Dummy and Nappy what to ditch first

[NotUrsula]

Thats counterproductive when preschools/kindergarten requires them to be potty trained. If I worked at a daycare facility I would not want to be changing the diaper of a 4 year old. I'd rather just know that the parents brought in a couple extra outfits in the case of an accident and rinse out the clothes.

It is counterproductive, but I know that here it is mandated by the County Health Dept. -- too much chance that the surroundings will become unsanitary if children are urinating in the play areas.

 

[barkley]

Unfortunately, I think a lot of daycares have this policy. I know when my Goddaughter was in daycare, hers did. My cousin had a hard time getting her fully into undies because the daycare would put her back in diapers if she had an accident.

dang, daycares are nicer now in other places than when my kids were little. the places available to us had a hard and fast rule that once kids hit 3 they had to be potty trained or they could not attend (some places it was 30 months of age). under three they could be in a diaper or pullup but 3 year olds were in a different group and while they would help them change if they had an accident, repeated accidents indicated they were not fully trained and they lost their spot. i think allot of it had to do with childcare laws in that state-when they were 'toddlers' (under 3) there was a lower ratio (1 adult to 6 kids vs 1 adult to 10 kids at age 3 and up).

that said-with our oldest it was a bribe of 'big girl panties' (i believe they were disney princess) though there was some regression when youngest arrived (oldest was 2 1/2 at the time). youngest we tried everything and stressed b/c of the age thing and daycare. did not find out until many years later it might have been due to autism issues he has BUT what finaly made the difference was he got addicted to 'bear in the big blue house' and we found a potty training episode which he watched over and over. bear and luna held much greater power than us mere mortal parents

 

[mjkacmom]

I found it was easier to train 2 year olds than 3 year olds, but I used an easy method with my 3 youngest, naked butt. Never pull-ups, potty in room, no bottoms.with each success an item of clothing is added, first loose pants, then loose underwear underneath, which doesn’t feel like a diaper. Pull-ups just for sleeping if needed.

My kids sent their binkies to Mickey Mouse, who left them a gift. Mine were on,y allowed to have them for sleep, so I worried about sleeping. Potty training is harder, I’d do that first. Once the binkie is gone, it’s just gone. They forget quickly.

 

[MICKIMINI]

Do it now! You will have a whole new range of issues with a second baby. Children are different, but I'll share what worked for my daughter (and it's actually Disney related). Her world revolved around watching 101 Dalmations and her stuffed Pongo. When we were just starting to pottytrain, we found dalmations underwear at the store. "You can't wear them unless you potty in the chair!" Literally, in one weekend, she trained herself. My babysitter was shocked the following Monday. With your daughter being 4, she probably has the control she needs. Just give her some motivation.

When our son was "ready" he said he wanted to wear "big boy underwear". He was around 3 and that was it. Never had an accident. I would definitely buy whatever she likes and bribe her asap. Just do it. You may be surprised and good luck!

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

dang, daycares are nicer now in other places than when my kids were little. the places available to us had a hard and fast rule that once kids hit 3 they had to be potty trained or they could not attend (some places it was 30 months of age). under three they could be in a diaper or pullup but 3 year olds were in a different group and while they would help them change if they had an accident, repeated accidents indicated they were not fully trained and they lost their spot. i think allot of it had to do with childcare laws in that state-when they were 'toddlers' (under 3) there was a lower ratio (1 adult to 6 kids vs 1 adult to 10 kids at age 3 and up).

Exactly. Only about 10 years ago that was a thing. Once you hit the age of 3 daycares would literally REQUIRE you to start potty training or the child could not come. They were understanding with accidents but they were no longer allowed to wear a diaper.
I do think that could be a bit harsh as kids are not all on the same timeline but I do think that it prevents kids from becoming just too old wearing diapers.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thats counterproductive when preschools/kindergarten requires them to be potty trained. If I worked at a daycare facility I would not want to be changing the diaper of a 4 year old. I'd rather just know that the parents brought in a couple extra outfits in the case of an accident and rinse out the clothes.

Here preschools and kindergarten not only require they be trained, but they will not help with toiletting, no help with clothing or wiping. My oldest turned 3 a month before preschool started, it was a close call.

 

[NotUrsula]

dang, daycares are nicer now in other places than when my kids were little. the places available to us had a hard and fast rule that once kids hit 3 they had to be potty trained or they could not attend (some places it was 30 months of age). under three they could be in a diaper or pullup but 3 year olds were in a different group and while they would help them change if they had an accident, repeated accidents indicated they were not fully trained and they lost their spot. i think allot of it had to do with childcare laws in that state-when they were 'toddlers' (under 3) there was a lower ratio (1 adult to 6 kids vs 1 adult to 10 kids at age 3 and up).

that said-with our oldest it was a bribe of 'big girl panties' (i believe they were disney princess) though there was some regression when youngest arrived (oldest was 2 1/2 at the time). youngest we tried everything and stressed b/c of the age thing and daycare. did not find out until many years later it might have been due to autism issues he has BUT what finaly made the difference was he got addicted to 'bear in the big blue house' and we found a potty training episode which he watched over and over. bear and luna held much greater power than us mere mortal parents

LOL, *both* of our kids were trained on that Bear episode, even though the show was long off the air by the time DD came along; we own a DVD and VHS copy of it (DH never got rid of them because of how funny it was).

The episode is available on the Internet Archive: https://archive.org/details/PottyTimewithBearDVD

(UK children might need a bit of translation on the terms, such as "diaper")

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I found it was easier to train 2 year olds than 3 year olds, but I used an easy method with my 3 youngest, naked butt. Never pull-ups, potty in room, no bottoms.with each success an item of clothing is added, first loose pants, then loose underwear underneath, which doesn’t feel like a diaper. Pull-ups just for sleeping if needed.

My kids sent their binkies to Mickey Mouse, who left them a gift. Mine were on,y allowed to have them for sleep, so I worried about sleeping. Potty training is harder, I’d do that first. Once the binkie is gone, it’s just gone. They forget quickly.

Not gonna judge what worked for you but I think that would be the wrong move for most. I could not imagine my 3yr old very sensitive physically and emotionally self handling being bare butt and not being allowed to have clothing on my lower half.

 

[Amy71452]

On the Peppa Pig reward: as a general rule, that kind of delayed-gratification reward doesn't really work well for young kids; they don't yet have the reasoning skills to understand delayed gratification. They will do the desired behaviour once and then when the promised reward doesn't appear, they usually abandon the effort (or get angry and deliberately sabotage it, even if unconsciously.) If you really feel you have to do that kind of future reward, the way to do it is to tie little immediate rewards to it, such as making her a sticker chart, then giving her a fancy sticker to fill in the box every time she demonstrates the desired behaviour. When all the boxes are filled in, then she gets the big reward. (Show tickets are usually not a great idea for this because they have to be purchased in advance. I'd go more for something like a trip to the zoo or a special trip with Mommy to get their hair done, that can easily be scheduled or canceled at will.) That way she does get a reward right away and feels much more like doing what you want is actually worth something.

As a previous poster noted, kids almost always regress when a new sibling is born, so while I agree it's best to try to toilet-train her before the new baby arrives, go easy on the "big girl" part of the praise. Once the baby is born and starts getting all the attention, she's going to see really quickly that being the "big girl" is actually not a good deal, and will almost surely try to become a "baby" again, because the baby seems better off. It's probably better to emphasize the icky part of nappies, like being stinky or itchy, or having a heavy nappy impeding how fast she can run, or having to spend so much time away from play getting it changed, when going to the toilet on her own is very quick and doesn't require an adult's help. Also, if at all possible, have Daddy spend a lot of special alone time with her now and going forward; to lessen the hurt of losing so much of Mum's attention.

Be sure to set up your toilet with nice-smelling "special" hand-soap and a step stool so that she can use it on her own. We got a small toilet ring that fit between the regular one and the toilet lid, and left it in the down position when the toilet wasn't in use. (The adults can simply flip it up out of the way. Our kids had that on the toilet here until about age 6, as it was more comfortable not having to balance on the rim.) Kids differ on whether or not they are frightened of being sucked into a toilet; if she is, use the kind that you have to empty for awhile.

Best of luck. FWIW, both of ours also were stubborn about toileting and held out as long as possible, but the threat of being left behind and not geting to go to preschool (Reception, in UK terms) with all their nursery friends finally did the trick.

Thank you, makes sense it wasn't a sensible reward, we had stickers and sweets for success as well but that didn't help st that time. Although we'll reward in our future attempts. Good advice on the big girl language, we're going to pick up some new non stinky pants again (we did this last time but they'll be new faves now.

Daddy is very hands on with her so we've got that sorted

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

To me the dummy needs to go and now. You'll be lucky if she doesn't have major dental issues.

Potty training is a bit more of a process that you can also start now.

Use the new baby as a reason behind why these things need to happen.

Explain she is a big girl those things are for babies like the new baby that's coming.
At the age of 4 she should be able to grasp that much better than if she were 2.

I would absolutely not use the new baby as the reason. That's just asking for some resentment there. Not to mention regression to try being a "baby" again to get attention. She's about to have a huge transition when this baby comes home and she needs reassurance not "grow up, there's a new baby coming".

 

[PollyannaMom]

Somehow I lost my quotes.

Anyway...

I realize the new baby is probably the actual reason for coming back to these issues now, but I would be very careful about your DD associating the two events. It might work in your favor, if she especially wants to be seen as a big girl and very different from the baby, but I think it's more likely to completely backfire and cause her to "blame" the baby for yet more changes. (But you know your kid and what motivates her, so take my advice with a grain of salt.)

As for the direct question about pacifiers/dummies, most of the parents I know went with "only at nap/bedtime" first, and then completely ditching them as a second step.

 

[Kooks and Bay Bay]

I would absolutely not use the new baby as the reason. That's just asking for some resentment there. Not to mention regression to try being a "baby" again to get attention. She's about to have a huge transition when this baby comes home and she needs reassurance not "grow up, there's a new baby coming".

Pretty sure it can be stated more delicately than that. This is often how parents do get their kids to ditch the dummy.

 

[NotUrsula]

Not gonna judge what worked for you but I think that would be the wrong move for most. I could not imagine my 3yr old very sensitive physically and emotionally self handling being bare butt and not being allowed to have clothing on my lower half.

A lot of people do this by buying a couple of pkgs of slightly oversized white tees (cheap and easily bleached), so that the tush is "covered", but there is nothing to stop the unpleasant sensations and not much to move out of the way when rushing to the toilet.

My kids were both notorious for streaking around the house in the buff every chance they got at that age; wouldn't have phased them at all to spend a day or two naked.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Pretty sure it can be stated more delicately than that. This is often how parents do get their kids to ditch the dummy.

Obviously I didn't think that exact wording would be used but that's the underlying message.

In my experience this not how parents I know often handle this. But sure, ymmv.

 

[Amy71452]

Somehow I lost my quotes.

Anyway...

I realize the new baby is probably the actual reason for coming back to these issues now, but I would be very careful about your DD associating the two events. It might work in your favor, if she especially wants to be seen as a big girl and very different from the baby, but I think it's more likely to completely backfire and cause her to "blame" the baby for yet more changes. (But you know your kid and what motivates her, so take my advice with a grain of salt.)

As for the direct question about pacifiers/dummies, most of the parents I know went with "only at nap/bedtime" first, and then completely ditching them as a second step.

Thank you, it is the reason I've come for advice and help yeah, but I'll not mention the baby at all. She is excited now and I'd hope it would have worked a couple of months ago, but it didn't so we will probably spin it as being able to stay with friends alongside lots of little rewards (and a big immediate reward

 

[Donalddidwhat…?!]

We didn’t have any major issues with our 3 kiddos (now 29, 31 and 32) regarding potty training, but the youngest of our 2 daughters took quite a while (she was 3.5) to get off the binky.
Shortly after my FIL passed many years ago, we convinced her to send her binky up to him in heaven via a helium balloon. She never wanted one again after that.
However, we had a few extras, as well as my Mom and MIL having small stashes. So, the next day we gathered ‘em all up in a Ziplock bag and sent the rest up.
Lord knows where those things eventually landed…???!!!!!
At the end of last year, we moved into a different home. When we moved the chest of drawers in our bedroom, there was one last (now petrified) binky on the floor behind it…we asked our youngest daughter (she was helping us move) if she wanted it…fortunately, she did not…!!!!!

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Thank you, it is the reason I've come for advice and help yeah, but I'll not mention the baby at all. She is excited now and I'd hope it would have worked a couple of months ago, but it didn't so we will probably spin it as being able to stay with friends alongside lots of little rewards (and a big immediate reward

You're obviously a caring and wonderful mom! It will work out eventually. It's a breath of fresh air to see someone so open to feedback. Kudos to you! You can do this regardless of the timeline. Hopefully it goes well so you can get some good patterns established before the new baby comes. You are doing great!

 

[mjkacmom]

Not gonna judge what worked for you but I think that would be the wrong move for most. I could not imagine my 3yr old very sensitive physically and emotionally self handling being bare butt and not being allowed to have clothing on my lower half.

All of my 5 kids had no issue, literally loved being naked. They were trained a 2 1/4, 2 1/2, 2 3/4, 3, and 3. It’s a very popular way of potty training, there are even outside programs using this method. I’m actually surprised a 3 year old would have an issue, but all kids are different. The 3 year olds didn’t use this at it took weeks, the younger kids were don’t in 3 to 5 days. https://www.romper.com/parenting/bare-bottom-naked-potty-training

 

[Pink Partridge]

If the pacifier is not being used all day (like it's just for nap), then leave that be.

This!
Work on the potty training. Keep the pacifier for comfort. Especially for sleep.

 

[VandVsmama]

I'm going to assume you're in the UK, hence the 'dummy' and 'nappy' terms. I'm American, so my advice is from a US point of view. Some food for thought:

1. the daycare policy about accidents is dumb. At the daycare my kids were in, once the kid started potty training at home, the daycare 100% supported it at daycare/preschool, too.
2. You need to get on top of this or else your kid is going to be teased big time in kindergarten as being the little girl who still wears nappies.
3. Re: the dummy usage - start by limiting it to bed time/nap time use only. Does your kid still take naps? If not, then if you limit access to the dummy to bed time only, then gradually, her reliance on it will go away. If there's no naptime anymore at childcare/daycare, then take all of the daycare dummies home and don't send her back to childcare with them.
4. Rewards for potty training need to be more immediate than a Peppa Pig show that's some time in the future. Heck, if my kid was 4 and still wearing nappies, I'd be willing to bribe the kid with candy or whatever. Or have a treasure chest full of cheap toys (the sort that you can get cheap in bulk somewhere) and every time she uses the toilet successfully, she picks something out of the treasure chest. Kid goes a week without an accident, and then she gets a big prize...something she really really wants...you could even buy it ahead of time and put it up high somewhere on display and label it with something like "Grand Prize."
5. When your kid is at home, let her run around without pants/underwear on. Stick a training potty in front of the TV and park the kid on it. Eventually, she will make a deposit. Make a big deal about it. Cheering & clapping. Pick out a prize from the treasure chest, etc.
6. When you leave the house on outings, DO NOT BRING A NAPPY FOR THE 4 YR OLD. Bring a change of underwear & pants/trousers/shorts instead + a ziplock bag to put the dirty clothes in. When kid has an accident (and yeah, it will happen), she might cry out of embarrassment. I'd argue that the embarrassment is a good sign. Don't make a big deal about it when it happens. No scolding.
7. Pay extra close attention to your kid's signs of she has to use the toilet.
8. My YDD took forever to potty train, but it was because she didn't want to stop playing. She reached a point where she was fine staying dry/clean during the day, but at night, she'd often wet the bed...she wore a pull-up to bed until about age 5 or 6 and after that for awhile, we'd use one of those toddler pee pads underneath the fitted bed sheet. Do other normal stuff like stop liquids after a certain time in the evening, of course.
9. Expect some behavior regression from your 4 yr old immediately after the baby is born. It'll be hard, but remain firm. Give your 4 yr old extra attention when she needs it, but it needs to be 'big girl' sort of attention. For example, she might have more temper tantrums than normal for a few weeks or something like that. Make a big deal about things like helping to feed the baby a bottle or whatever...something like "Only big kids who don't wear nappies can feed the baby. Would you like to feed the baby? You are a pretty big girl now. You can show your little brother/sister how to ___."