Does anyone require their teens to pay for anything?

[KellyHonos]

Okay, so she's already got all this pressure on her, and you want to put a 12yo under MORE pressure by having her help pay for the trip? Seriously?

Also, if she's involved with all these activities and accelerated classes, that makes it MORE difficult for her to miss school--you get that, right? She'll get behind quickly. I happened to have 4 kids--all were in accelerated classes--and they didn't ever want to miss school, for anything, once they hit middle school. I have a tough time getting them to stay home sick!

And for the record, taking a 15yo to a college campus isn't too young--my DD14 (15 in May) already has very specific college plans. She's actually been on several college campuses for special math and music programs. We have a specific issue with her, in that she won't consider any in-state college, so we want her to actually SEE in-state campuses before she writes them off her list. She's my third kid, so I have some idea at how quickly the college thing can sneak up on you.

We can completely agree that kids need to have fun and relax. If your sister has a full schedule during the school year, she definitely deserves a break for summer and holidays--no question. But, that break doesn't have to be an expensive trip to a theme park where she's given the added burden of earning her way to go. I think that's a lot to put on a 12/13yo. I think you should be talking to her parents about ways that you and she can have some great times together, whether locally or traveling, that enrich her life and allow her to have fun.

Okay, if you read the previous posts, I'm not asking for her to pay for the trip. I was seeking other people's advice on ways for her to earn money and whether or not they asked for their kids to contribute. People can have their own opinions, I for one don't think it's out of line for a child to save their allowance and earn money to be put towards a trip. If you disagree, that's your business. Thanks for your input, have a lovely day.

 

[la79al]

I like the idea of having parents put money towards flight (instead of towards spending money as they did last time) and then have your sister come up with spending money for herself. Maybe even plan on eating in the room unless she is able to come up with money for meals in the park. And have you done some research into how she could come up with the money? At 12, she probably needs some direction on ways that she could make money. Maybe you could help her out with a kids survey site (my stepdaughter used kidzeyes) or helping her sell some of her old things. You mentioned that she has a busy, not set schedule so she will need some out of the ordinary ideas to come up with money. Make sure she is really invested though. I really wanted to do something with my oldest DD and thought she was on board too. Then I suggested she use her birthday money for her ticket and she didn't want to do that. I talked to her about coming up with money other ways and she never really gave it a try. When I asked her why, it turns out she didn't really want to do the activity all that badly.

 

[Judique]

What has your mother said about this trip? Is she on board with your sister going? How about her father?

Have you had any discussion with your sisters parents?

 

[MickeyMouseCD524]

Okay, if you read the previous posts, I'm not asking for her to pay for the trip. I was seeking other people's advice on ways for her to earn money and whether or not they asked for their kids to contribute. People can have their own opinions, I for one don't think it's out of line for a child to save their allowance and earn money to be put towards a trip. If you disagree, that's your business. Thanks for your input, have a lovely day.

There's something in the water recently with people responding to posts. I'm sorry some of the responses come off a little harsher than others. In the end this is your decision and you need to make the call with her parents. As I said earlier in the thread I think it's reasonable to ask for her to save her spending money. But I'm removed from the situation and wish I could give a better answer. That being said you're the only one who can assess this logically with all the facts. I think so long as you go into it understanding the limitations and challenges she might face trying to earn the money and have a plan for it. I think it'll work out great.

 

[jrmasm]

***Warning: Long post. Please read to the end, I want some incite:***

Hey, guys! I've been a long time listener of the Dis unplugged podcast, but just joined the boards today. I have some questions that I wanted to get answered before planning my next Disney Trip, and wanted to see what you guys thought.

First, I wanted to say that I am 24, and my sister is 12, and we share the same mother but have different fathers. With that being said, our up-bringing was different from another in some ways. Growing up, I went on cruises and trips to Disney with my dad's side of the family. Her father's side of the family isn't really a Disney family at all. Back in 2016, I came into a financial situation where I was able to take my sister, who was 10 at the time, on her very first trip to Disney. I was overjoyed and thrilled to make this happen for us. It was supposed to be a "one time" thing, but of course she fell in love (who could blame her?) and really wants to go back. I also would love to go back, but taking on the entire cost AGAIN just isn't logical or responsible.

Her and I had a talk about money, and with her being 12, I didn't want to burden her too much, but I did say that the reality of Disney is that it isn't cheap. Even taking the cheapest route, it's still comes with a hefty price tag. We discussed that going in a slower season where deals are promoted to get people into the parks possibly would require her to miss some school, which she didn't like the idea of. She doesn't enjoy missing school (so opposite of me when I was her age), which is understandable, but if we go during a peak season, like Spring break, or anytime during summer, prices will hike up, and so will the crowds, etc. I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money. Her dad and our mother gave her some money as well as had her do some chores the last time we went so she had money to spend, but other than that, everything was on me.

Do you guys think I am being unfair by asking for at least SOMETHING? I think it would teach her the true cost of what it takes to travel and how valuable saving up money is. She will be 13 by the time we go, and I don't think that's an unfair request. What do you guys think? Am I being too harsh, or taking the magic out of it? Part of me feels guilty for asking for some help on her end because when I went as a child and preteen, I was never expected to pay, but I also feel like I'm being fair because I paid for her entire trip last time, and still will pay for the majority of this one, I just think adding some incentive to the deal may help her understand how expensive going to Disney really is.

Any suggestions or ideas on how to get her to earn some money, and I am in the wrong for wanting her to contribute something?

I think yes.

 

[barkley]

Honestly, my parents aren't necessarily in a financial situation where they can help significantly

on a swim team and two soccer teams.

She is on sports teams, plays an instrument

I just want to restate that you really need to talk privately with your parents regarding this idea before planning too much w/your sister.

I don't know what your parents finances are like but in my experience and what others have shared on the boards-these types of activities are not inexpensive for parents so it may be that they opt not to fund short term 'fun' in favor of affording her the opportunity for long term/on going activities. it may also be that they would choose if your sister is able to earn some monies to have her begin to assist with funding some of these ongoing activities vs. a vacation as a means to teach her about how financial choices need to be made when it comes to non essential expenses.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

What a sweet and amazing sister you are!!! I don't blame you at all for wanting your sister to pitch in for the trip. But, it seems to me like 12 is pretty young to be able to significantly contribute to the trip. I think that your little sister might not realize how financially difficult it is for you to take her to Disney. If I were you I would decide if you want to commit to to taking her to Disney again and then be very clear why not if you decide it's a no. If yes, I would immediately talk to her father and your mother and see if they would be willing to contribute towards the trip enough money to put a dent in the expense (probably several hundred dollars.) And then it would be more than fair to set a goal for your sister to contribute $100 by the time you go on the trip, maybe give her 6 months to earn it.

 

[DnA2010]

I see nothing wrong with asking her to help- babysitting, pulling weeds, dog walking- that sort of stuff she can do. My DD13 had to earn half of her flight to California last year when she wanted to go visit her cousin.
You are an awesome sister!

 

[FireflyTrance]

If she were 16 I would say it would be more reasonable to ask her to help pay. I had an afterschool job at 16. A 12-13 year old doesn't have much in the way of job opportunities. Can they even legally work? I am not sure how she would make the money if she wanted to. Therefore it seems kind of unfair to me to ask her to pay unless you can find her a job of some kind.

 

[FQLover]

I think it is important to remind folks that the OP already paid fully for a Disney trip for her sister two years ago. It is the younger sister who came back and asked if they can go again. I see this as an important distinction to make in all of this discussion.

And to the poster who has twice written with a pretty scolding tone, please remember that you are a middle aged woman who has had many more opportunities and experiences. You are talking to a young woman who came on here sincerely asking for feedback. Why are you jumping all over her? I am sure that you would not want anyone to talk this way to one of your young adult children if they came on this Board looking for advice.

OP, you have gotten lots of good and differing responses to your questions. Good luck figuring it all out and doing what is best for your family. Whenever you two end up going, I hope that you have a great time together.

 

[aliceindisneyland]

I feel this way to an extent, given the internal conflict I'm experiencing right now. If she were much younger, like 8, I wouldn't expect anything at all. But she is at the age where she can start babysitting and doing some chores. I don't expect her to earn a thousand bucks or anything, I figured she could help with her flight, even if its just $100. Just something to help me out and teach her some responsibility.

I know my son, who just turned 14, would feel weird taking a trip like that and not pitching in! (Even it was with close family!) I think your idea is great!
ETA I am reading through the other responses now and noticed a lot of folks think a 12 yr old can't get a job. My 11-yr-old daughter gave a speech today about starting a business in 1 day! She usually sells cupcakes, brownies, etc. on our corner, but has made half a dozen businesses since school started this year, and made way more money with each than I would have expected. She's been creating businesses since age 6! Now she's working on an Etsy shop so she can work all summer. Love the pp who said her son beams with pride when he pitches in!

 

[KellyHonos]

I know my son, who just turned 14, would feel weird taking a trip like that and not pitching in! (Even it was with close family!) I think your idea is great!
ETA I am reading through the other responses now and noticed a lot of folks think a 12 yr old can't get a job. My 11-yr-old daughter gave a speech today about starting a business in 1 day! She usually sells cupcakes, brownies, etc. on our corner, but has made half a dozen businesses since school started this year, and made way more money with each than I would have expected. She's been creating businesses since age 6! Now she's working on an Etsy shop so she can work all summer. Love the pp who said her son beams with pride when he pitches in!

that's so amazing!!!! good for your daughter!

 

[Dakota731]

ETA I am reading through the other responses now and noticed a lot of folks think a 12 yr old can't get a job. My 11-yr-old daughter gave a speech today about starting a business in 1 day! She usually sells cupcakes, brownies, etc. on our corner, but has made half a dozen businesses since school started this year, and made way more money with each than I would have expected. She's been creating businesses since age 6! Now she's working on an Etsy shop so she can work all summer. Love the pp who said her son beams with pride when he pitches in!

Amen! My kids did pet sitting, being a mother’s helper etc. My friends son sold candy bars to hungry kids in sports after school. Twelve year olds aren’t babies and most of them get allowances and monetary birthday gifts. Nothing better to teach your kids the value of work and budgeting their money. Some people are acting like it’s child abuse!

 

[BLAZEY]

Why health insurance? I am under the impression that all children are under either private or public insurance. At least that is what my representative tells me. Am I missing something?

If the OP is not American, we have to buy supplemental TRAVEL medical insurance. Due to exorbitant cost of healthcare in the US, we Canadian's don't put a toe over the border without buying travel medical if not included in out extended benefits. regular doctor/ hospital visits are covered by our provincial government plans.

 

[luvsJack]

A 13 year old should not be paying for anything in my opinion.
If you want her to have her own spending money that I get but flight, ticket, hotel, food.... that is not the responsibility of a 13 year old.
Is it the responsibility of her older sister? No. If your mom and her dad agree she can go they should be paying her way.
I'd say expecting her to pay would be much more appropriate say when she is 16+ and can get a summer job at an ice cream shop or somewhere that actually pays decent money.

Why not exactly? She isn't asking her sister to pay for her part of everything. $100 toward her flight and her souvenirs. And why does one have to be making decent money to fund a small portion of a trip??????

She has already said multiple times that her parents are not in a place where they can pay for her sister's trip. So she is trying to come up with ways that the two of them can go. I think its commendable that she is doing this.


OP, there is a lot your sister can do to raise some money over enough time. I bet she can get people to hire her for raking the leaves or walking their dog or whatever. Maybe your parents could pay her for extra chores.

Don't worry too much about what other people think. You and your sister are making wonderful memories with these trips. Even just getting the money earned will make memories (Hey, Sis! Remember the time we worked all year and raised enough money to go to Disney!") Just continue being the loving wonderful sister that you are. That means more than all the Disney trips in the world.

 

[leahgoogle]

In response to the post that it is not "your job" to teach responsibility since you are not the parent....it certainly is if you want it to be. You are an adult and can be a positive role model to your sister and that is what I think you are doing. Teaching responsibility can be taught by all involved in a person's life, not just parents. I think you are doing a good job.

 

[CalDisneyMomof2]

In response to the post that it is not "your job" to teach responsibility since you are not the parent....it certainly is if you want it to be. You are an adult and can be a positive role model to your sister and that is what I think you are doing. Teaching responsibility can be taught by all involved in a person's life, not just parents. I think you are doing a good job.

I agree for the most part. Every family dynamic is different and in my family this is true. I have brothers 6 and 11 years younger than me and my mom wouldn't bat an eye if I gave my brothers advice or tried parenting them. They're now 20 and 25 but 5-13 years ago had anything happened to my parents my mom would have wanted me to raise them.

 

[Kellydelly]

I think you should pay for it if you extend the invitation or come up with the plan. Or her parents should chip in. I don't think a 12/13 yr old should be responsible for paying for anything but a souvenir. JMHO.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I think it's wonderful that you were able to take your sister on a trip already. As long as her parents are okay with you taking her again, then I think it's totally okay for you to ask her to contribute. I would see what her parents are willing to help with first. After that, I would come up with a set dollar amount that you would like your sister to help with. Depending on how far off the trip is, I personally don't think half of the cost of the park ticket plus souvenirs would be unreasonable. This sounds like a trip that your sister has asked to take rather than you inviting her to come, and especially considering you have taken her before, I think it's fair to ask her to save up towards it. My DD is 7 and saved up souvenir money for her last trip. Just with how I look at things, I wouldn't ask your sister to personally contribute toward the cost of hotel, food, or airfare. You'd need lodging if you were going alone and I don't feel it's right to ask a child to pay for their own food. For airfare, I'd call that a bday/Christmas gift from you. Having her chip in toward the park ticket is having her contribute toward the "fun" aspect of the trip, rather than the necessities, which just makes more sense in my eyes and will probably give her more motivation to want to save up towards it.

As for ways for a 12-13 year old to make money, several have been listed, but for the sake of having a large list, I'll include what I remember reading as well as my own ideas:
- Babysitting- Strangers may be uncomfortable with someone that young, but do you have relatives with kids? They might love to have your sister babysit
- Mow lawns in the summer
- Shovel snow in the winter
- Offer to help neighbors or relatives with chores like raking leaves, planting flowers, cleaning, wash cars, etc
- Lemonade stand
- Make and sell baked goods in a stand in front of her house
- If you live in an area where cans and bottles can be returned for money, have her collect those
- Survey sites for kids
- Save bday/ Christmas money or ask for Disney gift cards
- See if her parents would allow her to have their pocket change each day in exchange for doing an extra chore
- If she's crafty, have her create Christmas cards (either on computer or handmade) and see if relatives would be willing to buy them to send out to people for the holidays
- Help her host a yard sale. She could get rid of some of her own stuff she no longer uses, as well as collect things from family, neighbors, etc
- She could make little bracelets or some other craft and sell them at her lemonade or bake stand
- Pet sitting
- Watch neighbor's house/ water plants while they are away
- Offer to wrap Christmas presents for relatives in exchange for money

There are plenty of ways for kids to make money if they put some thought and effort into it, and there's nothing wrong with kids learning a little work ethic and financial responsibility.

 

[seasheller]

Having your sister responsible for some of the cost is an excellent idea and will teach her how expensive the trip will be. If you paid for everything, it might become an expected event to done periodically. The fact that you already did it once is awesome! LongLiveRafiki has some excellent ideas for a young girl to earn money.