Does anyone else stay in an unhappy marriage?

[WDWHound]

I have no way of knowing that? he has stated that he thinks that she has turned to other men. No one seems to believe this.


If I were in her shoes? I couldn't live in an uncaring, celibate marriage. He said that the only thing that she would miss is his income, cause she does not work.

I don't care if she is cheating. If that is true, he needs to divorce her, not answer with more cheating. Minnie, if you don't know how she feels about this, you are taking HUGE risk that you may be hurting an innocent women. Remeber, you only know her through him. Even if she isn't innocent in all this, you still don't want to cause her pain. You don't want to be a party to the destruction of a marriage, not matter how bad the marriage is.

 

[caitycaity]

you know this thread reminds me of the abortion thread from earlier this week. mrsltg, i guess you were right. libido reigns over common sense.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

since we are bing so blunt here on this thread.... haven't you been in the situation where a guy was just trying to get in your pants before? where he was telling you things you knew were lies and the reason why he was telling them to you was obvious? why is it so hard to believe that he could be making things up?

I guess that he could still be making it up, but he's not getting into my pants and we have known each other technically for months now. Wouldn't he have moved on to an easier target?

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I don't care if she is cheating. If that is true, he needs to divorce her, not answer with more cheating. Minnie, if you don't know how she feels about this, you are taking HUGE risk that you may be hurting an innocent women. Remeber, you only know her through him. Even if she isn't innocent in all this, you still don't want to cause her pain. You don't want to be a party to the destruction of a marriage, not matter how bad the marriage is.

Frankly, I don't think she cares. She seems to have made this women out to be evil in her mind. She has to other wise SHE is the bad guy.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I have no way of knowing that? he has stated that he thinks that she has turned to other men. No one seems to believe this.


If I were in her shoes? I couldn't live in an uncaring, celibate marriage. He said that the only thing that she would miss is his income, cause she does not work.

You know why people are having trouble believing that she is cheating? Because a man will say anything to get his new mistress to feel sorry for him and sleep with him. My dad had an affair while my mom was pregnant with me and told his mistress that the baby wasn't his. Trust me, this other woman was smart enough to find out for herself. I am my dad's (it has been proven) although I hate to admit it. Maybe his wife is cheating, but you really have no way to know unless you ask her or see it for yourself.

As far as how you wouldn't live in an uncaring, celibate marriage...again you only have his version of the story. If you were to contact his wife, you might hear a completely different story. My dad told his mistress (that he eventually left my mom for...not the one I mentioned previously) that my mom was uncaring, etc. Well I lived there, and I can tell you that was not the case. She did everything for him and genuinely did care for him. He was just a jerk who wanted a little action on the side. When he left, he left 3 children and my mother was not working. SO, that part is probably true. She probably does rely on his income. My mom did, and my dad left her (and us) with nothing. My mom is a strong woman though and bounced back. This all happened about 12 years ago, and I can assure you that my mom is happier in her 2nd marriage than my dad is in his 3rd marriage. She is the type to give all and my dad is the type to take all. He will never be satisfied. Sad, but true.

 

[momof2inPA]

The lunches just started recently, but no physical contact was going on.

No contact "was" going on? Slippin' up, Eliza?

Don't do it. It's not fair to the wife, and the guy's being slimey, even though you're blinded right now and only see his good points. He's a slimey cliche'.

 

[caitycaity]

but he's not getting into my pants and we have known each other technically for months now. Wouldn't he have moved on to an easier target?

1) how do you know he isn't schtuping yet another woman (neither you nor the wife) right now?

2) um no, guys LIKE the chase - it's a conquest game. the harder you make it, the harder he will try. that way when he gets you it will be all the better.

 

[momof2inPA]

I guess that he could still be making it up, but he's not getting into my pants and we have known each other technically for months now. Wouldn't he have moved on to an easier target?

Hey, he's an old dude who likes the attention. He likes that people (even strangers) see him in public with a younger woman. If you weren't around, anyone else would do. You're convenient.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Frankly, I don't think she cares. She seems to have made this women out to be evil in her mind. She has to other wise SHE is the bad guy.

No, nowhere have I ever said anything negative, or bad about this woman. This woman is not "evil". I have no bad feelings whatsoever about his wife.

Why must you lie/ What is the point in that!

 

[WDWHound]

1) how do you know he isn't schtuping yet another woman (neither you nor the wife) right now?

2) um no, guys LIKE the chase - it's a conquest game. the harder you make it, the harder he will try. that way when he gets you it will be all the better.

And its not all about the sex. A forbidden emotional relationship is just as dangerous, if not more so. Why all the focus on sex Minnie? Why aren't you wondering why a married man is looking for any so of relationship that goes above and beyond marriage, even if his marraige in on the rocks? Don't you see the danger signs, or do you just not care?

I am not trying to attack you here. I am using harch words and beiong confrontational because I have seen the kind of point this sort of thing causes too much in my life and I never want to see it happen again, even to someone I will never meet face to face. please drop you defense and at least consider the possibility that we are right.

 

[s&k'smom]

I have to tell you I'm exhausted reading these threads.

 

[caitycaity]

No, nowhere have I ever said anything negative, or bad about this woman.

actions speak louder than words.

 

[Tiggeroo]

He said that the only thing that she would miss is his income, cause she does not work.

Look at her age. She got married at a time when many women didn't work. Even 20 years ago that was the case. He would stand to lose a good deal in a divorce from this woman. A woman who is in her 50's and married at least 20years to a man who supported her all that time. This couple is almost as old as my parents. If my father left he would be living in a rooming house because it would be tough for him to qualify for a mortgage and pay the alimony he would have to pay. He would lose half of his pension and retirement investments. And all that money would have to support two seperate households.
I didn't see too much wrong with this in the beginning but now I feel this guy is a real prick. He should go home, apologize to his wife for letting it get so bad and suggest counseling. He should try to woo her back into his life and bed. What you are doing is the equivelant of setting up a bar for an alcoholic. You are younger then his wife, you are more independent then his wife, and since he has no history with you there are no problems or history of wrongs done or disapointments. Which do you think would look better to him, you or his wife.
And for all the years she stayed home instead of forging an interesting career she was washing his dirty socks and underwear, cleaning his toilets, making his beds, fixing him things when he didn't feel well. And her reward is to be left at home while her husband pursues an affair.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I guess that he could still be making it up, but he's not getting into my pants and we have known each other technically for months now. Wouldn't he have moved on to an easier target?

I don't know. If he's saying stuff like, "Why can't we make each other happy?" then maybe he thinks he's further along than you do. How do you get to that point in conversation? IMO It's a huge leap from just, "lending an ear".

Why would you listen to that kind of crap if you don't intend to act on it? Even if you don't care about his wife or any repercussions of what's going on, isn't that a waste of time for both of you?

You must be getting something out of hearing him blather on about how he can make you happy. So he's begging for sex and you aren't going to give it to him. How is that a "helping" relationship?

 

[WDWHound]

No, nowhere have I ever said anything negative, or bad about this woman. This woman is not "evil". I have no bad feelings whatsoever about his wife.

Then understand that you are running the risk of hurting her.

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Frankly, I don't think she cares. She seems to have made this women out to be evil in her mind. She has to other wise SHE is the bad guy.

Sadly, I have to agree. I think we are all just wasting our breath. She will probably have to find out on her own...the hard way, and after all the damage is done.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

No contact "was" going on? Slippin' up, Eliza?

Don't do it. It's not fair to the wife, and the guy's being slimey, even though you're blinded right now and only see his good points. He's a slimey cliche'.

No physical contact has 'ever' gone on. What is so hard to believe about that? You guys insist upon overly dramatizing this whole thing. Why are you so threatened that you can't even believe what I write. That totally makes this dicussion not worth my while.

 

[caitycaity]

Sadly, I have to agree. I think we are all just wasting our breath. She will probably have to find out on her own...the hard way, and after all the damage is done.

the only reason i'm wasting my breath is because a lot more people than just mp stand to be hurt by her actions.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

the only reason i'm wasting my breath is because a lot more people than just mp stand to be hurt by her actions.

This is getting ridiculous. You mean by my non-action, because I'm not doing anything!

 

[WDWHound]

No physical contact has 'ever' gone on. What is so hard to believe about that? You guys insist upon overly dramatizing this whole thing. Why are you so threatened that you can't even believe what I write. That totally makes this dicussion not worth my while.

I have never accused you of any of that, not do I think you are trying to hurt anyone. I just think you are making a mistake.

Do me a favor. Go back and read your own posts on this thread. not one of them even acknowledges the possiblity that this relationship could be a bad thing. Can you see that it is possible?