Do you like your in-laws?

[alwaysmom]

I tried to like them once upon a time but not anymore. Toooo much water under the bridge for me. They are well.....different!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I love my in-laws and am very lucky to be a part of their family!! The main reason I went on the first date with my dh was because his father was such a nice person. My mother-in-law is one of my best friends and she is always there for me. I am extremely close to both of them and would do anything for them that they needed.

My own parents, on the other hand, have a lot of room for improvement

 

[Rora]

I go back and forth on how I feel about them.

 

[wenrob]

How sad!! He sounds like a very cruel man! I guess some people are just born that way for some reason.

As frustrated as I get with one of my dil's, I could never be cruel to her or treat her badly in anyway. She is the person my son loves and that alone makes her family.


Sounds like your brother knows that what you say and how you feel about your sil is completely justified!

FIL is awful. For so long I had thought somewhere he had to have a soft side but he doesn't. I can't hate him though, he gave me my best friend and by extension my kids. I can't forgive what he did to DD's heart though, never.

Bro and I have a very tenuous truce that we both are very careful to balance. He knows his wife but she's his wife, kwim? I totally respect that about him because my DH is the same way. (though mine would tell me right out I was out of line) As long he's not hell bent on SIL and I being around each other we're good.

 

[TrixieBel]

Been married to their only son for 22 years and we have their only grandchildren (DH has a sister who is twice divorced and has no children).

When it came to their 50th wedding anniversary dinner earlier this year neither I nor our kids were invited because they were "only having family and friends".

We discussed what to do and when DH phoned and accepted the invitation he specifically said
"TrixieBel and I would both love to
be there". They then cancelled the whole thing...

 

[luvsJack]

FIL is awful. For so long I had thought somewhere he had to have a soft side but he doesn't. I can't hate him though, he gave me my best friend and by extension my kids. I can't forgive what he did to DD's heart though, never.Bro and I have a very tenuous truce that we both are very careful to balance. He knows his wife but she's his wife, kwim? I totally respect that about him because my DH is the same way. (though mine would tell me right out I was out of line) As long he's not hell bent on SIL and I being around each other we're good.

Can't blame you a bit on the bolded part, I would be the same way if someone hurt one of my kids that way.

I know just what you mean about your brother. Dh has a brother with a wife that can get on everyone's bad side at one time. He knows how she is so he just shrugs his shoulders about it and changes the subject if whatever she has done this time comes up.

 

[kristina87]

I don't technically have in laws yet, but BF and I have been together for over 9 years so they may as well be I like them, theyre totally different than my family though! Much more quiet and they have a small family so I think they get overwhelmed at family functions sometimes haha!

 

[beachlover9395]

The saving grace was that I finally realized that none of their behavior was personal. They would have treated any woman dh married the same way. However, my biggest regret was not realizing sooner that they HATED me with the fire of a thousand suns and nothing I could do would change that.

Yep, same story here. I feel that any woman probably would have been their target. For some reason, his family readily welcomes men into the family fold, but not women. I guess some weird power struggle/hierarchy thing going on. I also wish it hadn't taken me about a decade to keep trying to fit it and hope they would accept me.

He said to my dh recently that he now realizes what he and his wife did to me and knows that it was unforgivable. And truly it is. There is way too much history, way too many horrible memories there. I look at him and my eye starts to twitch. As he said, he's an example of how sometimes remorse is not enough -- sometimes, you can go too far down a path and there is no turning back.

^^ Agree with this times infinity. I couldn't write it any better if I tried. One of his siblings tried to re-establish contact recently and I want absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with it. Too much has happened. Good for you for apologizing - I could care less.

 

[worm761]

I know that a lot of you really and trully have the in-laws from hell. And a lot of have legitimate reasons for hating your in-laws.

But I am really curious about something, I just wonder if we had a thread asking all of our in-laws about US what kind of answers would there be?

If I had to answer similar questions about my dil's, I know the kind of flaming I would get so I will keep my opinions to myself. But, everyone should remember that most family relationships are a two way street. Whatever it is you dislike or even hate about your in-laws, they may have the same strong feelings about something YOU do too.

I have tried very hard to just remember that Dh's family is MY family (just as they treat me) and my family is HIS family. We don't really think in terms of "in-laws". So, even when one side or the other has done something to make someone angry, we just get through it and go on and remain family.

My first mil was one of the mil's from hell but even she was "mama jo" not mil. It just helped to think that way.

My boyfriend's mother hates me. I have no idea why though. She has told him and me that I do not matter, that my son and I are not family. She thinks that she should get custody of MY daughter should something happen to her son/my boyfriend/DD's father. Yeah, over my dead body and probably not even then! DD is one (just turned) and she doesn't understand why I won't send her from Florida to New York for the summer. If these are the things she says to me, I can only imagine what she is saying when I am not around. Boyfriend is a twin. His twin died at 5 months old and she blames him and admits it. We are completely different people. I would be nice and hold my tongue. But when she informed boyfriend and I that I am not family and don't matter, well let's just say things changed.

Just to be clear. I have been with Boyfriend for four years. I have met her four times now. Each time is worse than the last. She is planning a visit over spring break. I told Boyfriend that if she stays in our home, I will not be. And when I agree to go back to New York to visit his side of our family, we will stay in a hotel so when she gets nasty, I can walk out the door and not come back. She hasn't figured out that he will side with me every single time yet. I figure a few times of walking out and coming back to Florida and she will figure it out. Play nice or not see us. He has the option of going to visit on his own and choose not to. I don't make him choose. It is ultimately his choice which side he takes.

 

[tlbwriter]

I am genuinely fond of my ILs on DH's side for the most part. My BILs are the brothers I never had. There's one fairly annoying IL who I don't really care for, but I got lucky with the rest of them.

On my side, there's only my nephew's wife, who I love, and my psycho sister's husband, who... well, let's just say they deserve each other.

But I am really curious about something, I just wonder if we had a thread asking all of our in-laws about US what kind of answers would there be?

If I had to answer similar questions about my dil's, I know the kind of flaming I would get so I will keep my opinions to myself. But, everyone should remember that most family relationships are a two way street. Whatever it is you dislike or even hate about your in-laws, they may have the same strong feelings about something YOU do too.

I often wonder about this. Whenever DH has a story about the above-mentioned annoying IL, I say "They probably say the same things about me!"

 

[luvsJack]

My boyfriend's mother hates me. I have no idea why though. She has told him and me that I do not matter, that my son and I are not family. She thinks that she should get custody of MY daughter should something happen to her son/my boyfriend/DD's father. Yeah, over my dead body and probably not even then! DD is one (just turned) and she doesn't understand why I won't send her from Florida to New York for the summer. If these are the things she says to me, I can only imagine what she is saying when I am not around. Boyfriend is a twin. His twin died at 5 months old and she blames him and admits it. We are completely different people. I would be nice and hold my tongue. But when she informed boyfriend and I that I am not family and don't matter, well let's just say things changed.

Just to be clear. I have been with Boyfriend for four years. I have met her four times now. Each time is worse than the last. She is planning a visit over spring break. I told Boyfriend that if she stays in our home, I will not be. And when I agree to go back to New York to visit his side of our family, we will stay in a hotel so when she gets nasty, I can walk out the door and not come back. She hasn't figured out that he will side with me every single time yet. I figure a few times of walking out and coming back to Florida and she will figure it out. Play nice or not see us. He has the option of going to visit on his own and choose not to. I don't make him choose. It is ultimately his choice which side he takes.

Wow. She has to certifiable! How on earth can she blame your bf for his twin's death? That is just beyond belief!

I don't blame you a bit for doing everything possible to make sure she never gets your dd! I would imagine there was much bad blood between your bf and his mom before your relationship.

 

[roscoepc1]

I know that a lot of you really and trully have the in-laws from hell. And a lot of have legitimate reasons for hating your in-laws.

But I am really curious about something, I just wonder if we had a thread asking all of our in-laws about US what kind of answers would there be?

If I had to answer similar questions about my dil's, I know the kind of flaming I would get so I will keep my opinions to myself. But, everyone should remember that most family relationships are a two way street. Whatever it is you dislike or even hate about your in-laws, they may have the same strong feelings about something YOU do too.

I have tried very hard to just remember that Dh's family is MY family (just as they treat me) and my family is HIS family. We don't really think in terms of "in-laws". So, even when one side or the other has done something to make someone angry, we just get through it and go on and remain family.

My first mil was one of the mil's from hell but even she was "mama jo" not mil. It just helped to think that way.

You know what? I just don't give a flying rip anymore. I had to insulate myself after bending over backwards and nearly giving myself a nervous break-down trying to please her....I already know what mil would say about me, and while none of it is nice, none of it is true, either. Ie, I'm evil and mean b/c I got upset she was driving my kids around without carseats when they were toddlers. Ie, my special needs son with severe CP had "nothing wrong with him"....he was really "just a bit awkward", and if I were a better mother, he'd be fine. Etc etc etc....

I get along fine with my bils and sils, unless they listen to mil and I have to set them straight. Except for one of dh's brothers...who is an alcoholic who couldn't be bothered to take time off work for my son's funeral.(they live 20 minutes away, it's a small town, and his boss would have been APPALLED if he'd known bil didn't take the time off) And that's exactly what he said when he was asked about it. He "couldn't be bothered".

FIL likes me better than just about anyone else in the family. We have a great relationship, and he even takes my side if dh and I aren't getting along.

 

[jenrose66]

I guess I would say there'd be no love loss between me and my inlaws. I will say that I've learned to handle our relationship better with time.

As DH and I have built our family and been married longer, you get a different perspective.

I'm not crazy about my FIL but I've learned to tolerate him. Dh's mom passed suddenly about 3 and a half years ago. We were not getting along very well, I had just had my 1st child, was dealing with terrible post partum depression and we would fight about her smoking....while it was very stressful for me, I feel bad we weren't in a better place and I honestly think about her every day. I'm sure if she were still here we'd probably have our differences but she was a good grandma and I'm sad for my husband that he lost his mother and that my kids won't know their other grandma.

 

[superme80]

I get along pretty good with my in-laws. Any fights that have gone on were dealt with by DH and I let him handle everything. DH's dad and step mom I think are mad at us. Not sure why, but according to my SIL it is completely normal. I get along great with all my sister in laws.
DH LOVES my parents. He gets along great with them and the rest of my family excluding 1 member. My sister. Neither of us like her...heck my 2 year old doesn't eve like her. So yeah that is the only family drama.

 

[manning]

I get along pretty good with my in-laws. Any fights that have gone on were dealt with by DH and I let him handle everything. DH's dad and step mom I think are mad at us. Not sure why, but according to my SIL it is completely normal. I get along great with all my sister in laws.
DH LOVES my parents. He gets along great with them and the rest of my family excluding 1 member. My sister. Neither of us like her...heck my 2 year old doesn't eve like her. So yeah that is the only family drama.

When a 2yo doesn't like her there has to be good reason. She senses something.

 

[superme80]

When a 2yo doesn't like her there has to be good reason. She senses something.

Seriously! My sister tries to be "the cool aunt" and fails miserably. What really got my son was when my sister insulted the dog. He could tell from the tone in her voice that she was being mean to the dog. He was not happy!