Miss Jasmine
Time for something new!<BR><font color=limegreen><
- Joined
- May 23, 2001
- Messages
- 16,869
Totalia, I think the integrity comment had to do with staying in a marriage and fooling around outside of it.
snoopy said:I absolutely agree that sometimes divorce is the best option. But short of abuse (which could mean abuse of drugs or alcohol, physical abuse, or the mental abuse one spouse inflicts on the other from having affairs), I'd do what ever I could to keep my marriage intact. Particularly since we have children and have agreed to raise them together.
jrydberg said:Speaking from experience, one person cannot do everything it takes to keep the marriage intact. It takes two. I took my marriage vows very seriously. But I alone could not keep my marriage together. I did everything I could. It wasn't enough.
Disney Doll said:I don't recall anyone saying anyone's marriage was perfect. Mine certainly isn't. I am happy, he is a good man and I love him very much, but he's not God. Nor am I the Blessed Mother. We have our moments, like anyone else.
It has become common in this world for people to say "well, he/she made me do this". I have said it before, and I will say it again. I have a set of values I adhere to. I have "things" that I believe in that are important to me, regardless of outside influences, other peoples' behavior or whatever. One of these is integrity, and keeping my word. When I married, I gave my word that I would be faithful to that vow and to that man. If I felt that I could no longer do that, I would change my situation, change my marriage, leave my marriage...whatever. But I would not break my word. And it has nothing to do with what my spouse, my friends, the world, my co-workers or my new "soulmate" would think. It has to do with me. And only me.
If it sounds like I am judging, well, I am stating my beliefs for myself. The OP, anotherdisguise and minnniepumpernickel all posted on an Internet bulletin board. Everyone is not going to give the response they want to hear. I do not believe in infidelity for any reason. I believe in working on your marriage to the best of your ability, until you truly feel as if there is nothing more you can do. Then I believe that one should end the marraige before one finds a new companion. These are the things I need to maintain for myself, so I can look at myself in the mirror each day.
chobie said:Good for you and good for all of us who are sticking it out. Now that we have passed judgment on the cheaters and gloated over some of our own perfect marriages, lets give some credit to the people who are trying to make the best of a not-so-great situation because we are trying to do what we think is best for our children.
There is a big difference between a one night stand and an emotional affair. I think most women who've been cheated on were more bothered by the emotional intimacy then the sex.Yes, I know how it feels. My husband cheated on me fairly early in our marriage. One night stand kind of thing while on TDY in the military
I don't think anybody who's been married more then a few years believes their spouses are immune. Most men if they are in a vulnerable place and come across a woman who is clearly willing will at the very least be sorely tempted. But that's just sex. It's the ongoing emotional relationships that are a greater risk to a marriage and families. I don't see much of judging going on here. I hear alot of good common sense. Marriage should mean something. I truly believe that even if you've fallen out of love with your husband if you work at it you can fall back into love. I believe that if two people are fairly decent, have similar values, years of shared memories, and kids they love, it's possible for one of them to save the marriage. Not guaranteed, but possible. Picture the lonely, vulnerable place you place your husbands in when you allow your marriages to remain so distant. Alot of men don't think like that or see it this way. If they find an understanding shoulder at the office, they won't even realize that it was because they were lonely that they cross the line. If a man is lonely and unhappy in his marriage all it will take is somebody who seems interested in him, who listens, who dresses a bit nice, etc.. and he could go off with her. If that's all it takes for him to go astray that's probably all it would take for a wife to do to recapture his interest.The good, married ladies chastising the sinners. Slapping the scarlet letter on the chest and gloating that my man would never do that.
poohandwendy said:we ALL know that marriage is never perfect and that it takes work.
disneydragon said:I have a different take on it. I think she isn't asking for opinions. I think she's trying to get someone to shake some sense into her, because she can't step away from that flame on her own. Maybe it will work and she'll leave him alone, or maybe not. But she knows what she's doing is wrong. She doesn't need the DIS to tell her that.
Well, first of all seeing a man in a totally public place isn't all that scandalous. Is talking on the phone that bad too? Let me reiterate: I did not have sexual relations"!!!! Or anything remotely close to that!
speaking of blaming the woman...isn't that exactly what you are doing here -- blaming the spouse? how do you even know what she has or has not done with her husband (and don't tell me that you know because he told you - who know if what he is telling you is true). you are judging his wife in the same way you are accusing others of judging you.Point number two: If you are worrying about the men, why aren't you having deeper conversations with them? Why are they turning to the collective "us" for emotional support? I am not married, so I took no vows. Typical to blame the woman!!
Disney Doll said:You know what, I am not chastising or standing in judgement of anyone, nor am I being self-righteous. I am posting my opinion.
You presume a lot about me, and what I may or may not have experienced. You haven't walked a mile in my shoes either.
You chose to post personal information on a public Internet bulletin board. Sorry if I am doing the "non-PC" thing by not saying "Hooray for you. You found your soulmate. Too bad he's not your husband but oh well...at least you found him". There is much at stake here for many people, including the innocent victims, the children. Hopefully all of you with your "soulmates" will be able to live with that.
caitycaity said:from what you described, it seemed like you are having "emotional relations" with this man though. i personally would not like it if my dh was having the kind of relationship you described with another woman. i think that was the point others were trying to make.
speaking of blaming the woman...isn't that exactly what you are doing here -- blaming the spouse? how do you even know what she has or has not done with her husband (and don't tell me that you know because he told you - who know if what he is telling you is true). you are judging his wife in the same way you are accusing others of judging you.
Sad. Why doesn't he just be her friend.He says that maybe his wife has a BF and he hopes that she does?