Easter Dinner, They Got Sneaky About It

[MIGrandma]

DH's Dad and stepmother got back a week or so ago from their winter in Florida. Soon after that we received an Easter card in the mail from them, which they always send each year. But this year's card didn't have details about a big family Easter dinner so we thought they finally gave up on trying to force the families to get together and we were breathing sighs of relief.

Nope. He informed me today he talked to his Dad and his Dad said they're not planning a big Easter gathering on Easter Sunday because "everyone is too busy." They decided to have it the Sunday AFTER Easter. Crap. I don't want to go. It's gotten too big. Too many adults. Too many kids. Too many boyfriends and girlfriends. Too much chaos, confusion and noise. Ugh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

If the weather is nice that weekend I'd much rather be up north at our property.

We have always been able to "get out of" the big Easter dinner as they always have it on Easter, but I'm an only child so we always get together with my Mom that day, otherwise she'd be completely alone. Now that they've moved it back a week, I don't have that reason not to go. We do the Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings, I think that's enough.

 

[Ceila]

DH's Dad and stepmother got back a week or so ago from their winter in Florida. Soon after that we received an Easter card in the mail from them, which they always send each year. But this year's card didn't have details about a big family Easter dinner so we thought they finally gave up on trying to force the families to get together and we were breathing sighs of relief.

Nope. He informed me today he talked to his Dad and his Dad said they're not planning a big Easter gathering on Easter Sunday because "everyone is too busy." They decided to have it the Sunday AFTER Easter. Crap. I don't want to go. It's gotten too big. Too many adults. Too many kids. Too many boyfriends and girlfriends. Too much chaos, confusion and noise. Ugh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

If the weather is nice that weekend I'd much rather be up north at our property.

We have always been able to "get out of" the big Easter dinner as they always have it on Easter, but I'm an only child so we always get together with my Mom that day, otherwise she'd be completely alone. Now that they've moved it back a week, I don't have that reason not to go. We do the Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings, I think that's enough.

I don't think they're being sneaky just to get you to go, since it sounds like others had reasons to do it a different day as well. That being said, though, if you don't want to go just tell them that you have already made other plans for that weekend.

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't think they're being sneaky just to get you to go, since it sounds like others had reasons to do it a different day as well. That being said, though, if you don't want to go just tell them that you have already made other plans for that weekend.

Oh, I would do that. But I'm sure DH won't.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Oh, I would do that. But I'm sure DH won't.

Tell him to bring ya back a plate.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just don't go. Tell dh you draw the line at Easter and if he wants to go, then go. However you are not.

 

[dngnb8]

I always likened our family get togethers (Im Italian and most are Catholic in my family) to a Phsych review of extreme personalities.

It seems to be a contest from the aging aunts and uncles on who can guilt the kids the most.

Nothing more stimulating then hearing them all talk about how they have one foot in the grave, one on a banana peel, and you never visit.

The funny thing is, they all ask my cousin (RN) and myself (former paramedic 25 years ago!!!!) about all their ailments like we can cure them with a wave of our hands.

There is a stage play called Joey and Marias wedding. I know someone in my family wrote that play under a pseudonym (Did I just do another payed?). It was way too close for comfort.

 

[Ceila]

Oh, I would do that. But I'm sure DH won't.

Does he want to go, or dos he just feel obligated to? If he wants to, I'd go anyway because it's important to him. If he just feels like he's obligated, maybe he could go without you? If you end up having to attend to keep the family peace, though, maybe you could plan a nice evening out later the next week, just the two of you, to have something to look forward to.

 

[MissUndastood]

You are not willing to suck it up for a few hours? If you have been spending all of your Easters with your family, I think it's time to spend time with his, JMHO. Then again, I like people.

 

[ols386]

You are not willing to suck it up for a few hours? If you have been spending all of your Easters with your family, I think it's time to spend time with his, JMHO. Then again, I like people.

Did the op say she didn't like people? Where's that coming from?

She said she spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. She should be able to spend Easter with her mom, if she wants.

 

[Traveliz]

Did the op say she didn't like people? Where's that coming from?

She said she spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. She should be able to spend Easter with her mom, if she wants.

And she does get to spend Easter with her mom and then the next weekend with his mom. I don't know - I wouldn't have a problem with it. It just sounds like a large gathering but nothing too toxic. Sure some people don't like large gatherings - but one day to see everyone - I would do it.

Liz

 

[Disney Doll]

Sometimes large gatherings are nice because you can sort of hide in the crowd....

 

[Katy Belle]

As I tell my children, and myself...sometimes you have to do things to make other people happy.

 

[Allison]

I'm sure you can handle it for a few hours.

 

[Goofyluver]

As I tell my children, and myself...sometimes you have to do things to make other people happy.

I'm the opposite. I tell myself and my family...sometimes you have to do things to preserve your own happiness and sanity. And it is perfectly okay.

 

[luvsJack]

IMHO, you should suck it up and go. Twice a year is hardly "enough" if it is at all possible to go more. If your husband wants to spend the time with his parents, you certainly should not refuse. How would you have felt all these years if he had refused to go to your mother's for Easter?

 

[LuvOrlando]

You have my deepest sympathies like people say with divorced kids and co-parenting, "Love your spouse more than you despise your in-laws"... lately I find myself saying it to myself an awful lot.

 

[MichelleVW]

And she does get to spend Easter with her mom and then the next weekend with his mom. I don't know - I wouldn't have a problem with it. It just sounds like a large gathering but nothing too toxic. Sure some people don't like large gatherings - but one day to see everyone - I would do it.

Liz

I really don't think it's too much to ask either.

IMHO, you should suck it up and go. Twice a year is hardly "enough" if it is at all possible to go more. If your husband wants to spend the time with his parents, you certainly should not refuse. How would you have felt all these years if he had refused to go to your mother's for Easter?

Agreed, I'm not a fan of hanging out at my Mil's either, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do..

 

[okeydokey]

As I tell my children, and myself...sometimes you have to do things to make other people happy.

Yup!

 

[Buckalew11]

It sounds a lot like DH's extended gatherings. Ugh. But, I go. He goes. Neither of us are thrilled. Now, we go to his mom's plenty and enjoy it but this is the extended family that is not much fun to me.

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm the opposite. I tell myself and my family...sometimes you have to do things to preserve your own happiness and sanity. And it is perfectly okay.

Yep.


I'm so glad DH has not even a single problem with seeing his mom at various times and just telling her I have other things to do.

But he's just an incident or two away from never seeing her again as well....

I do things for her from afar. I deal with her insurance, I got her a proper cardiologist when her GP was apparently losing his mind, I made the money work to help send her to Korea to see her brother and sisters, and we just gave her some money to make it through the month (fixed income, no SS adjustment for 2 or 3 years, increase in medicare costs, increase in supplemental insurance costs, AND along with her other IRS debt, she owed taxes and hadn't planned for it!). I do those things for her...I just don't see her.