Does your military husband do this????

[SplshMtn99]

DH is gone for a 31 days to LA/TX. He had 36 hrs to prepare to leave, and most of that was spent at work & packing at home or sleeping.

Well, it's that time of year here where certain things need to be done because of season change. Example, like take the A/C units out of the windows so I can close them because it's 45 degrees at night. (brrrr) Some other things could wait till he gets home approx 10/28....but honestly, I don't think he would get to them right away, so I'm trying to get things done for him while he's gone. The other items can't wait TOO long. The jetski needs to be winterized & moved to my brothers before it gets too cold or any snow on the ground.

But all he keeps telling me is, leave it, he'll do it when he gets back. I've got a list a mile long of stuff I've been waiting for already (like most wives). LOL

Monday, he said I could loan his car to a worker while he is gone because her car's transmission died. She can use it, BUT the battery is almost dead & it needs a brake job. We go to get the car at his work, & we had to jump start it. Next day, I got everything fixed on his car that we knew needed to be done. New battery, brake job, oil change, & tighten a squealing belt. One day, everything done. Emailed him to tell him & he's was so greatful.

So, why won't he let me just hire other people or call in favors to get the other things done that I need done. Instead of telling me to wait till he gets home. sigh....... men.

 

[lyeag]

My dh loves it when I take care of things by myself. He always says don't worry about it, but I can't stand waiting for things to get done. I either figure it out myself, pay to have it done, or find someone willing to help.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Don't get me wrong. I'm quite the independent wife. I handle the finances, the house & create a "to do list" for him for physical stuff I'm unable to do. I also can't stand things not getting done. That's why it bugs me that he keeps saying he'll do it when he gets back. I know he'ld be happy if it was done & he didn't have to do it. So why not just SAY THAT! ????

 

[lyeag]

oh it is just a man thing, they don't want to dump it on you, and they don't want another person doing this they think they should be doing.

I hope it didn't sound like I thought you weren't independent, I didn't mean it to come out that way. My dh is one of those REALLY motivated guys at work, at home - I wonder where that guy went.

 

[va32h]

No, I can't say that my dh does that - he'll usually ask friends to come by and help me out with stuff when he's gone. I hired a lawn service when he was deployed last year.

But - dh did tell me once that he sometimes felt like he wasn't really necessary in our family. I manage everything when he's gone, and I don't really relinquish that control when he's back. I've had to make a point of remembering to ask for his opinion, include him in family decisions. It's nothing intentional on my part - just habit. It's really a novelty having another adult in the house!

Maybe your husband just wants to feel he is still needed?

 

[SplshMtn99]

My dh is one of those REALLY motivated guys at work, at home - I wonder where that guy went.

OMG -- that's him too!!!!


va32h -- oh, he's needed...and he knows it. He's just a procrastinator at home & I'm a do-er. So, I guess given the chance while he's gone, I just want to get everything done or get someone to do it. LOL And I don't want him to have to come home to work after being gone. Work that I know (& he knows) he won't do.

LOL, I guess I just want to hear him say "sure, get it done or hire someone, that would be great." Heck, if someone wanted to hire a maid for me, I wouldn't object. LOL Know what I mean!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Don't have a military DH, but I did want to toss a big THANK YOU your way!

 

[clh2]

I know he'ld be happy if it was done & he didn't have to do it.

Then why not just arrange for it to be done??? Surprise him!

 

[SplshMtn99]

I am getting it done. I'm just saying, why can't they just say that's what they would like. Instead of saying they will do it.

I would never say --- no, don't hire that maid. I just LOVE scrubbing toilets.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I think the reason your dh won't say "sure go ahead and do the list" because he needs to feel manly and needed in the household. I'm sure he is also worried about dumping more things on you. I know that my dh once told me how guilty he feels about evreything that I have to do by myself for our household and he and his soldiers. I wouldn't do everything on the list personally; just leave a few things on the list so he can be manly

 

[HappyMommy2]

Mine will spend the last few days before he leaves running around crazily trying to get every project done. He will stay up all night putting the new faucet in the bathroom or spend 6 hours cleaning the gutters. This drives me nuts--when he is preparing to leave, the kids and I want to SEE HIM and SPEND TIME WITH HIM, not listen to him banging tools around and muttering to himself as he stresses out trying to get things done! Prior to his last absence I finally convinced him of this (I think) and he "allowed" me to call the appliance guy to fix our malfunctioning dryer--that was a big step!

He knows I am capable of doing just about everything in our household that he is capable of doing but he does have that sense of wanting to have everything shipshape for us while he is gone. I do appreciate that in him and I try not to nag at him too much to just let the projects go and let me take care of them after he's gone!

 

[Sleepy]

Monday, he said I could loan his car to a worker while he is gone because her car's transmission died. She can use it, BUT the battery is almost dead & it needs a brake job. We go to get the car at his work, & we had to jump start it. Next day, I got everything fixed on his car that we knew needed to be done. New battery, brake job, oil change, & tighten a squealing belt. One day, everything done. Emailed him to tell him & he's was so greatful.

Ok, am I reading this right? He is leaving for an extended period and you have things around the house that needs to be done. His car is not working properly, but no problem because he is leaving and it can wait until he gets back. HOWEVER, a friend needs the car while he is gone, so YOU take time out of your schedule (not to mention money that could be used on something YOU need done) for this friend, but your husband can't take time out of his schedule to get somethings taken care of for you? If it were me, the car would be sitting and the friend would get the speech your husband gave you.........sorry, it will have to wait till he gets back.

 

[SplshMtn99]

You SORT of read it right.

First, I just guess DH & I are the type of people who help people. (Maybe that is why DH has been in National Guards for over 22 yrs. ???)

Anyway, having the car sit there for a month while a friend / co-worker (w/ 4 children) could use it seemed "right" to us. No problem with time. We went out at night to get it. (Gosh - yes - I took time out of my DISing. ) Good thing we did, because they battery was dead already. DH would have returned to a dead car if we didn't OR if I didn't get it fixed. We jumped it. I made a phone call next morning to our garage. Friend dropped it there next morning on way to work. Garage gave her ride to work (1 mile away). I stopped after work to pay for repairs. Everything fixed & EVERYONE happy -- especially DH.

The money was no problem. Able to pay for it easily. ($450) Any other things I need done will also be able to be paid for easily. Money is not a problem right now. (LOL --- talk to me again AFTER the new condo is done being built however. ) Besides, DH is making an extra months pay by being gone.

Hey, I'm a good friend --- what can I say? And DH is the MASTER for favors to other people. (That's why I can't understand why he doesn't wany me calling in a few of them.)

I DID call in 2 of those favors last night. I've got my brother coming to get the jetski & to winterize it. We store it at his house, but DH usually winterizes it & brings it there. AND I've got DH's friend coming this weekend to remove the A/C units.

ETA: To clarify where you asked why he couldn't take time out of his schedule to get things done for me before he left. He's already gone...and he only had 36 hrs notice before leaving for a month. He did the most important things first that couldn't wait or I couldn't get done...and simply ran out of time.

 

[sharbear]

Hey, my DH is not the the military but he does the same thing. Is a big go getter at work, but home... He also will go out of his way to help others but things will go forever at home. He never got around to putting in the screens this year. He just thought that it wasn't a problem. Drives me crazy.

 

[Jynohn]

My husband will have every intention of getting things done before a deployment, but he's the sort that never worries about a thing so he procrastinates until a week or so before he's supposed to leave, then he's running around like a maniac trying to get everything done at the last minute.

Part of it is my fault, I'm very independent, but I get so anxious before he leaves that I make myself crazy with "what ifs". I create a whole list of things that need to be taken care of before he goes, most of them things that really don't matter in the scheme of things.

When he gets home we have the opposite problem. I get so used to taking care of things by myself that I have to remind myself to get input from him, at least to make him feel like he has a say

 

[wendy1974]

Don't have a military husband but have been around enough men to know what you're talking about. BTW, I live in Louisiana 50 miles north of New Orleans and am very grateful for all of the help from the military. He is coming down here in the middle ofa heat index of 102 degrees with 80% humidity so God bless him because I have been to MA. and I know that the difference in weather will be a shock to his system

 

[mckryan]

After 20 years in the military, I never waited for him to do anything. When it needs to be done, I either do it myself or find someone to do it. The long hours he worked were never conducive to getting home projects done, and we'd rather spend time together when he did have time off. Surprise him when he gets home by not having a list and just enjoying time together!