Do you punish for bad grades?

[Bluestars]

I tried punishing for bad grades with my oldest son and it didn't work out very well. So with my youngest son who is in 8th grade, I don't punish for bad grades. Some of his friend's parents do though.

When he gets a bad grade we talk about it and try to find out why. He is in honors science and science has always been one of his best subjects. He started bringing home a couple of bad grades. It turns out the entire class was getting bad grades and that the teacher isn't the best.

The questions he was missing had to do with math (although it is a Science class) and he wasn't understanding the way she was teaching it. So, he had to buckle down and I helped him go over the things he didn't understand.

When his grades were dropping in Algebra, I sent him to the early morning help class on the day of each test.

Other things I have had him do were extra study time and making flash cards. He never lost his computer or phone. I just had him buckle down on the studying and extra help.

I found out today after his last final grade was posted that he made honor roll for this semester. We did it all without taking away anything. Of course what works for one family doesn't always work for another.

 

[chisnpeke]

I was never punished for bad grades. My mom always told me to do my best. Did I always do my best? No. I am in college now and still don't do my best. I'm ok with it and my mom is too.

I will never understand punishing a child for getting a C. A C is average, not the best but definitely not the worst.

 

[chisnpeke]

When he gets a bad grade we talk about it and try to find out why.

This is the best approach in my opinion.

 

[jordansmomma]

I just got a call yesterday from my daughter's teacher-she hasn't done 7 homework assignments. Therefore, she is failing advanced math. I asked her "why" she didn't do the homework- "I don't know". We've been through this before (last year), she hates the teacher and is "punishing" the teacher. I know I was the same way- if I hated the class/teacher I wouldn't give a darn about it. Then panicked when grades came out and I was failing. Yikes! My daughter will have a very blue Christmas- NO phone/computer and she must throughly clean her room.
I have no trouble if she actually tried and got a "0"; but not trying/caring is NOT an option.
Hopefully, she'll learn that this behavior only hurts her.. I know I almost didn't graduate with my class and couldn't get into the college of my choice cause of my grades.

I hate getting "I don't know" as answer. My son has been dropped from all of his honors classes. He has gone from geometry to general math ***??

Sadly we have already bought a PS3 for him for Christmas but he doesn't get to play it until his grades get better.

 

[Bluestars]

This is the best approach in my opinion.

Thanks. After raising two kids and getting to my third one, I've been able to fine tune this parenting thing. I could have grounded my son like his best friend's parents did when they both got a terrible grade on their science tests. However, I never would have found out the reason he got a bad grade. When he explained it to me, I was able to help him understand the things he wasn't able to understand.

I don't think any amount of grounding could have made him understand it. It probably would have made him feel stupid for not doing a better job.

When I started making him go to the early morning help in his Algebra class, he started getting As on the tests. The extra help, studying, and talking about it really paid off for us.

 

[Pin Wizard]

It hasn't gotten that drastic yet. DS is rewarded for good grades, so a bad grade keeps less $ in his pocket. That seems to be enough for him. He slipped in APUSH on the first report card this year. First time he's missed the Honor Roll in 3 years. He kept saying his GPA was ___________. I told him even with that GPA, a D on his report card would keep him off the Honor Roll. Sure enough, no certificate came home. That has an impression on him, too. Within days of e-mailing with the teacher, she said his grade in the class at that time was a B. He made a bad choice in not handing in something that was due which caused the slide in the grade. Hopefully, he's learned from that experience!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow a lot of us have grounded kids.

My dd is on meds and in counseling. Believe me, we are talking. With my dd it has nothing to do with the material. She has that perfectionist/anxiety thing going on.

She was having trouble and still is "talking to the teacher". She can talk to them when she is doing well however when her grades slip she avoids them.

So she is learning how to dig herself out of the hole and now the focus is to recognize when she begins to "hit the wall".

I will join you PP in that this will be the first time my dd has not been on honor roll either.

 

[punkin]

I don't get it. For my DDs, the bad grade IS the punishment. There is nothing I could to them that would be worse in their minds than not being the best!

 

[jrmasm]

I don't get it.

What's not to get? Kids are different.

 

[punkin]

What's not to get? Kids are different.

All right...I do not get punishing MY kids for bad grades.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

All right...I do not get punishing MY kids for bad grades.

What about zeros?

 

[jrmasm]

All right...I do not get punishing MY kids for bad grades.

Who said you had to?

 

[Holly]

I don't get it. For my DDs, the bad grade IS the punishment. There is nothing I could to them that would be worse in their minds than not being the best!

You're lucky. Not having her cell phone is much worse in my dd's mind than not being the best.

 

[punkin]

What about zeros?

Zeros are very rare occurrences in my house. My kids are very careful about them. The few zeros they have had were usually deliberate choices when faced with too much homework and too many responsibilities. I approve of that because it teaches them how to prioritize and achieve balance.

I know I am lucky to have responsible children. Heaven knows, it is nothing I accomplished. They just came out that way.

 

[kid-at-heart]

I do not punish. I hire a tutor if my child is not doing well in a subject. A good place to find a tutor is to check with the child's teacher or call a local college and ask to speak with the chair of the education department (or ask to speak with the chair of the department of the child's challenging subject; i.e., math, language arts, etc...). Explain which subject the child is having problems with and ask if there is a college student who might be interested in tutoring. College students work cheaply and tend to relate very well to young folks. Plus they are often willing to come to your house so you do not have to drive your child somewhere and wait for the child.

In our area, college students charge $15 per hour for tutoring. I consider that cheap when it pertains to my child's ability to succeed in school.

Oh, I have a friend whose child was flunking not because of ability but because of "laziness" (her words, not mine). He buckled down because he did not want to spend time with the tutor.

 

[mjfrog88]

I am having to punish my 14 yo DS for the first time for bad grades. I must admit, it is long overdue. He is in the gifted program, and his grades started slipping last year. He always got great grades, and was on the honor roll consistently. He has historically been competitive, and wanted to be the best in the class. However, now he has started being more interested in being the funny guy, and getting the other guys in his class to like him. He is in advanced English and Geometry for math, as well as Spanish II. He did not get an A this quarter. He even got a B in Metal Working. He got a D+ in Geometry and Keyboarding. He has struggled with Keyboarding since day 1. His problem is that he often does not bring home his homework. He states that he already did it in class. So, he now got bad grades. I made him drop his talented class the first quarter, which he loved going to. He does not seem to care about his grades at all. I have grounded him for the whole Christmas break. No friends over, no going to friends, no computer or cell phone. He can read or watch tv or interact with me and/or his sister. He WILL bring home every book, and write down his running grade each day, as well as his homework assignments and bring them to me when school resumes. He is smart and capable, but is failing himself miserably. Am I justified?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am having to punish my 14 yo DS for the first time for bad grades. I must admit, it is long overdue. He is in the gifted program, and his grades started slipping last year. He always got great grades, and was on the honor roll consistently. He has historically been competitive, and wanted to be the best in the class. However, now he has started being more interested in being the funny guy, and getting the other guys in his class to like him. He is in advanced English and Geometry for math, as well as Spanish II. He did not get an A this quarter. He even got a B in Metal Working. He got a D+ in Geometry and Keyboarding. He has struggled with Keyboarding since day 1. His problem is that he often does not bring home his homework. He states that he already did it in class. So, he now got bad grades. I made him drop his talented class the first quarter, which he loved going to. He does not seem to care about his grades at all. I have grounded him for the whole Christmas break. No friends over, no going to friends, no computer or cell phone. He can read or watch tv or interact with me and/or his sister. He WILL bring home every book, and write down his running grade each day, as well as his homework assignments and bring them to me when school resumes. He is smart and capable, but is failing himself miserably. Am I justified?

No need for justification as you are a parent and know your child best.

However since he is 14, I might add in looking at colleges, degree programs, jobs in the paper/online, buy an ACT/SAT book and have him take the test, go to a college and check out a campus for fun, etc.....

He needs to be remotivated as to why he needs to get get grades. So add an element of "reality" in the punishment as well.

 

[Heather1101]

Yes, I do punish for bad grades. Both DS's are extremely capable of making straight A's...they are very smart, but lazy when it comes to school. My 9 year old is grounded for the day if he gets an "N" for homework or behavior(N is like a "D" and he gets a grade put in his folder each day). He does good on his report card though, so he has yet to be grounded due to report card grades.

The 15 year old has been grounded several times over the middle school years (he is a freshman in HS now and has had good grades since school started this year).

If he gets a D or an F, he is grounded for the entire 9 weeks...no cell phone, no computer, no video games, no ipod. I've only had to do that once and it was rough. I didn't think I'd be able to stick it out, but I did and he learned his lesson real quick. If he starts slipping in his progress reports, all I have to do is threaten grounding him for 9 weeks and his grades come up really quickly.

I do allow an occassional "C" without punishment because he takes the harder classes (Advanced Algebra, IB Geometry, IB Biology).

 

[friend of pooh]

And here I thought you were just supposed to go to the teacher and demand extra credit in the last week of the quarter even though your child didn't do the assigned work throughout the semester.....

 

[LuvOrlando]

Hmmm, this is a bit tricky. My DH and I do not necessarily punish for poor grades. But I do have a holy fit when one of my kids walks in with a relatively poor grade after being cocky and not asking for help in advance of the test. It's the arrogance that ticks me off more than the number grade, does that make sense? My DS11 and DD10 know whats what, they have no developmental delays and are pretty smart intuitive kids and since a majority of their grades are high I tend to leave them alone about homework, projects, book reports etc. (This is now, before grade 4 I sat at the kitchen table with them every single afternoon watching them and checking their work to instill a good work ethic.) So anyhow they are both good kids and good students but SOMETIMES their egos get in the way of their performance and then they get a double wammy neither can stand. First a lecture from DH & I on a few things. First off, no matter how smart you are or think you are if you do not read the book or study there is no way for the information to get into your head and you WILL fail. Second, there is a low paying job out there with your name on it and if you want better you better work for it. Third, no matter what you come from you do not turn 18 and get a knock at the door with someone handing you the keys to a car, and a house in a nice neighborhood, an invitation to a nice job and a good life, these things take effort. Next, I remind them how I left wonderful job to stay home for them and that I am always capable and willing to help, but they have to ASK first, I am always happy to help so there is no excuse to not ask. THEN for the Pièce de résistance, they have to go over the entire chapter WITH ME explaining every single detail and every term and then re-do the offending paper, again WITH ME, in order to hand it in to the teacher so he/she can see my child understands it. We have rarely punished in the sense of taking things away... I think being under my microscope for a few days is punishment enough