Do you talk about people behind their back?

[skooniebird]

So, another thread today was discussing this in another context and was obliviated, but I am still wondering at what some had to say.

I, personally talk about people all of the time. The good, the bad, and the ugly, and it isn't necessarily to their face. My husband hears about all of the ying yangs that I encounter, my mom does, and many of my girlfriends do too. I have never felt the need to let the less than intelligent female at AT&T know that I think she is an imbecile. But I will talk about my frustration with her to the GF I meet at lunch! I disagree with many posters here to one degree or another, and my husband hears about them in the evening. So what is the difference of talking about people on another board?

Or, am I the only one who talks about everyone I know? I have way too many girlfriends to believe that is the case!

eta: I don't know the other place talked about in the other thread! This subject is merely interesting to me.

As long as it's not anything you would not be willing to say directly to that person I don't think there is anything wrong with it. The lecture I give all my children is that point, and that you should NEVER have fun at someone else's expense. You can be the richest, smartest, prettiest person in the world, but laying on your death bed are you going to be glad of that, or glad that you always were truthful and did right by people? No matter what your religion is or if you have none.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Youre comparing apples to oranges.

The original intent of this thread was to ask if -you- think it's okay for people to go elsewhere and rip other people apart, for fun. Apparently some of you do, and try to justify such by comparing posts such as mine, or others *vents* (if thats what you'd like to call them) to the vulgar-mean-immature "talking behind people's backs"

If that makes -you- or whomever else fell better - great! But youre fooling yourself. Mean is mean - thats it.

Try re-reading the OP. This is how you've attempted to twist the discussion to justify what you've done on the DIS in the past.

Bottom line: if you think talking about people behind their backs is wrong, then it's wrong no matter how or where you do it. You can try tying the discussion into a pretzel if you want, but the facts are the facts.

 

[BuckNaked]

And this "other" board does exactly that, according to what people are telling me.

Just so I understand...you haven't even been to the board to see if what you are being told is true? At least that would explain why you posted incorrect information earlier about what was being said there...

 

[Bob Slydell]

Then what the heck is the point of the question in the first place?

Oh - probably to make the ones who DO behave in such a manner, justify their actions.

I don't know the point of the thread and I can't mindread, so I can't begin to try to guess at what the intent of the OP was. All I can go by is what she said, which is that it was a topic that interested her.

The thread just took off on a life of it's own from there.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

auntpolly, you got it exactly right. Although I'm not really one to talk about someone without talking to the person I'm talking about, I'm not going to judge others for doing that. What DOES offend me, however, is exactly what you are talking about - making fun of someone. And this "other" board does exactly that, according to what people are telling me. THAT is what is immature.

So you're basing all this on hearsay, not first-hand knowledge? A sort of he said/she said situation?

Before passing judgement I would prefer to get all the facts myself -- seeing it with my own eyes -- rather than depending on what someone else told me.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Oh - probably to make the ones who DO behave in such a manner, justify their actions.

Mean is mean - thats it.

pretty much.

I was just curious about your own justifications of why YOUR behavior is better than others. You said that you find it "bothersome" that some people here are honest about their actions regarding talking negatively about others.

I'm not sure if I view you as dishonest, because you apparently do feel that your "venting" on the DIS about the people in your life is different than what you have seen others do on the internet. I don't agree with your opinion, but as long as you feel comfortable with it then that really doesn't matter.

I pretty much have the same thoughts as you - if it makes you feel better or superior in your own mind - fine.

 

[auntpolly]

So you're basing all this on hearsay, not first-hand knowledge? A sort of he said/she said situation?

Before passing judgement I would prefer to get all the facts myself -- seeing it with my own eyes -- rather than depending on what someone else told me.

excellent suggestion!

 

[Crankyshank]

I don't understand the need to throw in psychoanalysis and group dynamic psychology here. The OP asked very simply "Do you talk about people behind their backs"

and furthermore unless you are privvy to the inner thoughts and feelings of those who post on other boards there's no need to grandstand self righteously about the reasons why others post elsewhere and the purpose for the board itself. Just because you know a smidgen of information doesn't make you all knowing.

 

[auntpolly]

If I misunderstood the OP then I'm sorry, but my opinion stands.

"Talking behind someone's back" is too ambiguous and is not the same no matter how it is done.

My sisters and I talk about my mom behind her back. God forbid she ever knows what we say. We love her and yet she has been pretty mean to us over the years and we need to vent.

There's a difference between something like that, and for example, getting home from a PTA meeting and getting on the phone to talk about how ugly Marge's new haircut is.

 

[Maleficent13]

Okay, let me be blunt. There are idiots that live in this world. Can everyone agree on that?

Idiots annoy me. Greatly. They may be coworkers, people I run into on my daily routines, acquantances, you name it. Idiocy does not discriminate about whom it affects. Could be anyone. When I am forced to interact with them, I become frustrated and cranky.

I often vent this frustration and crankiness by telling someone who is NOT an idiot about the idiodic behavior I was just subjected to.

I am a bad person. I will grant you that. You win.

 

[Bob Slydell]

My sisters and I talk about my mom behind her back. God forbid she ever knows what we say. We love her and yet she has been pretty mean to us over the years and we need to vent.

There's a difference between something like that, and for example, getting home from a PTA meeting and getting on the phone to talk about how ugly Marge's new haircut is.

Yeah, one can be really hurtful, since it's family you're talking about and the other is silly and pointless.

 

[auntpolly]

thanks! great!

 

[escape]

"Talking behind someone's back" is too ambiguous and is not the same no matter how it is done.

My sisters and I talk about my mom behind her back. God forbid she ever knows what we say. We love her and yet she has been pretty mean to us over the years and we need to vent.

There's a difference between something like that, and for example, getting home from a PTA meeting and getting on the phone to talk about how ugly Marge's new haircut is.

I agree.


auntpolly, er Lovey, I miss that pic in your signature. That lady actually reminded me of my aunt Connie. Oh, the memories.

 

[auntpolly]

Yeah, one can be really hurtful, since it's family you're talking about and the other is silly and pointless.

You guys are too much. This debate will go on for eternity, I guess. But I never get tired of my position, just so you know.

 

[Michie]

I don't say things about other people that I wouldn't be willing to say to their face. And this is what I was going to say on the other thread, but it got yanked while I was in the midst of posting. I may say things on this board, but I have also told the person I'm talking about to them personally. And in my case, b/c of my dh taking over my persona here and writing a funny, albeit embarrassing thread, my relationship with my dh is being talked about on another board about how awful he is and how horrible our relationship must be - all of which is really false. other than his lack of housekeeping skills, which I have addressed here and have shown him my thread, we have a great relationship. and he has access to my name, etc. b/c I have told him he can read anything he wants here, including my threads, b/c I'm not threatened in any way.

as I'm not threatened by the other board. I just find it fascinating that those who feel the need to talk about others are too wimpy to do it to the person's face. if you are as right as you think you are, then have the guts to say what you feel to that person.

but for me, I have confidence in my real family, real friends and real life not to be affected by this.

This thread is so confusing

But if your Dh did something funny but embarrassing, did he think people were not going to talk about it?

 

[Tigger_Magic]

I am a bad person. I will grant you that. You win.

If you are a bad person, then I must be evil incarnate!

 

[mickeyfan2]

There's a difference between something like that, and for example, getting home from a PTA meeting and getting on the phone to talk about how ugly Marge's new haircut is.

I am telling Marge on you.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Okay, let me be blunt. There are idiots that live in this world. Can everyone agree on that?

Idiots annoy me. Greatly. They may be coworkers, people I run into on my daily routines, acquantances, you name it. Idiocy does not discriminate about whom it affects. Could be anyone. When I am forced to interact with them, I become frustrated and cranky.

I often vent this frustration and crankiness by telling someone who is NOT an idiot about the idiodic behavior I was just subjected to.

I am a bad person. I will grant you that. You win.

Oh no.....you found me out. I am do my best to be an idiot!!!!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

as I'm not threatened by the other board. I just find it fascinating that those who feel the need to talk about others are too wimpy to do it to the person's face. if you are as right as you think you are, then have the guts to say what you feel to that person.

well that's good because I can't imagine what you would feel threatened by that was written.

I just went and read it over and what is there is TMI (too much Information), Gross, Puke and etc. The worse thing posted is that somebody said it was awfully twisted of a spouse to post something like that under their wife's screenname.

I didn't participate in that thread on the other board, but I have no problem at all saying to you -- here to your face as you have requested --- and you are free to share this with your husband -- yes I do feel

Gross
Puke
Too Much Information

and I do wonder WHY somebody would be so twisted as to try and humilate their wife like that on a public internet board.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

But if your Dh did something funny but embarrassing, did he think people were not going to talk about it?

This is an excellent point. When posting information to 90,000+ strangers, one sort of lose's all expectations of privacy. It sort of begs to be dissected, analyzed, scrutinized and discussed at any length practically anywhere on the Internet. When one post's on a public message board, it should be assumed that information becomes fodder for the Internet grist mills.