Do you think we over indulge our kids?

[BeckyEsq]

Doesn't sound any different from what my parents did when I was a kid -- this is not a new thing. I remember my mom spending hours and days at baseball games, basketball games, hot and sweaty swim meets, many of which would be half the day.

Well, just because it's not new doesn't mean it's okay.

I think it's all about degree. Of course it's great to spend time with the kids, go to their activities, etc. But I do think there is a trend toward a woman completely identifying herself through her children. I first became really aware of this problem after an episode of Oprah about a year ago featuring women who had not had sex with their husbands in a year b/c they were too busy staying up late baking cupcakes for scratch for their kids to take to school. That's just an example. But I absolutely think that people can go overboard as far as putting the kids first to the point where they lose their identity and their marriages even suffer. And yes, I think this is more common now than it was when we were growing up.

 

[golfgal]

Well, just because it's not new doesn't mean it's okay.

I think it's all about degree. Of course it's great to spend time with the kids, go to their activities, etc. But I do think there is a trend toward a woman completely identifying herself through her children. I first became really aware of this problem after an episode of Oprah about a year ago featuring women who had not had sex with their husbands in a year b/c they were too busy staying up late baking cupcakes for scratch for their kids to take to school. That's just an example. But I absolutely think that people can go overboard as far as putting the kids first to the point where they lose their identity and their marriages even suffer. And yes, I think this is more common now than it was when we were growing up.

To go along with this you see many, many more parents, moms mostly, that won't ever leave their kids. How many here post that they have never gotten a babysitter for their kids or never have been away overnight from their kids. Don't start a debate about this, I am just saying that this was not common at all when we were growing up. Almost all the families we knew had a babysitter almost every Friday night. It was GREAT fun for the kids and we got frozen pizza!

 

[mrsltg]

My older dd is overindulged sometimes(other dd is only 10mos). She doesn't ask for things. Sometimes I see an outfit she'd really love and I buy it for her. She doesn't need it, and I'm trying to cut back.

I am also trying to cut back on my love of buying new things. I love to buy things for my home and my family. It makes me feel good. I have decided not to do that anymore. I don't want to keep up with the Joneses. I want off the track.

Part of the reason for my self-imposed intervention is the example it gives my girls. I don't want them to think there is an endless supply of money. I want them to understand that Mom and Dad work hard.

I do think it's hard now that there is so much available. My kids won't have several things - gameboy, gaming system, portable dvd player, tv in room, computer in room, phone in room (until the age of 16). My 5 year old doesn't even know some of these things exist! I realize it will become more difficult as she/they gets older, but it's not impossible to say "no".

I think parents need to be cognizant of what they are doing to their kids. When I look at kids out and about, I am often struck by how miserably spoiled they are. Is anyone paying attention?

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Do you think we over indulge our kids

Yes I do! I know some people that don't know what to give their 10 yr old for Christmas/b'day, because they already have it ALL. And I do mean "ALL".

My children have nice things, but we do draw the lines and say "no" to many other things (TV/DVD in bedroom is one NO). Only one "big" ticket item for Christmas too.

We do tend to over indulge in the trips we take together. I don't have a problem doing this though.

 

[Daxx]

Did you read post number 19? That was my clarification of it. Do you mean you want more of a clarification? It isn't that long of thread ........yet.

Sorry ... missed post #19. Went back to read it.

Paris may be an indulgent name ... but she's named after the city she was conceived in. What if she were conceived in a city named Jane or Harriet? Would we feel those names indulgent b/c the child has been indulged by the parents? Were Ivanka Trump or her step sister, TiffanyTrump (named after the store her father purchased) indulged as children? Probably -- but they're not prancing their wealth and indulgences around for the media like Paris is.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Well, just because it's not new doesn't mean it's okay.

I think it's all about degree. Of course it's great to spend time with the kids, go to their activities, etc. But I do think there is a trend toward a woman completely identifying herself through her children. I first became really aware of this problem after an episode of Oprah about a year ago featuring women who had not had sex with their husbands in a year b/c they were too busy staying up late baking cupcakes for scratch for their kids to take to school. That's just an example. But I absolutely think that people can go overboard as far as putting the kids first to the point where they lose their identity and their marriages even suffer. And yes, I think this is more common now than it was when we were growing up.

You are right. I think as many things in life it is all about balance. I know I have friends that are SAHM and they can't do ANYTHING because they are constantly running their kids to classes, programs and other events. I think down time is very important too. Also it is essential for kids to learn to entertain themselves. Parents should not ignore their own needs for the kids (well sometimes, but not all the time) and the reverse is true too. Your kids do need to come 1st before many other things (like what is more important a show you like to watch or helping your kids with homework?????) All about balance.

mrsltg, I agree with you. That is how it starts when they are young and we enjoy buying things. I was totally (and sometimes still am) the same way, but I feel the same way as you so I am trying to work on it. (my problem, not theirs, but I don't want to make it into their problem.)

I have to admit we have DVD player in the car, and we just bought a portable one (cheap) but use in the resort room at WDW because we always stay in a studio instead of a one bedroom DVC.

I have to say there is some very interesting thoughts and ideas on this thread and I really appreciate everyone's ideas and input. (and no name calling and blaming, rare I know on these days.)

 

[DisneyPhD]

Sorry ... missed post #19. Went back to read it.

Paris may be an indulgent name ... but she's named after the city she was conceived in. What if she were conceived in a city named Jane or Harriet? Would we feel those names indulgent b/c the child has been indulged by the parents? Were Ivanka Trump or her step sister, TiffanyTrump (named after the store her father purchased) indulged as children? Probably -- but they're not prancing their wealth and indulgences around for the media like Paris is.

um I am sorry, do you really think SHE would of been conceived in a City called Jane or Harriet? They might of went with Paris because of the City, but if it wasn't that it would of been something else "different".

Call your kids what you want (and people do now a days.) but think if "keeping up appearances" the Brit com where Hyithance son Sheridan is spoiled and pampered and is always calling home for more $$ while he takes basket weaving in University.

Now sure some people can call their son Sheridan and not spoil him, but the trend of the indulgent names seems to go hand in hand with the behavior. When I taught preschool there was a kid (I know a lot of kids names) named Sebastian. No thing was good enough for this women's child. There was a file all the kids work was in. She would replace his weekly with colorful crazy ones, because the normal one wasn't good enough for him. He had to "stand out."

I worked in inner city Detroit for 10 years, sure there was some crazy names and that might of been only way they could "spoil" them or make their child "different" but really it wasn't because even when you think you are being unique someone else is thinking the same thing.

 

[va32h]

(like what is more important a show you like to watch or helping your kids with homework?????)

Actually, just last night I told my daughter that if she wanted help with her fractions, she'd have to wait until after The Amazing Race was over.

And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. She got home from school at 3:30, and chose to wait until 7:15, when she knew I was watching my absolute favorite show, to ask for help.

That's one of the overindulgences I was talking about - doing what the child wants, when the child wants, with no regard for what the parent wants or what is convenient to the parents.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

Actually, just last night I told my daughter that if she wanted help with her fractions, she'd have to wait until after The Amazing Race was over.

And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. She got home from school at 3:30, and chose to wait until 7:15, when she knew I was watching my absolute favorite show, to ask for help.

That's one of the overindulgences I was talking about - doing what the child wants, when the child wants, with no regard for what the parent wants or what is convenient to the parents.

Yep! My kids know to ask for any help before AR or Survivor!

We do take "alone" trips at least once a year and also go out to eat and leave the children at home.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Actually, just last night I told my daughter that if she wanted help with her fractions, she'd have to wait until after The Amazing Race was over.

And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. She got home from school at 3:30, and chose to wait until 7:15, when she knew I was watching my absolute favorite show, to ask for help.

That's one of the overindulgences I was talking about - doing what the child wants, when the child wants, with no regard for what the parent wants or what is convenient to the parents.

It was just an example. People will pick apart any example you give, because there are ALWAYS expections. I would most likely do the same thing as you, especailly if the child had all day to ask. Just a concept guys.

We haven't taken alone trips yet, but I see them coming!!!!!!

 

[VSL]

Sorry ... missed post #19. Went back to read it.

Paris may be an indulgent name ... but she's named after the city she was conceived in.

I always thought she was adopted (you learn something new every day!).