Do your kids under age 13 use Facebook?

[punkin]

My DD11 has a facebook. She keeps in touch with relatives who live far away, and, of course, all her friends are on it too. My DD17 also has a facebook, but I guess that's normal.

We haven't had any issues yet, but lately DD11 informed me she was getting tired of facebook and was considering deleting her profile altogether.

 

[momx2]

My oldest DD 12 has an account. She has had it since she was 11. I love it! I get on her account with her password and that's how I find out if there is drama going on with her friends. She knows I go on every now and then under her account. She is not allowed to have any internet accounts that I don't have the password for.

She is getting ready to graduate 6th grade and go to Middle school, 7th grade. So far, so good. I can see some mean girls in the making, but I use this as a teaching tool with my daughter.

Kids here tend to post their accomplishments in sports or dance or whatever and really boring stuff, like....I'm bored ) Ha! Gotta love 12 year olds!

 

[Misty89]

nope.

my DD10 (11 in 2 months) begs to have one - i do not think it's a good idea.

 

[SaraJayne]

At least the Principal is setting an EXAMPLE........................one that you as a parent should set for your child........

My son is 13 and has a Facebook page that I keep a close eye on. He wasn't allowed a page until he turned 13, but thanks for being concerned.

 

[PatsGirl]

DD just turned 13 and has no facebook or instant messaging program and no internet or television in her room, but we did just recently get her a phone and she is happy with that. I don't mind at all that her social circle is limited, actually I prefer it that way

We were just discussing her lack of downtime; ie, television, music, etc. and she looks forward to when school gets out so she can spend more time doing these things. I have strict guidelines for her phone usage but she is able to keep in touch via texting with all her friends from 6-8 am and after school from 3-9 pm and then the phone goes on the charger in the kitchen. Her school uses email as a way of keeping in touch and have all notices sent directly to me. If it is something she needs to have a hard copy of, I print it out for her but most of the time it has to do with half days, field trips $$, school lunch menu that sort of thing.

As for middle school mean girls, wow! They are everywhere at this age. DD's friend circle gets smaller and smaller because she (and I) just won't put up with nasty, catty so-called friends

FWIW, I have a facebook account and have de-friended several nieces and nephews and some of my friends' kids because they put tmi online and I feel better not seeing what they're doing and who they're doing it with

 

[golfgal]

DD just turned 13 and has no facebook or instant messaging program and no internet or television in her room, but we did just recently get her a phone and she is happy with that. I don't mind at all that her social circle is limited, actually I prefer it that way

We were just discussing her lack of downtime; ie, television, music, etc. and she looks forward to when school gets out so she can spend more time doing these things. I have strict guidelines for her phone usage but she is able to keep in touch via texting with all her friends from 6-8 am and after school from 3-9 pm and then the phone goes on the charger in the kitchen. Her school uses email as a way of keeping in touch and have all notices sent directly to me. If it is something she needs to have a hard copy of, I print it out for her but most of the time it has to do with half days, field trips $$, school lunch menu that sort of thing.

As for middle school mean girls, wow! They are everywhere at this age. DD's friend circle gets smaller and smaller because she (and I) just won't put up with nasty, catty so-called friends

FWIW, I have a facebook account and have de-friended several nieces and nephews and some of my friends' kids because they put tmi online and I feel better not seeing what they're doing and who they're doing it with

I am just curious why you have "strict guidelines" for phone, computer, email, etc? Has your DD done something so you don't trust her? I guess we have operated under the "you can do it until you do something to lose it" principal. Our kids have really never done anything to lose our trust and as a result are very, very, very good kids (we are constantly complimented on how good our kids are-which we feel is more to their personalities than anything but we take the credit anyway ). I just think that if you go out expecting your kids to do something wrong, they will. I am not bashing, just curious as to the thought behind the decision.

 

[PatsGirl]

My strict guidelines have more to do with protecting DD than limiting her. She is a great kid but I think the less distractions and temptations kids have the better off they are. On the other hand, I am much less strict about other things.

Today would be a great example as we are off for her first teen rite of passage: she has saved the $$ to have her hair colored purple and has an appointment at 11:30

I think there is plenty of time for social networking, sometime maybe in high school? But right now she is better off spending time on schoolwork, her girl scout Silver Award, and the volunteering that she does. Her small "circle" of friends tend to come from families with the same thoughts so there is no teasing of each other and very little "but Mom XXX can do it"....

 

[VickiVM]

My 11 and 13 year old both have FB accounts and post frequently. My 13 year old is great about reminding our church circle of friends of various events dates and times. Our youth director is going to let her be a co-administrator of a page just for the youth group activities. He will preview and approve the content, but she will post and send out invitations.

My 11 year posts a lot of her favorite youtube videos - all g-rated. She also posts encouraging quotes and stuff like that. Mostly boring stuff like a pp said.

Both of my girls FB page reflect their personalities. Neither are part of the 'popular' cliques @ school and feel the need to boast, brag, criticize or post inappropriate messages. We don't allow them to behave that way in person, so they don't act that way on FB. My husband and I are friends on both of their pages and can view all of their postings.

We also set the privacy controls right off the bat so only their friends can view their pages.

This is how kids communicate now - it doesn't matter how much we parents protest it or dislike it, it is part of their culture. I don't feel as I though I have failed as a parent by allowing this, nor would I judge another parent for restricting/banning it for their child.

I do think that prinicipal - even though his motives appear genuine - does not have the right to demand that parents cut off these forms of social networking...it's throwing out the baby with the bathwater. The majority of teens/preteens that use these social networks are not plotting to kill or physically harm another child. Nor are they all priortizing it over their schoolwork.

Just like any other parenting challenge we go through, this too has to be addressed and managed within the household. Lazy parenting equals undisciplined children.

 

[bgirl29]

My concern is really the monitoring. I don't have time to do that as I am blocked at work and don't want to spend our precious free time doing that. How much time does this monitoring take? And are you sure you are seeing everything?

Eeyore the only way you see everyting is if you install a program that will copy there instant messages...ie chats. otherwise those only show when they are talking to each other and are closed when they are finished. So no record is normally made of those conversations. I let my dd get a facebook when she was 14 and if i had understood about the chat feature I would have waited even longer. Sometimes I sit with her when she is on facebook and the things that some teenage boys will say online has been amazing and appalling to me. I am sure that girls say bad things too, before anyone complains.

 

[golfgal]

My 11 and 13 year old both have FB accounts and post frequently. My 13 year old is great about reminding our church circle of friends of various events dates and times. Our youth director is going to let her be a co-administrator of a page just for the youth group activities. He will preview and approve the content, but she will post and send out invitations.

My 11 year posts a lot of her favorite youtube videos - all g-rated. She also posts encouraging quotes and stuff like that. Mostly boring stuff like a pp said.

Both of my girls FB page reflect their personalities. Neither are part of the 'popular' cliques @ school and feel the need to boast, brag, criticize or post inappropriate messages. We don't allow them to behave that way in person, so they don't act that way on FB. My husband and I are friends on both of their pages and can view all of their postings.

We also set the privacy controls right off the bat so only their friends can view their pages.

This is how kids communicate now - it doesn't matter how much we parents protest it or dislike it, it is part of their culture. I don't feel as I though I have failed as a parent by allowing this, nor would I judge another parent for restricting/banning it for their child.

I do think that prinicipal - even though his motives appear genuine - does not have the right to demand that parents cut off these forms of social networking...it's throwing out the baby with the bathwater. The majority of teens/preteens that use these social networks are not plotting to kill or physically harm another child. Nor are they all priortizing it over their schoolwork.

Just like any other parenting challenge we go through, this too has to be addressed and managed within the household. Lazy parenting equals undisciplined children.

I think that is the key.

 

[Northstar]

Just to be a little cynical here, based on personal experience...

The title of this thread should be changed to "Do you LET your kids under age 13 use Facebook?"

It is so easy to get a Facebook account, and kids have so many ways to access the Internet other than your home computer, that many, many kids have surreptitious accounts their parents don't know about. My DD came clean about her secret account after a few months. I could have closed it, but instead, decided to supervise and monitor it, because what would have stopped her from opening another secret account?

But it's still worth discussing whether you LET them have Facebook, because your permission, and whatever monitoring/teaching you do about how to use social networking, communicates what you expect of them. Also, of course, if you maintain tight control of the home computer, the time they can spend on an illicit account is much more limited.

 

[luvsJack]

99.9% of everything everyone is afraid of on facebook can just as easily happen via cell phones, email and through plain, old fashioned social contact. The drama, the mean girls, bullying; it went on for years without facebook and will continue long after facebook is a thing of the past.

The only way to keep all of this away from your child is to be a constant part of their lives and to TALK to them. If I didn't listen to dd on a constant basis, I wouldn't know that ALL the girls have boyfriends and that she is being pressured to have one too. I wouldn't know that the class bully is targeting her at the moment and help to give her tools to deal with it (along with talking to the teachers). I wouldn't know the issues she is having with her bff and their little group and that some days when she seems a bit down and out its because of some little tiff. NONE of this happened over facebook, all of it is at school, on the phone, and at softball practice and games and in show choir.

My point to all this is that facebook is a tool, just like email, texting and plain old socializing. Through facebook all the preteen/teen drama can happen but its just happening in a different format and if it is happening on facebook its just a continuation to what is going on in school.

Our kids need to know how to navigate through all this drama. DD needed the confidence to tell her bf that she "doesn't NEED anything" when told she "needed" a boy friend (to which I said "YOU GO GIRL! ). As for the bullying they need to have the strength not to join in and the confidence to just unfriend anyone who starts up with them and then to tell an adult that the bullying is happening. But they need all these tools with or without facebook and we can't look at facebook as the only way these things are happening otherwise we are just fooling ourselves.

Sure kids may post something that isn't too appropriate, but if the kid will post it most of the time they will say it. Why is posting it on facebook worse than saying it face to face?

Someone choosing not to allow their child under 13 to have a facebook account because of the rule, then I understand that. But if you are doing it because of some false sense of security then you really need to think again because facebook does not cause the preteen issues and not having it won't solve it.

 

[wdwgirl03]

Wow, kids in second grade have facebook? That is really kind of sad. As for an 11 year old, I really don't know why they'd need to have a facebook account. Maybe it's the teacher in me...I guess I'm not surprised but it's scary to think kids so young are already on there.

 

[VickiVM]

99.9% of everything everyone is afraid of on facebook can just as easily happen via cell phones, email and through plain, old fashioned social contact. The drama, the mean girls, bullying; it went on for years without facebook and will continue long after facebook is a thing of the past.

The only way to keep all of this away from your child is to be a constant part of their lives and to TALK to them. If I didn't listen to dd on a constant basis, I wouldn't know that ALL the girls have boyfriends and that she is being pressured to have one too. I wouldn't know that the class bully is targeting her at the moment and help to give her tools to deal with it (along with talking to the teachers). I wouldn't know the issues she is having with her bff and their little group and that some days when she seems a bit down and out its because of some little tiff. NONE of this happened over facebook, all of it is at school, on the phone, and at softball practice and games and in show choir.

My point to all this is that facebook is a tool, just like email, texting and plain old socializing. Through facebook all the preteen/teen drama can happen but its just happening in a different format and if it is happening on facebook its just a continuation to what is going on in school.

Our kids need to know how to navigate through all this drama. DD needed the confidence to tell her bf that she "doesn't NEED anything" when told she "needed" a boy friend (to which I said "YOU GO GIRL! ). As for the bullying they need to have the strength not to join in and the confidence to just unfriend anyone who starts up with them and then to tell an adult that the bullying is happening. But they need all these tools with or without facebook and we can't look at facebook as the only way these things are happening otherwise we are just fooling ourselves.

Sure kids may post something that isn't too appropriate, but if the kid will post it most of the time they will say it. Why is posting it on facebook worse than saying it face to face?

Someone choosing not to allow their child under 13 to have a facebook account because of the rule, then I understand that. But if you are doing it because of some false sense of security then you really need to think again because facebook does not cause the preteen issues and not having it won't solve it.

Yep, yep. There isn't any behavior I have witnessed in my girls' friends postings on FB that I didn't already notice in talking to them face to face or observing them with my girls.

 

[VickiVM]

Wow, kids in second grade have facebook? That is really kind of sad. As for an 11 year old, I really don't know why they'd need to have a facebook account. Maybe it's the teacher in me...I guess I'm not surprised but it's scary to think kids so young are already on there.

No, you're correct, there isn't a need. There aren't needs for a lot of stuff that is availalbe in our culture. That doesn't mean it's always harmful or detrimental for everyone.

 

[EclecticWAHM]

Nope. I think the age limit (13) is there for a reason. My 14yo has one and my 12yo will be allowed to get one when he turns 13. For both kids, they have email and I have passwords for everything and parental controls set up. They both know I have the email/FB passwords and that I check frequently.

I think it would be setting a poor example to allow them to break the rules, and I don't see "but all my other friends have one" as an excuse to lie about age.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

My DS12 and DS10 both have FB accounts. My DH is in the Navy and this has allowed the boys to stay in contact with friends from the past 3 duty stations. Moving has gotten harder on them as they have gotten older and right before our last move (December) we made the decision that they could have FB to stay in touch with their friends in DC.

I have their passwords. They aren't allowed to be friends with any adults! I check their accounts all the time, although they probably only check FB 3x/week.

Funny story. We went on vacation with my DH's 23 yo cousin (male). Of course, my boys wanted to be friends with him on FB. I said "no", that even though Nick is fun and acts like a kid, he is still an adult. Later on, Nick told me that he tried to send the boys a message via FB and said "Man, you have those kids locked down tight! I can't find them, let alone leave them a message".

 

[agnes!]

DD (hs Jr) didn't get FB until we got the iMac and that was in September 2008. She says that she thinks HS is soon enough for most kids.

agnes!

 

[Took]

Nope, terms of service say 13
Rules are Rules.

When DD is 13 she knows it is something that is open for discussion but will not automatically be granted.

For the record, I have a FB account and I love it, but I'm not 11!

I agree. Don't know what folks are thinking....

 

[golfgal]

Nope, terms of service say 13
Rules are Rules.

When DD is 13 she knows it is something that is open for discussion but will not automatically be granted.

For the record, I have a FB account and I love it, but I'm not 11!

The terms of service are there to protect FACEBOOK, not your child. I don't see that as a hard and fast rule as to whether my child should have a Facebook account or not. I gave my permission for my child to be on that site and it then becomes MY responsibility if something happens because of that. I am not the kind of parent that would blame Facebook if my child got in trouble for posting something inappropriate nor would I blame Facebook if someone did something to my child.