Do you think it's tacky for teens to ask for money for Christmas?

[SundancePass]

I see no problem with lists at all, or gift cards, or cash. This is about giving and making the receiver happy....not what the GIVER wants.

For 18 years, or from the time our kids (now 31 and 29) can remember, they HAD to make lists as they ONLY got 4 presents at Christmas: 2 from Santa, one from Mom and Dad and 1 from the sibling. Only 4. They started on their lists right after Labor Day. I would send a short list to my paretns, and my wonderful Mother ALWAYs gave them something they didn't want and couldn't exchange. It got so that I hid my parents presents because they didn't fit...ever. My MIL always send $20 for the kids in an envelope I put on the tree until Christmas morning. They ALWAYS loved her cards and looked forward to opening them!

So I say, gift cards, cash, a check...whatever the teen wants.

However, I think that I would tell the person who pulled the OP aside and said that $20 wasn't enought, that there would be no other gift coming for a while. That is so rude I cannot believe it.

 

[Northstar]

I don't have a problem with a teen responding to me that cash is the best gift to them, it's how they do so and I've had the unfortunate experience of having a niece pull me aside to tell me that the $20 I gave her was just not enough.

Really, how do you respond to this??? I'd be asking for the $20 back because I know some people who really need and would appreciate the gift if she doesn't.

And she would SO be off my Christmas list for next year.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't get the problem. If you don't know them well enough to buy a gift without asking, why complain about what's on the list you receive?

I agree.

Why not give them the money that you plan to spend on their gifts? I don't see why that's a problem. A gift is about making the recipient happy.

I have two teenage boys that haven't asked for anything so far. I have purchased a few things for DD, but nothing for them. I don't know what to get for them. Cash will be one of their gifts.

 

[HunnyPots]

I think if you ask what they want, you have to be willing to accept their answer.

 

[wilderness01]

Every teenager I know would rather receive money than anything else. If the thought is to give them something they want, why not?
Just send them the same that you were thinking of spending.

I agree.

 

[suzannen]

I have absolutely no problem with giving teens cash and/or gift cards, since I know it's what my nieces, nephew and my own DD wants. But, I have impressed upon my DD that folks do like to hear what became of their money instead of just "thanks for the cash." This past Christmas, when asked, she let the whole family know that she was saving so she would have spending money on a school trip to London, Paris and Rome. Without any prodding from me, while over there she bought really cute refrigerator magnets of things like the Eiffel Tower, Versailles, Tower of London, Leaning Tower of Pisa...and included one in each thank you note to my family and a little about her trip. They loved it and even my parents felt less bad about not giving her a "gift" to open and realized that sometimes money is indeed the best gift.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Every teenager I know would rather receive money than anything else. If the thought is to give them something they want, why not?

Just send them the same that you were thinking of spending.

I do think it's tacky to send a list saying you want money. However if you ask someone for a list and that's what they put on there I don't think it's tacky.

My SIL asks me if my older boys prefer money. I tell her yes. She is relieved she doesn't have to go shopping for them since she has a hard time shopping for them. Same with my niece. If she would prefer money then I would rather give her something she needs/wants as opposed to something she will never use.

I agree. It's really difficult for ME to buy for my DDs (18 and 20) now, never mind anyone else. They're college students...they need money. Actually, years ago, MIL suggested cash for all the grandchildren, and that's what we've all been doing for years. (My kids are the youngest.)

I don't have a problem with a teen responding to me that cash is the best gift to them, it's how they do so and I've had the unfortunate experience of having a niece pull me aside to tell me that the $20 I gave her was just not enough.

One less person to give a gift to next time.

 

[pyrxtc]

I just told my DD yesterday that if she couldn't think of anythng besides money then she mustn't need anything. Cash is not a x-mas present in my book. There are many thing within most peoples price range that are much better than cash. There are MP3 download cards, CD's, school stuff and all kinds of things.

I will do cash for Birthday's but not x-mas.

 

[KikiFan]

I used to be the gift card person--wanted to receive & give them. but not this Christmas--too many stores having problems, that gift card could be worth nothing in 2 months.

I thought the same thing. I think I'm going to be giving mainly Visa gift cards. It seems safest.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I don't think it is tack to have a list or to have cash on it. My family has been doing lists for years!

Now that one of us has teenagers I ask what stores they like & sizes they wear. This way I can go in and pick something out or I can get them a gift card and they can spend it themselves.

Often times teenagers "toys" are much, much more expensive than those of younger kids. While I may not be able to afford much of what they want I see no wrong in putting a little towards something they really want.

If I asked for a list and got it back with money on it I would not be insulted - mainly because I asked for the list!!

 

[LisaNJ25]

I don't think it's tacky. They are just being honest.

I have teenage nieces and nephews, and I know that if I tried to pick out clothing that they liked, I'd drive myself crazy. Teenagers have different taste than I do, so if I can hand them a gift card or cash & they can go pick out something they'll love, then I'm FINE with that!!

I hear ya..

I am going though this now with my 16yo son. He want a PS3 and wants to tell family members cash or a gift card this way he can put them towards it. I did tell him he cant ask for cash but that he replied he will just end up with clothes he will never wear. Its a hard one.

 

[MELSMICE]

I just told my DD yesterday that if she couldn't think of anythng besides money then she mustn't need anything. Cash is not a x-mas present in my book.

I will do cash for Birthday's but not x-mas.

Same here - that's how I feel & how I felt when I read the lists.

If it's easier to just give cash then why doesn't everyone just keep their own cash & go out & buy themselves whatever they want.

If I give my niece/nephew $30 each & they give my kids $30 each then why bother?

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't have a problem with a teen responding to me that cash is the best gift to them, it's how they do so and I've had the unfortunate experience of having a niece pull me aside to tell me that the $20 I gave her was just not enough.

HA! That would have been the LAST gift they have ever gotten from me then! Boy I would totally kill my daughter if she EVER pulled anything like that!!!

 

[Cool-Beans]

I don't know about tacky, but it is considered rude to ask for anything. You're not supposed to expect or even want a gift, much less direct people as to what they should buy you.

It's kind of funny this came up because just last night, my friend's daughter (14 yo) replied "money" when I asked what she wanted for Christmas and her mom got that look. She said, "What!?" Her mom wasn't about to chastise her in front of me so I explained that her mom was upset because she wasn't supposed to SAY she wanted money. "Well, what am I supposed to say?" Her mom said that she should say she doesn't want anything at all, just a visit from people she loves. She was like, "Okaaay."

I told her that her mom was quite right about that, but if she wanted money, I'd be happy to do that as it would save me the trouble of going and picking something out and wrapping it. Plus, it would save her the trouble of returning it and saying she spilled bleach on it and we'd both be happy.

I'm not offended AT ALL that the 14 year old wants money. Who doesn't. And while they do have to learn that they can't ask other people for any particular thing, they should absolutely be frank with Auntie Beanie, as Auntie Beanie is happiest when they are happy and Auntie Beanie doesn't want to bother going through a bunch of crap that will be a time-sucker and won't accomplish the goal.

Cash it is. Merry Christmas.

 

[ZPT1022]

I think it's difficult. On the one hand, I was raised that talking about money is vulgar. On the other hand, is it really that much worse than a gift card??


I fear that we are going to be "those" family members this year- the kids really do not need anything at all- clothes or toys. They still have toys from their birthdays this summer that aren't opened yet! We're really hoping that people will give them time or experiences. Tickets for the movies, passes for the local indoor playground, my mom is giving a museum membership for the third year in a row which is awesome, but really, if someone gave them a homemade gift certificate good for an afternoon spent together, or a sleepover or something, they would be ecstatic. Now my kids are little still but that was the sort of thing I always enjoyed even when I was in high school.

I had one aunt that for my birthday would always take me out to brunch and then shopping for an outfit. She had similar traditions with my brothers and cousins and even now we are all adults and some of us have families of our own and we still remember that. Could you possibly do something like that with your nieces and nephews?

Was there a reason why they asked for money, like say they are trying to save up for a special trip with school or something?? Would you feel differently if that were the case?

 

[Todd&Copper]

Eh, I can see both sides' arguments.

It is tacky to flat-out ask for the cash; however, as someone who was on the receiving end of all manner of garbage present from a grandma who refused to admit she was buying crap that I didn't want or need, I can see a kid wanting money.
When I was 16 or so, my grandma bought me a collection of inflatible dinosuars (approx. 2' - 3' tall). I am not developmentally delayed, nor were these a "gag gift" with the real gift being something else. This was my gift. Because I had mentioned to her that I was thinking of going to college for paleontology. Even if she had only spent $10 on the lot of thsoe stupid things, I'd rather have the $10 cash than *know* that she basically threw the money into the trash.
She's ordered stuff from QVC for me and for my sister, and when you factor in the S&H charges, not only is she getting ripped off, but she's also wasting money on something I won't want and she can't easily return. I'd rather she just pick out a nice, heartfelt card, but Grandma is not that sentimental [not in her German nature to express feelings and emotions, in sharp contrast to my dad's Italian relatives].

 

[slo]

I haven't read all the replies, but I have no problem with teens asking for cash, especially when they have something they are saving for.

If giving cash bothers you, than ask the parents if you can give the child a gift card from the store they are wanting to buy something at. Or....give an American Express gift check or Visa gift card, which is still giving money, but a little more formal like.

On a personal note....
My birthday was just last month, and when my mom and MIL asked me what I wanted, I asked for money for vacation. I felt their money would be better spent at WDW on things I really wanted, than just a DVD or CD or whatever it took to have them give me a gift.

I think every family has their issues with different things, and this has never been one with my family.

 

[Anewman]

Tacky, I dont think so.

I would rather get them something they want, instead of buying something that never gets used.

 

[ZPT1022]

I can still remember opening gifts form the aunts- trying to conceal my shock of opening a box with a "pretty pink shirt with flowers on it"....oh man, thinking bad I don't know how I even hid how much I hated those gifts..

so true! I was a short kid, in sixth grade I wore the same sizes that my second grader is wearing now (no she's not fat, just tall like her dad). Anyhoo, apparently my well meaning Mema couldn't get it into her head that just because I still wore a girls size 10 top didn't mean that I still wanted sweaters with kitties and bunnies with cotton ball tails on them. Thanks for making me think of that- what a laugh!

I don't have a problem with a teen responding to me that cash is the best gift to them, it's how they do so and I've had the unfortunate experience of having a niece pull me aside to tell me that the $20 I gave her was just not enough.

that is beyond rude. big difference between asking for cash and being happy with whatever you got and being demanding.

Same here - that's how I feel & how I felt when I read the lists.

If it's easier to just give cash then why doesn't everyone just keep their own cash & go out & buy themselves whatever they want.

If I give my niece/nephew $30 each & they give my kids $30 each then why bother?

I actually understand your point. DH's family at one point decided to scale back. Everyone was buying for everyone and spending $50-100 per person. Then when we had DD, first child in the family in over 20 years, everyone decided it would be nice to focus more on the kids and relax with the adult giving. We were relieved, it was completely crazy. At first we would all write our names, sizes and a few ideas on a piece of paper and then pick names at Thanksgiving. $50ish. Very nice, everyone still had something to open and we weren't spending a small fortune anymore. Over the next few years it devolved into lists like this

Becky

gift card to LL Bean
gift card to The Body Shop
gift card to Yankee Candle
gift card to The Olive Garden

EVERYONE's lists looked like that! It was just a big gift card swap. At that point DH and I had just had twins and tried to bow out gracefully from the gift card swap because it was just ridiculous!

I had one aunt that for my birthday would always take me out to brunch and then shopping for an outfit. She had similar traditions with my brothers and cousins and even now we are all adults and some of us have families of our own and we still remember that. Could you possibly do something like that with your nieces and nephews?

I'm quoting myself, yes, how cheesy! I meant to say that this worked really well because we still got to pick something that was to our taste and my aunt felt good knowing what we got with her money. We always had fun hanging out with her too

 

[Camicar]

Over the next few years it devolved into lists like this

Becky

gift card to LL Bean
gift card to The Body Shop
gift card to Yankee Candle
gift card to The Olive Garden

EVERYONE's lists looked like that! It was just a big gift card swap. At that point DH and I had just had twins and tried to bow out gracefully from the gift card swap because it was just ridiculous!

Hey, I totally agree with you. That's pretty much what it was like for us when the nieces were teenagers -- it just felt like a money exchange in the form of little plastic cards. I too would rather totally opt out -- but I am in the minority. So when people don't want to give up the gift exchange, then I'd rather give them something they really want/need than something that ends up in a garage sale.