do you sometimes feel like your single/childless friends/relatives don't get it?

[hereyago]

Right now I'm thinking about a relative on my husbands side of the family, who is around my age, never married no kids. I feel as though she get's slighted by things we do, or may leave her out of, when in actuality we are mostly consumed with keeping our ship afloat. We do include her when we can, but sometimes its all we can do to get ourselves together with a teenager and a special needs child. I really feel like she has no idea what a constant juggle our life is, and we can't always be worried about every one elses schedules or feelings outside our immediate family. Like I said, when things permit we absolutely do include her....just not everytime....and then to have to apologize or explain ourselves...it gets old

Why do you feel you need to apologize for living your life? I suspect this person is an adult? So why apologize to a grown up because you don't include them on everything? It wouldn't matter if you didn't have kids or do, but there have to be boundaries. Not every thing you do would have to include her.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Sounds like that relative needs a life. Seriously, depending on other people for happiness is dangerous. As for my hectic life, I don't expect anyone else to "get it". But I do expect them to understand my life is different from theirs, thus my priorities and schedule will be too. I need to return that favor too. If I'm on vacation at my parent's beach house and my childless sister is there too, I can't expect her to shut down by 9:00 because my kids are in bed and DH and I are fried. At the same time, she's considerate of us and isn't going to blast the TV volume until midnight.

I don't know a single person alive who is completely happy in and of themselves. If that were the case, nobody would get married, nobody would have kids, nobody would spend time with their families, and there would be no point in having friends.

From this post, it sounds like you have kids. I suspect that you expect to gain a certain amount of happiness from them.

 

[Ceila]

I don't know a single person alive who is completely happy in and of themselves. If that were the case, nobody would get married, nobody would have kids, nobody would spend time with their families, and there would be no point in having friends.

From this post, it sounds like you have kids. I suspect that you expect to gain a certain amount of happiness from them.

I took her post to mean that the person the OP was talking about needed to take the lead in finding ways to make her life happy, and not sit around and wait on others to call her every time. I know there are people who rely on others to create a social life for them, instead of going out and making one for themselves.

 

[ZuZugal]

Right now I'm thinking about a relative on my husbands side of the family, who is around my age, never married no kids. I feel as though she get's slighted by things we do, or may leave her out of, when in actuality we are mostly consumed with keeping our ship afloat. We do include her when we can, but sometimes its all we can do to get ourselves together with a teenager and a special needs child. I really feel like she has no idea what a constant juggle our life is, and we can't always be worried about every one elses schedules or feelings outside our immediate family. Like I said, when things permit we absolutely do include her....just not everytime....and then to have to apologize or explain ourselves...it gets old

I have a simple piece of advice for you. Whatever decision you make for you and your family, do NOT ever feel the need to explain yourself or apologize to anyone else. You will feel as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders...seriously. When I finally figured out that I CANNOT make everyone happy, but I can do the best to make my family happy, I was much better off.

 

[si-am]

From the other point of view, it can be difficult when you feel "dropped" because your friends now have kids.

I'm in my mid 30s, and almost all my friends have young children now. I myself have been struggling with fertility problems, which hurts enough in and of itself! However, it hurts even more when I see on FB that mutual friends have spent the day together with their kids at the zoo, or when I find out that three of them have formed a dinner club "for moms" and of course I wasn't included because I'm not a mom. Or when lunch conversation is ENTIRELY about daycare and potty training and I'm sitting there being completely left out of any conversation.

I may be extra sensitive to it, I know. And I never gripe or stomp my feet but yeah, it does pretty much suck.

 

[castleview]

I don't know a single person alive who is completely happy in and of themselves. If that were the case, nobody would get married, nobody would have kids, nobody would spend time with their families, and there would be no point in having friends.

From this post, it sounds like you have kids. I suspect that you expect to gain a certain amount of happiness from them.

What are you talking about? I'm saying that if this person is depending on someone else for her social life, then she is headed for disappointment. You can have friends, but if it's not working with them you need to search for new friends rather than expect that person to change. We've all lost friends to a new relationship, marriage, kids, etc. You move on - how hard is that?

 

[DWGal210]

I couldn't agree more - well said!!

ITA!

When my friends started getting married and having children, it was really striking how many things I started to be left out of. Like my friends who started hosting a board game night - for couples only. Or like when someone in our social circle I've been friends with for years has a birthday party for one of their kids and invites all of our friends who are parents but none of our friends who aren't. It definitely hurts to be left out of things like that. I like board games! I like bringing your kid presents and eating cupcakes! Why do I need a boyfriend to play Monopoly at your house? Why do I need a baby of my own to hang out with you and yours? It's definitely a sore spot for me and my other single, child-free friends. (Side note: it's interesting how much more I see my coupled friends now that I'm in a serious relationship myself. I don't get it - do they really like my boyfriend that much or are they just more comfortable around non-single people?)

OP, it sounds from your post like you've been trying very hard to include her in your plans, and that's awesome! But maybe she's used to her friends with families leaving her out of things and she's very sensitive (or overly sensitive) to that sort of being left out in this sort of situation. I bet a good conversation between the two of you would really help work things out. Just remember that she might not be single or childless by choice, and it can be frustrating for us unmarried, childless people to hear things like "you just don't understand."