End of the Year Teacher Gift - Room Mom rampage

[Mrs. Bradbury]

At my kids' school, as room parents, we are told what to do by the PTA.

Maybe that's the problem? I was a stay home mom for ~5 years once my youngest was born, and other than that I have worked at some very demanding jobs and did not participate in the PTA. It is all I can do to keep up with my own kids' schedules and needs and support them. I don't understand the point of the PTA. From what I can tell, their function is to raise money for the school. But then when I see what the money has been spent on, I question the need for the expenses - most of what is spent is what I would deem "fluff" - special recognition days, special snacks or meals, etc. I appreciate teachers immensely, but they get paid (very nicely in my district) like the rest of us. Lots of people have just as stressful jobs and are worried about their own jobs and are having to make do with less - staff, materials, etc. And we don't get special luncheons or breakfasts or spa breaks or any of the other nonsense.

This is not directed at teachers because I know they don't instigate what the PTA decides to do, but I don't understand why the PTA feels the need to dictate to already overburdened parents. Just MHO.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, I would just email her back and say you already had other plan and wish not to part with the class gift.

I just wanted to say (as a room mom) this would be very appreciated. When we send out our requests, its done with the knowledge that not everyone will or can participate and we would never expect people to (although we certianlyhope everyone can). The only thing we ask is for is the courtesy of a reply, so that we are not sitting wondering what happened. Like another said, these things still need to get done so we do need to know who will be contributing so that we can plan accordingly (out of our own pockets ).

 

[mjkacmom]

At our school, the class mom chair reminds class moms to ask for $5 at Christmas and at the end of the year, and that gets combined for a gc. As a class mom, I do this, plus we pay OOP for all of the parties. We also get to call everyone if school is closed, after getting a 5 am phone call. I also give my kids' teachers a Christmas gift and an end of school gift.

For teacher appreciation, I'm on the committee, and we host a breakfast and a lunch. I'll be baking 4 quiches, and will be at the school to set up and clean up. I have 4 kids at the school right now, and I do appreciate the teachers.

If someone doesn't like the way things are done, volunteer yourself and do it your way.

 

[mjkacmom]

I also want to add that at our school, it's called staff appreciation week. At the breakfast and lunch, the secretaries, janitors, etc., get appreciated, too. They give everyone a small gift, and have prizes. There are many people at the school to give thanks to.

 

[Leajess99]

People love to send in "stuff" for the teacher. I'll tell you what goes a lot farther. Send an e-mail to the principal and cc: the teacher. Talk specifically about what the teacher has done that has impacted your child. The teacher will appreciate it and the principal will hear all of the great things that are happening in the teacher's classroom.

Principal's are often the sounding board for every little issue. How nice it would be for them to hear the positives that are happening everyday.

A letter or e-mail message conveys much more meaning than a bunch of flowers. I like getting the "stuff" just like the next guy, but I would much prefer my boss to know directly from parents that I am a great teacher!

Good luck dealing with the nightmare! I hate that kind of thing, too!

This is what I have done a few times this year as my daughter is in a new school and it is just such a change from the old school. The teacher really does care compared to last year's teacher and the principal is awesome. Ths whole school makes the family feel welcome and I just can never express how grateful I am for this school. My daughter goes out of district due to medical issues made worse by the old school and they don't make her feel bad for it.

This year for teacher appreciation week I am looking at sending in an Edible Arrangement. The school we were in previously it was the PTA that did all the teacher appreciation stuff and not on the parents. I don't mind sending something in but not everyday.

 

[Leajess99]

I also want to add that at our school, it's called staff appreciation week. At the breakfast and lunch, the secretaries, janitors, etc., get appreciated, too. They give everyone a small gift, and have prizes. There are many people at the school to give thanks to.

That is what ours is as well. Almost forgot about that.

 

[descovy]

Maybe that's the problem? I was a stay home mom for ~5 years once my youngest was born, and other than that I have worked at some very demanding jobs and did not participate in the PTA. It is all I can do to keep up with my own kids' schedules and needs and support them. I don't understand the point of the PTA. From what I can tell, their function is to raise money for the school. But then when I see what the money has been spent on, I question the need for the expenses - most of what is spent is what I would deem "fluff" - special recognition days, special snacks or meals, etc. I appreciate teachers immensely, but they get paid (very nicely in my district) like the rest of us. Lots of people have just as stressful jobs and are worried about their own jobs and are having to make do with less - staff, materials, etc. And we don't get special luncheons or breakfasts or spa breaks or any of the other nonsense.

This is not directed at teachers because I know they don't instigate what the PTA decides to do, but I don't understand why the PTA feels the need to dictate to already overburdened parents. Just MHO.

There in lies the problem at my school too... it's not the room mom, it's the PTA.

Our school is new and in a fancy master planned community. There are a ton of moms looking to out-do each other around here. Suddenly, school parties "require" a favor... each kid gets a backpack, or a hackey sack, etc... at the winter party. Our school dedication had an ice sculpture... WHY???

I'm a more practical girl. Maybe because I grew up in a K-12 that was poor (used books that other districts discarded etc...) I don't see the need for all the fluff, and honestly it keeps me from wanting to participate in fundraisers... yeah, like the $50/couple dinner auction

Common sense has left the building. I am friends with 3 of the teachers in outside circles (church, girl scouts) and they agree it has gotten out of hand. Little trinkets explode to big things... (bring a flower? I'll bring a bouquet) as parents try to out-do each other in showing "appreciation." It leaves many of the rest of us feeling like we can't contribute enough.

I feel bad for the room moms, because yes, they are taking the mandate of a whacked out PTA. Who yes, wants something every day of the week, (Thursday is GIFT CARD DAY, and a luncheon, and a class gift) if the room mom doesn't do it right, she lets her teacher down as all the others get doted on properly.

Before one says, step up to the PTA, well, they have 10am meetings... kinda excluding working parents... and the principal is a little "this way" too. So I choose to donate my time to other causes. My biggest, leading 3 girl scout troops where I can do my part to grow character in 37 girls and know the money we fundraise for will be used wisely and prudently.

 

[kaysmommie]

The other mom is a room mom and most likely following the tradition of what happens during teacher appreciation week. I can relate, I'm a room mom for 2 of my kids this year, don't take it out on us, we are just doing what is expected of us and half the time the rest of the parenst totally ignore our requests (whether it be for $, materials and help) and the few room moms take it all on our own and all the kids and parents get the credit. We aren't trying to make things complicated for anyone, the kids actually love doing this stuff for their teacher

I agree 100% .

 

[apnep]

People love to send in "stuff" for the teacher. I'll tell you what goes a lot farther. Send an e-mail to the principal and cc: the teacher. Talk specifically about what the teacher has done that has impacted your child. The teacher will appreciate it and the principal will hear all of the great things that are happening in the teacher's classroom.

This is an EXCELLENT idea! THANK you for your post! I'm totally going to do this!

Ang

 

[janloz]

PTA President and Room Parent Here but at Catholic School which is different from public school from what I am reading. Our PTA is budgeted to raise $65,000, (Yes, you read that right) through 4 major fundraisers this year with only 85 families plus organize 10 family events and room parents. 98% of this money goes directly to the school to keep our tuition down since the cost to educate a student is double what we pay. Our room parents primarily role is to help the teacher with communication to parents about field trips, class activities or organize a class gift for our annual auction. Personally, I also organize the collection for Xmas gift and end of year memory book in which the students send in picture and artwork for younger or letter for older which i put into scrapbook and give to teacher. My son is in 7th grade and his Kindergarten teacher still has hers and loves to see how far they have come. I do not require parents to donate or participate and refuse to chase them for money or memory book items. If they choose not to participate, fine with me but i also do not include their child's name on the card. We have a teacher appreciation day in January and PTA pays for a lunch for teachers at a local restuarant and students are asked to make something for teachers not buy.

My suggestion to parents who do not care for any of the activities for teacher appreciation or otherwise organized by PTA is SPEAK UP and volunteer to help!!! Personally, I listen to suggestions from parents for fundraisers, family events, communication, etc. But I hate when parents complain about how things are run but don't have suggestion how to change it or refuse to do anything to help. Yes, we are all busy, I work full-time, run PTA and I am Girl Scout leader, (not bragging just saying) but if you want a say step up. Ok, rant over....

 

[poohfriend77]

I think my school found a great way to avoid some of these problems. The Parent Club collects money from every family at the beginning of the year ($15), and gives that to the room parent. Parents are allowed to opt out. For example, I received $240 from DD's class, which means 16 of the 17 students donated. I don't know who didn't, so no one is embarrassed, and I don't have to beg for money every few weeks.

Then I, as room mom, spend the money as I see fit, dividing it among Christmas, her birthday, teacher appreciation day (ours is in Jan.), end of year gift, and a few other little surprises of flowers or lunch, etc. The only other thing parents are asked for is to help with parties (either volunteer or provide treats, plates, etc.) Again, parents sign up for parties at the beginning of the year, and I contact them a couple weeks before the party to ask for something specific. If you don't sign up to help, you never hear from me at all.

To the OP-- I know it doesn't help right now, but maybe next year you could contact the room parent in September and offer to make a one-time donation to be used throughout the year. Politely add that you thought it would be easier, so (s)he won't have to keep contacting you throughout the school year.

 

[JamesMom]

PTA President and Room Parent Here but at Catholic School which is different from public school from what I am reading. Our PTA is budgeted to raise $65,000, (Yes, you read that right) through 4 major fundraisers this year with only 85 families plus organize 10 family events and room parents. 98% of this money goes directly to the school to keep our tuition down since the cost to educate a student is double what we pay. .

OT - I am just curious as to why, as a private school, tuition couldn't be raised by $750 per family (I guess 2 students per family = $400 increase per student) and skip the fund raising altogether? You are getting the same money from the same people - why not chose a more relaxed way to do it? And you would be guaranteed your $65,000 a year without the time, expense and hassle of 4 separate fundraisers?

 

[JamesMom]

OP, here.

I have been humbled. I didn't realize this was a PTA thing as oppossed to a room mom thing. Therefore I have elected to participate. I even signed up to bring the teacher lunch that week. Thanks for all the responses and letting me rant. Still think this is overkill, but I don't want my son nor his teacher to feel left out.

 

[LadySiren]

I'm so glad to hear the teacher's input on this type of situation; I always wondered if my end-of-the-year (and Christmas / Mother's Day) gifts were appropriate or just a bother.

We generally try to do a gift card to a store where I know the person can either get items for home (groceries) or items for the classroom (all kinds of supplies). FYI: when we do gift cards, we usually include the teacher's assistant. With 3 DDs in grade school, this means we have to do six gift cards. Unfortunately, we had a rough year budget-wise last year and I wasn't able to do my normal gift cards. So at Christmas, we ended up putting together a Christmas treat for each teacher - a mug (yeah, I know), a small bag of gourmet coffee, and a box of chocolates. It wasn't as good as a gift card but I thought maybe they might enjoy a small luxurious "me-time" gift during the holiday break.

We've got the end of school right on the heels of Mother's Day; I'm still considering what to do for both days. DH is one of those "it's a paid job" school of thought people, whereas I'm the one who considers what teachers do to be worth way more than the salary they're paid. It does cause some "discussions" at our house but I generally do the shopping, so I win.

Anyway, great to have this input.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Just wanted to say as a room mother for many years (including this year) and past PTA president that parents do not realize all that goes into PTA trying to do as much as possible for the students and the teachers.

I can't tell you how many times I've put in extra money because parents "blew off" requests for Teacher Appreciation or End of the Year, etc.

It also seems like the parents who complain the loudest are the parents who never bother to come to a PTA meeting. If you have a better idea of how things should run for goodness sakes - GET INVOLVED!

Every year it seems like the same 10 parents who are volunteering.

 

[Mrs. Bradbury]

Before one says, step up to the PTA, well, they have 10am meetings... kinda excluding working parents... and the principal is a little "this way" too.

Our PTA meets on weekday mornings, too. The members are women who do not work outside the home and have housecleaners, lawn service, pool service, in some cases housekeepers/cooks and nannies. Lots of domestic help. They live on a different plane than the rest of the community. I have none of that. They also tend to be "helicopter moms".

If I were able to become involved, it wouldn't be for very long. Either the PTA as it is here would cease to exist or I would get thrown out.

I do let my kids' teachers know that they are appreciated, but it is not in a material way. I think most of us have enough "stuff".

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

A room mom here! We actually just had our "Staff Appreciation Day" today and I'm just going to say that I'm shocked by many of the responses.

At my kids' school, as room parents, we are told what to do by the PTA. We aren't choosing activities or trying to "one up" anyone. We are giving our time, many, many, many hours I might add, to create parties and activities for all of the children to enjoy. Honoring our teachers and staff is one of them. If a parent selects not to participate it is still on our shoulders to ensure that WE provide the flowers, notes, food items, etc, for every child to give to the teacher regardless of their parents' decision not to pay or donate. While you may find it a burden to send in a picture of your child, I'm just curious how you think the photographs get placed in the memory book or where the memory book came from, who paid for it or the supplies to make it? It's the room parent. We are not given the option to "opt out". While it might be a parent's decision not to donate a food item for a party it still needs to be provided. I have never had a parent say that their child won't be participating in the party or "please don't have them sign the gift card". They absolutely would blow a gasket if their child wasn't allowed to participate or sign their name even though they, as parents, chose "not to participate". Just something to think about when you decide not to participate, volunteer your time, or make a donation.

The truth? I really genuinely like to be a room parent. I love planning parties and working in the classroom. I adore seeing the kids' faces light up with joy when they hand their teacher a token of appreciation (a note, a flower, the memory book) and I don't for one second begrudge the time and money that I put into being a room parent. Tone is hard to convey over the internet and I'm not scolding or chastising anyone. I am simply more than a little shocked by the responses here and genuinely curious how some of the pp's think the classroom activities are organized, because they don't just magically appear. How can anyone think that a room parent is doing anything wrong by sending emails and reminders? She (or he) is volunteering their time and financial resources to help your child and the school staff. I guess I'm having a lot of trouble understanding the thought process going on here.

If someone doesn't like the way things are done, volunteer yourself and do it your way.

Being a grade parent (and being on PTA in general) is a thankless, time-consuming, expensive volunteer job. The most vocal critics tend to be the ones who either do not have the time or the inclination to be at the school everyday. Nothing wrong with that, but please remember that most grade parents and PTA members are involved for the love of their kids and their school. They are not perfect, and they usually welcome all the help they can get. I'm amazed how volunteers at our school (and apparently other places) get abused for not doing it well enough or fast enough or cheap enough. Get out of your car and walk into the school and lend a hand.

Our teacher appreciation week is very structured, and the intent is that one teacher doesn't get huge displays while another gets very little. Right or wrong, the intent is that each teacher will be recognized and no one will feel bad at the end of the week. I don't love the structure, but I get the point. As a grade parent for wonderful teachers, I'll pay OOP before I'll let my kids' teachers feel unappreciated. When I took the grade parent job, I knew that I would be covering those parents who didn't have the time and/or money to contribute. But if someone can do it better, I'll gladly let them have it or let them help!

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

OP, here.

I have been humbled. I didn't realize this was a PTA thing as oppossed to a room mom thing. Therefore I have elected to participate. I even signed up to bring the teacher lunch that week. Thanks for all the responses and letting me rant. Still think this is overkill, but I don't want my son nor his teacher to feel left out.

You're seeing the big picture, despite your room parent's approach. I am very organized, but not very creative. My e-mails to parents are pretty direct - we need this and who can do that. Just my style - maybe it is your room parent's style as well. Or maybe, given the economy, she is stressed about her responsibilities if no one helps her.

I don't like the "bring this on Monday, this on Tuesday" schedule either. I know my DD would rather draw a picture for her teacher than bring a pack of highlighters. So we do both. She loves her teacher, and anything we can do to get that point across is a good thing.

 

[Jynohn]

Boy do I miss the days when I was in school and parents left the school activities to the teachers. Most of the moms back then were stay-at-home moms, but I don't remember having a room mother, or my mother being involved in PTA, or fundraisers, or teacher appreciation week. I remember my mother sent in a very small gift for the teacher during the holidays, and I had to give it to her discreetly so as not to hurt the feelings of any of the kids who didn't bring something. We didn't have class gifts or teachers' breakfasts or any of that other stuff. Am I the only one??

I truly appreciate the teachers in my kids' lives, but I feel like all of this has gotten WAY out of hand. And sadly I don't even think it's the teachers that are perpetuating it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Boy do I miss the days when I was in school and parents left the school activities to the teachers. Most of the moms back then were stay-at-home moms, but I don't remember having a room mother, or my mother being involved in PTA, or fundraisers, or teacher appreciation week. I remember my mother sent in a very small gift for the teacher during the holidays, and I had to give it to her discreetly so as not to hurt the feelings of any of the kids who didn't bring something. We didn't have class gifts or teachers' breakfasts or any of that other stuff. Am I the only one??

I truly appreciate the teachers in my kids' lives, but I feel like all of this has gotten WAY out of hand. And sadly I don't even think it's the teachers that are perpetuating it.

No. You are not the only one. I agree with you. I do think it has gotten way out of hand. I think it's time we got back to the basics in matters such as these. It doesn't mean you appreciate the teachers and staff any less. It's usually the little things that mean the most.