Does your 18 year old have a curfew?

[rie'smom]

18 and out of high school=no curfew If an 18 year old high school graduate can't take care of themselves-YIKES!!!!
18 and still in high school-midnight

 

[LadyZolt]

18 and wants no curfew -- move out and support yourself. 18 and living with parents -- obey parents' rules. End of discussion. Don't like it? There's the door. You are welcome to come eat dinner with us sometimes and stop in and do laundry. We love ya!

-Dorothy (LadyZolt) (DD19 lives at home, goes full time to college and obeys house rules. DS20 dropped out of college and we (his parents) kicked him out -- he lives in a studio apartment on his own. DS22 moved out of his own accord when he was 19 and has been supporting himself since then. All three have jobs and both sons pay all of their own expenses, so they get to decide on their own curfews. LOL!)

 

[NMAmy]

18 and out of high school=no curfew If an 18 year old high school graduate can't take care of themselves-YIKES!!!!
18 and still in high school-midnight

Same here. DD is 18. She keeps me updated on where she is and as long as I know that, she can stay out as late as she wants.

She's an adult now. I can't imagine giving her a curfew or dictating where she can go and what she can do (as long as it's nothing illegal!) She's a responsible young woman and I trust her.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My kids are only 10 and 12 now so it is not yet an issue. That said, DH and I have already discussed and decided to do what my parents did. I NEVER had a curfew. I always told them where I was going, what information I could about how to reach me (no cell phones back then) and the LATEST I would be home (often 3:00--when a friend I knew I could count on for a ride had to be at her home. I have never been a late night person so I tried to find friends with midnight curfews to get me home sooner on many nights). Since I was always where I said I would be, always home before I the "latest" time given and never got into any trouble (not that I just didn't get caught--I never betrayed their trust) I never had a curfew.

Most kids I knew got into the most trouble in the afrterschool hours. That is when most bad things happened. Every time I had panicked friends call me to come sit with someone on a "bad trip" or try to get soemone who was drunk sobered up before going home, etc it was before dinner time. There were GOOD things happening after midnight that I am really glad I did not have to miss such as:

Once a month Rocky Horror Picture Show played in our town. It started at midnight. After the show we would all walk to Perkins and have ice cream or onion rings or some other junk food. I usually got home around 3:00 on those Saturday nights. I wore a short skirt and fishnet stockigns to the show (it was a COSTUME) but never so much as made out with a boy there much less drank, smoke, etc. It was all good, clean, fun with the gorup I went with anyway.

Cast parties. I was heavily involved in the school theatre. We usually had a cast party on opening night and closing night. Opening night the show would tend to end around 10:00--everyone changes and cleans up and the party starts by 11:00. Closing night we had to strike the set (take it apart and put everythign away) so we were lucky to START the party by midnight. The kids whoes parents would not bend their curfews to go to cast parties (which nearly always had parents and a teacher in attendance) felt so left out. I can tell you we actually PREFERED to hang out at the houses with parents around and involved. Sam's parents were the best becuase they would make us pizza bread at 2 in the morning

 

[MUFFYCAT]

My 17 DD will be 18 in August and recently graduated high school.
She has not had a curfew the last few months. Actually since then she has come home earlier then when she had a curfew.
The kids were saying that when they did they would stay out as late as possible but now that there is no curfew it's not fun or challenging anymore.


They'll be going away to college in a few months and could be staying out till 5 a.m. for all we know. They are adults and will now learn by their actions.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have 5 years to go, but when I was 18, I had no curfew. Before that, I wasn't even allowed a curfew - I told them my plans, and they set the time I needed to be home based on that. However, when I turned 18, they told me I was an adult, and could come and go as I pleased. I even got to write my own note if I wasn't in school.

 

[clgwli]

I'm not old enough to have an 18 year old yet but I had no curfew after 18. Our town had a curfew of midnight for anyone under 18 so I was usually home shortly after then anyway. I drove people home so I got home at about 12:30 or so at the latest.

On weeknights during the school year however, I was not allowed out much for personal reasons. There really wasn't time to do home work and go out anyway.

 

[Tomader]

When my girls were that age they had a curfew. I think 12:00. I even hated that. I don't think at that age they need to be out any later. Unless they have specific plans they need to be home. My daughter is 22 and I call if she is not home after 2:00. When she moves out maybe things will be different. As a mom I will always worry. My husband sleeps through everything. If she had him home only she could probably stay out all night and he would snore right through it.

 

[redrosesix]

Not there yet with my DD, but...she is into sports, has many friends that age, and I can tell you what the mothers of the 18 y.o.'s are doing -- no curfew but whenever they're living at home their parents know where they are and when they're going to be home. Funny, seems the girls have the same deal with their roommates when they're away at university. It's really out of respect -- so they won't worry parents/roommates, or won't wake them up at god-awful hours.

When I was 18, I had similar rules. Dad always required to know where I would be, when I expected to get home (call if that changed) and most important -- how I planned to get home. Cab fare was always waiting on the kitchen table in case a friend drank too much and I no longer felt safe getting a ride from them, or in case I had a drink and wanted to leave my car (that never actually happened, but the money was always there in case I did)

 

[cltk78]

18 and out of high school=no curfew If an 18 year old high school graduate can't take care of themselves-YIKES!!!!
18 and still in high school-midnight

My sons are still little, but I agree with this. I didn't have a curfew at 18, but I also went away to college just a couple months after turning 18 (my freshman orientation was actually on my 18th birthday). Because of when their birthdays are, both of my boys will still be in high school when they're 18 so they will have a curfew.

 

[Nie0214]

I never had a curfew, but I was always respectful of other people. I rarely came home later than 10:30, and if I did, it was weekend only and my parents knew ahead of time.

I don't think it's rude to have a curfew when other people in the house have to wake up at 6am for work. Even now, I have two roommates, one will be out late and the other (as well as myself) wakes up at 6am. When the one who is out late is loud, we tell her she needs to be quiet because we're sleeping, and she respects that.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

When I was 18 I had a midnight curfew and hated it. Had I not had it, I probably would have been home a few minutes after 12 anyway. But it just sucked that I was the only one of the group of us that hung out that had to be home.

My DS is almost 19 and he's never really had a curfew. He knew that during high school I didn't want him out late on school nights and unless there was an out of town ball game, he was never out beyond 9:00 pm. He knew that I don't mind him staying out late on weekends as long as I know where he is going to be and can reach him by cell phone. Course the few times he did stay out till 3am or 4am his dad was pretty good about making him get up at 8:00 to go out and do yard work

 

[Sorsha]

My DD is only 14, but as she grows, I plan to give her curfews like I had when I was a teen.

I had curfews as long as I was in school. They differed depending on the time of year. During the school year, I always had to be home by 9 on weekdays. During the summers, or on weekends, it was based on age. When I was 16, curfew was midnight. When I was 17, it was 12:30, when I was 18, it was 1:00. Only exceptions were if I was working a job that required me to be out later, or if we were going to the drive-in movies. Our drive-in starts the first film at full dark, which isn't till 10-ish in the summer, so if we stayed for both shows it was expected that we wouldn't be home till 2-ish.

After I graduated, but when I was at home (summers, holidays, etc), I did not have a curfew, even though I was still 18. It was requested, however, that I be thoughtful of others in the home. My mom was a light sleeper, and if she had to work the next day it was hard on her to be woken up at 3 AM by people tromping in and out of the house, so I always tried to be home at a reasonable hour. If, for some reason, that wasn't possible, I would call her earlier in the evening and let her know I would be staying a friend's house.

 

[EthansMom]

I never had a curfew... was often out at 16-18 years-old past midnight. Our school dances didn't even end till 12 a.m. and we'd usually go for ice cream and to hang out after; I'd often be out studying with friends until late at night; and my teen jobs often had me out past midnight during summers/weekends.

My kids aren't teens yet, but I can see where DH and I wouldn't have a strict curfew but would expect our kids to let us know where they were (late at night), what time they'd be home, call if they were going to be late, and not make a lot of noise when they wandered in late at night.

As for an 18 year-old... as long as she isn't sleeping all day, is working and/or going to school, and doesn't make noise coming in late... I don't think a curfew is necessary. But it's your house, your rules.

 

[vettechick99]

My parents always said that nothing good happens after midnight and having been to college and partied my way through, it's so true.

My opinion is that when she is out on her own, then she decides how late to stay out. But if she is at home, you decide the curfew.

 

[krcit]

I don't remember if I had a curfew at 18-I'm guessing that I did. My dad died when I was 19 so I didn't move out until I got married. I know that I would call my mom if I was going to be later than 4am, lol. Seriously, the bars here close at 4 so if we were going to get something to eat after I would call her to let her know I'd be late. Ah, those were the days-getting home and the newspaper would already have been delivered

 

[onelilspark]

When I lived with my parents, I lived by their rules (hmmm, I think all parents use that line! ) Seriously though, my parents weren't too strict, but I honestly didn't give them a reason to be. If I were going out with friends, they'd ask me what time they'd expect me back. I'd say something like 12:30, they'd say, "no later." Meaning if I walked through that door at 12:31, I'd be in trouble! If I'd say something like 11, they'd say, "call if you'll be later." So I didn't have a curfew perse, but I knew generally how later I could be out and I didn't try to push it. If I asked for something like 2, most of the time, they'd come back with "what are you doing?" "who are you going with?" sometimes they'd allow it, sometimes they'd say, "we want you back by 1." (Or whatever time they thought was more appropriate for the activity.) And I didn't really argue.

Once I was 21 and going to the bars, it got a little later, but still the same deal. They would just like to know who I was going with and who was driving. It was more that they liked knowing who I would be with. They knew all my friends and I hung with a good crowd, so it generally wasn't a problem.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

My DS always had to be in by 11 on school nights. For non-school nights he could stay out later - and he did, until after 2 sometimes - but only because I knew he was next door at the neighbor's, jamming in the basement. If he'd been running all over town I don't think I would have been as lenient.

 

[Darcy03231]

DD is 17, almost 18. Her curfew is 10:00 p.m. on school/work days and midnight on weekends. If there's something special going on, such as prom, I'll let her stay out later on the weekends.

There's no way I can sleep until the kids are in and I'm not staying up all night waiting for them to come home.

 

[NotUrsula]

Forty-seven yo who moved out at 18 here: I think the key question is WHY is the curfew being imposed?

Is it because she's noisy when she comes in? Is she waking you with the noise? Then yes, it's completely justified; you need your sleep.

Is it because YOU want to go to bed but will not as long as she's not in the house? Then no, it's not justified. She's an adult; she can manage to get herself quietly into the house and into bed on her own. Go to bed.

Is it just because you think that being out after midnight is a bad idea?
Probably not justified, unless she has a past history of really risky behaviour. She's 18 now; you need to step back and let her make some stupid mistakes, if that's what she's going to do. Keep the phone turned on and let her call you if she's in trouble and needs your help.

I'd say the important thing is to impress upon her that for her personal safety she always needs to let someone know where she is going and who she is with when outside of work/school hours, so that an alarm can be raised if she is gone too long. She can do that via a text message; you don't have to wait up or sit around waiting for phone calls until all hours.

At 18 I lived away from home and only had contact with my mother once a week or so. I often travelled out of town overnight; it wouldn't have occurred to me to tell my mother whenever I did that. However, I always left a note (on the bathroom mirror!) for my roommate, so there was a trail that existed had I ever needed to be found.