Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[MAKmom]

Now that I read this thread I will say I would expect a warning before I accepted the invitation that I would need to remove my shoes. I think it is weird & would not be comfortable. I do not walk barefoot ever except stepping in the shower.

 

[disykat]

While hosts owe some considerations to their guests, guests owe some considerations to their hosts. It is far more of a balance than you're choosing to see it as. In the end, while being a hospitable host is an eminently noble goal, being a respectful guest is actually a moral imperative.

I agree with you. I would take my shoes off if asked. Then, because I can't walk barefoot, I would sit as quickly as possible and remain seated until I left - probably much quicker than planned. I would decline future invitations.

So, why, since I take my shoes off when "required" to do so, do people still pile their shoes in my doorway even when I ask them to keep their shoes on? They say something like "oh, that's okay, I always take my shoes off" and ignore my request to keep them on.

 

[maxiesmom]

I live in Michigan. The majority of people I know here automatically remove their shoes when entering a home--whether it belongs to them or to someone else. I really believe it's because the weather is so frequently sloppy here (snow, salt, rain, mud, etc) that it's just a commonly accepted behavior. I've never had anyone insist that all must remove their shoes but most houses do have a pile of shoes near the front door.

Yep. Not to mention if someone has bad allergies (like I do) having guests remove their shoes helps to keep those nasty allergens outside!

 

[JessicaR]

I think to ask could make some guests uncomfortable and that would be wrong. I would never ask, but some people just do it.

 

[bicker]

Dude, seriously?

Were you serious when you disagreed with me? I think the nature your reply is really indicative of part of the problem here. If you have so little respect for the people who's home you visit, that is really incredibly sad.

 

[luvmy3]

I'm curious as to how we've gone from the OP--which talked about a woman asking her sister to remove her shoes to some mythical cocktail party where a group of complete strangers are forced to remove their shoes.

Because this is the DIS and thats how its done here

 

[jrmasm]

Were you serious when you disagreed with me? I think the nature your reply is really indicative of part of the problem here. If you have so little respect for the people who's home you visit, that is really incredibly sad.

Actually I thought what you said was ridiculous. A moral imperative? That's just a tad dramatic.

And yes, I think it's rude to ask.

And yes, I think the host should put their guests' comfort before their own.

It would be rude to tromp mud through someone's house. I believe all would agree with that. I don't think that's what were discussing here.

 

[disykat]

Me too. And I'm a person who feels strongly about many things, but whether to take off or not take off shoes isn't one that tweaks me.


DH's mom is Korean, so they definitely have a shoes off home. All of his friends who come over automatically take off their shoes, as they grew up visiting DH's home and are used to it. I go either way, sometimes leaving my shoes on and sometimes taking them off, just depends on how I'm feeling (at MY home, NOT MIL's home...there I take off my shoes!).

I remember one holiday party that my friend called an open house...I guess she meant that it had extended hours to drop by, but I never really understood it. When we would visit her house normally, shoes would be off. So as we entered, we took off our shoes. She had a half up half down house, so the entryway was no man's land...when we descended to the living room, we noticed that no one, not even the hosts, had shoes off. D'oh! I felt silly.

For anyone in the Tacoma/Olympia/surrounding area in WA, though, you really should be taking off shoes. Thanks to the Asarco smelter, we do have problems in the soil, and it's not just the dirt you have to worry about. So for the person in WA who hates having shoes off, it's possible your friends are just used to the Soil Safety program, if you or they are from the Tacoma and beyond area, and that's why they take off shoes.

I've certainly heard of the soil testing program, but I've never heard of it including a recommendation to remove shoes in the home. (I have heard the recommendation that kids should wear shoes while playing in the dirt - but wouldn't most parents have kids take off dirty shoes if they've been out playing regardless of whether they have a shoe rule?) I lived in theTacoma area for years and, in all my years there, knew ONE person who asked people to remove shoes - and it had nothing to do with the smelter. They were from the other side of the state where snow is more common so it seemed normal to them. Maybe closer to the Ruston area it is more common, but it certainly hasn't been my experience in the wider Tacoma area and beyond.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

If it's family, I don't see how making such a request is rude. But I can also see bicker's side, too. As a guest in someone's home you should certainly be aware of their rules.

We're one of those families in the Northeast of the USA who take our shoes off, and have our guests take them off. In the Spring/Summer there is plenty of rain & mud to track in, and in the Fall/Winter you get more rain, plus the snow & slush. Worst of all in the Winter is when people put salt down on their sidewalks and then track it inside, that stuff will KILL your floors in minutes!

Plus, around our area, we have a lot of roads/driveways that aren't paved, so you get the added bonus of rocks stuck in your shoe treads. Again, a recipe for disaster on your hardwood/vinyl floors!

Awhile ago my DW and I talked about the possibility of keeping a pair of slippers or soft-soled shoes for our guests at the door. We'd obviously keep them disinfected, etc. I still think it would be a good idea, although most everyone we know takes their shoes off upon entering anyway.

 

[NMAmy]

Because this is the DIS and thats how its done here

I know--I can't believe I even asked.

 

[Hoodie]

I don't think it's rude. Actually, in many cultures it's rude to keep your shoes on in the house. I would hope that a guest would have enough sense to remove their shoes if it was muddy/snowy out. Although in my house I don't really care if people keep their shoes on or off. I usually take mine off, but that's because I hate wearing them!

It does remind me of an ex-boyfriend's mother who insisted that people only wear socks in the house. No shoes because they would damage the rugs and no bare feet because they leave heat marks on the tiles. That was rather OCD in my opinion.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

It CAN be considered rude if there are not underlying factors.

I grew up in the midwest and like some other posters have stated, over half the year is dealing with rain and snow (and mud!) it was common to go to someones house and usually right inside the door, or on an enclosed porch, was a bench to set and a place to put your overshoes (or shoes)

years later I live and worked in Japan for a couple of years. There, it was really mandatory, simply because walking on the common flooring used (tatami mats) with a hard sole shoe would cause damage. we used to carry with us a pair of cloth "slippers" (more like an "over sock") to wear, that would fold up and could be carried in a pocket.

now that I live in california, I have seen a few places that they do that.

If the host wants and requires that, they should provide a suitable place to set down to remove the shoes, and of course, provide slippers. (they even sell the disposable kind in packages on some of the travel sites)

if they do invite guest to a party, they should be forwarned that shoe removal inside the house is expected.

the host should also be prepaired to have a guest decline to remove their shoes.

 

[bumbershoot]

Seriously? I've heard of the soil testing program, but I've never heard of it including a recommendation to remove shoes in the home. (I have heard the recommendation that kids should wear shoes while playing in the dirt - but wouldn't most parents have kids take off dirty shoes if they've been out playing regardless of whether they have a shoe rule?) I lived in theTacoma area for years and, in all my years there, knew ONE person who asked people to remove shoes - and it had nothing to do with the smelter. I just read through the documents you linked and didn't find anything about removing shoes in the home.

The door hanger doohickeys that we get when we go to local festivals always talk about taking off shoes.

When I first moved here in '87, when the smelter was still looming, no one talked about it at all. It's been more recently, since it was destroyed (and especially now since they are building on the smelter site), that I've heard it talked about more and more.

What I've heard at the festival booths is that since the dirt is the problem, wind blows the dirt to who knows where, we walk with our shoes, our shoes get the contaminated dirt on them, and then we bring it into our homes. If there are little kids, they can get the dirt on them from crawling on the floors where our contaminated shoes walked.

A link from my link showed to clean pets' paws when they come in...while I'm surprised that the links don't show to take off shoes, cleaning a dog's paws goes hand in hand, to me, with either cleaning the shoes or just taking them off.

Of course they are also replacing the dirt on the fancy-condo site, but the decades of contaminated soil being blown around can't be mitigated in that way!


This area might be big on the shoe thing for the same reason that DH's family is a no-shoe family....heavy Asian culture and influences around here! Of course, they always kept cheapie slippers there for people. I personally despise the feel of most slippers so I'd rather wear socks or have nekky feet.

 

[daughtersrus]

When we were at my BIL's house for Thanksgiving, he went upstairs and come down with a rug to put under DD's wheelchair because he said that last time we were there, it left scratches in their floor.

They've never asked us to take off our shoes so we don't, but there's always a pile of shoes by the front door.

We haven't been back there since.

Apparently their DN is less important to them than their floors.

BTW, after that incident I asked everyone we know to be honest with me and let me know if they had scratches on their floor after DD was there and all of them said no and asked why. I explained and they were truly surprised.

 

[mikron2]

I think is ok, no shoes in our house.

 

[Anjelica]

I think its rude to expect it of others if you yourself would not follow that rule/take off your shoes while at someone else's house. I know kind of off topic as I'm truly in the middle on whether its rude or not.

 

[yoopermom]

Not only do we always have a pile of shoes by our door (we live in rough country, too, and "everyone" seems to take theirs off), but we have a pile of Crocs/slipper/sandals *inside* the door, for guests to borrow! I just buy them when I see them on clearance for a few bucks, in a variety of sizes. I've made more Crocs converts this way than you can count!

Terri

 

[NikitaZee]

I wouldn't put my guests in an uncomfortable position by asking. Unless it's a cultural consideration, the only reason I can see for asking someone to remove their shoes is for the protection of their carpet/floor. What if someone didn't wish to remove their shoes due to fungal infection, ingrown toenail, etc. etc. Many women do not wear socks or stockings with their shoes, particularly when dressing up. If I had a condition like that, I wouldn't want to explain it, and I'd feel uncomfortable saying 'no' when my host obviously wants my shoes off my feet. I think it's interesting to see the differences in opinion.

 

[Nancyg56]

Awhile ago my DW and I talked about the possibility of keeping a pair of slippers or soft-soled shoes for our guests at the door. We'd obviously keep them disinfected, etc. I still think it would be a good idea, although most everyone we know takes their shoes off upon entering anyway.

I don't ask but don't think it is rude. My cousin keeps a big basket of slippers for her guests because she feels strongly about shoes in her home. Why would I upset her and insist on keeping my shoes on? My floors are a bit scratched now but that first winter when they were brand new I cringed when a guest tromped in with muddy sandy shoes. I never said anything but that day I wished I had a no shoes policy that people knew about.

 

[sbell111]

A few thoughts:

When we picked out new carpets and flooring for our home, it was with the understanding that people would be walking on it. Any wear attributed to that walking is just part of home ownership.

When inviting others to your home, you generally tidy up prior to their arrival and clean up any messes after their departure. This includes sweeping/vaccuming/mopping/shampooing. This is all part of being a good host. If someone does not wish to clean up after their guests in this manner, they ought not invite people into their homes.

A good host endevours to ensure that guests are comfortable in his/her home. Asking people to remove their shoes has the potential to make them uncomfortable. Therefore, a good host does not ask guests to remove their shoes.