Does this make me a horrible person?

[Scornelius]

My step sister is having a destination wedding in the Bahamas around the 10th of September, and due to my husband's work schedule, we simply can't go. He works for a nuclear power plant and his entire crew (a substantial amount of people) gets 10 days off at the end of August. There's just no way he can then ask for another week off 10 days later. (Hmmm.... a lot of 10s in this story)
So, we told my DSS that we can't come, and everything was fine. My DSM got a little irked that I wouldn't come without DH, but I was not prepared to lay out $1800 for a week at an all inclusive resort ( I can't drink more than a glass of wine a week) by myself. For that we could both spend a week at Disney World!
Which leads to the problem: after finding out about the free dining promotion, we realised that it started at the same time as DH's time off, so for the first time, we could take advantage!! (This is a very big deal for us. We love our disney food. We take it very seriously! ) Plus, this way we'd be able to spend our anniversary in WDW. So, we booked our week at POR and thought everything was hunky-dory.
Now my step family is getting all pissy that we're going away right around DSS's wedding, but not TO the wedding. They're saying that it's disrespectful. I say that vacation time is vacation time, and there's no reason we should not take advantage of a great deal since there's nothing we can do to change DH's availability.
DSS didn't come to our wedding, claiming it was too far away. (It was a 3 hour drive, which she could have taken with my DF and DSM). And we're not very close at all. We talk maybe once every 3 months at some family function. (We've only been family for about 3 years). PLUS, they're having a reception when they get back home, and I'm helping out a lot with that. I just can't find it in my heart to feel guilty about this! Does this make me a horrible person?

 

[spiceycat]

not at all.

extra time they try to make you feel guility - just bring the FACT that she didn't go to yours.

fair is fair.

did she do a big reception for you. let me guess 'NO.'

some people are just spoiled and expect the entire world to be centered around them.

 

[simonkodousek]

Absolutely not! If she didn't come to your wedding which was a simple 3-hour drive, you shouldn't have to feel guilty about not going to her wedding in the Bahamas!

~Simon

 

[Cass]

What you're doing sounds perfectly okay to me

 

[NikkiLovesWDW!]

It sounds like you've got it all making sense! If it doesn't make sense to them then they aren't even trying to understand. I may have been able to see her side of it until you said that she didn't even travel three hours for your wedding. That was the point that I said there is NO reason for you to feel guilty. They'll get over it! And if they don't, you only see them every three months anyway!

 

[Evil Genius]

The heck with them. If they want you to come to the wedding so bad, then they can pay for it.

 

[vickalamode]

That's a lot to expect every single person you invite to a wedding to fly out to it! I wouldn't worry about it, especially if you aren't close. Just politely remind her that she didn't even come to your wedding, and that you are planning on attending the reception and are helping out a lot with it.

 

[ktink]

I don't see a problem with it at all. And I would remind them that she didn't attend yours and I don't know how politely I would remind them.

I hope you and your DH have a lovely time on your free dining trip!

 

[Tess'smom]

Enjoy your Disney trip. Try not to let them make you feel guilty. It is clearly not reasonable to expect you to attend the wedding.

 

[dixiedizfan]

My DH also works at a nuclear plant, but the only time he can't take time off is during an outage. Anyhow, my thoughts are that you shouldn't have told your step family about taking a trip to Disney in August. They think it's bad enough that you won't attend their wedding, but telling them you're taking a trip shortly before is like rubbing salt in the wound. If it were me I wouldn't have said a word about it.

 

[traci]

The fact that YOU have to pay to go to the wedding should let you off the hook.

Go to Disney and have fun! The rest of the family is probably ticked that they are spending all this $$ to go to the wedding, when there are other destinations they would rather be spending their hard earned money on

 

[theresak]

I would not lose a wink of sleep over it.

Have a lovely trip!

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

The heck with them. If they want you to come to the wedding so bad, then they can pay for it.

I had this exact same reaction.

To the OP - no you are not a horrible person - you need to do what is best for your own family!

 

[Princess_Belle]

the only way this would be a "horrible" thing to do is if you had already talked about her destination wedding and said that you and your DH would be their. If you already said you were going to make the trip and backed out at the last min it would be a little upsetting. That is because she may have already paid for a bigger reception.

But if you haven't promised her you would make the trip to the Bahamas then you have no obligation to be there. Brides don't expect many people to show up at a destination wedding, that's the whole point!!! So yo should be fine going to Disney!

As a matter of fact, my Destination wedding is on Sept 10 too. But we are getting married in WDW! Much better place to get married IMO! And I could care less who is there. All that matter is that me and my fiance' are there together!!!!

 

[zuly]

I had this exact same reaction.

To the OP - no you are not a horrible person - you need to do what is best for your own family!

Another vote for that!! you have the rigth to decide what is best for your family (dh) and its your own vacations so ... have a nice trip to wdw

 

[Colleen27]

I think that having family and friends decide they can't afford to make the trip is a risk of having a destination wedding, and that the couple has to understand that not everyone is willing and able to spend thousands of dollars and their precious vacation days on a trip to attend the ceremony. That's why we didn't seriously consider a Disney wedding - we knew that there would be people who couldn't get away or couldn't afford the trip, and having everyone there was more important than the location to us.

IMO, your family shouldn't be upset that you wouldn't choose to spend such a large sum of money to attend her special day.

 

[MassMom94]

Yes, extremely horrible. Not.

 

[traviesojmt]

I personally think that since you are unable to attend her wedding, you should punish yourself by not leaving the house for the rest of the year. Geesh, what are you thinking? If you can't take your vacation when SHE wants you too, then you shouldn't have one at all. Seriously, I can't see having any guilt with this one. My DH is in the military and we can't always take leave when others want us too.

I agree with a previous poster. If you plan a destination wedding, then you have to understand when it doesn't work with other either financially or time-wise. Don't let them try to start making you feel guilty either. Have a great Disney vacation.

 

[Tikicampers]

My best friend got married on a cruise. With an 18 month old we just couldn't afford the cost (On cruises even babies are the full adult price). Plus when I read about what the cruise offered, there was nothing for him to do. We drove down for the ceremony on the ship then got off before they sailed and drove straight to WDW. Everyone had fun on their respective trips, and my BF was totally fine with our decision. In fact we are leaving next week to spend three days with her before going to WDW again.
My point is that when people plan a destination wedding, they have to understand that their plans will not work for everyone.

 

[Scornelius]

It's so nice to hear that I don't have my head up my butt!
Thank you for the well wishes. We fully intend to have a ridiculously good time and eat far too much free food.

dixiedizfan, DH is fairly new and right at the bottom of the totem pole, he gets his vacation when they say he gets it. I know that will change in the next few years.

Evil Genius, I totally agree!!

Princess_Belle Congratulations!! I can't think of a better place to get married! I hope it's amazing.