eating with your child

[klynn]

When they are at school do you ever go down and eat lunch/breakfast with them

I eat breakfast and lunch every day with my 2 kids! We homeschool!

 

[AtlantaSue]

For those who are unfamiliar w/ this practice and see it as helicoptor parenting-simply put, you are off base. It has nothing to do w/ me wanting to keep tabs on him, investigate his behavior, manipulate his social life or monitor his environment while he is out of the home...nothing at all. It has everything to do w/ my relationship w/ him, with making special memories, and putting a smile on his face. As many have stated before--the time will come quickly enough (my girls quit requesting lunch visits around 4th grade...) when he will not ask me to come to lunch anymore; I will enjoy this for now.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

This isn't allowed at our school, unless you're volunteering to work in the kitchen that day. Then you're not eating with the kids but working. But I work full time so I'm not there.

I did have a day off from work to assist with a school fundraising this past Friday. Saw DD in the lunch room and stopped and gave her a hug and kiss. I don't know if she would be excited to see me on a regular basis though.

 

[paintnolish]

I've never heard of this before. Really, on regular basis?


I can see on a special occasion once or twice a year. The rest seems like helicopter parenting to me.l

My kids love it and beg me to take them. I go each week, but I only take one child at a time. Wouldn't you like someone to pick you up from your job and take you to a favorite restaurant once a week? We live, literally, a block from the school, too, and I am lucky enought to have one weekday I am always home.

 

[DisneyKT]

I really don't get not allowing Subway, McD's, etc. because other kids might be jealous. Can't kids be jealous of anything? My kid's turkey sandwich? Cookies? It's a cruel world!

They sell Subway at my DDs school and PaPa Johns pizza. I have never heard of a kid being jealous of that. Maybe I am missing something.

 

[Nancyg56]

For those who are unfamiliar w/ this practice and see it as helicoptor parenting-simply put, you are off base. It has nothing to do w/ me wanting to keep tabs on him, investigate his behavior, manipulate his social life or monitor his environment while he is out of the home...nothing at all. It has everything to do w/ my relationship w/ him, with making special memories, and putting a smile on his face. As many have stated before--the time will come quickly enough (my girls quit requesting lunch visits around 4th grade...) when he will not ask me to come to lunch anymore; I will enjoy this for now.

Exactly! As long as my DGD wants one of us to have luch with her and her friends we will continue to drop in. She is in 3rd grade and a lot of parents are still coming. I figure that she will stop wanting us sooner rather than later and that is when we stop. As long as parents follow the rules our school system encourages visits.

There is no helicoptering, you get all of less than 30 minutes with the kids, it is loud and busy and then you leave. It is safe, no one can enter unless you are buzzed in, all of the doors are on camera survellience and you must go directly into the office which is at the entrance. I figure if this practice is not appropriate for you child you just do not do it, if it is why not?

 

[MushyMushy]

I've never heard of this before. Really, on regular basis?


I can see on a special occasion once or twice a year. The rest seems like helicopter parenting to me.l

Your definition of helicopter parenting is extremely broad indeed if you think having lunch with a child throughout the school year is helicoptering. I can see not wanting to do it if it's not the norm in that particular district, or if the child doesn't want the parent hanging around like that. But where my kids went to school, it was perfectly permissible and the kids loved having a parent (any parent) coming in for lunch.

I guess living in a smaller community, things like this are a little more normal. The school itself is locked down except the front door by the office. You have to buzz to get in, then go straight into the office to sign in and state your business. Those secretaries are sharp and get to know which parent of which child is there on sight. People aren't just walking in off the street and heading towards the cafeteria to grope your kid in some corner. There's a process, and you're surrounded by a ton of chattering kids, lunch monitors, teachers, and occasional administrators. These are the same parents you'll be encountering at concerts, games, plays, etc for the next 12 years. I can't imagine being offended or frightened at the thought of them coming to lunch with their own kid.

 

[AtlantaSue]

The specific policy in our county is "no one is allowed to bring fast food or carbonated beverages into the cafeteria;" my guess would be that the policy here is motivated more from a nutritional standpoint than anything, but I'm not sure what it's like elsewhere.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I take McDonald's in on my DS10's birthday. They also have a Spring Feast that I will go in for. My DS11 in middle school would not like my presence there at all.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I really don't get not allowing Subway, McD's, etc. because other kids might be jealous. Can't kids be jealous of anything? My kid's turkey sandwich? Cookies? It's a cruel world!

ITA! Really- some kids bring all kinds of junk for lunch. My kids don't get treats in their lunch. I pack them foods that are good for them. They don't get all upset that their friend had candy or something.

I also don't get the comment that parents shouldn't be allowed to stop in because another child would get upset that their parent wasn't there. Its the same concept. I can't go have lunch with my kids a lot because I am working. They know that. If I were free to go, then I would. I'm not going to get upset over other parents going in.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

Your definition of helicopter parenting is extremely broad indeed if you think having lunch with a child throughout the school year is helicoptering. I can see not wanting to do it if it's not the norm in that particular district, or if the child doesn't want the parent hanging around like that. But where my kids went to school, it was perfectly permissible and the kids loved having a parent (any parent) coming in for lunch.

I guess living in a smaller community, things like this are a little more normal. The school itself is locked down except the front door by the office. You have to buzz to get in, then go straight into the office to sign in and state your business. Those secretaries are sharp and get to know which parent of which child is there on sight. People aren't just walking in off the street and heading towards the cafeteria to grope your kid in some corner. There's a process, and you're surrounded by a ton of chattering kids, lunch monitors, teachers, and occasional administrators. These are the same parents you'll be encountering at concerts, games, plays, etc for the next 12 years. I can't imagine being offended or frightened at the thought of them coming to lunch with their own kid.

We live in a small community too. Of course you have to sign in, and people aren't just walking in off the street. No one is alone with a child.

People just seem to label any kind of parenting that is different from their own. I love to spend a lot of time with my kids. If I have time off that I can go to school, then I will. What is so wrong with wanting to do something with your child?

 

[Disneyrsh]

.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yeah, I think the other thing people are missing is that our kids are asking us to come visit them!

I don't see how it's helicoptering, unless it's a remote control heli and the kid has the remote, lol.

I think it's one of the few, wonderful times where you get to be a friend to your kid instead of having to parent them. They invite you, you get to talk to their friends, it's social, you're not fussing over them and wiping their faces with a napkin in front of their friends (because they ALL have crud on their faces, lol), and they just chatter about their day and you get to be in on it. It's cool.

I love that description of it! It's so true. For a change in their lives, you are in THEIR element. They can show you around, and show you how things are done. It gives them a little bit of control.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I've never heard of this before. Really, on regular basis?


I can see on a special occasion once or twice a year. The rest seems like helicopter parenting to me.l

I rarely jump on the helicoptering bandwagon but I kind of agree here. School is not just for formal education imo. It is for learning independence etc. My kids enjoy having lunch with their friends. It is their own time where Mom and Dad aren't monitoring etc. and they can talk about silly things or whatever they feel like. I have great relationships with the children that my kids are friends with and I don't need to be in the lunchroom with them to do that. To be honest I think this is more about the parent's need then the child's need.

Parents do not come and eat lunch with their kids here. If you were the kid who's Mom came up every single week to have lunch with your child I can guarantee that not only would the kids find it odd but other parents would find it odd as well. Of course it is different in other places but it has never been the norm or even allowed here at all. YMMV.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We live in a small community too. Of course you have to sign in, and people aren't just walking in off the street. No one is alone with a child.

People just seem to label any kind of parenting that is different from their own. I love to spend a lot of time with my kids. If I have time off that I can go to school, then I will. What is so wrong with wanting to do something with your child?

I love spending time with my kids. Heck I am the one who is always counting down to school vacations! I just think that as a parent you have to give your children certain freedoms. I think me hovering at school every week is not something that is helpful to them. JMHO.

 

[turkeymama]

Yeah, I think the other thing people are missing is that our kids are asking us to come visit them!

I don't see how it's helicoptering, unless it's a remote control heli and the kid has the remote, lol.

I think it's one of the few, wonderful times where you get to be a friend to your kid instead of having to parent them. They invite you, you get to talk to their friends, it's social, you're not fussing over them and wiping their faces with a napkin in front of their friends (because they ALL have crud on their faces, lol), and they just chatter about their day and you get to be in on it. It's cool.

Exactly. Both my kids frequently ask me to come each lunch with them at school. I don't go more than a few times a year, but they love it. And they are very independent kids at school. This isn't about hovering over them at all. We live in a smaller community also, so maybe that makes the difference? I don't know, but the classmates seem to enjoy it when any of the parents come for a lunch visit too.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

[/B]

I love spending time with my kids. Heck I am the one who is always counting down to school vacations! I just think that as a parent you have to give your children certain freedoms. I think me hovering at school every week is not something that is helpful to them. JMHO.

I don't think anyone is hovering at school. The kids ask me to come. We even had a note home from the 3rd grade teacher asking parents to spend time in school with their children. She said that in 3rd the kids still love it when their parents come in.

Once the kids are in 4th I think that starts to fade away. In fact this year my 4th grader told me it was okay if I didn't come to his Christmas party this year. I was a little sad, but I decided not to go since it seemed like the right thing to do. Then when his valentines party came he wanted me to come so I did. That is the only time this year I have been to his school.

Really it isn't like anyone is eating lunch at school every day, or spending the entire school day, every day in the school with their kids. Most of the time the kids are on their own in school. They have plenty of freedom.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think anyone is hovering at school. The kids ask me to come. We even had a note home from the 3rd grade teacher asking parents to spend time in school with their children. She said that in 3rd the kids still love it when their parents come in.

Once the kids are in 4th I think that starts to fade away. In fact this year my 4th grader told me it was okay if I didn't come to his Christmas party this year. I was a little sad, but I decided not to go since it seemed like the right thing to do. Then when his valentines party came he wanted me to come so I did. That is the only time this year I have been to his school.

Really it isn't like anyone is eating lunch at school every day, or spending the entire school day, every day in the school with their kids. Most of the time the kids are on their own in school. They have plenty of freedom.

As I have mentioned it seems to be different in other areas. Here it is not allowed and would be considered odd. I was referring mainly to people who said they go up every single week to do it. I think that is overkill. Of course if that is the norm in your area then I guess it wouldn't be.

 

[AtlantaSue]

Apparently, if it this is not a common practice in your own area you will not understand it and will see it as hovering and interfering, even though there have been many previous posts explaining why this view is not accurate for most families who participate.

For many of us, eating lunch w/ your child every so often is simply a normal, happy part of the early Elementary years and in no way interferes with his/her social development. As others have mentioned, in our district it is stated every year in black and white in the school's student handbook that parents are welcomed and encouraged to come in and have lunch with their child whenever they like (following school rules, of course). It's not like we came up with the idea to institute having lunch w/ your child--it's simply always been done here in the area where we are raising our children.

While I understand how it may appear to those who are unfamiliar with it, I will honestly say, one final time, that you are turning it into something that it simply is not by characterizing it as "hovering."

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Apparently, if it this is not a common practice in your own area you will not understand it and will see it as hovering and interfering, even though there have been many previous posts explaining why this view is not accurate for most families who participate.

For many of us, eating lunch w/ your child every so often is simply a normal, happy part of the early Elementary years and in no way interferes with his/her social development. As others have mentioned, in our district it is stated every year in black and white in the school's student handbook that parents are welcomed and encouraged to come in and have lunch with their child whenever they like (following school rules, of course). It's not like we came up with the idea to institute having lunch w/ your child--it's simply always been done here in the area where we are raising our children.

While I understand how it may appear to those who are unfamiliar with it, I will honestly say, one final time, that you are turning it into something that it simply is not by characterizing it as "hovering."

Wow.
I explained what I meant if you read my post. I also said that if it is different in your area it would be considered the norm. Here since it is not allowed or encouraged it would be seen as hovering. I think I was very fair in my repsonse and I didn't turn it into anything.