Dummy and Nappy what to ditch first

[Amy71452]

Hi I preface this by saying I must be the worst parent in the world. My little girl is turning 4 at the end of the month and still has her dummies and hasn't yet potty trained. We've tried potty training but a house move, (our amazing) disney trip and the loss of both grandparents on DHs side a few weeks meant that whilst we've always made her a priority we've not been in the mindset to work on these unless she was showing interest, which she hasn't at all.

Well, we've got a new baby due in mid July and are panicking there's another barrier for us. And so I'm looking for any advice from anyone please! Should we be forcing both these through in the next month, should we hold off and master one or should we wait until the new baby settles and hope I'm not the worst parent to her.

Any advice would be at all appreciated , I've come here because I got lots of caring advice on planning our Disney trip so imagine this is a great supporting community.

Thank you so much!

 

[Allison]

You seem to keep finding various reasons to put it off. When is a new baby considered "settled"? Is that 6 weeks, 6 months, a year? Why not get started when you don't have a newborn taking up all your time and attention?

See how it goes.

 

[Cadiewampus]

You seem to keep finding various reasons to put it off. When is a new baby considered "settled"? Is that 6 weeks, 6 months, a year? Why not get started when you don't have a newborn taking up all your time and attention?

See how it goes.

I am reminded for some reason of the scene in Grown Ups when the kid is still breast feeding at 48 months

 

[CGB]

Do it now! You will have a whole new range of issues with a second baby. Children are different, but I'll share what worked for my daughter (and it's actually Disney related). Her world revolved around watching 101 Dalmations and her stuffed Pongo. When we were just starting to pottytrain, we found dalmations underwear at the store. "You can't wear them unless you potty in the chair!" Literally, in one weekend, she trained herself. My babysitter was shocked the following Monday. With your daughter being 4, she probably has the control she needs. Just give her some motivation.

 

[MIGrandma]

I have no idea what a dummy is. Pacifier? Favorite blanket? Whatever it is, I would be less concerned about them than a child not being potty trained by 4 years old. Mine were both trained at 2 years old. Our son was more difficult to train than our daughter, he took 5 months to “get it”, our daughter took two weeks. I just can’t imagine a 4 year old still in diapers.

 

[Miffy]

I have no idea what a dummy is. Pacifier? Favorite blanket? Whatever it is, I would be less concerned about them than a child not being potty trained by 4 years old. Mine were both trained at 2 years old. Our son was more difficult to train than our daughter, he took 5 months to “get it”, our daughter took two weeks. I just can’t imagine a 4 year old still in diapers.

Dummy = pacifier.

 

[DeeBee3]

I would tackle one at a time and choose the one that most "stresses" you or the routine of the day. I think the potty training will take more time as every child is different. One of mine did it in 3 days and the other one has taken months and months. Good luck and Congrats on a new addition!

 

[jo-jo]

I have no idea what a dummy is. Pacifier? Favorite blanket? Whatever it is, I would be less concerned about them than a child not being potty trained by 4 years old. Mine were both trained at 2 years old. Our son was more difficult to train than our daughter, he took 5 months to “get it”, our daughter took two weeks. I just can’t imagine a 4 year old still in diapers.

Yes, pacifier.

 

[Disneylover99]

I’d do both at the same time. But I’m a rip the bandaid off type of person.
Get rid of the pacifier right now and begin the toilet training.

 

[Amy71452]

I'll give it another go! We'd tried a few months ago but got nowhere, she's not shown interest or signs but she must be ready, we were waiting to see the doctor. We'll start today and pick up some pull ups and start to sit on the toilet every 30 mins. Any other good tips? Yep dummy is pacifier, she doesn't have it loads, I'd pick nappies first ideally because this is the most time consuming

 

[sheilafri]

Do it now! You will have a whole new range of issues with a second baby. Children are different, but I'll share what worked for my daughter (and it's actually Disney related). Her world revolved around watching 101 Dalmations and her stuffed Pongo. When we were just starting to pottytrain, we found dalmations underwear at the store. "You can't wear them unless you potty in the chair!" Literally, in one weekend, she trained herself. My babysitter was shocked the following Monday. With your daughter being 4, she probably has the control she needs. Just give her some motivation.

With our son, the bribe was a Hot Wheels car with a successful potty use. Find what motivates and use that. DIL uses chocolate chips with the DGS. One for potty, two for poopy on the toilet.

 

[Amy71452]

I would tackle one at a time and choose the one that most "stresses" you or the routine of the day. I think the potty training will take more time as every child is different. One of mine did it in 3 days and the other one has taken months and months. Good luck and Congrats on a new addition!

Thank you! I can't wait for her to have a baby sister

 

[DeeBee3]

If the pacifier is not being used all day (like it's just for nap), then leave that be. Don't worry about what's normal or standard for age. Every kid is different and people with multiple kids can tell you that. Some kids will go with the flow and get it done. Others will fight and hold on to their "baby" stuff. Some in between. You know your kid, so use the best incentive that works for them.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I take it you are a SAHM. No daycare would allow a 4 year old to not be potty trained.

 

[Amy71452]

I take it you are a SAHM. No daycare would allow a 4 year old to not be potty trained.

We have got childcare, which is part of the reason we've held off as they've not allowed us to be consistent with home, so when we've tried before they've put her back in nappies after a couple of accidents which meant we had no consistency

 

[Sprinkles&Sprints]

So I know I probably lucked out in the paci department - but here’s what we did. (For background, while my DD only used her paci during naps, it was literally her BFF - she loved it).

Our dentist told my DD at her 2 year appt that by 2.5 she was going to have to say goodbye to the paci because she didn’t want it to hurt her teeth.

So from then on, I’d periodically remind her at naps - only a couple more months, weeks, days etc. until we have to say goodbye to the paci.

The day of our next dentist appt, we woke up and I said, remember what dr so and so said.

She handed me the paci and that was it.

I have no idea if it was because the dentist had told her vs me, but it was honestly the easiest thing. No tears, didn’t ask for it again.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Old granny here. Whatever you do, be prepared for her to revert back when baby arrives. She's been your one and only for a long time, and when your focus gets diverted away from her (even if she's happy about the new baby), she's not gonna want to be a grown up.

I would definitely partner with your child care provider on the potty training. They should have been more proactive with the process, and you need to be consistent, even if you have a timer go off hourly to remind you to get her to sit.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

To me the dummy needs to go and now. You'll be lucky if she doesn't have major dental issues.

Potty training is a bit more of a process that you can also start now.

Use the new baby as a reason behind why these things need to happen.

Explain she is a big girl those things are for babies like the new baby that's coming.
At the age of 4 she should be able to grasp that much better than if she were 2.

 

[kymom99]

Some of you all are a bit harsh. My son passed his 4th birthday still having accidents. It was terrible. My grandson also refused to go “number 2” on the toilet. He would hold it until he became severely constipated. There are many fears related to toilet training that are no ones fault.

OP, the thing that finally did it for my son was when he started back to preschool after his 4th birthday, which was in July. It seemed like once he got in there as a big 4year old, he decided he didn’t want to be in pull ups anymore. Nothing we did or said seemed to fix the issue. He was normal developmentally in every other way. We were able to talk to him about it and he understood. It was just something he had to overcome on his own.

 

[butterscotchcollins]

You are not a terrible mom! Some of the judgment in this thread is so gross and unnecessary.

I can’t help with the potty training (I have a 2 year old, he has 0 interest) BUT we broke him of his paci addiction quite easily using the “pinhole” method. Basically you poke a little hole in their paci and every day make it a little bigger - it becomes less satisfying to them. It took 1 week with my son, halfway through the week I even snipped a bigger hole with scissors and he was immediately over it.

Good luck, don’t beat yourself up, and congrats on your new addition