Does anyone live with a Grump?

[gris gris]

My DH is so grumpy sometimes and it's really frustrating. I really don't know how to deal with it. I know it is the way he is so I try to just chalk it up to a "character trait". When we were at Disney he bought a Grumpy shirt that says something like "the dude with the mood grumpy since 1937". I told him when he bought it he was finally admitting that he's grumpy (this was a big step!). I'm not expecting him to change, just wondering how you deal with a grump. I know there are some out there because I feel like every other guy at Disney was wearing a Grumpy shirt

The one thing I'm really concerned is I don't want my kids to grow up feeling like their dad was always grumpy and I certainly don't want them to inherit this, if it's even inheritable.

 

[binny]

Oh yeah....

you know how they say to meet the family and youll see what you marrying? Yeah wish i had paid better attention to that one.

 

[momrek06]

One of my best girl friends' DH is just like that...when I stop by her house, he always makes me feel uncomfortable because he never seems happy ever. He is a nice guy and all but DGF is really starting to get a little tired of it all. They have been married almost 30years and he seems to be getting worse...

We are all going away to CO for a week for Memorial Day and my parents own a beautiful home on an island in Maine...mom has offered the house to DGF and her DH and going to Maine and fishing (24/7) is the only time he appears to me to be happy.

I think Bob needs a "Grumpy" t-shirt.

 

[gris gris]

One of my best girl friends' DH is just like that...when I stop by her house, he always makes me feel uncomfortable because he never seems happy ever. He is a nice guy and all but DGF is really starting to get a little tired of it all. They have been married almost 30years and he seems to be getting worse...

Don't tell me it's going to get worse - he's 36 years old, this could go on for a long time?? My DH is also VERY quiet and has poor social skills, so I know he makes people uncomfortable but he doesn't mean to. Someone will leave our house and I have to say under my breath "hello? they are leaving, say goodbye". I shouldn't have to do that.

LOL Binny - my inlaws are AWESOME. My FIL is especially wonderful and I keep thinking maybe DH will turn it around and end up like his dad when he's older? But now momrek tells me it can get worse!

 

[momrek06]

Don't tell me it's going to get worse - he's 36 years old, this could go on for a long time?? My DH is also VERY quiet and has poor social skills, so I know he makes people uncomfortable but he doesn't mean to. Someone will leave our house and I have to say under my breath "hello? they are leaving, say goodbye". I shouldn't have to do that.

LOL Binny - my inlaws are AWESOME. My FIL is especially wonderful and I keep thinking maybe DH will turn it around and end up like his dad when he's older? But now momrek tells me it can get worse!

I am going to tell you right now, my DGF just said to me on the phone on Monday..that this is all her fault as she has ALLOWED the behavior ...we are all 53yo...maybe YOU won't allow it anymore...

So actually it is pretty much a fact that everyone knows Bob is Grumpy 24/7 ...gris gris..don't let that happen with you! Unless it is this supposed Character Trait...

 

[Saphire]

The one thing I'm really concerned is I don't want my kids to grow up feeling like their dad was always grumpy and I certainly don't want them to inherit this, if it's even inheritable.

My Dad was always grumpy as I grew up, and you are right about a child never forgetting it. He just always seemed so unhappy, and of course a child begins to wonder if it is their fault. And it does rub off...I have spent my adult life regaining my self-esteem and trying to look at life in a hopeful, optimistic way instead of a bleak, negative way. It has been a lot of work.

I would talk to your DH and tell him your concerns. Most men refuse to go to counceling, but I would still try. Or at least for a full medical physical, often these issues stem from depression. (Has he always been like this?) Best wishes to you.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i still live at home(i'll be out by this October THANK GOD!) and my mother is a grump. she's miserable all the time. it really drives everyone nuts, but the way i'm gonna deal with it?? moving out! lol.

DH2B's father is the SAME way! if not worse! everytime he's around he's always complaining about something or always miserable....nothing is ever up to his "standards" i don't know HOW his wife puts up with it.

 

[gris gris]

I would talk to your DH and tell him your concerns. Most men refuse to go to counceling, but I would still try. Or at least for a full medical physical, often these issues stem from depression. (Has he always been like this?) Best wishes to you.

He has not always been like this and I really do think there might be some sort of depression issue. We've been to marriage counseling before and it really helped us, but at the time he wasn't so grumpy. I know he'd go back with me again, but I think he probably needs to go on his own. He is not grumpy 24/7, there are quite a few things that make him happy and he's really full of a lot of love and shows it to our kids, I just hope they don't grow up focusing on the grumpiness.

 

[Disney Doll]

Could he be depressed?

 

[gris gris]

i still live at home(i'll be out by this October THANK GOD!) and my mother is a grump. she's miserable all the time. it really drives everyone nuts, but the way i'm gonna deal with it?? moving out! lol.

This is my worst fear - I would be devastated if my kids wanted to move out because of it. They're really little so we have a long way to go, but it should be nipped now. Does your mom realize she's grumpy?

 

[gris gris]

Could he be depressed?

Totally possible - I did some searching this week for depression in men and didn't come up with much. Would the symptoms be the same as in women? Is depression something that runs in families? We are not in touch with his "real" mom but I think she has had some depression.

 

[kimmikayb]

my DH was almost unbearable...he finally went to the doctor and started to take an antidepressant...it really helped. He still has his moments but it's bearable now.

 

[pppiglet]

My DH is so grumpy sometimes and it's really frustrating. I really don't know how to deal with it. I know it is the way he is so I try to just chalk it up to a "character trait". When we were at Disney he bought a Grumpy shirt that says something like "the dude with the mood grumpy since 1937". I told him when he bought it he was finally admitting that he's grumpy (this was a big step!). I'm not expecting him to change, just wondering how you deal with a grump. I know there are some out there because I feel like every other guy at Disney was wearing a Grumpy shirt

The one thing I'm really concerned is I don't want my kids to grow up feeling like their dad was always grumpy and I certainly don't want them to inherit this, if it's even inheritable.

Oh yeah ...I live with a grump! Same thing here with the Grumpy shirts. Today's our 25th anniversary. You just have to learn to live with a grump. But when he's happy, he's hilarious! Unfortunately it's rubbed off on our son (23) and he can be pretty grumpy too.

 

[scrappingtwinmom]

Don't tell me it's going to get worse - he's 36 years old, this could go on for a long time?? My DH is also VERY quiet and has poor social skills, so I know he makes people uncomfortable but he doesn't mean to. Someone will leave our house and I have to say under my breath "hello? they are leaving, say goodbye". I shouldn't have to do that."


This describes my dh perfectly. Antidepressants have helped a lot but I think he's got a little aspbergers (poor social skills) so some of it is just how he is. He is not a happy disney person so this trip I'm taking my kids and my sister and niece. No sense making him come only to wreck it for the rest of us. He's staying home and working and isn't sad at all that he's missing the trip. So my solution is if he can't be nice he can stay home! Do check out antidepressants though, I see a huge difference when my dh is on them vs. off them. Good luck!

 

[christineann]

Do I live with a grump???

Not any more

 

[gris gris]

Do I live with a grump???

Not any more

UH OH - what happened to your grump?

 

[MushyMushy]

I feel like I'm doomed to live with grumps forever. My mother was a nightmare. Never happy, always in a foul mood, taking it out on everyone around her. She was bitter and angry.

My DS is turning into her! And there's no blood relation, so it's not genetic.

DH has always normally been wonderful -- very optimistic and upbeat. But the past, I'd say couple of years, he's been really down and grumpy. He doesn't "believe in" treating depression, so there's nothing I can do to get him to a doctor.

All I have left is DD, my ray of sunshine, but even she is going through puberty changes.

Somebody help me!

 

[Harvest02]

my DH was almost unbearable...he finally went to the doctor and started to take an antidepressant...it really helped. He still has his moments but it's bearable now.

Same with my DH!!! He started on antidepressants a few years ago, and it helps. He still has his moments as well, but I attribute a lot of it to his job since he can have good days there and bad(he is an office manager, and if they are slow he has to lay off people, watch his spending, etc.). He has never been an extremely happy person, even when we first got married. Seems as he gets older, he gets worse!!! I try not to let it bother me as much anymore because I would drive myself crazy!!! I am the positive person in the family, whereas he is just the opposite. He does do the family stuff, and even doing Disney with us again this fall(which originally he said I could take the kids by myself because he says Mickey takes all his money!!!). So, I feel for everyone else who has a grumpy DH!!!

 

[suzimar57]

my father was grumpy (to the extreme....)

still is.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm the grump in the house.