Does anyone else think this should not be done in Middle School? (long)

[luvflorida]

My daughter's middle school consists of grades 6-8. Every year during the week of Valentine's Day the students have the opportunity to purchase carnations for $1.25 each. When they buy a carnation they write a little note to go with it. At the end of the week, on Friday afternoon, the students return to their homerooms, and the flowers are given out to the recipients.

In 6th grade, I made sure my daughter got some flowers. Her older sister took some up to the school office at the end of the day, and my 6th grader was called to the office to pick them up. She was thrilled to get them, even from her sister. In 7th grade, when I picked up my daughter after school on the day of the flower giving, she got in the car and the tears started flowing. Someone told her that she was getting a carnation from a particular boy that she liked, but she didn't get one from him. She didn't get any carnations, while her best friend received a dozen from a boy she didn't even like.

Now my daughter is in 8th grade and I'm sighing with relief because the boy she has been "going out" with has some beautiful roses to give her tomorrow. I know it, but she doesn't.

Regardless, I just think the whole flower thing stinks. Every year there are boys and girls who sit quietly waiting and hoping for a carnation to come their way. What a sad and disappointing way to end a school week. A lot of kids don't get any carnations, while some kids get armloads. A lot of kids this age will just shrug it off, but I'm sure feelings get hurt, even if they don't want to show it. What an awful age group to do this with! Middle Schoolers are insecure enough without having to endure this ritual.

Just my thoughts, and by the way, I have brought this up in the past at various school meetings, but I guess there aren't people who feel as I do. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I'm glad this is the laat year of middle school.

 

[caitycaity]

no, i don't see the big deal. we did that in high school. and it was always fun. girls sent to their girl friends. i don't remember anyone ever getting upset an feeling left out, and i wasn't one of the "in crowd".

in middle school, if it's not the flowers it will be something else, anyways. as nice as it would be, i don't think it's possible to control the environment so that kids never get their feelings hurt. this may sound harsh, but it's just part of growing up.

 

[cindysteve]

I remember doing this in high school. Each color represented something else. We always sent friendship ones between our friends, girl to girl. It was seldom the boys sending anything. I could see how a childs feelings could get hurt, and age wise, do they really wish to encourage boy/girl relationships at 6-8 grade level? Kind of scares me. These kids date too early anyway. If there is time have your daughter send a flower to a friend and have them send one back.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well - speaking as a former tall gawky 13yo who would have only gotten a carnation from her Mother.


I think the idea stinks.

 

[mckryan]

They do the same thing at our middle school, and DD came home with none yesterday. She was a little bummed, but I think she would have freaked if a boy sent her one. She's 12, but she still thinks boys are kind of yucky. If anything, they should send something home, or have something on the school website, about this so that parents can buy at least one for their child. I hate for any child to be left out!

 

[jx3smom]

They do it at our high school but not the middle school. I really don't think it's a good idea for the middle school. Kids have too many other problems at that age and it seems only the "cool" kids would get flowers. I wouldn't even allow my 12 yo DS buy flowers for girls at this age.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I agree with you. It is hard on kids when they don't receive a flower when it seems to them that everyone else is getting one. I feel so sorry for my mom and what she had to deal with when I was going to school. I have a twin sister and she is very shy and quiet, me on the other hand loud, outgoing, obnoxious, very flirtacious (sp) and up for anything. Growing up I always had the boyfriends and on Valentine's Day I would get flowers, jewellery, candy, and tons of presents from my friends and boyfriends. My sister was always devastated that she didnt get anything. What did my mom ever do? But now she can have paybacks because she is married and I am still single.

At all my schools (middle school-high school) we could send candy or flowers to people and many people hated to go to school because they knew they weren't going to get a present delivered. Growing up my friends always teased that it was Single Awareness Day!!! It's tough to be a kid!!!

 

[Stimpy]

Wow, they still do this? I remember school clubs would do this as a fundraiser back when I was in Jr High and High School (waaaayyyyyy back, almost 20 yrs ago). I hated that day! Believe it or not, I still am not a fan for Valentines Day because of it.

I was a really shy, quiet introverted kid with extremely low self-esteem and it really hurt not to get anything. For a kid that suffered from depression all through high school, this was devestating.

I really like the way DS's school handles V-day, either you send everyone in the class something or you don't send them during class at all. (But he's alot younger)

Maybe your daughter and her friends can start something new and buy a few flowers for some of the kids who probably won't get anything. They don't even have to give their names, sort of like secret Santa? Just a little something to make the other kids feel like someone cares about them too.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by mckryan
They do the same thing at our middle school, and DD came home with none yesterday. She was a little bummed, but I think she would have freaked if a boy sent her one. She's 12, but she still thinks boys are kind of yucky. If anything, they should send something home, or have something on the school website, about this so that parents can buy at least one for their child. I hate for any child to be left out!

I think sending something home would be a good idea as well. Although, in general I think it's a bad age for this kind of thing.

 

[Maleficent2]

this could be very hurtful for both girls and boys.

It reminds me of our schools awards day...my heart just wants to break for the children(k-5)that do not get an award.It is so sad. The school position on awards is if a child does not get one and sees other children getting them it will motivate them to do better. I see alot of very hurt children sitting in the auditorium. Luckily my DS has always received at least one award.


I feel for you and your DD and the other children who feel left out. Childhood esp preteen and teen can be a very trying time and adding to the stress does not help.

Maybe some compromise could be met where the limit the number of carnation each child can purchase or receive or at least make sure that every child receives a carnation and all carnations could remain anonymous. I sure this all boils down to this is a fund raiser and the bottom line is money. Sad.


Mal

 

[browneyes]

My kids' school restricts any kind of flower delivery. They're in elementary school though.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I think it's just plain nuts to encourage dating behavior in 6th graders. If they MUST do it in high school, that's one thing, but I see no logical reason why it's done in middle school.

 

[Evil Princess]

I don't think it's a big deal at all. My middle school and high school did this, they were called "flowergrams" and supported whatever group what doing the fundraising.

Everyone goes through rejection, no use in sheltering kids when their at the middle school age. Besides, in 6th and 7th grade I was upset about something silly at least once a day. Take away the flowergrams and I'd prob. come home crying because so and so didn't have a crush on me or my note about a boy that I liked somehow fell into the wrong hands. Those aren't fun years, flowers on Valentine's Day or not.

No, I was not in that popular group, but I still got flowers. My friends and I would send them to each other with cute little inside jokes. This started in about 8th grade though. In 6th and 7th grade I don't remember if I got any, prob. not (those were DEF my awkward years, lol). I was a bit bummed, but honestly, life goes on. I got over it the next day.

Even here in college, I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago, and Valentines Day kind of bums me out. 8 girls from my floor and I decided to do a "Secret" Valentine for about 10 bucks or so. It sure did brighten my day

 

[always quiet]

Our middle school does it. I hate it!! My older 2 kids are in school there...DS is quiet and reserved...DD is very outgoing and has lots of friends. Guess which one gets the flowers!?? It always make DS kind of sad that day, even though he would never admit that it does bother him.

I was stunned to find out 2 years ago that our elementary school is doing the same thing!!!!!! I have nothing wrong with kids passing out Valentine's cards as long as each teacher makes it clear that if you are passing cards out to 1 student, you must pass them out to the entire class. The flowers will create hurt feelings.

 

[Beauty]

Our school does suckers. You have different colors meaning different things from Your my Friend, You Cool, I Like You and even a red I love you one. They are .25 cents each and are so much fun. They teachers usually get every student in their class one so everyone gets at least one sucker.

Our kids have a ball with these.

 

[Feralpeg]

They do it at DD's high school. Not only do they do flowers, but for a fee they can be matched to 10 kids of the opposite sex. DD wanted money this morning so that she could do this. They fill out a questionaire and are matched by computer. Nothing really comes of it other than they get the names of the kids they matched. DD and some girlfriends gave each other flowers last year. This year, her girlfriends have steady boyfriends. DD just broke up with hers. She doesn't think she will get anything this year. I think they are under enough pressure in school without this sort of thing.

 

[TimeforMe]

Originally posted by luvflorida
Just my thoughts, and by the way, I have brought this up in the past at various school meetings, but I guess there aren't people who feel as I do.

I'm sure there are many parents who feel the same as you. The problem with bringing these kinds of subjects up at public meetings is that people get self-conscious about speaking out and usually won't unless it's unanimous. I would call the prinicipal (or dean or guidance counselors) to voice your concerns.

I agree with you. I feel it is inappropriate for middle schoolers.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't like it at all - and would do everything I could to have them put a halt to it..

I think those years are difficult enough without purposely setting up a situation where a lone student ends up feeling ostracized, lonely, unattractive, unloved, and embarrassed in front of the rest of the class..

Find a different way to celebrate and/or raise money..

 

[RitaZ.]

We did this when I was in Jr. High (way back when it was 7-9 grades) . I never received a flower, but secretly hoped that I would. Was I disappointed? Yes, a little. Did it scar me for life? NO!!! I did get a few in high school and that was fun. I don't think that there is anything wrong with doing it though, just MHO.

Actually, I think Valentine's Day is worse as an adult in the workplace. If your husband or boyfriend didn't send you flowers at the office or if a co-worker's arrangement was nicer than others... there were a lot of hurt feelings.

I remember my first Valentine's Day as a married woman (I worked full time and went to school part-time, DH was about to graduate and worked part-time; money was scarce). I worked at a bank and early in the a.m. the floral arrangements started arriving. One girl got this huge floral arrangement, my DH sent me a modest looking arrangement later in the afternoon. When she saw my flowers, she started laughing at them I wanted to punch her right in the face! So much for being "adults".

 

[tkyes]

We did this in 7th, 8th and 9th grade. No big deal to me. I always got ones from my friends and was thrilled with those.


tamie