Elf on the Shelf - slightly annoyed

[PollyannaMom]

We didn't have the "creepy" book elf. When DS came home from school (I forget how old) saying other kids had them, I just started moving two little ceramic elves we already had in our Christmas decorations.

The "disadvantage" was they couldn't be posed. But this was also an advantage! - I didn't have to do such elaborate stuff. They mostly just hid in new spots or brought little treats or small gifts that were best used before Christmas (ornaments, new markers to make cards, that sort of thing). I occasionally set up a little scene that wouldn't be in the way too much, but definitely not every night.

DS was perfectly happy, and (I think) was actually going to miss the elves more than Santa when he got older! So we never really gave them up after he knew it was a game. We all just occasionally move them around on each other, and "they" already brought us some new movies this year.

 

[nugov2]

I'm not suggesting every child would experience that, but I did, and it hurt. My Mum and I have almost exclusively enjoyed a very close relationship and still do, but I remember very clearly feeling angry, hurt and betrayed, and I wouldn't personally be willing to risk that. To each there own, but pretending he's a real person who brings real physical gifts is not for me. I'm not suggesting that everyone else should do the same, but what @bumbershoot said about appreciating the effort their Mum had actually made to provise for her family at Christmas struck a chord with me and I wanted to share my own experience.

I know you aren't saying that.

So would you participate in any traditions that are based on fantasy and not fact. Would you go along with and encourage your small children to believe the characters at Disney are real, tooth fairy or any other similar stories?

Imagination is a normal part of development and helps foster creativity. I'm not saying not doing the Santa or father christmas is bad, but I have a feeling their are just as many kids who share your negative view of being left out of some of the fun and magic of childhood so it could really go either way. I just think more people focus on the love and magic of santa these days vs the he's watching over you don't be naughty/bad. In the world today we need more magic and love, but that's jmho

 

[TipsyTraveler]

When she finally did tell me the truth, it actually seriously damaged our relationship and my level of trust in her for a long time.

If kids come along, Father Christmas will be just a story. I'm so uncomfortable with that level of deceit and then maintaining it for years and years. The Elf justs makes it worse, for me. Christmas is fun without either of them!

People think I'm wackadoo when I say things like this but I agree. I remember feeling humiliated and dumb for having believed in Santa. To realize my parents had lied to me my entire life for their own personal amusement was a serious breach of trust.

 

[BudgieMama]

I know you aren't saying that.

So would you participate in any traditions that are based on fantasy and not fact. Would you go along with and encourage your small children to believe the characters at Disney are real, tooth fairy or any other similar stories?

Imagination is a normal part of development and helps foster creativity. I'm not saying not doing the Santa or father christmas is bad, but I have a feeling their are just as many kids who share your negative view of being left out of some of the fun and magic of childhood so it could really go either way. I just think more people focus on the love and magic of santa these days vs the he's watching over you don't be naughty/bad. In the world today we need more magic and love, but that's jmho

I have no problem with imagination or playing imaginary games (as my former housemates could attest, I love that kind of thing and I was often the instigator of such games) but I am more comfortable when everyone knows that it's pretend. But to present fiction as fact is not something I can do and still feel I'm maintaining my integrity. (So, yes, the tooth fairy would fall into the same category as well for me).

People think I'm wackadoo when I say things like this but I agree. I remember feeling humiliated and dumb for having believed in Santa. To realize my parents had lied to me my entire life for their own personal amusement was a serious breach of trust.

I've met a few other people who have said the same. It's not just us! When I was brought up not to tell lies, it was a big deal to know I'd been lied to consistently for years.

 

[Poohforyou]

People think I'm wackadoo when I say things like this but I agree. I remember feeling humiliated and dumb for having believed in Santa. To realize my parents had lied to me my entire life for their own personal amusement was a serious breach of trust.

I think there's more going on here than just Santa if you feel your parents pretended he existed for their own amusement.

I personally don't understand the need to tell children that Santa isn't real. My dd is 16. Santa still brings gifts here for everyone and there's never been a discussion about him. There's a little bit of Santa in everyone IMO.

 

[Pookles]

I think there's more going on here than just Santa if you feel your parents pretended he existed for their own amusement.

I personally don't understand the need to tell children that Santa isn't real. My dd is 16. Santa still brings gifts here for everyone and there's never been a discussion about him. There's a little bit of Santa in everyone IMO.

Us too. My mom asks us every year if we still believe and the answer will always be yes. There's never been a discussion in our house about it, because as far as we're concerned it's not up for debate. This doesn't work for everyone, but it does for us.

 

[CPanther95]

When my kids came downstairs on Christmas morning, there were all the wrapped gifts that had been under the tree for a few weeks - and an unwrapped gift that Santa had brought, along with a stocking that was overflowing with games, candy, etc. Santa's gift was always their main gift - and that's what they played with until Mom & Dad woke up. They never talked about Santa not being real - there was no reason to. By the time they are old enough to understand fully, they are old enough to appreciate what it's all about.

Then usually the oldest kid would play "Santa" and be in charge of handing out gifts (one at a time - we aren't heathens) to be opened, and the 2nd oldest would be the "Elf" in charge of collecting paper and bows and filling the garbage bag.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I think there's more going on here than just Santa if you feel your parents pretended he existed for their own amusement.

I personally don't understand the need to tell children that Santa isn't real. My dd is 16. Santa still brings gifts here for everyone and there's never been a discussion about him. There's a little bit of Santa in everyone IMO.

No, that's all there is to it. They weren't maintaining that charade for me -- I begged them many times to tell me the truth and they would only double down on it, so they must've been getting something out of it for themselves. Otherwise, why continue to lie about something so pointless? They never did admit he wasn't real. I figured it out for myself and I was very hurt to realize I couldn't trust my parents to be honest with me. I know that's not how it turns out for every kid, but that was my experience with the "magic" of Santa.

 

[leebee]

I have several friends whose children were angry and felt betrayed upon learning that Santa wasn't real. They felt like their parents had been lying to them all their lives. It's not as uncommon a reaction as one might think.

ETA: Now that I think about it more, in all 3 of those families, the children who felt they'd been lied to are identified as having either high-functioning autism or Aspergers syndrome... you know, kids who take things completely literally, either black or white, no grey areas in between. Makes more sense when you think of it this way.

 

[CDoobee]

I just got our first elf! They weren't around when our kids were young, but our 6 year old grandson lives with us. I wasn't planning on starting it, but just happened to see a cute elf at Dollar Tree a few days ago. It's a girl wearing a skirt and she's a soft plush. Not creepy at all!

I hung her by her legs upside down on a mirror looking at herself. This was a few days ago and DGS has not noticed her yet. Unfortunately, I think the mirror is too high for him! I think his daddy is going to have to nonchalantly point her out to him, or ask him about her, or something!

We are leaving for WDW on the 15th and I want to take the elf along, so he better see her soon!!

 

[Poohforyou]

No, that's all there is to it. They weren't maintaining that charade for me -- I begged them many times to tell me the truth and they would only double down on it, so they must've been getting something out of it for themselves. Otherwise, why continue to lie about something so pointless? They never did admit he wasn't real. I figured it out for myself and I was very hurt to realize I couldn't trust my parents to be honest with me. I know that's not how it turns out for every kid, but that was my experience with the "magic" of Santa.

You realize that's messed up and the vast majority of parents will have a reasonable story for their children when asked about Santa and it won't leave scars.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

You realize that's messed up and the vast majority of parents will have a reasonable story for their children when asked about Santa and it won't leave scars.

I would not go as far as saying that is messed up, but I do agree I wish there would have been a way for them to let you know without making you sad. Personally I think the concept of Santa is a wonderful message that it is better to give than to receive and be thankful and take joy in others happiness. I loved being able to provide that wonder for my children and had no interest in them gushing all over me an thanking me. I got more enjoyment out of making them happy. I don't consider it lying as I am being Santa when I buy, wrap, and set out the gifts.

My kids are now all in their early to mid-twenties and still receive Santa gifts. We are celebrating with my sister and her son this year. My sister, husband, and I are all receiving Santa gifts. I wish everyone would enjoy it as must as we do.

 

[nugov2]

No, that's all there is to it. They weren't maintaining that charade for me -- I begged them many times to tell me the truth and they would only double down on it, so they must've been getting something out of it for themselves. Otherwise, why continue to lie about something so pointless? They never did admit he wasn't real. I figured it out for myself and I was very hurt to realize I couldn't trust my parents to be honest with me. I know that's not how it turns out for every kid, but that was my experience with the "magic" of Santa.

So there is more to it in your situation. I don't know anyone who would do that if their child was begging. That's why you have those feelings. Every parent I know continues the magic with their children in an appropriate way when they start asking....your parents did not. It doesn't have to be explained in a lie vs truth scenario. I can see why you'd be upset.

 

[DeaverTex]

View attachment 139398 We didn't have the "creepy" book elf. When DS came home from school (I forget how old) saying other kids had them, I just started moving two little ceramic elves we already had in our Christmas decorations.

The "disadvantage" was they couldn't be posed. But this was also an advantage! - I didn't have to do such elaborate stuff. They mostly just hid in new spots or brought little treats or small gifts that were best used before Christmas (ornaments, new markers to make cards, that sort of thing). I occasionally set up a little scene that wouldn't be in the way too much, but definitely not every night.

DS was perfectly happy, and (I think) was actually going to miss the elves more than Santa when he got older! So we never really gave them up after he knew it was a game. We all just occasionally move them around on each other, and "they" already brought us some new movies this year.

Silly lady. Those are gnomes!

Elves look like this:


Now THOSE would be elves for your shelves.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

So there is more to it in your situation. I don't know anyone who would do that if their child was begging. That's why you have those feelings. Every parent I know continues the magic with their children in an appropriate way when they start asking....your parents did not. It doesn't have to be explained in a lie vs truth scenario. I can see why you'd be upset.

Even if my parents had been honest about it immediately from the first time I questioned it, or if they'd spun it into some gentle story about how Santa is love or whatnot, I still would've been hung up on the fact that they had lied about it up to that point. Just like I would be upset now to find out my husband, for example, had created an elaborate story about something that was untrue and spent the entirety of our relationship making me believe it was true. Again, finding out the truth about Santa is no big deal for many kids. For others, it is. I guess you'll never know how it's going to go over until all is said and done and if a parent thinks the risk is worth the reward, so be it.

 

[kimmar067]

The blessing I am most thankful for this season is mommy friends who agree with me that that thing is creepy and does not belong in our houses. Merry Christmas to me.

...oh....and for the record - I LOVE baklava!

 

[kimmar067]

Elves look like this:
View attachment 139515

Now THOSE would be elves for your shelves.

....uhhhhh, hummina, hummina, hummina!

 

[Dis703]

This is the third year with our elf and while I love the kids' reactions to it, it can definitely get overwhelming.

This week I have a little break because one of my boys decided to misbehave and manhandle our poor elf. He lost his magic for a few days and then he came back all bandaged up (Doc McStuffins took good care of him, lol) and he's taking it easy for a few more days while he heals.

FWIW, the dollar store offers some super easy things to do with him. I bought a Rudolph puzzle last night that I'll use just partially put it together and sit the elf with it. Brought the kids some dollar store ornaments, coloring books and colored a little bit of a picture. Relatively simple stuff. Their reactions really are priceless.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I know my mother had almost of dozen of these things when I was a kid. Ornaments for the tree. Maybe 4 or 5 inches long.

 

[cgattis]

I know my mother had almost of dozen of these things when I was a kid. Ornaments for the tree. Maybe 4 or 5 inches long.

View attachment 139549

OMG......they've formed an army.......I may not sleep at all tonight!!

Seriously, I think I "liked" the first 50 or so posts here. I thought the idea was cute for about 5 seconds until, like many others I asked myself if I really needed one more thing to do every day. But i have been just amazed by the ideas folks have come up with to bail out of the "elf committment..." Called up for service at the North Pole. Eligible to retire. Broken leg! Serious freakin genius out there. LOVE these stories!!