it's mentioned that the child's name gets left off.

If they choose not to participate, fine with me but i also do not include their child's name on the card.

 

[torinsmom]

Wow, reading the posts about the pressure on room moms makes me sad.

I remember when I was little my mom was a room mother and I was so proud on the party days when my mom walked into the classroom. I told everyone, "that's my mom". It was so exciting to have my mom there and meet my friends and see my classroom and have a party with us.

I always thought I'll be a room mom one day.

My daugher is in preschool this year, but next year will be in Kindergarten. I was looking forward to the little parties and being a room mom.

I really am sadly rethinking it now. I did not realize all the politics that went along with being an official room mom. I didn't realize you had to send letters and ask for money and so on. I am a quiet, shy mom and would not feel comfortable at all having to ask for money or have so much money or gifts a year, and I had to be the messenger. Yikes.

I think back when my mom was the room mom, the teacher just sent home a little note saying there was a party and what we needed like napkins, drinks, chips etc and if a parent wanted to they signed up. That list was given to the room mother and she took it from there.

I didn't realize it was like a full time job with all that responsibility and having to beg for money. It makes me very uncomfortable.

I would be happy to donate whatever wasn't signed up for , to a party once or twice a year. Just to show up and be a part of my child's happy party memories. I do remember my mom would help to assemble goody bags at home, we loved to help. Or do little decorations and stuff, but she was never responsible to be the messenger of what was needed for a party etc.

I think parents take it better from a teacher than a room mom whom they don't know, asking for things and money. I think if its a basic party like when we were a kid, the teach should be able to send home a little note saying if you would like to send in something for the valentine's day party we need, napkins, plates, cookies, chips etc. That is much less threatening to a parent than a demand from the poor room moms who are made to make the goal the PTO set for them. And the poor room moms have to be the messenger of this news.

I could be way off, but for me, the thoughts of a room mom for me was always exciting and pleasant to think of doing one day. I pictured doing crafts or decorations to get the party ready, some even prepared at my home beforehand. Then going to the classroom and helping the teacher set out the snacks, drinks, help the children with the games, crafts etc. Its sad its so political now in terms of PTO setting "goals" and the room moms having to be responsible for that.

Its sad, but I really am now having second thoughts about being a room mom now when my daughter is old enough to need one. I just can't imagine having to be the one that all her parents hate seeing a note from or a call from, while I ask for money.

Did that make any sense?
Shelly

Don't worry. I have never taught at a school where it was like these parents describe. Most of our room mom(or dad) duties are forwarding requests for things like donations for the spring carnival or volunteers to have lunch with the kids while teachers get to eat lunch together once a month. Our spring carnival is Friday, and we have a raffles basket with a chocolate theme. They sent out one letter about it 6 weeks ago and a reminder letter last week. They do not ask for money EVER. When we have staff appreciation, the list is sent out, something like a card, a school supply item, a piece of candy, a hug, and then on Friday, parents bring in a dish for a potluck. Some people participate and some don't, and as we are all working moms and dads, we don't judge anyone for participating or not. Some bring gifts or cards at Christmas and end of year, some don't. I am always appreciative of what I get and also understanding when some kids don't bring anything. One litter boy was sad at Christmas because he didn't have anything for me, and I told him to draw me a picture. You should have seen his face when he gave it to me!tg

Our school has an unwriten rule that if you help out at the school PTO and what not you can pick your child's teacher no pressure needed. The principal was at all our meetings and was a very friendly guy. Though I was on PTO I never bothered to pick my son's teacher but I got along with all he teachers anyway.

I agree with you take the good with the bad. However, the other side of that is that in college you get to choose the teacher of your choice and if there is one you don't get along with or you hear from others isn't good you pick another teacher or drop the class. Also in jobs if you don't like your boss etc you have the choice to get another job. Children have very few choices till they become adults so it is the parents responsibility to make the best choice for their child. If it is allowed and not frowned on I don't see the harm in picking the teacher you feel your child will learn the most from.

Wow, I can't believe that is even legal. It is definitely not ethical! What about the single moms with two jobs who can't possibly be on the PTA? And what if more parents on the PTA wanted a spot in a class than there were spots?

At one school I was at, they allowed parent requests, and many times the teachers the parents requested were not the ones that were best for the child. As a teacher, I ALWAYS let the former teacher pick the next room for my son, because they knew him as a student not as a parent. I didn't care if I got along great with the teacher, as long as my son's personality meshed with hers/his. That's just me though......

Marsha

 

[cm8]

I've never requested a teacher for my kids, and some years have been great and some just OK. One of my DD's had a mean student teacher once, and we used it as a lesson that you won't always like your teacher, boss, coach, etc., but you have to figure a way to give your best and make the best of it. She managed to survive the experience.

:

 

[LadySiren]

Marsha, are you in the Orange County school system? Over here in Alamance, our school has gotten a bit more...forward about asking for donations, etc. We do so many fundraisers, it feels like I can't keep track.

In relation to Teacher Appreciation week, they ask us to bring in one item per day - like a flower to make up a whole bouquet. They also ask for volunteers to do a teacher luncheon. Luckily, we've never been in a spot where we couldn't find the time or money to participate in some way.

 

[Dizneydaz]

People love to send in "stuff" for the teacher. I'll tell you what goes a lot farther. Send an e-mail to the principal and cc: the teacher. Talk specifically about what the teacher has done that has impacted your child. The teacher will appreciate it and the principal will hear all of the great things that are happening in the teacher's classroom.

Principal's are often the sounding board for every little issue. How nice it would be for them to hear the positives that are happening everyday.

A letter or e-mail message conveys much more meaning than a bunch of flowers. I like getting the "stuff" just like the next guy, but I would much prefer my boss to know directly from parents that I am a great teacher!

Good luck dealing with the nightmare! I hate that kind of thing, too!

Love that idea! Especially since I forgot to do anything the past few days. Our Teacher's Appreciation week is this week. I've already forgotten Mondays' was

Teaching Supply-paper, pencils, etc. Tues. was
Entertainment-gift card-(this one I resent) Wed. is
Art Supply or A.R. Book, Thur. is
Card-handmade and Friday is
Healthy snack (for teacher or room?)

2 years ago Danielle's teacher didn't want a gift card. Each child brought a flower from their garden (or a neighbors) and made her a bouquet. She really loved the bouquet.

Personally, I would resent the emails that the OP got. This is voluntary, not required. Also more notice would have been better.

 

[Calliaz]

I didn't realize you had to send letters and ask for money and so on. I am a quiet, shy mom and would not feel comfortable at all having to ask for money or have so much money or gifts a year, and I had to be the messenger. Yikes.

Shelly

Shelly,

It really depends on your school. Don't be scared off without finding out the scoop first. I am a room parent for my son's class and haven't done a darned thing all year specifically as the room parent (despite offering). Our teacher doesn't do parties and all parents are allowed to volunteer during certain times. She doesn't really need much. From the PTA, we were asked to help the person doing our class art project. That's it. Our PTA as a whole handles fundraising and events like Teacher Appreciation. If you want to help, you volunteer for that specific thing.

I really like the PTA at my son's school, but I know every one is different. We do great things with the money we earn like running a science fair, paying for new books for the library (who did not have any money for new books this year), and having great programs at the school from the science museum and zoo. We focus on educational things that the school can't fund on its own. We also meet at 6pm and have free childcare for school-aged kids.

I suggest that those who hate the PTA probably have a dysfunctional one. The only way that will change is if people make the change happen. If you don't then nothing will ever change. If you've tried and it didn't work, you have a right to be angry.

 

[torinsmom]

Marsha, are you in the Orange County school system? Over here in Alamance, our school has gotten a bit more...forward about asking for donations, etc. We do so many fundraisers, it feels like I can't keep track.

In relation to Teacher Appreciation week, they ask us to bring in one item per day - like a flower to make up a whole bouquet. They also ask for volunteers to do a teacher luncheon. Luckily, we've never been in a spot where we couldn't find the time or money to participate in some way.

I teach in Durham Public Schools. We don't do many whole school fundraisers--just the spring carnival with a silent auction. We do do staff appreciation, but it is totally no pressure. This year our room parent did not do anything towards our classroom art project for the auction, so I got busy and did it myself. As a matter of fact, I did three projects, LOL

 

[hedgehog2owl]

I am co-room mother to a kindergarten class

Hello all,

My son is in first grade with a great teacher. Teacher appreciation week is the first week of May.
Last Wednesday the parents get an email asking (yes, she did ask) us to bring in an item every day for the week (photo, candy, yada, yada) AND a $8 donation AND volunteer 4 people to bring lunch AND 2 to bring vase.

We (the other room mother and I) received a letter from the Family Association asking (requiring, telling) us to send the same thing to the parents in our class.

So, like most people, I ignored it. Something about the whole list thing rubbed me the wrong way.
Friday, we get a 'reminder' e-mail about the list and the $.
Tonight, Monday - we get another email with ASAP all over it. Only half the class has responded - in the whopping five days she gave us.
Now, I'm getting a little peeved. I understand needing to plan, but get over yourself!

when I met with the other room mother, she shared her fear that people would react just like you did. I was like, what? who wouldn't want to do something special for our teacher who is EXCELLENT.

I usually do a gift card at the end of the year ($25) and that is that.

It is a great idea and I bet she will appreciate it

I feel like not doing anything for teacher appreciation week just to tick this woman off, lol.

but...it's for the teacher, not her.

But, no. I'll write this post here and send in my pictures and $8 so as to not ruffle any feathers. I suspect this woman is excellent at holding a grudge.

I hope she won't hold a grudge! Sending in pictures and the money is great of you! I am sure it will make you teacher feel loved


Anyway, thanks for this post. I will show t to the other room mother and we will make a real effort not to be pushy. Any suggestions? Should I ASK the other parents what we should do, or should I just compile a wanted and a to do list and wait for volunteers? The letter suggested asking for a $ donation and buying a gift card...but now I am not so sure we should do that lol.

 

[bridget]

I am so happy I am not a room mother that I will do whatever she asks

However, we donate $10 at the beginning of the year and that covers Christmas Party, Valentine's Party and teachers birthday. This year, they have money left over and we will have an end-of-the year beach bash.

The only thing I've ever been asked to "supply" stuff for is the April Lunch for the teachers (each month a grade does a lunch for the teachers). I brought cheese & pickles.

For teacher appreciation week, I get gift cards for all of my daughter's teachers (including music, pe, library, and computer) because I know how hard they work. I do this instead of and end-of-year gift, since we get out in mid-May.

 

[SRUAlmn]

I've only skimmed through this thread, so please excuse me if something like this has been mentioned already.

Being a teacher at a Title I school we very rarely get anything for birthdays, Christmas, teacher appreciation week, end of the year, etc... I think in the past 5 years that I've been at my school I've received about 7 'gifts' total. We don't have room moms and this thread is so surprising to me. We teach because we love the children. I find it so silly that grown adults are causing such stirs over which presents, and in which order, need to be purchased for the teacher. Trust me, she doesn't care

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

Boy do I miss the days when I was in school and parents left the school activities to the teachers. Most of the moms back then were stay-at-home moms, but I don't remember having a room mother, or my mother being involved in PTA, or fundraisers, or teacher appreciation week. I remember my mother sent in a very small gift for the teacher during the holidays, and I had to give it to her discreetly so as not to hurt the feelings of any of the kids who didn't bring something. We didn't have class gifts or teachers' breakfasts or any of that other stuff. Am I the only one??

I truly appreciate the teachers in my kids' lives, but I feel like all of this has gotten WAY out of hand. And sadly I don't even think it's the teachers that are perpetuating it.

I completely agree.

I also don't understand the need for giving presents in general for every little reason. Or everyone getting trophies for rec department sports teams. Isn't the experience and t-shirt reward enough?

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I completely agree.

I also don't understand the need for giving presents in general for every little reason. Or everyone getting trophies for rec department sports teams. Isn't the experience and t-shirt reward enough?

AMEN!!! I go agree with you on this.

I think that those that have suggested that people get involved with their childs school is the answer. If you are not happy with the teacher appreciation week or every other gift giving $$ spending event that comes around, voice that to your school. Enough emails, phone calls and notes to the principal at the school should help solve some of these issues. All to often we complain to each other, to our friends and family, but never to the people who can make the change take place. Tell your PTA that due to the economy something has to give and that the teachers will still know that they are appreciated without all the fanfair.
As fair as gifts and things from the class with names left off- that is wrong on so many levels. We are not a rich family by any means. Some months are very tough, but we are always the first to send in extra $$ for kids who may not be able to pay. But if there comes times ( and it has happened with having 4 children) I would not expect a room mom to leave off my childs name. Taking on the job of room mom is costly. It is something that most of us know when taking on that job. But in all the years I have been a helper I would have never left off a childs name, based on the behavior of a parent.
The look on their faces would say it all and sometimes their lives are hard enough already.

 

[taximomfor4]

The letter suggested asking for a $ donation and buying a gift card...but now I am not so sure we should do that lol.

I can speak only about what I would prefer in such a letter...that ANY amount would be welcome, instead of asking for a set amount. Because honestly, several of my kids WOULD choose to donate toward a gift card for the teacher...their OWN money (like $1 or whatever they have at the time.They don't get allowance, so don't have any real money, lol).

Before I sound like a meanie or a teacher hater, let me mention 2 things: 1) I am married to a teacher - high school so rarely any gifts, and my dad was a teacher -never got gifts, he taught inner city junior high. 2) In general, we are not big into gifts. My kids and I do special things, have our own special little traditions, and make things for each other. So the kids (some more than others) tend to write letters, make cards, write poems, or draw pictures for their teachers.

 

[Ericandjenng]

Sorry I skipped to the end without reading everyone's post. At Christmas, we could have sent in any $ we wished but I have a Kindergartener...5 year old kids typically do not understand that "they" gave a group gift if Mom gave them money in an envelope for the Room Mom. So that he knew he gave her something, I didn't send any money and let him pick it out--a set of flavored teas, I hope she likes them, if not, she could re-gift them or return them since I included the gift receipt.

For the End of the year, I haven't heard from the Room Mom. Yet. But I got the teachers' help for all of the kindergarten classes for a project for the principal and although they don't know it yet for them also. I sent in white cotton fabric squares and fabric markers. Each Kindergartener decorated/drew on two squares. I am making them into quilted hangings for each teacher and a large one for the principal (it's her first year as the official principal instead of acting or assistant). But it's from the kids' hearts what they put on their squares as they started their school careers.

 

[aceys_h0ney]

I love it when I then get emails asking for gift certificates and gifts for the room mom at the end of the year. I am sure by next year we will also be gifting the person who organizes the room mom's present.
Sorry I have had some pain in the butt room moms. I have one now that I think I talk to more often then my mother sometimes about small things like who is bringing peeled seedless green grapes to the party. (Yes I am kidding about the grapes no I am not kidding about how particular this room mom is)

Before you all hate me I love most of my kids teachers and we do as much as we can for the school and the teachers. Some times we do it in our own ways though.

 

[powellrj]

Former room mother and parents club officer chiming in. Notice I said FORMER.

Your first mistake was not emailing the woman back and telling her that you will not be participating this year. Why did you feel the need to ignore her? All you had to do was email her and say I am unable to participate this year. That would have ended the need for other emails. She had no idea why you didn't respond.

Second mistake not asking around to see if this was standard for this school. There is pretty much a standard teacher appreciation model they use every year. If this is what the teachers have come to expect, then the room mother had no say in what she was requesting. While I know not every teacher has an expectation, trust me, there are many that do, and if the room mother doesn't follow through or live up to what is expected it is discussed in the teachers lounge.

Our model was decorate the doors on monday, pitch-in lunch one day provided by parents and a class gift ususually flowers or ballons.

I stepped back from the whole room mother thing when the teachers started complaing that we invited the office staff to the pitch-in and wanted us to use the fundraiser money to take them out to lunch at a local steakhouse once a month for half days. That would have spent most of the money we earned and I'm sorry, if you guys want to go out on 1/2 days, pay for it yourself.

The parents were another story. I pretty much just planned all the parties and supplied everything myself. It was just eaiser and I knew it would be done. I got burned too many times. I would ask for someone to bring drinks and they would forget or I would ask for cookies and they would all be burned because they let the kids bake them and sent in what they baked. It was pretty much a thankless job.

Its fine that you are a write a check person, but sometimes there is more to it than just writing a check and since this is your oldest and he is only in the first grade, you have many more years.

I did the whole room mother thing with my oldest, but with my next two, I pretty much just asked what was needed and sent things in. I know the teachers all knew I was someone they could count on to follow through even if I didn't praticipate in the classroom, the room mothers knew they could call me for needed items.

 

[penn19]

I completely agree.

I also don't understand the need for giving presents in general for every little reason. Or everyone getting trophies for rec department sports teams. Isn't the experience and t-shirt reward enough?

Haha! I help run a sports league, and OMG if we didn't include a trophy as part of the package. Ack! Parents would be up in arms. As it is, we do first and second place which are bigger than the participation trophies and people get upset. Everything EQUAL!!

 

[JamesMom]

Former room mother and parents club officer chiming in. Notice I said FORMER.

Your first mistake was not emailing the woman back and telling her that you will not be participating this year. Why did you feel the need to ignore her? All you had to do was email her and say I am unable to participate this year. That would have ended the need for other emails. She had no idea why you didn't respond.

I had gotten 3 emails in 5 days including a weekend. Didn't know I was 'late'. I was only contemplating blowing her off because of the tone of everything [NOW, ASAP , do this this way yada yada $$]

Second mistake not asking around to see if this was standard for this school. There is pretty much a standard teacher appreciation model they use every year.

That's why I posted it here before putting my foot in my mouth with 'real world' people. I have sinced learned that this is common thing and I have learned to go with the flow.

Again, I have no problem with the concept, rather the execution.
As I have said, I have volunteered to send in Lunch for the teacher one day during that week and have committed to participating. I don't want my son to feel left out. Live and learn

 

[a1tinkfans]

People love to send in "stuff" for the teacher. I'll tell you what goes a lot farther. Send an e-mail to the principal and cc: the teacher. Talk specifically about what the teacher has done that has impacted your child. The teacher will appreciate it and the principal will hear all of the great things that are happening in the teacher's classroom.

Principal's are often the sounding board for every little issue. How nice it would be for them to hear the positives that are happening everyday.

A letter or e-mail message conveys much more meaning than a bunch of flowers. I like getting the "stuff" just like the next guy, but I would much prefer my boss to know directly from parents that I am a great teacher!

Good luck dealing with the nightmare! I hate that kind of thing, too!

What a great idea! Eons ago, as a class mom (there were 2 of us) we'd send a letter home with the kids. Then we sent an email and despite that, the "same" parents always contributed and others did not, for various reasons, I'm sure. To me/us, it was what it was and we managed quite well. Harping on parents is uncalled for IMHO.
Either way, ALL children were always included on all cards and presents and thats the "right" thing to do. In the meanwhile, I am glad that is all behind us now. I really think it got so out of hand, it was like every month was more money and more items, more party time and more "stuff". Enough already, I'd personally rather see Books and Supplies donated to the class. Our Teacher loved that!