Dying loved ones

[antmaril]

That does seem to happen an awful lot doesn't it.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband

Thank you.

 

[Cruisin]

Thanks to everyone for their stories and their opinions on this poll

 

[pumba]

we were in this position the last two years......first with my oldest sister who wanted to die at home......and almost 100 or so people came into her home and said their goodbyes.......what an honor to my sister and to her family....I imagine we all wanted to be with her but so did her extended family and friends....
My MIL died in the hospital but we were smaller family.......probably fifteen or so people came and went during her last few days.

My mom died at a nursing home and the night she passed ......extended family and friends......20 or so of us gathered around her bed and prayed ......she took her last breath with us all there........
SO to me this is what life is.....these three people so dear to me passed away but we shared......we shared their passing with the people who were dear to them.

 

[Buckalew11]

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in July. He was in the hospital under Hospice care. During the last two weeks before he died, he had many visitors - his former band members, my sister, our best friends, the pastor of the church, etc. Of course, his mother and brother visited every day, as well as our son. I was there 24/7 for 26 days. On the day he passed, his mother and brother had been there most of the day. They left about 7:00 p.m. Our son had a class and he arrived at the hospital about 6:30 p.m. I sent him to the cafeteria around 7:30 to get something to eat. My husband died at 7:50 p.m. while I held his hand. Even though he had been heavily sedated for several days and was really comatose, I think he knew exactly what he was doing. It was just him and me. The saddest day of my life so far.

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time.

Hugs to you, again. Your story breaks my heart every time.

I think so also, though--hospice told us that sometimes a patient will even want to die alone and will. We always think they should not be left alone at the end but the reality is, some people want to die when njo one is there.


Hugs, OP. Watching a loved one die is so hard. I remember sitting there telling my dad he was allowed to go on, to go esp. if he saw his parents or brother (who he had never met). I do not know who met him on the other side but I know he will greet me when it is my time. I asked to promise that he would!

 

[binny]

When my dad died we had so many in and out all of the time. 3 pastors from our sister church sat vigil with us 24 hours a day, taking turns. For 2 weeks at the end people came and went or stayed. Some talked some cried some just sat with us and let us do what we needed to do most. When his time came they were all gracious enough to give us space but were never far away.

I will never forget all of those people and I am so glad they were there.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in July. He was in the hospital under Hospice care. During the last two weeks before he died, he had many visitors - his former band members, my sister, our best friends, the pastor of the church, etc. Of course, his mother and brother visited every day, as well as our son. I was there 24/7 for 26 days. On the day he passed, his mother and brother had been there most of the day. They left about 7:00 p.m. Our son had a class and he arrived at the hospital about 6:30 p.m. I sent him to the cafeteria around 7:30 to get something to eat. My husband died at 7:50 p.m. while I held his hand. Even though he had been heavily sedated for several days and was really comatose, I think he knew exactly what he was doing. It was just him and me. The saddest day of my life so far.

I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time.

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Mean Queen]

I voted that I'd prefer just immediate family. When my mother was dying, she wanted to be surrounded by as many people as possible. After she had passed, we had to leave her body at the house so all the extended friends and family could come by to see her. Some were running late, so I had to sit in this house with my mother's body. It was very difficult for me. So while I do agree that while the person is alive, it should be their wishes as to who is there. After they have passed, it should be the choice of the immediate family since they are dealing with something very painful.

 

[DISUNC]

I voted for Extended family & friends, as long as they dont over power the situation at hand.

It's part of the grieving process.

I remember when my Aunt was passing away, EVERYBODY was there. It was most comforting to all.

I had a friend who was dying and her parents wouldnt let anyone in. The girl wasnt even close to her Parents.

 

[binny]

I was thinking more about this.

I think a lot of it depends on how you live your life to begin with. If you are a very private person I would think you would want only your closest family around. If you surrounded yourself with lots of people or had a lot of people who you were close with I would think you would want them around. Just a thought.

 

[cteddiesgirl]

If the person was able to actually talk, I would want to be alone with them.

But in the case where they're comatose and there's no chance of interaction, I would want all my family and friends there if possible.

When my mom died, all of her brothers and sisters that were still alive came before she died. There was also a couple of close aunts and uncles from my dad's side there. She was basically comatose from the drugs for the pain. So there was no real interaction.

She waited to die until 11 pm, shortly after her last sister was able to come in from Baltimore. Even though there was no real interaction with her, she was still aware of what was going on around her.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm like Cteddiesgirl. When my mother was alert and was able to communicate, I thought it was best with just us there. She didn't seem to want a whole lot of people around her -- just my dad, my sister & I, our kids, and her brother. A pastor friend of the family came by to pray with her almost every day, and she appreciated that.

But when she was incommunicable, I hated being there alone. It was so difficult.

But obviously, everybody's different.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

[disneybound2010]

I'm apologizing ahead of time in case this gets too long. Here is my own personal experience with this.

My mother was a very active part of the community. She was very invested in volunteering with the local schools and in the community theatre. Everyone in town seemed to know her. When she became terminally ill in late 2004, she was pretty much confined to the house(with the exception of Dr.s appts.) My father along with myself and one of my DSis's were her primary caregivers. Mom was in and out of consciousness a lot and when conscious, it was touch and go with lucidity. When she was lucid,however, she spoke a lot about her friends...friends that pretty much abandoned her once she was sick.In that last year of her life, she had 3!!! visitors that weren't family related or hospice careworkers. She was always talking about her good friends and how she would love to see so and so. My family made every effort to try and have people come to visit, but no one ever did. At the funeral, there were so many people that came and talked about how sad they were Mom was gone and how they SHOULD HAVE taken the time to come by and see her one last time blah blah blah. For me,it is still very hard to think about all these people my Mom cared so much about, but who didn't seem to be there for her(even just a quick hello) at the end.

 

[Momvic5]

I lost my mom to breast cancer this past September. She was in the hospital for about 8 days before we lost her. In those eight days, she had a constant flow of visitors consisting of both close and extended family members and friends. With every visitor, she put on the happiest smile and voice she could. I could see in her eyes that she knew people were coming to say "goodbye" though they never said those words, and she graciously allowed them to. I think that that was her last gift to them; however, I know that at the same time, her visitors exhausted her.

In our situation, my mom's passing was not expected. We knew she was very sick and weak, but we thought she was on the road to recovery. She was put into the hospital to drain fluid in her lung lining, and she just never regained any strength. In those eight days, I justed wanted to be alone with her, but I knew others needed to see her as well. I can't say she wanted to have visitors, but she also knew they needed to see her. During her stay in the hospital, I just wanted my close family around us. I think she did too. My mom left us in the middle of the night, and my two brothers and I were the only ones with her. I am so thankful that God arranged it so that only the three of us were with her when she left us.