Does anyone require their teens to pay for anything?

[KellyHonos]

***Warning: Long post. Please read to the end, I want some incite:***

Hey, guys! I've been a long time listener of the Dis unplugged podcast, but just joined the boards today. I have some questions that I wanted to get answered before planning my next Disney Trip, and wanted to see what you guys thought.

First, I wanted to say that I am 24, and my sister is 12, and we share the same mother but have different fathers. With that being said, our up-bringing was different from another in some ways. Growing up, I went on cruises and trips to Disney with my dad's side of the family. Her father's side of the family isn't really a Disney family at all. Back in 2016, I came into a financial situation where I was able to take my sister, who was 10 at the time, on her very first trip to Disney. I was overjoyed and thrilled to make this happen for us. It was supposed to be a "one time" thing, but of course she fell in love (who could blame her?) and really wants to go back. I also would love to go back, but taking on the entire cost AGAIN just isn't logical or responsible.

Her and I had a talk about money, and with her being 12, I didn't want to burden her too much, but I did say that the reality of Disney is that it isn't cheap. Even taking the cheapest route, it's still comes with a hefty price tag. We discussed that going in a slower season where deals are promoted to get people into the parks possibly would require her to miss some school, which she didn't like the idea of. She doesn't enjoy missing school (so opposite of me when I was her age), which is understandable, but if we go during a peak season, like Spring break, or anytime during summer, prices will hike up, and so will the crowds, etc. I proposed that in order for her to not miss school, but for us to still afford a trip to Disney, she may need to start babysitting on her weekends to help out with some of her flight as well as bring some spending money. Her dad and our mother gave her some money as well as had her do some chores the last time we went so she had money to spend, but other than that, everything was on me.

Do you guys think I am being unfair by asking for at least SOMETHING? I think it would teach her the true cost of what it takes to travel and how valuable saving up money is. She will be 13 by the time we go, and I don't think that's an unfair request. What do you guys think? Am I being too harsh, or taking the magic out of it? Part of me feels guilty for asking for some help on her end because when I went as a child and preteen, I was never expected to pay, but I also feel like I'm being fair because I paid for her entire trip last time, and still will pay for the majority of this one, I just think adding some incentive to the deal may help her understand how expensive going to Disney really is.

Any suggestions or ideas on how to get her to earn some money, and I am in the wrong for wanting her to contribute something?

 

[quandrea]

I think you are being absolutely fair. You are not her parent. Given that, anything you pitch in for her vacations—even your time—is very generous.

I’m in a similar situation. My best friend’s daughter would like to join us in August. I’d love to have her. I’ve told her I’ll cover the villa, all meals, both in the villa and at restaurants and the park hopper option. That leaves airfare, her base pass and health insurance. I think that’s fair.

Sounds like you’re a great sister.

 

[davper]

I make a 6 figure salary and disney is still tough to pay for. At 24, that is almost impossible. So asking your sister to save for her piece is not unfair.

Make a budget to go in X number of years. Determine how much it will cost then, not now. And put money away each month for it. Tell your sister you will put X dollars in the bank each month she puts N dollars in. Obviously, you are going to pick up most of the cost. When you get close to your budgetary goal, make plans to go.

 

[davper]

health insurance

Why health insurance? I am under the impression that all children are under either private or public insurance. At least that is what my representative tells me. Am I missing something?

 

[gottalovepluto]

You are not wrong! All kids want to travel, mostly to Disney. It's just not always possible to afford it. It seems like you are fighting a lot of guilt over the fact you got to go when you were her age but she doesn't, that's not your fault. You can only deal with the here and now. The now is you cannot afford to go to Disney on your own right now. There is nothing wrong with that! If you think you might be able to make it work you should sit down and find out exactly how much you would need her to earn to be able to go and then decide if it's practical for her to earn that much money. If it is you can give her the choice to earn the money to help make the trip happen or not go to Disney right now.

 

[KellyHonos]

I think you are being absolutely fair. You are not her parent. Given that, anything you pitch your n for her vacations—even your time—is very generous.

I’m in a similar situation. My best friend’s daughter would like to join us in August. I’d love to have her. I’ve told her I’ll cover the villa, all meals, both in the villa and st restaurants and the park hopper option. That leaves airfare, her base pass and health insurance. I think that’s fair.

Sounds like you’re a great sister.

Thank you so much, I appreciate your kind words. And yes, I totally think you're within your rights to expect at least that much!

 

[grumpy28]

I would never expect a kid to have to pay for part of a trip. If her parents want to help, great. Otherwise it is all on you IMO.

 

[KellyHonos]

You are not wrong! All kids want to travel, mostly to Disney. It's just not always possible to afford it. It seems like you are fighting a lot of guilt over the fact you got to go when you were her age but she doesn't, that's not your fault. You can only deal with the here and now. The now is you cannot afford to go to Disney on your own right now. There is nothing wrong with that! If you think you might be able to make it work you should sit down and find out exactly how much you would need her to earn to be able to go and then decide if it's practical for her to earn that much money. If it is you can give her the choice to earn the money to help make the trip happen or not go to Disney right now.

You're right, thank you for pointing that out to me and helping me understand that I can't help that I was given different opportunities than her.

 

[KellyHonos]

I would never expect a kid to have to pay for part of a trip. If her parents want to help, great. Otherwise it is all on you IMO.

I feel this way to an extent, given the internal conflict I'm experiencing right now. If she were much younger, like 8, I wouldn't expect anything at all. But she is at the age where she can start babysitting and doing some chores. I don't expect her to earn a thousand bucks or anything, I figured she could help with her flight, even if its just $100. Just something to help me out and teach her some responsibility.

 

[lanejudy]

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to ask for help financially -- but she's only 12. I think you need to have a chat with mom. A 12-yr-old is rather limited in ability to earn money, and the parents pretty much have to be onboard with the idea as they may need to drive her and make sure homework and other commitments are met. If she's involved with activities -- in or out of school -- that may also limit her availability to earn. I have a 13-yr-old, and there is no way she could earn enough money to make a dent in a WDW vacation cost other than towards her own spending money. Maybe a couple of her own meals, assuming it's all QS.

I'm not saying it's impossible, nor am I saying you have to shoulder the cost, but depending on circumstances it is could be very challenging for a 12-yr-old to chip in a significant chunk of change. Her own spending money, sure. Nothing wrong with a conversation about how expensive a trip can be, and having her help you plan out a budget, but it may need to be for a future trip (like 2-3 years down the road).

You sound like a loving and caring older sibling -- that's terrific! Be there for your sister as she grows up. There will be trips in the future.

 

[grumpy28]

I feel this way to an extent, given the internal conflict I'm experiencing right now. If she were much younger, like 8, I wouldn't expect anything at all. But she is at the age where she can start babysitting and doing some chores. I don't expect her to earn a thousand bucks or anything, I figured she could help with her flight, even if its just $100. Just something to help me out and teach her some responsibility.

She is a kid. It is not her responsibility to fund a trip. When you save up the money, then you guys go.

 

[My2CrazyGirls]

Isn't her mom/dad chipping in? I would expect the parents of a 12 year old to pay, not a sibling. It is very nice that you were able to pay her way last time but it should not be the expectation moving forward.

 

[wendow]

I would expect mom or dad to help out, not the child.

My teens are responsible for any spending money. We cover everything else. They simply don't have the means to cover park tickets or anything like that. They neither one have consistent income, we never have given allowance and they don't receive much cash on birthdays or Christmas.

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, when you were 12 did you have to help pay for your vacations and cruises?
I think as an adult extending the invite to a 12 year old then you should pay for the trip, or you can go to your parent and ask them to pay for her portion. She can be responsible for her own souvenirs and extra snacks and stuff with her own spending money, but I wouldn't ask her to pay for her flight, or hotel or meals using her money.

 

[KellyHonos]

OP, when you were 12 did you have to help pay for your vacations and cruises?
I think as an adult extending the invite to a 12 year old then you should pay for the trip, or you can go to your parent and ask them to pay for her portion. She can be responsible for her own souvenirs and extra snacks and stuff with her own spending money, but I wouldn't ask her to pay for her flight, or hotel or meals using her money.

Fair enough, thanks for the input!

 

[KellyHonos]

I would expect mom or dad to help out, not the child.

My teens are responsible for any spending money. We cover everything else. They simply don't have the means to cover park tickets or anything like that. They neither one have consistent income, we never have given allowance and they don't receive much cash on birthdays or Christmas.

This is true. Honestly, my parents aren't necessarily in a financial situation where they can help significantly, and like I said in my original post, they pretty much gave her her spending money. Maybe I need to flip the narrative and ask that they help with her flight, and she fronts her own spending money versus just being given money to spend.

 

[KellyHonos]

Isn't her mom/dad chipping in? I would expect the parents of a 12 year old to pay, not a sibling. It is very nice that you were able to pay her way last time but it should not be the expectation moving forward.

My parents aren't really able to help in a substantial way. If they were, I'm sure they would. I also think that if I'm the one volunteering up the money, It's my choice to spend it. I don't know how fair it is to ask them to help out substantially if it's my choice to go. And just to clear up any confusion, I was never expecting her to pay for half the cost. That would be ridiculous. I just meant a small amount to give her some responsibility and incentive to save her allowance versus blowing it on things. Maybe I presented the concept a little inappropriately. I would never expect a child her age to fund a trip to Disney.

 

[CalDisneyMomof2]

I think what you're proposing is absolutely fair. My sister and I are a similar age difference then you and your's. At 24 and 11 my sister paid for EVERYTHING. The difference? This was 20 years ago and things were different. Also, hotel was paid for by her then husband's work (it was a work trip for him and she wanted a traveling buddy).

Give her a goal and tell her unless it's met you two won't be able to go. But make it realistic. What would she make babysitting twice a month? Petsitting once a month? Maybe reward her for good grades? $10 for an A, $5 for a B?

And I agree with others, your parents should help if they can financially. Be up front with everyone and tell them your expectations. Truly, this is a personal decision on your part about what you can and can't afford. Teaching her responsibility is great but you must be realistic as she's just 12.

 

[jjpet]

Sounds like you’re a great sister.[/QUOTE]



I agree with this! ^^^

Also wanted to speak to the idea that its unfair for a 12 year old to earn money and contribute: If you agree together on the specific thing(s) she would save money to pay for, there is a cool opportunity for her to not only experience Disney again but to enjoy some pride of ownership on the trip. My advice, would be to try to give her the 'fun' things to pay for (like the Park Hopper upgrade or something like that, just as an example). My son is 11 and we sometimes do things like this with him, and he just beams with pride when he does.

 

[KellyHonos]

She is a kid. It is not her responsibility to fund a trip. When you save up the money, then you guys go.

This is true.

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to ask for help financially -- but she's only 12. I think you need to have a chat with mom. A 12-yr-old is rather limited in ability to earn money, and the parents pretty much have to be onboard with the idea as they may need to drive her and make sure homework and other commitments are met. If she's involved with activities -- in or out of school -- that may also limit her availability to earn. I have a 13-yr-old, and there is no way she could earn enough money to make a dent in a WDW vacation cost other than towards her own spending money. Maybe a couple of her own meals, assuming it's all QS.

I'm not saying it's impossible, nor am I saying you have to shoulder the cost, but depending on circumstances it is could be very challenging for a 12-yr-old to chip in a significant chunk of change. Her own spending money, sure. Nothing wrong with a conversation about how expensive a trip can be, and having her help you plan out a budget, but it may need to be for a future trip (like 2-3 years down the road).

You sound like a loving and caring older sibling -- that's terrific! Be there for your sister as she grows up. There will be trips in the future.

Thank you very much. I think my expectations of her may have been a little unclear to the rest of the contributors, so I just wanted to say that I by no means expected her to fund half of the cost. That would be mean and a ridiculous request. I just meant helping out with her flight somewhat. My parents aren't able to help out significantly, otherwise they would be taking her versus me, you know? But I love Disney and I am happy to spend the money, I just think now that she is getting older, having her save up a little would teach her some responsibility.