DS is in detention

[momz]

so, if your middle school child gets a detention, what discipline does he face at home?

I've not dealt with this before. Apparently, DS was goofing off with another kid, the other Kid got his foot caught on something and twisted an ankle, ending up in the nurses station. DS is in detention for horseplay.

He's generally a good kid. But, in this case, he went too far.

Thoughts?

 

[tvguy]

First offense? Usually a conversation starting with "what happened". I never had to go beyond that point with my kids. One detention ended it.

 

[penn19]

If this was the first time and for horsing around? Nothing at home. If it became a pattern I would address it.
I would probably just say something like "well guess you won't do that again" and drop it. But that's me

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

None. Why get punished twice? Just talk to him and move on.

Honestly though and I know this isn't a popular opinion here but I always preferred talking to my kids rather than meting out punishments. Really, they are learning, not perfect nor should they be expected to be at this age.

It seems to have worked, all of mine are well adjusted members of society.

 

[Nancyg56]

I figure if this is not his normal behavior I'd just ask him if the detention was worth it. If it's a pattern detention would be the least of his problems.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Of all the problems that would result in detention, horseplay is barely a blip on the radar. I would (secretively) be glad that's all it was. Ask him if he feels he deserves further punishment at home. It will give you an idea whether he's feeling guilty, or the principal is just trying to make an example of him. Maybe the kid should make brownies or cookies for the kid who got hurt.

 

[Marchand63]

I with everyone here. Talk about it, ask him if it was worth it, then move on. Maybe let him next there would be home consequences as well.

 

[gwynne]

I figure if this is not his normal behavior I'd just ask him if the detention was worth it. If it's a pattern detention would be the least of his problems.

Agree. I'd probably have a short and brief talk with him about stopping and thinking before acting.

 

[clori]

I agree with only a very brief talk for 1st offense for that.

 

[diznygirl]

He gets the "and this is why you should be more careful" talk. I think for some a long-winded lecture from a parent is the worst punishment.

He should also have to apologize to the kid that got hurt. He's lucky it wasn't worse.

 

[Nancyg56]

A few months ago my 15 yo dgd was handed detention. She is a good kid, stays out of trouble, and is a good student. I guess a ruckus broke out in the common area that also serves as a lunch room and everyone in the area was punished. She was pretty darn upset, she was not involved, blah blah.

My daughter asked her if she left the area when the commotion occurred. No, she and her friend stayed in the entryway by the hall.

My daughter told her that she needed to accept the discipline gracefully, and the next time she was faced with a choice she should remember that often people are associated with the group they are near, as was the case this time. This time she was just handed detention, learn from it.

I think that discipline handed to students can be a very good learning tool. Employers can have strict codes of conduct that these students will be following in a very short time. Best they learn early from slight infractions.

 

[Micca]

I'd tell him if he's going to engage in horseplay he needs to find someone who isn't so clumsy.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

He gets the "and this is why you should be more careful" talk. I think for some a long-winded lecture from a parent is the worst punishment.

He should also have to apologize to the kid that got hurt. He's lucky it wasn't worse.

I always felt that long winded lectures from parents were totally ineffective as the kid tuned out looooong ago and once they cut you off they stop listening to you always. They hear "blah blah blah blah blah blah".

 

[Nancyg56]

I always felt that long winded lectures from parents were totally ineffective as the kid tuned out looooong ago and once they cut you off they stop listening to you always. They hear "blah blah blah blah blah blah".

My daughter told me that there were times they wished they landed the mom who would just wallop them and call it a day. "Oh no.... we got the one who talks to us! And talks and talks and talks!" Lol!!!

 

[Magpie]

Depends on the kid. My daughter would talk my ear off the moment she got home. Lecture her? Ha, getting her to stop talking at ME would be the real trick. I would not heap on any more punishment, though I'd certainly offer my opinion (when she pauses for breath).

My son, on the other hand, was a lot less loquacious. So, I'd probably greet him when he got home with a, "So, I heard..." Then I'd let him tell me the "real" story. And I'd ask him what he thought he should do (if anything). After all, he and the other kid may have already settled matters amicably, and any intervention from me would be neither wanted nor needed.

I'm a big fan of letting the school handle discipline their way. I'll back them up, sure, but I don't like adding on extra punishments long after the fact. And I don't like lecturing my kids.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I would probably take away electronics for a week. I think a middle schooler is old enough to know not to horseplay at school.

 

[mombrontrent]

I wouldn't discipline him at home, you said he's generally a good kid and he's been disciplined at school already so I'd let it go.

 

[Magpie]

I always felt that long winded lectures from parents were totally ineffective as the kid tuned out looooong ago and once they cut you off they stop listening to you always. They hear "blah blah blah blah blah blah".

Yep! I distinctly remember sitting there, bored and resentful, watching my mum's mouth flap, and thinking, "Wow, she's getting really upset. Time to toss in an ever-so-slightly-insolent 'Yes, ma'am,' and watch her face get even redder." Eventually, if I was irritating enough, she'd run out of steam and take to her bed with a hot water bottle (stomach issues exacerbated by stress).

I think my mum's propensity to lecture was actually quite destructive to our relationship. Mind you, beating my behind with a belt had already proven to be even less effective, so there wasn't a whole lot left for her to build on, relationship-wise.

(For the record, I love her. She's always my mum! )

 

[joannamet]

I'll be the bad guy. As a teacher I know its essential for parents to follow up strongly so that kids understand that parents and educators are on the same page. Yes, its the first offense. Yes, he's a good kid. It may seem like harmless horsing around but that's exactly the kind of behavior that creates big problems at school by being disruptive. Also, it may be the first time he got caught but it may or may not be something he's done before.

I know people are going to scream at me for this but DH and I are old-school when it comes to discipline. At my house detention at school would be followed up with 'detention' at home; grounded with no electronics for at least 1 week. For my kid, a consequence is much, much more effective than a lecture or discussion.

 

[snoodledoo]

Well, it depends on when the horseplay occurred. If it was during class, when it would be disruptive, I'd probably have him apologize to his teacher and he would lose xbox for the weekend. If it was during lunch or between classes, a brief chat about it not being a good idea would be sufficient. (Assuming this is not a pattern of behavior.)