Do You Let Your Kids Win at Games?

[Tigger&Belle]

And if so, under what conditions?

When my young kids are learning a game, I will go easy on them, but once they "get" the game and are on a fairly level playing field, all bets are off.
At least for the most part...

I was just playing Connect Four with my 6yo and after I'd won 4-5 times, it was my turn and I saw a winning move that he missed. I didn't block the move and when it was his turn I told him that I saw a move that would give him the win, but I made him find it, which he did eventually (it was kind of a hard diagonal move to see). After that we played about 4-5 more times with me winning I think all the other games (maybe he won one of them).

BTW, if my son wasn't handling his losses well we would have stopped our marathon a lot earlier and I wouldn't have rewarded him and "let" him win even that one time.

In general, though, I think kids should earn their wins and that's as far as I will go, and that's only because he's still young. In some games (memory games) he's better than I am and I wish he would give me a break sometimes!

 

[noodleknitter]

We tended towards the same pattern. While a kid was learning we let them win the majority, with coaching re. the rules. Once they had it down we would just play, but would continue to coach if they started to forget options, etc. My kids also could wup me any day on the memory games, and they were just darn lucky with Chutes and Ladders!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My hubby thinks I should let my kids win more. He thinks I don't b/c I don't want to lose. That couldn't be further from the truth. I want them to work at winning and understand they cannot win all the time.

So even while I am teaching the game--I will alternate the winning with the losing...when she is better at the game, I let go of that--but maybe don't try so hard to win. She's not at the age where I can play to beat her yet. On some games anyway.

 

[Marseeya]

Depended on the kid.

DS was quick and competetive, so I would teach him a game and never let him win. Any genuine win he got was so sweet to him.

DD's a different story. She's slow (just found out she's got an LD) and not very competetive at all. I would let her win once in a while to keep her interest up and to help her with her confidence. Even though she's almost 11, I still let her win games once in a while. Not always, but just often enough to keep her on her toes.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

Your post reminds me of a Junie B. Jones book I read, called Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake. Junie B. plays all these games and contests with her grandpa and she wins at everything, so she thinks she is the "bestest game winner". Then she goes to school and challenges her friends to the same games, fully intending to win at everything. Instead she is in for a big shock when she loses at everything. Then she figures out that her grandpappy had been letting her win. She was devastated.

Just thought I'd share!

If my kids are having a hard time winning, I'll let them win a time or two for self-esteem purposes. But I don't let them win every time, or they won't learn good sportsmanship!

 

[anewvance]

I admit i've done a little tweaking in one kid or anothers direction before. Like if older dd keeps winning, I work things out so that younger dd will win once. But for the most part, we just play and who ever wins wins..

 

[GADISNEYGIRL]

Pretty much the same here... in the beginning, we go "easy" on DS (4). But then we just play to play. Whoever wins, wins. That being said, He kicks our butts almost every time at Disney Trivial Pursuit! I think it's time to start giving him the adult questions!!

I refuse to play Risk with DH anymore. Years ago, when he was trying to "teach" me how to play, he would wipe me out before I could figure out what I was supposed to be doing. It's not that I have to win in order to play, but I want to be given a chance to "get" it! So... no more Risk for DH. Not with me, anyway!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Your post reminds me of a Junie B. Jones book I read, called Junie B. Jones and the Yucky Blucky Fruitcake. Junie B. plays all these games and contests with her grandpa and she wins at everything, so she thinks she is the "bestest game winner". Then she goes to school and challenges her friends to the same games, fully intending to win at everything. Instead she is in for a big shock when she loses at everything. Then she figures out that her grandpappy had been letting her win. She was devastated.

Jake likes Junie B Jones--I'll have to see if the library has that one. He's that way about other things--he gets away with a fair amount from his older brothers and their friends since he's so much younger, but then at kindergarten he tried the same stunts and was told that he was bossy. Well, he is!

 

[fabumouse]

Okay, I'm the big softie here.

I let my DD5 win at games. Not always, but I try to keep it closer to 50/50 than it would be if she were on her own.

I don't keep playing if she is being a poor sport, but geez guys, she's so little and each win means so much more to her.

Tough Crowd!

 

[Blondie]

Depends on the game and the age of the kids.

However, kids can't win at everything and they need to learn that as soon as possible.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Sure, of course I will. Not every game, but sometime, I will.

 

[cats7494]

When dd12 was younger and just learning a game - I let her win sometimes - but not every time.

Now that she is older - I usually just play the games and not worry too much about her losing... BUT.. if she does lose too many I will play a little differently to let her win. My dh is the same way. We are both softies, I guess.
I will probably do the same with our other daughter when she gets old enough to play games - she is only 5 months now...lol

 

[Missy1961]

OK, not a mom, but an aunt--very hands on--of 13.

I do what most of you have said you do--depending on age & level of understanding the game, I let them win. But once they understand, all bets are off! However, most of the time, I do lose. I stink at playing games! I guess I don't get the practice that moms do!

I always tell the story of the time I was playing "Candyland" with my niece who was about 3. She was a good loser, she knew the rules, but when I got one of the picture cards that put me close to the winning spot, I felt bad. So when her back was turned, I put the card back in the deck, and in a spot that she would get it. She turned the card over, saw the pictures and said "Wow! I thought there were only 1!" So I learned my lesson....no more "helping" her win.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I always tell the story of the time I was playing "Candyland" with my niece who was about 3. She was a good loser, she knew the rules, but when I got one of the picture cards that put me close to the winning spot, I felt bad. So when her back was turned, I put the card back in the deck, and in a spot that she would get it. She turned the card over, saw the pictures and said "Wow! I thought there were only 1!" So I learned my lesson....no more "helping" her win.

A friend of mine likes to say that he's figured out how to "stack the deck" in Candyland so that his DD can win in under 5 minutes so he can get a quick game in before he goes to work in the morning.

 

[pearlieq]

I don't think it's a great idea. I like to stick to mostly chance based games with younger kids so they have an equal shot of winning, and sometimes I'll coach them through the decision making process when they're about to do something stupid, but I don't out and out let them win.

My neighbor usually lets her kids win. I'll let you imagine the temper tantrums that happen when they lose!

 

[pennst8r]

A friend of mine likes to say that he's figured out how to "stack the deck" in Candyland so that his DD can win in under 5 minutes so he can get a quick game in before he goes to work in the morning.

I was just going to write this! I used to let our DSs win when they were young and learning a game. But Candy Land I still make sure he gets Queen Frostine if the game is running long! War, too, is one I"ve learned how to end early!

 

[mickeyfan2]

I always let young kids win or "get one over" on me. When they are really on equal ground then they only get a give me once in a while. I would never play a 6 year old in and win all but one game. I would let him/her win most of the games with one or two to me so they think they are really beating me. When I was playing my nephew in rummie 500 I would put out a second card on to the discard pile when I knew (from ealier) that he had the third card. His eyes would light up and that was enough of a "win" for me.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

That's true--sometimes I'd be willing to stack a deck just to get some of those games over with!

And I really do base it somewhat on the child. When my son gets cocky (will that word make it past the word filter?), I take him down, assuming I was trying not to beat him too badly. I know my DH does this with him at video games.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

II would never play a 6 year old in and win all but one game.

Yeah, I probably should have helped him in his strategy a bit more so that he would have won a couple more than the one or two, but it was a situation where he would be doing fine, and then at the last minute miss a move. Of course I could have not "seen" the win, I suppose. See, I'm on about the level of a 6yo for some of these games. We're playing Battleship later so he'll probably wup me at that.

 

[Missy1961]

A friend of mine likes to say that he's figured out how to "stack the deck" in Candyland so that his DD can win in under 5 minutes so he can get a quick game in before he goes to work in the morning.

Does he share the secret with others? He could make a ton of money selling that!

Great picture!