Do you stay home with your kids or work?

[Robinrs]

Only time I was a SAHM was when I was unemployed!

No choice, I'm a single parent but even if I wasn't I'd have to work. I admire women who can stay at home but I can't stand it.

My boss has a SAHH. I asked if she could do what he does and she said NEVER. She's blessed to have a man who could do that since they have two children under 5. Regardless, Mama is Mama and there are still things she has to do that Daddy can't do when she gets home. I call going home my "second" job! But it's the job I truly love!

 

[SCHBR'smom]

It's definitely NOT a "free ride." When my oldest DD was 5, even she understood that. She told someone that Daddy gets a break when he goes to work, Mommy never gets a break. It's very true. My day begins when it ends. There is no rest. I have to take care of everyone and everything all the time, and I do it all by myself. DH works long hours and has a physically demanding job, I don't expect him to do any housework. I don't stay home because it is easy, I stay home because that is what is best for my family. I know its not best for every family, but it is for mine.

 

[DMickey28]

I think no matter what, even if we did have a house, DH would want me to work, more money the better, he thinks.. I don't think that way though. I told him the other day to just sell my car, I don't want it. I'd rather be home with my daughter. We have 2 car payments and a $500 a month consolidation credit card bill that we owe... gasp.... $19,000 on!!!!!

If we had that kind of debt, I would be working. We do not own a house either, we have two car payments and we have some debt but nowhere close to $19K. We are saving for a down payment and actually about to move in with my parents for a few months to save even more over the summer. We are also moving from Florida to New England so it make sense to live with them for a few months while we find a house rather than rent short term or try to buy from here.

FTR - I think I was the one who said my housekeeping skills are lax, not the OP. I honestly think that mentally part of that is the continous moving mentality. Why find things permanent homes when we will be moving in 6 months ... or it's a great excuse!

It's one thing if you can maintain your lifestyle on your DH's salary. It's another if he is the one working his butt off outside the house and he can't even afford to go buy a video game. If you both decide that you being home is worth that sacrafic then great but if he is the 'bread-winner' and he is bitter that he can't even buy a game, it's not going to work.

I have no idea what a cop makes on Staten Island but I can't imagine that with the cost of living there it's easy to make ends meet period. In some areas and in some professions everyone does have to work in a family. In others not so much. My DH is in Sales in the software/IT industry. He is being hit by the slump in the economy but we are still making ends meet comfortably on his base salary alone. Our bare minimum that he needs to make for us to make it is $85K. Luckily, we haven't had to deal with the bare minimum yet but since he is job hunting for a new job we wanted to know our bare bones number that he could take for a base salary.

Do you have any hobbies/talents that you can make into a business? I love photography and love taking pictures of kids. I have done a ton of pictures for my friends and of my own son. Once we move, buy a house and settle down in one location I am going to branch out and really try to make a business of it. Is there anything that you love to do or like to do that you can turn into a business?

 

[RadioNate]

I did want to comment more on my situation now that I've read more posts by the OP and other. We have no debt besides our mortgage, no credit cards, no car payments and do have the suggested cash emergency fund. We also fully fund DH's 401k, Roth IRAs and his ESPP.

Things would be different if we had significant debt. I know my DH would be pressuring me to work again if he felt buying a video game was a stretch (ok for us video game is a bad example.)

I also do pick up work now and then when I can. While I do consider myself a SAHM, I did recently pick up some work though DH's company. I also try to pick up freelance stuff when I can.

 

[emma'smom]

I work full-time and my children went to daycare when they were 12 weeks and 8 weeks old respectively. My dd4 goes to preschool in the morning and stays in aftercare until my dd7 finishes her first grade day. Then I pick them both up from school at 3:30 on most days--sometimes DH picks them up or their grandparents when I have late meetings.

I teach full-time at college and have the luxury of flexibility in my schedule so that I can be there at 3:30 some days to be the Brownie leader and drop in during some mornings to help out at school. In exchange, I also grade papers, work on research, and answer e-mails in the evenings and at night.

Summer vacation starts tomorrow and I'll be home with them (with e-mail checks into my office and the secretary has my cell number) and will go into the office when they are at morning day camps.

We juggle a bit on snow days....but we make it all work.

I've really never regretted a minute of my decision to work full-time. I'm all for those moms who choose to stay-at-home to do so.

However, I think my career choice and the flexibility it allows keeps me active in my professional world but also gives me the balance to spend time with my kids. It's been really great for me!

 

[minkydog]

I worked very very part-time until my kids were in their teens. I loved staying home with the kids. I homeschooled them during the day and worked about 12 hours a week, evenings. DH worked during the day and kept the kids at night. We had a decent amount of family time and the kids didn't have to be in daycare.

I havebeen working full-time 2 years and most recently came to the realization that I cannot continue to do that and keep myself sane. My DH is disabled with lung disease and my DS14 is severely mentally handicapped and needs total care. My DH can only manage DS in short bursts, so I have been basically working all day at a paid job then working until nearly midnight caring for DS. On the weekends it's 24/7. Can you say nervous breakdown?

 

[jme829]

I'm kind of both. I work 4 hours a day in the kitchen at dd16's HS during the school year and then have the summers off with the kids. I have all the holidays and etc...off that they do...

I was a full time SAHM until my ds started full day K then I went to work in a daycare and hated working full time in the summer while the kids were home so this current job is perfect for me! I get great pay, work 10-2 so I can get the kids to school and be home when they get home, have evenings, weekends and all school closing days off (including snow days, etc..) the pay is great ($12 bucks and hour plus employer match in the state retirement program). Plus I really enjoy the job and my dd likes getting to see me everyday (although it took her a while to not be embarrased lol).

 

[KirstenB]

I've been a sahm for a few years. However, although I've never lived in NY, it sounds expensive! I've always thought if we moved to a high cost of living city, I'd need to return to work. Honestly, in your situation, with the credit card debt, I'd be back at work. I know you don't want to hear that, but when we crunched the $ for me to stay at home, no credit card debt was part of the package.

 

[PaulaSue]

I'm a SAHM to a cat (and 3 Princesses in 2 1/2 days).

It's Weird once they go to school, I have been looking for something part time but with all the sickness, snow days and weird days off of school finding a job (me and a miliion other people) to fit our life is not as easy as I had hoped.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I was home for 12 years with my 4 kids. Just went back to teaching full-time last year when my youngest went to kindergarten. That "free ride" talk would just tick me off to no end.

 

[EMom]

I became a SAHM years before I actually WAS a mom. We had infertility problems and I was an attorney when we moved across the state. If I got a new job, there was no way I could devote the hours, days, weeks it took for us to zealously pursue fertility treatments. (Surgeries, injectibles and IUIs, IVFs, several miscarriages, etc.) At that time, there wasn't an IVF clinic on every corner and there was a lot of travel time involved. I did some part time work, but that was it. Once we decided to adopt, THAT became a job in itself.

When we finally adopted DD, there was no way I was going to work. I wanted to enjoy every second with her. When she started school, I volunteered there a lot and still do. I want to be home with her as soon as school is over. Life is too short. DH makes a good living, but we have to budget more carefully than we would if I worked.

I can see someday going back to teaching since that coordinates with her schedule. That would add $45,000-$48,000 to our income. DH would jump for joy. But I have been out of the job market a looooooong time now. I don't ever see going back to law. I love certain aspects of it, but it's hard to do it part time.

 

[Minnie]

I have always worked outside the home - worked very hard for an advanced degree and I definitely want to use it

Reading comments such as - living in an apartment, 19k credit card debt, and DH not wanting to be soley responsible for the $ - IMO you need to find employment.

IMO - Compromise with your DH - agree to find employment - he agrees that MIL does not watch your child - win / win for both of you

 

[brytorlyn]

I didn't understand the question....
Do I stay home with kids OR work

I stay home with kids...but boy do I ever work!

Oh and I barely stay home

Get up, wake and feed people...drive DD to school, drive DH to train...homeschool youngest DD til lunch...feed an assortment of DH and 3 kids depending on the day..no one eats sandwiches...I gotta cook. Then I clean and do laundry or shop.. make dinner number 1 for DD then drive her to work...then dinner number 2 for other DD and DS maybe DS's GF...clean up, bathe and read to DD, go get older DD from her job around 9:30 then take her home and then get DH from the train 3 days at week at either 10:30 or 11:30...occassionally 12:30. Then it's dinner number 3 for DH and then fight to get older kids to bed before midnight...then go to bed.

I don't understand the original question....

 

[kacaju]

I've been a SAHM for the past 15 years. My oldest is 15 1/2, then a 13 year old and a 9 year old.
I volunteer during the day while they are at school. Both of our dogs are therapy dogs so I do hospital, nursing home, school visits.

I often think that it will soon be time to go back to work, but not now. My teen needs me just as much now as she did when she was a baby. She has a 17 year old boyfriend....
He is a super nice kid, but there is no way I want to be at work and worry about them being together.

 

[HelenePA]

I have been a SAHM since before my oldest was born. I quit my nice comfy retail management job (I really did nothing) that paid pretty good and was going back to college. Right before the new semester began I found out I was pregnant. Right off the bat we kind of knew something was wrong with her we just didn't know what.. so we had alot of testing going on I would have never found a job that would have let me take 3 days off a work a week to go to different dr's to find out what it was... At the end I was going to the dr's every 2 days.. Soooo needless to say I never went back to school or went back to work. I really have no plans on going back to work anytime soon. We'd have to put 2 in daycare right now... come fall Aidan goes to preschool so we'd only have one in but still the cost of daycare, clothes, gas, would eat up any point of me going back. I gotta say the first time Patrick told me it was a "free ride around here" I'd leave for a week and let him see how fun this ride is day after day.

 

[Pembo]

I stayed at home from the month before ds#1 was born until ds #2 was 1. I was lucky enough to find a part time job that was 3 hours a day, twice a week and dh was home to watch the boys. It paid enough for preschool. I've worked odd jobs like that over the years and only when dh can be home with the kids. Now that #3 is in the first grade I'm teaching part time, 24 hours a week.

I don't know how people work full time and be a parent full time. I admire your strength. I have a hard enough time working part time.

I agree with the poster who said calculate your "cost of working" vs your income. I am working more this year than ever and our expenses have gone up. When I was home my job was to stretch the dollar as far as possible. I also said that I made being poor look good.

 

[brytorlyn]

I've been a SAHM for the past 15 years. My oldest is 15 1/2, then a 13 year old and a 9 year old.
I volunteer during the day while they are at school. Both of our dogs are therapy dogs so I do hospital, nursing home, school visits.

I often think that it will soon be time to go back to work, but not now. My teen needs me just as much now as she did when she was a baby. She has a 17 year old boyfriend....
He is a super nice kid, but there is no way I want to be at work and worry about them being together.

I totally agree with you DD just turned 18 and I actually dislike her current BF (being polite here...lets just say if he disappears under suspicious circumstances they will look at me). I know my son (who is now 22 and still living at home and going to school ) told me recently that he sees some of the kids he went to high school with are a mess and he thinks one thing that helped him was that he knew I was at home when he got out of school and he was accountable for his actions. Some of his friends parents were routinely not home for dinner and the kids at 13 and 14 were on their own with no one really home till 7 or 8 at night. The kids were just hanging out and getting into trouble.

I don't want to be flamed for saying that ...I knowthere are plentyof great working parents who are there for the kids...but I am happy to have the opportunity to be home. I worked when the older 2 were young but after the last one was born I was in a position to quit and be home full time. I miss work occasionally because I think my life was less chaotic and more ordered...probably because I had to be! But overall I find my life very satisfying.

 

[hentob]

I've been a stay at home mom for a year and DH is telling me I need to go back to work.

DH likes to spend money on video games and new electronics.

They when DH gets mad at me, I'm told that I "get a free ride around here", etc...

I think you have some deep relationship issues that you and your husband need to sort out. You seem to be headed for disaster

We have 2 car payments and a $500 a month consolidation credit card bill that we owe... gasp.... $19,000 on!!!!!

Please, for the sake of your marriage, your daughter and your sanity—Cancel your trip STOP the debt! You will thank yourself in the future

 

[brockash]

I have always worked, and when we lived close to my mom it was great, because I loved what I did (and I'm not really a stay at home kind of person) and I had the peace of mind that my kiddos were beyond well taken care of. We just moved and I just haven't been able to deal with the option of putting my youngest in daycare (and we don't absolutely need my income) so I decided that I'm going to stay at home with them for at least a little while. My DH doesn't go back for another week, so we'll see how it goes once we have our own routine ect. I'm sure I'll love the extra time with my kiddos, but really I'm scared to death about it, and I think I've missed my job every day since I've been gone. Good luck to you!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Count me in as another one who can't get past the "free ride" comment. DH would be searching for a good attorney if he ever said something like that to me.

Unless the OP is sitting around eating bonbons and letting the house go to pot while the child runs around uncared for then there is no "free ride" going on.

OP - add up the cost of child care in your area and the expenses it would take for you to return to the workforce. Compare that to the salary you would be making and see if it does make sense to work outside of the home.

There IS work that you can do from home if you search hard enough for it. In the meantime, sell the extra car and take that $$ from that car payment and sock it on that $19k debt. STOP the spending on credit cards.

Go thru the house and see what you can sell on ebay and Craigslist. See if you can watch other children in your home or work out some type of child care swap with another Mom so you can work part time outside the home.

If you REALLY want to stay home then find a way to make it work that both you and your DH can be happy with. Just because other people are able to stay at home doesn't mean that you can. You and your DH need to work together as a team to figure out what is best for your family.

Good luck!