Do you talk about people behind their back?

[Maleficent13]

Of course. Everyone does. I was just in my coworker's office, venting about the nut that works down the hall. I can't do that to the nut's face, because I would get fired. I don't want to be fired. But I still think she's an nut.

I'm not even going to address the internet thing, except to say there are hundreds of public forums out there and you can't watch them all. You post on any public forum and you take your chances how that post is perceived, here there and everywhere.

 

[CathrynRose]

I dont. I dont keep people around me who I would find the need to talk about.

 

[In a hurry]

Only about In A Hurry....


Seriously, yes. Not excessivly, but when warented by the person's behavior, and to people who "care" about the person I'm talking about. But I never exagerate or lie, or do it just to paint a bad picture of the person. Usually, I'm talking to an interested third party and am either venting or asking for advice on how to handle said person.

I am so seldomly noteworthy, that I will take that as a compliment!

I agree about venting. I'm not certain that it is a good thing, but I seem to need to do it on occasion! I surely wouldn't want to know every time someone vented about me! My ears would probably be burning every night as parents sit down with their kids for homework!

 

[RadioFanatic]

You are right... I'm just a little bored and it makes me obstinately obtuse at times.

To address your point (and to display my stranglehold of the obvious), it is not always possible to respond in every forum as one may wish to respond. Most forums have rules and guidelines regarding posting. Because of that, some forums have arisen that allow practically absolute freedom of expression within legal boundaries. People can get things off their chest there in a way that would probably get them banned from other forums.

And it's quite possible the individual doesn't care if the other person responds or not. Sometimes a vent is just a vent...

well if an individual is going to feel the need to attack another person and/or their relationship with their family without having the guts to let the person know they are being talked about, so be it. but if it gets found out, don't be shocked and amazed that the person is going to fight back, as they deserve to do so.

. . . . and you could tell that person, if you were really brave, where you were talking about them so you could discuss it in any manner you wish without fear or being banned. but I have a strong feeling I won't see any such brave people here willing to do that.

 

[In a hurry]

I dont. I dont keep people around me who I would find the need to talk about.

Are you kidding me? There isn't ever anyone on this board, or in your life that you need to vent about, ever? I can't imagine being that detached from the world. I think I am just too emotional!

 

[jodifla]

There's venting and then there's gossiping....to me, they are different things.

 

[andromedaslove]

I definately talk about people behind their backs, especially you guys here on the DIS. See here's the thing I am a SAHM, I don't have alot of friends (most of the friends I had before are still single with no kids so they don't really wanna hang out too often), so the main way I associate with other people is here. That being said, when someone says something funny or something bad happens I tend to either share it with my Mom when I see her or with my DH when he gets home. I don't think I would go as far as going to another board to talk about someone else. It just seems kind of immature to me.

 

[In a hurry]

There's venting and then there's gossiping....to me, they are different things.

I think that is semantics. I don't think it is possible to vent without gossiping.

andromeda- Curious why talking with internet people is immature, and real people not? I think other's think like you, but I don't understand the reasoning.

 

[andromedaslove]

I guess my reasoning behind it is this. When I talk to my Mom or my Husband they are people that are VERY close to me. They are my best friends. Now I love you guys here on the DIS and all, but you're not THAT close. So I think that taking a subject from here to another board just for the reason of talking about that person is immature. Does that make any sense?

 

[pta-mom]

I guess it depends by what you mean when you say "talk" about someone else. Yes, if something fun or strange or maddening or whatever happens to me, I may tell my GF or DH this "funny thing that happened today" sort of story, usually only if in involves someone that none of us know.....for example, the cashier at the grocery store or the bank teller, etc.

But no, I don't generally "talk" about people in a malicious or mean spirited way, especially if it is someone I know. If I am trying to understand something that I am not sure on, I might ask a GF her opinion on it, even if it involves a third party, but never in a way that would risk the third party being offended if they found out.

I guess I see a big difference in telling the daily silly stories about those characters you run into in your community versus gossiping about another person. I try to never say things about others that I wouldn't want said about me!

 

[CathrynRose]

Are you kidding me? There isn't ever anyone on this board, or in your life that you need to vent about, ever? I can't imagine being that detached from the world. I think I am just too emotional!

Maybe you are. Venting about someone "on the boards" ??? You think I go home a stew over faceless, nameless people?? Why??

And as far as "venting" about someone - if I have an issue, with a co-worker, a friend, my kids, etc....what good does "venting" do? I let THEM know Im upset/angry/whatever.... I dont tell someone else, whom wouldnt be able to solve my issue with said person. What would be my point?

You can call me detached from the world - but I tend to think of it as mature. Talking about people behind their back, the way this OP intended to ask the question (not "venting") is immature and childish. If no longer being those 2 things, is detached - then so be it.

 

[In a hurry]

I guess my reasoning behind it is this. When I talk to my Mom or my Husband they are people that are VERY close to me. They are my best friends. Now I love you guys here on the DIS and all, but you're not THAT close. So I think that taking a subject from here to another board just for the reason of talking about that person is immature. Does that make any sense?

That does make sense. Thanks.

 

[CathrynRose]

I think that is semantics. I don't think it is possible to vent without gossiping.

.

Oh geez....

Venting is "so and so got the promotion and I didnt, and Im mad! / hurt! / etc!

Gossiping is "so and so got the promotion and I didnt, and you know she told me she slept with the boss and is pregnant! I told her I wouldnt say anything, so *shhhhh!*"

Yeah - no difference at all.

 

[In a hurry]

Maybe you are. Venting about someone "on the boards" ??? You think I go home a stew over faceless, nameless people?? Why??

And as far as "venting" about someone - if I have an issue, with a co-worker, a friend, my kids, etc....what good does "venting" do? I let THEM know Im upset/angry/whatever.... I dont tell someone else, whom wouldnt be able to solve my issue with said person. What would be my point?

You can call me detached from the world - but I tend to think of it as mature. Talking about people behind their back, the way this OP intended to ask the question (not "venting") is immature and childish. If no longer being those 2 things, is detached - then so be it.

Glad you know my intentions...! I can't imagine telling everyone what I think about them, and how stupid/rude/mean/ or irritating they are. That is what my sweetie, family and friends are for!

Glad to know you won't vent about me to anyone else, though!

 

[RitaZ.]

Doesn't everybody? You missed my thread on being judged.

I definitely talk about others with my husband, my mom and close friends. Most of the time is when someone has done something to tick me off. As for telling people "things" to their face, I don't like to purposely hurt people. If I'm asked an opinion or if I'm being verbally attacked by someone, then I'll say what I think, but I still try to do it in a respectful way. Do I go around telling people what they should do about a situation or with their lives because I feel that I know the "right way" to handle it and they don't? No, I don't.

 

[CathrynRose]

I can't imagine telling everyone what I think about them, and how stupid/rude/mean/ or irritating they are.

Glad to know you won't vent about me to anyone else, though!

But honestly - thats kinda my point. Why have a circle of friends/peers whom are stupid/rude/mean or irritating? Seriously....

I truly keep people around me who I respect, admire, trust. Someone who is THAT irritating, wouldnt be worth your energy getting in a fuss over. And (lets say) it's an in-law, or someone you'd rather not have anything to do with, but are forced to. Again - not worth your energy. You should be the better person.... Again, all this is my opinion.

And youre right - I wouldnt / wont be talking about you.

 

[RadioNate]

But if 30 people have heard something out of context, how do you correct it? Isnt the damage already done?

well I don't generally talk about 30 different people who I could potentionally offend. i don't know where you are getting large groups of people. I thought we were talking about conversations amoung friends/family.

My parents are a good example, my grandmother needs to know every detail about everything so I'll talk about my friends or vent to her about my mother. Sooner or later my grandmother tells my mom what I said. Of course she leaves out details, mixes things up and sometimes gets things out of context because she is 87. So my mom will call me on it. If my grandmother gets it wrong, I'll correct it to my mother and apoligize if it she felt bad about it. My mom generally understands that people get frustrated and vent.

ETA I have no idea what the other thread was about and wasn't referring to
that. I'm clearly out of the loop as to what this thread is really about so much so that I think I've confused myself.

 

[corie161]

But honestly - thats kinda my point. Why have a circle of friends/peers whom are stupid/rude/mean or irritating? Seriously....

I truly keep people around me who I respect, admire, trust. Someone who is THAT irritating, wouldnt be worth your energy getting in a fuss over. And (lets say) it's an in-law, or someone you'd rather not have anything to do with, but are forced to. Again - not worth your energy. You should be the better person.... Again, all this is my opinion.

And youre right - I wouldnt / wont be talking about you.

I don't keep these types of people in my circle either, but I do work for our local government and get people in here on occasion that are just plain mean and rude and irritating. There are days when they walk our the door I 'vent' my frustration to my co-worker or my mom or my DH. Sometimes it's just a matter of perspective to see if I'm being reasonable in feeling like they treated me as such, other times it's just to let off a little steam, in which I don't feel like I can always do to their face, because of the position I'm in. Kinda like 'grin and bear it'. If I kept all that tension they created in it wouldn't be healthy either.

 

[alliecats]

And as far as "venting" about someone - if I have an issue, with a co-worker, a friend, my kids, etc....what good does "venting" do? I let THEM know Im upset/angry/whatever.... I dont tell someone else, whom wouldnt be able to solve my issue with said person. What would be my point?

Now, now! I seem to remember you posting a thread *venting* about an annoying Blackberry user at work awhile months ago...(I thought it was funny because my DH had similar issues with Blackberry users at his old job!) And, to paraphrase your words above, what was your point then?

Sorry, couldn't resist! LY, MI!!

I do it, I admit it. Not proud of it, but I do and I admit it. It's not always unkind stuff when you talk about someone either. Sometimes you are telling about pregnancies, new jobs, happy stuff. And everyone, no matter how much you love them, can be annoying some times. People are SO interesting, how can you help but talk about them!

 

[Shugardrawers]

You betcha I do! If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me!! Actually, I've been known to vent, discuss or even gossip but only to very limited persons. For example, DSis and I have a co-worker neither of us is too fond of. We've been known to trash her to each other but we'd never dream of saying these things to other people.

As for having the "guts" to say what you think to a person's face, that's not always the smartest move. As some have said, it can get you banned from boards you really enjoy being a part of. And IRL sometimes the conflict isn't worth it. You should always make sure your brain is in gear before starting up your mouth.