Dummy and Nappy what to ditch first

[KarenMom]

I found that pull ups didn't work. My son thought they felt just like diapers so he used them in the same way. What worked was using underwear. He didn't like the feeling of wet or dirty underwear so he figured it out quickly. I bought several cheap pairs and just threw the number 2 ones away - no way was I dealing with those! Not sure if this will work for others, but it was the solution for us.

 

[cleverclovers]

All three of my grandchildren did the binky (pacifier) surrender at Build A Bear. They select a stuffed animal. The binky (pacifier) is placed in an arm. They select a heart. They heart was rubbed on the child's forehead for good thoughts and on their chest for love. The new heart is placed in the animal. They it is filed with fluff. When it is stuffed enough for the child, the animal is sewn up.

 

[CdnCarrie]

dang, daycares are nicer now in other places than when my kids were little. the places available to us had a hard and fast rule that once kids hit 3 they had to be potty trained or they could not attend (some places it was 30 months of age). under three they could be in a diaper or pullup but 3 year olds were in a different group and while they would help them change if they had an accident, repeated accidents indicated they were not fully trained and they lost their spot. i think allot of it had to do with childcare laws in that state-when they were 'toddlers' (under 3) there was a lower ratio (1 adult to 6 kids vs 1 adult to 10 kids at age 3 and up).

that said-with our oldest it was a bribe of 'big girl panties' (i believe they were disney princess) though there was some regression when youngest arrived (oldest was 2 1/2 at the time). youngest we tried everything and stressed b/c of the age thing and daycare. did not find out until many years later it might have been due to autism issues he has BUT what finaly made the difference was he got addicted to 'bear in the big blue house' and we found a potty training episode which he watched over and over. bear and luna held much greater power than us mere mortal parents

We had a Bear in the Big Blue House potty training video!

 

[princesscinderella]

For the pacifier a popular way to say goodbye to it in our parenting circles was we went to “build a bear”and put it inside the bear so they could have it still for comfort but is now in a stuffed animal they customized.

I got really good at potty training after my third kid and had her potty trained at 18 months, so she could go to prek2 at my other kids school and she was required to be trained. I had the thick cotton underwear and used a separate outer plastic cover underwear if we were going out so an outfit wasn’t ruined. You need at least two days where the whole focus is using the potty. Set a time for every 60-90 minutes and put them to sit on the potty. I used a cartoon print smaller toilet seat that sat onto our regular one so it would fit them better without fear of “falling in”. I also had a small one that would fold for when out and about. At 4 though this might not be necessary. I would sit in the bathroom with them on the floor and we would sing songs or chat while waiting for them to go while they sat on the potty. Once they went I would make a huge deal and we would clap and celebrate. I didn’t ever bribe with treats or toys. You need to talk to them about what you expect, how they can feel it when they need to go and that they need to go sit on the potty instead of going in their pants. Young kids are such sponges and will learn what you teach them rather easily if you give them the tools to succeed. There will always be accidents as they are learning but they need to feel the wetness and pull ups and diapers work too well to keep them comfortable. You got this!!

 

[barkley]

LOL, *both* of our kids were trained on that Bear episode, even though the show was long off the air by the time DD came along; we own a DVD and VHS copy of it (DH never got rid of them because of how funny it was).

We had a Bear in the Big Blue House potty training video!

it was such a much more enjoyable video than 'once upon a potty' though i can still remember that potty song by heart and have been known to break into it when one of my late 20 somethings say they are headed to the bathroom ('yes i'm going to the potty potty now, now i'm going to the potty potty now...')

 

[ronandannette]

Thank you, makes sense it wasn't a sensible reward, we had stickers and sweets for success as well but that didn't help st that time. Although we'll reward in our future attempts. Good advice on the big girl language, we're going to pick up some new non stinky pants again (we did this last time but they'll be new faves now.

Daddy is very hands on with her so we've got that sorted

Four year olds can really be quite expressive, bright and lovely. May I ask if you've every simply discussed all these things with your DD? If so, what's her take on it? Four is plenty old enough to recognize that peers are no longer in diapers. What does she have to say about that? There must be (or should be) some way to stimulate a desire on her part to match their behaviors - this is 100% natural in kids, and a big part of how they learn. It really won't be long before other kids notice that she is still in them, if they haven't already and that will likely not be a positive experience.

And IMO, don't be afraid to just tell her it's time to be out of diapers. Not unkindly, just very matter-of-factly. Put whatever practical steps you choose in place, but don't imply training is a choice - it's just time now. Try not to worry about traumatizing her - you obviously provide a very loving home. First-time parents want to do everything just perfectly and that's just not possible. Give yourselves a break there.

 

[Amy71452]

I'm going to assume you're in the UK, hence the 'dummy' and 'nappy' terms. I'm American, so my advice is from a US point of view. Some food for thought:

1. the daycare policy about accidents is dumb. At the daycare my kids were in, once the kid started potty training at home, the daycare 100% supported it at daycare/preschool, too.
2. You need to get on top of this or else your kid is going to be teased big time in kindergarten as being the little girl who still wears nappies.
3. Re: the dummy usage - start by limiting it to bed time/nap time use only. Does your kid still take naps? If not, then if you limit access to the dummy to bed time only, then gradually, her reliance on it will go away. If there's no naptime anymore at childcare/daycare, then take all of the daycare dummies home and don't send her back to childcare with them.
4. Rewards for potty training need to be more immediate than a Peppa Pig show that's some time in the future. Heck, if my kid was 4 and still wearing nappies, I'd be willing to bribe the kid with candy or whatever. Or have a treasure chest full of cheap toys (the sort that you can get cheap in bulk somewhere) and every time she uses the toilet successfully, she picks something out of the treasure chest. Kid goes a week without an accident, and then she gets a big prize...something she really really wants...you could even buy it ahead of time and put it up high somewhere on display and label it with something like "Grand Prize."
5. When your kid is at home, let her run around without pants/underwear on. Stick a training potty in front of the TV and park the kid on it. Eventually, she will make a deposit. Make a big deal about it. Cheering & clapping. Pick out a prize from the treasure chest, etc.
6. When you leave the house on outings, DO NOT BRING A NAPPY FOR THE 4 YR OLD. Bring a change of underwear & pants/trousers/shorts instead + a ziplock bag to put the dirty clothes in. When kid has an accident (and yeah, it will happen), she might cry out of embarrassment. I'd argue that the embarrassment is a good sign. Don't make a big deal about it when it happens. No scolding.
7. Pay extra close attention to your kid's signs of she has to use the toilet.
8. My YDD took forever to potty train, but it was because she didn't want to stop playing. She reached a point where she was fine staying dry/clean during the day, but at night, she'd often wet the bed...she wore a pull-up to bed until about age 5 or 6 and after that for awhile, we'd use one of those toddler pee pads underneath the fitted bed sheet. Do other normal stuff like stop liquids after a certain time in the evening, of course.
9. Expect some behavior regression from your 4 yr old immediately after the baby is born. It'll be hard, but remain firm. Give your 4 yr old extra attention when she needs it, but it needs to be 'big girl' sort of attention. For example, she might have more temper tantrums than normal for a few weeks or something like that. Make a big deal about things like helping to feed the baby a bottle or whatever...something like "Only big kids who don't wear nappies can feed the baby. Would you like to feed the baby? You are a pretty big girl now. You can show your little brother/sister how to ___."

Thank you, we've both managed to book leave off from tomorrow to start then. I don't think we'll be going put at all over the weekend. We've been doing sweets on other attempts and have a box of bigger prizes we had planned if she had no accidents in the mornings.

We're going to try the 3 day method, she'll happily run around with nothing on and the weather is good so hopefully we get going. With the method, i promise on other times we've tried training (although bare bottom is probably the one thing we haven't done) I've watched like a hawk but she doesn't squirm or run away or give any signs she's about to go. Can I take her every 30 mins to sit on the toilet or is this method better to take her as soon as she starts going?

 

[Amy71452]

Four year olds can really be quite expressive, bright and lovely. May I ask if you've every simply discussed all these things with your DD? If so, what's her take on it? Four is plenty old enough to recognize that peers are no longer in diapers. What does she have to say about that? There must be (or should be) some way to stimulate a desire on her part to match their behaviors - this is 100% natural in kids, and a big part of how they learn. It really won't be long before other kids notice that she is still in them, if they haven't already and that will likely not be a positive experience.

And IMO, don't be afraid to just tell her it's time to be out of diapers. Not unkindly, just very matter-of-factly. Put whatever practical steps you choose in place, but don't imply training is a choice - it's just time now. Try not to worry about traumatizing her - you obviously provide a very loving home. First-time parents want to do everything just perfectly and that's just not possible. Give yourselves a break there.

Thanks, we've talked. I'm pretty sure we've read every potty training book on earth with her by this point. She's always eager, she doesn't say she wants nappies and says I'm going to do it mummy!!!

she is eager to impress, so will sit down willingly on the toilet as long as we say, but she's never found the step to initiate. The good (but heartbreaking) thing is she is always very upset and says sorry so many times when she has an accident. On the last attempt she'd put in all the work to help us clean up accidents and get changed. I don't think she's resistant, but she's yet to initiate going to the toilet without us taking her. I don't know why, she's the personality to smash this out of the park.... I don't know how we haven't give her the tools to do this yet. I'm hoping completely pantless works

 

[PollyannaMom]

she is eager to impress, so will sit down willingly on the toilet as long as we say, but she's never found the step to initiate

I think it's good that you've asked for a doctor's appointment (I'm sorry it's taking so long!) just to make sure there isn't a medical issue actually preventing her from feeling that she needs to go. But hopefully it will just "click" this time!

 

[unrequited23]

My kids both trained differently. The oldest was eager but not consistent--it seemed to take a long, long, long time. My youngest was not ready when we tried at 2, so I told him we would wait until 3. (He needed to be fully trained for preschool, so we had 2 months after his third birthday to be ready.) A week after he turned 3, I told him it was the day he would be in underwear. We headed out to the zoo with a change of clothes and underwear. The trip went great and he was fine at preschool.

1. Daytime training and nighttime training are two different things. Some kids will need to be in an overnight pull up for a few years after they have daytime trained especially if they are overtired.
2. Many kids struggle with constipation while training. In my area a lot of pediatricians recommend Miralax daily. Talk to your doctor/be aware it can be an issue.
3. Routine and a timer can really help. Before and after sleeping. Before and about 30-45 minutes after a meal. When at home, set a timer (phone/alarm clock/appliance timer) to go off every hour and stop everything to try.

 

[mjkacmom]

I found that pull ups didn't work. My son thought they felt just like diapers so he used them in the same way. What worked was using underwear. He didn't like the feeling of wet or dirty underwear so he figured it out quickly. I bought several cheap pairs and just threw the number 2 ones away - no way was I dealing with those! Not sure if this will work for others, but it was the solution for us.

I saved old underwear from the older kids for potty training the younger kids, poopy pants were tossed.

 

[sk!mom]

While I would be concerned about her teeth from extended paci use, I’d let that go for now, with a new baby coming. After 4 years, what’s another couple of months? My concern would be added jealousy when new baby has what you just made her give up. It can be difficult to understand “why now?” When it’s been ok for so long.

I’d get her out of those diapers this weekend. In my experience, the benefit to later toilet training is the fact that it doesn’t really take training. They understand and it’s quick.

Keep it completely positive. Take her to pick out some underwear- for my DD it was Barbie. Explain that she can’t wet in them since she’s a big girl now. Also get a sticker chart and some smal rewards. She got a sticker each time she went and at the end the day she got a small reward- Barbie coloring book, bubbles, Barbie gummies, etc…. At the end of that week, the chart was full and she got to go pick out a Barbie- her first.

I think pull ups are a hindrance. They still feel like a diaper. They need that big girl underwear feel and the discomfort of wet underwear.

Once the baby is here, give her a month to adjust and then start talking about how she’s so big and doesn’t need the paci.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Parenting can be so tough

Multiple fronts for us.

Bear and Luna here too.

I gave gifts that lived on top of the fridge until there was a reason for a reward in plain sight, this also worked with time outs as their favorite toys would get a time out on top of the fridge for misbehavior, bathroom issues were never a misbehavior though. The top of the fridge technique was useful & I think I got the tip from the old Disney Magazine to be honest.

Another thing that worked was I never asked, "Do you need to go?" because that is just always a no because bathroom time is not playtime and interrupts their fun. Instead, I did, "OK it is time to go to the bathroom," and I put them on the potty and read to them about 10 min about once an hour at first for a few months. At first, they resisted but eventually it became normal and we didn't have accidents because I stuck with it in the AM, in the PM and before getting in the car so at home and when leaving the store or whatever. Countdowns help when leaving the house for outings so, "We are going out in a half hour, bathroom time soon," then you remind at 15 min and just pop them on matter of factly. I think little kids think the waves the urges come in will go away and so this helps until they figure it out, bathroom issues in the car seemed to be a misery I did not want.

 

[Amy71452]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

The parents of the 3 year old I nanny for (he was 3 on March 31st) used the 3 day method. On the days I have him I put him on the potty every hour. He's never had an accident here. His parents got kind of lazy about it and wait for him to cue them and he has a lot of accidents at home. No judgment (the wording about being lazy is from them because they are always surprised he has no accidents here). He's starting preschool in September and needs to be fully potty trained. To be honest I'm not sure what the right thing is because I'm just telling him it's time for a potty break every hour. He isn't in tune with when he needs to use the potty if that makes sense. Also, we use a pull up during his nap.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

I just left the potty in the room. One never had an accident, one had only one, and her twin had several, and since they were only 2 1/2 I put him back in diaper for a few months and trained her. Did naked butt with him 3 months later and no accidents, potty in room. He actually tired of it and used the toilet quickly.

 

[VandVsmama]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

Both. And adjust based on how things go. But from here on out, the goal at home should be to always not be in a nappy. Don’t go back.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

Good luck and try to keep in mind that no matter how much she wants to be a big girl sometimes a persons body will just struggle with some things, we think of it with little kids but it happens in the elderly and people of all sorts can find this challenging.

Sometimes the nerves in their little bodies don't seem to signal like adults or the little person does't recognize what the "build up" feels like so they don't react in time. and by the time they notice it is an "Uh-oh."

 

[nancipants]

Thanks again all, we have been shopping for some pants. She is very eager, and we start tomorrow, I really hope we hit the ground running.

Just one question using the no pants method and 3 day plan, do I take her at regular intervals or do I just watch out for any cues she's about to go?

Both. Also, keep the potty in the room you will be most often. We kept ours right in front of the TV. Another suggestion is to offer more liquids than usual. We rarely give our son juice at home but we kept some during training so he'd feel the need to "go" more often. I kept a list of when he went (accidents and in the potty) and prompted him if he hadn't gone recently. The key is to tell them to listen to their body so they will connect the feeling of needing to pee with going to the potty. If they have an accident, don't make a big deal about it. Just stop them and say "remember, pee goes in the potty."

The course we used has them going entirely naked the first day. The second day they wear loose shorts and a shirt - no underwear, because it can feel too much like a diaper. Third day is SHORT outings close to the house.

Our son went to school on the fourth day and did great. His teacher kept prompting him to go potty but he also went on his own. He didn't wear underwear for several months, and then one day decided he wanted to. When we went on our cruise, we didn't bring his small potty and that helped him transition to using the regular toilet.

Also, don't worry about sleep yet - the ability to hold pee while sleeping is something that develops with age. Eventually they will begin waking up dry and that's when you can ditch the pull up.

 

[Amy71452]

One success and three accidents this morning, it's a start! we've been sitting her on the toilet for 5-10 mins every 45 mins. I won't update often unless I've questions etc, but this is by far the place I've got the most help from, thanks so much for the support!

She's willing to sit on the toilet and enjoyed the treat, I'm having her help clean up any accidents we have just to try and show consequences to not going on the toilet.

She doesn't seem to blink between having an accident and being fine so I'm struggling to spot when she's about to have one and it's too late when we sit her there. We aren't using a potty but have gone straight to the toilet although we're spending our time in a room nearby which has sight of it.

I'm assuming that we stick with this first stage until we're more consistent, even if that means we repeat day one again?