DS is in detention

[sam_gordon]

so, if your middle school child gets a detention, what discipline does he face at home?

I've not dealt with this before. Apparently, DS was goofing off with another kid, the other Kid got his foot caught on something and twisted an ankle, ending up in the nurses station. DS is in detention for horseplay.

He's generally a good kid. But, in this case, he went too far.

Thoughts?

First, The Rule.

I'm going with the majority. A quick talking to and let it drop. If I knew the "horseplay" was malicious (he was trying to hurt the kid), that's a different story. Based only on the OP, I don't think it's worth further discipline.

 

[Kellykins1218]

I wouldn't do a single thing. He was already punished with a detention. That's enough. I wouldn't even consider giving my kid a lecture over something as dumb as "horseplay."

 

[prprincess]

I agree with everyone else. Discuss and then move on. But I was compelled to chime in because I was a good kid and got excellent grades in Middle and High School but was ALWAYS in detention for really stupid reasons...handing in an assignment that was ripped by mistake, not being able to open my locker quick enough, accidentally spilling a soda in the cafeteria, etc. I don't know if it was the schools I went to or what, but to be honest with you (although your son's reason is not silly), it now makes me question most reasons for detentions since I had such weird experiences.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Detention is the punishment. Not being able to go outside and hang with his friends and play basketball is torture for my son. Having to be in school an extra hour is torture.

I do talk with him and if it happens again then we will deal with it on the next level.

 

[diznygirl]

I always felt that long winded lectures from parents were totally ineffective as the kid tuned out looooong ago and once they cut you off they stop listening to you always. They hear "blah blah blah blah blah blah".

I have the kids who would think twice rather than have to deal with another lecture. They might have tuned out, but they sure as heck have to sit there and endure it!

 

[scrhsa]

My daughter told me that there were times they wished they landed the mom who would just wallop them and call it a day. "Oh no.... we got the one who talks to us! And talks and talks and talks!" Lol!!!

My daughter named the horse that I repeatedly beat Bob . So now she will just look at me and say " Bob is dead, Mom".

 

[Nancyg56]

My daughter named the horse that I repeatedly beat Bob . So now she will just look at me and say " Bob is dead, Mom".

Lol!!!

 

[cmarsh31]

I'll be the bad guy. As a teacher I know its essential for parents to follow up strongly so that kids understand that parents and educators are on the same page. Yes, its the first offense. Yes, he's a good kid. It may seem like harmless horsing around but that's exactly the kind of behavior that creates big problems at school by being disruptive. Also, it may be the first time he got caught but it may or may not be something he's done before.

I know people are going to scream at me for this but DH and I are old-school when it comes to discipline. At my house detention at school would be followed up with 'detention' at home; grounded with no electronics for at least 1 week. For my kid, a consequence is much, much more effective than a lecture or discussion.

I'm a middle school teacher and had the same reaction. Lord help my children when a teacher calls home (it's happened exactly once for each of them). My favorite parent reaction (as a teacher) EVER was the mom who literally got a ride from work to our school and drove her daughter's car out of the school parking lot (without telling her daughter - and this was long before cell phones were common) after I left her a message that her daughter had skipped my math class.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm a middle school teacher and had the same reaction. Lord help my children when a teacher calls home (it's happened exactly once for each of them). My favorite parent reaction (as a teacher) EVER was the mom who literally got a ride from work to our school and drove her daughter's car out of the school parking lot (without telling her daughter - and this was long before cell phones were common) after I left her a message that her daughter had skipped my math class.

I would have treated skipping class much differently than the first offense for rough housing. One involves abuse of trust, the other an error in judgement. I would not condone either, but the consequence of lying, and that is what skipping would be to me, one huge lie, would be a much longer and more uncomfortable redemption process. One would be the punishment from the teacher, thx other a loss of privileges that would take a long time to earn back.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

so, if your middle school child gets a detention, what discipline does he face at home?

I've not dealt with this before. Apparently, DS was goofing off with another kid, the other Kid got his foot caught on something and twisted an ankle, ending up in the nurses station. DS is in detention for horseplay.

He's generally a good kid. But, in this case, he went too far.

Thoughts?

Horseplay. Was the school more specific as to exactly what was done or is that all they gave you? If that's all they gave me, I'd do nothing until such time as I found out the specifics. Too vague a charge for me to act upon.

 

[rastahomie]

My mom was always like "If you get paddled at school, you're getting it worse at home!" As if being punished is itself an offense worth being punished for?

His "crime" was horseplay. His "punishment" was detention. No need to punish him for getting punished, IMHO.

 

[rastahomie]

Horseplay. Was the school more specific as to exactly what was done or is that all they gave you? If that's all they gave me, I'd do nothing until such time as I found out the specifics. Too vague a charge for me to act upon.

Truthfully, I'm surprised they gave the OP that much. Public schools are extremely guarded about giving out information about students, up to and including injuries they sustain at school.

 

[dotfurio]

Well for a different teacher's perspective, as a parent I would just do a "Hey what happened?" and move on in this case. It's not an ongoing issue, and imho it doesn't sound serious enough to require further discipline at home. More like they were goofing off and got carried away. I think the detention at school is sufficient.

 

[Domo]

I remember when I got detention. I deserved it, but I was so distraught at losing my Saturday and the stigma that surrounded it that I needed no extra punishment at home.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Horseplay? Is that really a thing? Boy times have changed.

He's already been punished and scolded at school. Doing it again is only going to cause him to roll his eyes. Save your gun powder for you really need to punish. Horseplay is a garbage reason for detention.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Well for a different teacher's perspective, as a parent I would just do a "Hey what happened?" and move on in this case. It's not an ongoing issue, and imho it doesn't sound serious enough to require further discipline at home. More like they were goofing off and got carried away. I think the detention at school is sufficient.

I agree, and I'm also a (substitute) teacher.

As a teacher I know its essential for parents to follow up strongly so that kids understand that parents and educators are on the same page.

I do agree that it's important to be seen as a team, but I can make it very clear to my child that I support the punishment he's already received at school without doubling it at home.

 

[mom2rtk]

I concur that the detention at school would have been adequate for this (assuming it was not ill-intended). As a first offense, I would have taken my child's word for it but put them on notice about any further issues.

But different sorts of issues, or a second instance of "horseplay" would be getting a completely different set of consequences at home. I do not have a blanket belief that once school handles something, it's over. It really depends on the situation.

 

[Nancyg56]

But different sorts of issues, or a second instance of "horseplay" would be getting a completely different set of consequences at home. I do not have a blanket belief that once school handles something, it's over. It really depends on the situation.

I agree. And on the child. We have three, and a consequence that was effective for one was not for another. My DH and I always (with one exception) reinforced discipline that came from school. For something like this horsing around, we would have supported the consequence the teacher chose. My kids knew that a repeat offense was not going to be pretty. MY oldest is 41 now and tells me that looking back, when he and his siblings were punished, he now knows they were not the only ones who were paying consequences, someone was right there with them, and it was generally me. DH seldom stepped in unless I needed the big guns, and they knew not to complain to him.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm a middle school teacher and had the same reaction. Lord help my children when a teacher calls home (it's happened exactly once for each of them). My favorite parent reaction (as a teacher) EVER was the mom who literally got a ride from work to our school and drove her daughter's car out of the school parking lot (without telling her daughter - and this was long before cell phones were common) after I left her a message that her daughter had skipped my math class.

I agree "horseplay" (which means exactly what?) is not to the level of skipping class. If I was notified my child was skipping class, even if it's the first time, there would be punishment at home. Let the punishment fit the crime.

 

[Poohforyou]

How exactly was her horsing around? Was it in a class? Out of curiosity, did the other kid get detention as well? Without knowing the details of the horsing around or how disruptive it was, I think kids who are disruptive should be spoke to but detention for a 1st offense of an otherwise good kid is a little excessive.

Saying that, we always told dd that nothing would disappoint us more, with regard to school, than to get a call that she was being disrespectful in her words and/or actions. Fortunately no call yet and she's a senior.

Had we gotten a call about something we would be dealing with it at home and my daughter would be writing an apology note to the school. I grew up in a family of teachers and don't tolerate my child causing trouble at school.