WHERE I WAS:
I started this WISH journal 1 year ago today. I've reread much of my journal. It has been an amazing year. When I started, I listed 3 goals:
1. Lose 10 pounds.
2. Help relieve my depression by eating right & exercising.
3. Boost my self confidence.
I lost those 10 pounds and regained them, but I'm re-evaluating whether I need a weight goal at all. This doesn't really bother me like I thought it would.
Last year I was battling my depression. I was exhausted much of the time. My body's response to stress was to physically shut down - extreme fatigue, which made me curl up under the covers and avoid the world. I felt like this in spite of being on an anti-depressant. The second goal shows my desire to not live that way. I felt that eating right and exercising might help.
The third goal was also in response to my depression. I felt unable to cope with life, with the world and I was so down on myself about it. I felt I was weak and lacking in willpower and or discipline to just pull myself together and handle life like everyone else around me. The funny thing was that some days I could cope and some days I couldn't and I had no idea why and no predictable pattern. Even when I felt decent I lived in fear that the next day would bring the fatigue again and I had no control over it.
What a sad person I was one year ago. I was so very unhappy with myself and my life, and I blamed myself for the awful way I felt.
WHERE I AM:
What a difference a year makes!! I have learned so much over this past year and much of that I have learned because of this journal. By looking at my experiences on a daily basis and by having my WISH buddies, their insight, support and encouragement, I have changed, learned, grown and can truly see such a difference in just one year.
This difference cannot be measured in numbers, as in my weight goal. I'm coming to believe that those numbers are not as important to me at this point in my life and do not define my success or failure.
The true difference is in my emotional health. I no longer feel that extreme fatigue, that feeling that I just cannot get out of bed and face the world. Even when I notice my depression, it is no longer the debilitating feeling of an endless downward spiral that it was last year.
I have come to see patterns in my depression. A large revelation to me was how my monthly cycle affects my mood and other aspects of my body. This revelation alone has made a huge difference in my life, to the point that I now note cycle days on my calendar!
Knowledge is power! If I know that I'll be a little down on certain days, I can take it in stride, confident that I'll feel better in time. I no longer see my bad days as a personal flaw, a lack of willpower or discipline. It's generally just a hormone swing that I can rise above or ride out.
I am more confident than I was last year, although I still have a way to go on this goal!
At least when I'm facing a big challenge I don't hide. I do have some fear and I often need to hear from those around me that I'll do just fine. I almost never let that fear paralyze me like it did last year. I can take small steps in facing my challenges and get through them now. I must say that having my special WISH friends has been such a blessing in this area!! Whenever I'm struggling with a challenge, you have all been so supportive about lifting me up and encouraging me through it!!
I will be forever grateful for the wonderful people I have met and gotten to know on this board.
I've also learned a wealth of information that helps me in my day-to-day healthy living. I've learned many things about how routines help me to remember the mundane things like taking pills and drinking water - good routines help me stay on track. I've learned which exercise ideas work for me and which are duds. I've learned a lot about food. There are so many little things that I could never list them here, but you can bet I'll be using those tidbits of knowledge to help make this healthy living easier and easier!
WHERE I AM GOING:
It's the start of a new year. I think I should set some new goals!
What do I really want out of life? If I could close my eyes and imagine the perfect life, what would it look like for me? I want to be healthy in all aspects of my life - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I want to fully experience the joy of life. I want to reflect God's infinite love out into the world around me, to all who I come into contact with.
These are things that cannot be measured by numbers on a scale or clothes size. They are internal feelings and external actions - things that cannot be quantified. It's funny that I did not first think of what kind of house I want, what kind of "things" I want around me, leaving my job, etc. I strongly feel that my life is not about "things" and that God has put me where He wants me right now. DH and I still dream of retiring to Orlando and working at Disney in our later years and we're actively planning on making that happen, but that isn't what will determine my happiness.
Part of being healthy for me is eating few refined foods, very little sugar, and few grains. I feel better when I avoid these foods and eat basic meat, veggies and fruits. My family history includes diabetes, heart disease, obesity - all triggered by insulin levels that are too high, so I need to moderate my carbs for my health.
Another part of being healthy is moderate exercise. It fights my depression and boosts my endorphins. It keeps my body strong and flexible and makes me feel great.
Another part of being healthy is maintaining a weight that is not obese, a body that is not overly heavy. However, if I eat healthy and exercise moderately, my body will achieve its ideal weight naturally.
Healthy for me does NOT mean fitting into a clothes size that I used to wear in my 20s. I probably could focus on food and exercise, neglecting other areas of my life, and get down to that elusive size, but it really wouldn't make me that much healthier or improve my quality of life. Therefore I'm throwing away that goal forever! I've taken my weight out of my signature and will not put it back in unless I gain weight and experience health consequences. I will still weigh in weekly and take my measurements and post them in my journal, but only so I can monitor them. They are no longer my goal, just another indicator of how I'm doing with my healthy lifestyle.
My daily goals have been working so I'll keep them! I'll continue to detail my pills, water, food and exercise.
So what do you all think, my WISH friends?? Have I made progress in the past year and am I heading in the right direction?? I feel good about where I am and where I'm headed! I can't wait to see where life leads me, but I'm betting that if the WISH Journal board is still here and I'm still able, I'll still be posting here next year at this time!
Thank you all for walking this walk with me! I owe my success and often my sanity
to the wonderful people here!
Good job!
, water (6 oz down), food (B=oatmeal w/ raisins & splenda)
I had no idea that I'd let it slip that much! Well, you can bet I'll be walking at lunchtime!! 
Hi Doe,
. Thanks so much for checking in on me in my journal. It means a lot to me 
