Driving Nightmare!

[Lewisc]

Some credit card coverage and some personal auto polices exclude coverage for full size vans. Double check. Coverage through the rental agency is expensive. Renting a van to drive to Florida. Sometimes the number of free miles is limited. Sometimes there are limits as to what states you're allowed to take the vehicle.

 

[maxiesmom]

Y

And there is no way in hell I would let Dh (or anyone else) tell me I "Can't" and that I "have to do it this way or not at all". His behind would be sitting behind the wheel of whatever vehicle he chooses while I cruise at 35000 feet.

 

[Lisa0620]

Why can't the grandparents fly? Southwest has flights <300 if you can avoid that Saturday before. You could even offer to put the money you would have spent on hotels toward their tickets because "then we'll ALL be so much more comfortable." Still bites into your savings but at least they're not with you.

My DH can't make waves with his parents either so I feel your pain...

 

[rdevine10]

There is no way I could handle a long car ride (its about 22 hours for us with stops) to Disney with my in laws. And, I love my inlaws and we get along great! The trip can be tough enough for us as a family without adding anything else.

I could NOT sit in the backseat for that long anymore. I am almost 5 ft 8 and it would be miserable for a long drive unless you drugged me

I would take the suggestion of having the grandparents fly or drive themselves and have your family drive through the way you are used to traveling.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

Oh there is no way I am paying the cost of their travel! As far as I know when we all booked we all planned on driving our own vehicles. We dont need to rent one ours seats 8 BUT 5 comfortably!

I am making my stand. Our family our car. If they want to car pool convince dn parents to actually come and split the cost with them!

I just feel a ton better knowing I am not alone in thinking that suggestion was a recipe for disaster!

Besides I think Mother Gothel just became my favorite villain, "you want me to be the bad guy, fine I'm the bad guy! "

 

[Promomx2]

Dh and I did this when we only had one child and she was only 5. But it was terrible for me. I saw the back of my dh's head from va to florida and no radio because fil needed to talk the whole way. I was glad dd got the memories of going with her grandparents but it was a hard trip for me.

 

[4littleones]

If he wants to be stubborn tell him if he insists on driving, the rest of you will use the points to fly. He can drive by himself.

Half the points are his. I actually threatened this and he threw it back at me that they are "HIS" points. Things got really nasty. Once of our worst arguments.

My Dh is out of town for a few days to I took my MIL to go see the 12 passenger at Enterprise. She doesn't think there is enough storage space with the 3rd row in (which I am in agreement of). To me if we don't have the 3rd row it is a waste of almost $800 because we will be an 8 passenger vehicle with lots of storage room and we could just as easily take our 8 passenger minivan and do rooftop luggage..

So for the first time ever my MIL seems to be on my side. I just don't know if we can talk my DH into it. I am all for us splitting up if he really wants to drive and us fly but I think if we do anything other than the 12 passenger he will be bitter and moody during the trip. The 15 passenger is too big and risky IMO, and I don't think our insurance carrier will cover it. Maybe we can convince him that we need to take 2 cars? That will be the most expensive option I think but at least we won't go totally insane

It sucks that my Dh is so dang smart about stuff. He has lots of insurance experience so I can't make the 12 or 15 passenger insurance thing an issue. He can just out smart me in every discussion and he wins. Enterprise does not have miles restrictions but they will only allow 1 additional driver. My DH said that is not a problem because we aren't buying Enterprise insurance. I told him what his MIL said tonight when he called home and he didn't really respond with anything but "Huh."

 

[maxiesmom]

It sucks that my Dh is so dang smart about stuff. He has lots of insurance experience so I can't make the 12 or 15 passenger insurance thing an issue. He can just out smart me in every discussion and he wins.

Ok, first off, stop putting yourself down! His supposed winning of discussions just means he is a fast talker, it doesn't make you less smart that he is!

Second, you can always make the argument that if half the points are his, then you and your MIL will be happy to fly and let the rest of the family drive down. Tell him to enjoy the trip! He can handle both the kids and the driving.

You really need to make it clear to him how miserable you will be driving down. It is too cramped, and will be uncomfortable. Has he said what he thinks would be so awful about flying?

 

[4littleones]

First I am really sorry that I took over this thread from the OP. I am just having a similar issue and couldn't help myself.

Ok, first off, stop putting yourself down! His supposed winning of discussions just means he is a fast talker, it doesn't make you less smart that he is!

He is smarter than me . I don't care. I have plenty of good qualities.

Second, you can always make the argument that if half the points are his, then you and your MIL will be happy to fly and let the rest of the family drive down. Tell him to enjoy the trip! He can handle both the kids and the driving.

I talked to him last night about the points thing. He said he didn't mean that I couldn't use his points and he said that out of anger. I get it, we all say things we don't mean.

You really need to make it clear to him how miserable you will be driving down. It is too cramped, and will be uncomfortable. Has he said what he thinks would be so awful about flying?

He thinks flying will be horrible because one of the kids will get pulled out for a more intense search (you can tell I haven't flown in forever). He thinks that 1 or 2 of the kids will be scared and crying and freaking out on the plane. The kids will argue about who gets the window seat (weird if we fly with 4 adults and 4 kids) It would be SW and I would pay the Early Check In fee so we would likely all board in the A group. I would hope each kid could get a window seat if they want. He says that I overpack so that will be an issue with flying and our baggage will likely get lost. There can be delays and the flight doesn't leave on time. We can be stuck waiting in the plane forever. We have to wait again when we get there for the car rental. It is going to take an entire day to fly.

I REALLY thought the issue was that he is afraid to fly. This is nothing new. He flew a lot as a kid and young adult and then he suddenly started to become very fearful. He has declined jobs and left jobs due to flying. I don't want him to be freaking out for weeks before the vacation and during the vacation because he can't stop thinking about the upcoming flight. That will make everyone miserable. I don't want him to be that scared. I love him and I would never do that. He insists that him being afraid is NOT the problem. I find that weird. He has never ever had a problem admitting that he is afraid to fly. He tells everyone, and everyone know it. So I don't think it is a macho guy thing that he won't admit it. Even if he insists that his fear has nothing to do with him not wanting to fly,

I still think it would be better if he and his mom drove while me and my mom fly with the 4 kids.
My logic is this:
1) My husband won't be freaking out about flying. He will get to drive and take his time. He seems to Really want to drive so he gets what he wants. He won't have to deal with cranky kids. He will be mentally relaxed when he gets to FL since he won't be dealing with the kids and the added stress of them and the fear he has of flying.
2) It will only cost $500 for gas for our 8 passenger minivan. That is cheaper than renting 2 cars.
3) If one of the kids freaks out about the flight down to FL he could drive them home.
4) We don't need to worry about renting carseats or checking carseats. We will already have them in the car!
5) My husband and MIL will leave before the kids and I (since they are driving) so he won't be subject to the frenzy I go into right before a trip which tends to stress people out

So.......DH will NOT do that! He said we either all fly or all drive and those are my choices. I almost think he wants flying to go badly so he can throw it in my face. He is going to be a mess if he flys. I really don't want to deal with him like that. He will be mean for an entire month because he is so worked up. I know this because it has happened before.

Also I thought it was funny that when he caved about the flying he told me that he guesses his opinion doesn't matter. So ummm, I guess if we drive my opinion and your mother's opinion don't matter. :confused


-----

So where I stand is
1) We all fly and I deal with a mean and fearful husband for a mth before the trip and during the vacation.

or

2) We do it his way and we all drive in the 12 passenger van and suck it up no matter how cramped or uncomfortable for the 17 hour drive.

 

[seashoreCM]

You really need to make it clear to him how miserable you will be driving down. It is too cramped, and will be uncomfortable. Has he said what he thinks would be so awful about flying?

You don't need to win any argument to do this: At any rest stop you say you would like a front seat (you can drive too) or you say you will take a taxi to the nearest airport and fly the rest of the way. Then ...

He thinks flying will be horrible because ... (t)he kids will argue about who gets the window seat (weird if we fly with 4 adults and 4 kids) .

... will seem like chickenfeed.

 

[nugov2]

We drove down (are a family of 5) and we brought my parents with...I hope my dh wasn't thinking what you guys are thinking of your in laws Anyway we have an 8 passenger Honda Odyssey and we were able to fit comfortably, but my parents don't irk my dh. My mom sat in the back with my dd8 and my ds2 and my dad sat in one of the captains chair in the middle and I sat in front. It is my husband, he wants to talk to me. We did switch out a couple of times, but I sat in front the majority of the trip. We drove straight through from Il and everyone was fine. I don't think it is a big deal if they sit in the back. I would just say that you have been getting car sick and have to sit in the front if they are riding with you so keep that in mind if they are driving with you. Who is dn a niece? I am lost on that abbreviation. We couldn't fit 8 in because all 3 of my kids are in car seats, but we for sure fit 7 with no problem. Good luck to both drivers. It sucks when you can't see eye to eye on something so big, but if it is something you really feel strongly about it isn't fair that you should just do what makes everyone else happy.

 

[DonaldnDaisy5]

No worries about taking over! glad to know I am not alone.

Dn is a niece. This was supposed to be a trip of four families. Us, inlaws, and two bil families. However one family hasn't booked and are dragging their feet. They don't do much with their child (ren) but one is im college and isn't coming this time. Fil/mil (and the rest of feel for this child) and try to include her in activities, but she is difficult and mean.

She is negative and it is exhausting to try to keep her engaged so the idea of driving with her (cause I know if I concede and agree to drive with inlaws dh will NOT be able to tell them "oh but only you guys, if you are bringing dn then you'll have to drive yourselves." Mainly because the debate on whether or not for them to bring her is a huge issue between mil and fil. Mil wants to be able to enjoy all the kids without being responsible for one.

Also fil is nerve pushing. I love him but he acts like a child and is demanding. He will sulk and pout if things aren't going his way. Every time we've driven anywhere with him I am in the back. On last trip to fl he and dh drove and sat in front the entire trip except when dh caught the death glare from me and switched with his mom for a bit.

In addition to this when we drive we drive mainly through the night sp its easier on the kids. His parents when driving to Savannah leave in the early afternoon and drive til dinner time. Stop at a sit down place and stop for the night! Argh!!!! Will not work for dh and the kids or me I'd be NUTS in the hotel that night thinking how much further we could be!!

Anyway I am thankful for a place to vent! It helps a lot!

 

[Lewisc]

2) We do it his way and we all drive in the 12 passenger van and suck it up no matter how cramped or uncomfortable for the 17 hour drive.

Did you research renting a 12 passenger van. Mileage charges? Restrictions on driving outside your state? Restrictions as to what states you're allowed to drive? Does your personal auto policy extend coverage to that size van? Does your credit card? How much to buy damage waivers?

Has your husband ever driven that size van? Have you? Have you ever ridden as a passenger? Will the van be comfortable for the driver and passengers?

My guess is there will be enough NO answers to justify looking for an alternative.

edited to add: Could you rent a 12 passenger van for a day. Is there any place 4-5 hours from your house that would be appropriate for a day trip? I'll speculate the ride won't be as comfortable for the passengers as your husband thinks. The van might not be as "fun" to drive as he thinks.

 

[Sugardimples]

I wouldn't go. Too much drama for me. Go without me.

 

[Lynne G]

I feel bad for both moms. I drove 18 hours to and from WDW with my DH when we were on our honeymoon, as DH wanted to save money. Well, we have flown every time since then. He is not fond of flying, but does so if that's what we are all doing. My kids have flown since they were little. It was well understood that whoever got the window seat going to, the other one got it on the way back. Food treats and toys are great diversions.

I hope both families find a compromising decision all can live with. Stressing over travel and vacation does no good for anyone.

 

[Sunnywho]

It is hard enough to do a family road trip let alone an extended family road trip. If anything will make one family member miserable -- flying makes the frightened husband miserable, driving with inlaws makes the wife miserable -- then find a better solution. Better solution is inlaws drive separately.

 

[seashoreCM]

deleted

 

[bumbershoot]

My Dh is out of town for a few days to I took my MIL to go see the 12 passenger at Enterprise. She doesn't think there is enough storage space with the 3rd row in (which I am in agreement of).....

So for the first time ever my MIL seems to be on my side.....

....he will be bitter and moody during the trip.

The 15 passenger is too big and risky IMO, and I don't think our insurance carrier will cover it.....

It sucks that my Dh is so dang smart about stuff. He has lots of insurance experience so I can't make the 12 or 15 passenger insurance thing an issue. He can just out smart me in every discussion and he wins.

Enterprise does not have miles restrictions but they will only allow 1 additional driver. My DH said that is not a problem because we aren't buying Enterprise insurance. I told him what his MIL said tonight when he called home and he didn't really respond with anything but "Huh."

Two of the 4 adults on this trip do not want to do this. How does FIL feel?

With all the reactions you're describing, and please know I've been there done this, the money for the trip would be going towards counseling. BEST thing we did, was to have DH (then fiance) get individual counseling then later have couples counseling (I'd done the individual counseling a few years before meeting DH, and drew upon what I learned back then to try to help myself while DH was doing his own counseling). THis doesn't sound like much fun to me, to deal with someone who will be mean for a month because he lost an argument, basically.

All you have to do to settle the insurance question is call your insurance agent. And have them send the answer to you in writing. There, question answered, no more debate.

Him knowing about insurance (seems a bit dubious to me from the later paragraph) and being smart means nothing here. This is about FEELINGS. There's no intellectual debate possible here. YOU (and your MIL) feel negative about driving in this way. HE feels positive about it. If he gets his way, you will be miserable, and you might not even have the luggage room needed. If you get your way, you say he'll be awful. You are trying to come up with alternatives to make both of you happy. He is saying it's his way or nothing. There's no "he's smarter than me" going on here. It's solely about feelings. Stop letting him win by outtalking you.

The additional driver thing has nothing to do with their insurance. It has to do with the contract you guys are signing. If you're in an accident and they find out that someone else was driving, there will be trouble, even if you don't take their insurance.

Sounds like MIL needs to take over, since he didn't respond with anything but "huh" to HER feelings.

He thinks flying will be horrible because one of the kids will get pulled out for a more intense search (you can tell I haven't flown in forever). He thinks that 1 or 2 of the kids will be scared and crying and freaking out on the plane. The kids will argue about who gets the window seat (weird if we fly with 4 adults and 4 kids) It would be SW and I would pay the Early Check In fee so we would likely all board in the A group. I would hope each kid could get a window seat if they want. He says that I overpack so that will be an issue with flying and our baggage will likely get lost. There can be delays and the flight doesn't leave on time. We can be stuck waiting in the plane forever. We have to wait again when we get there for the car rental. It is going to take an entire day to fly.

Kids aren't pulled out for INTENSE screening, but even if you got a fluke agent and they were, so? So they stand there and get patted down with the back of the hand. Practice this ahead of time. Make it a fun game. Explain what they need to do if one of the adults is pulled aside; they are not to freak out, they are to be calm and patient and wonder how much it's tickling that adult.

Overpacking will mess with driving, too. Probably more so. With SW you would get a ton of bags with your group, so you can just use a lot of bags and not have them stuffed to the brim. If a bag gets delayed, it gets delayed. DH just had his bag get delayed (3/3 bag delays with Delta! no other airline has done it to him) on a work trip, and it was back in his arms not 24 hours later.

Sure there can be delays; generally weather-based. If there's weather that's messing with a plane it's *generally* going to mess with the driving, too. Unless of course it's weather on another coast preventing a plane from getting to the airport.

There are actual rules about being stuck waiting in the plane now. I once drove from Atlanta to Spartanburg SC and it took something like 15 hours because it had snowed (MLK weekend back in '93 or '94 or maybe even '95). In a car, being stuck on the highway is worse than ANY airplane delay I've ever had.

HOW is it going to take an entire day to fly? It doesn't take US an entire day, and we're coming from WA. It can't possibly take an entire day.

There's no shuttle to the rental cars at MCO, you just go there.


See, all of his more intellectual "this will be a problem" arguments are pretty much wrong or just overly panicky (something I know a lot about). What it's really coming down to is emotion. And to intellectualize an emotional argument is a problem and a mistake. If it were happening in my family I would make sure both of us had had spritzes of Rescue Remedy (an herbal concoction you can get at health food stores that we call the "bicker-stopper" in our house, but we came across it when a PetSmart employee suggested it for our cat over July 4th...put it in her water, she was very calm and not afraid, woo!) and we would sit down and try to discuss our FEELINGS about this.

I wish you (and the OP) the best of luck.

 

[Lewisc]

He has lots of insurance experience so I can't make the 12 or 15 passenger insurance thing an issue. He can just out smart me in every discussion and he wins. Enterprise does not have miles restrictions but they will only allow 1 additional driver. My DH said that is not a problem because we aren't buying Enterprise insurance. I told him what his MIL said tonight when he called home and he didn't really respond with anything but "Huh."

It's not a matter of being smart. Check your auto policy, email your agent if your policy isn't clear. Either your policy covers a 12 (or 15) passenger van or it doesn't. You can go online and check your credit card coverage. Print the section. Again smarts has nothing to do with it. The answer is in writing.

Additional driver--Your auto policy and credit card coverage only applies if your rental vehicle is operated in accordance with the terms of your rental agreement. Get a highlighter. Highlight that phrase, or the equivalent, on the description.

Mileage--What Enterprise office are you considering? An airport location? What airport. A neighborhood location? Which one? That size vehicle, good chance Enterprise has a way to indirectly limit your free mileage.

A luggage rack on the roof of your van will hurt your gas mileage. Maybe 10%. How many times have you seen people picking up luggage from the side of the road when they rack comes off. After you put the rack on the roof drive for a few miles then pull over and tighten the straps, if necessary. You might need to tighten them a little. If you need to tighten them much repeat in a few miles. Still an issue you better find out what you're doing wrong.

Renting the 12 passenger van and limiting your luggage is one idea. Driving 2 vehicles might be a better idea. The cost to drive a second vehicle is likely to be less then the cost to rent a 12 or 15 passenger van.

edited to add...From Enterprise's website:

Travel Out of State

Can I take the rental vehicle out of state and/or province?

North American Locations:

United States:

· You may travel within the state you are renting the vehicle. Typically the states that directly border the renting state are also allowed but you will need to confirm with the location.

· Mileage will be unlimited when the vehicle remains within the renting state and any allowed bordering states. However, if wanting to travel outside of those states, mileage is restricted and can result in an additional charge per mile. When booking on-line you may view any restrictions once a location and vehicle size have been selected.