Do you know someone who is/was an alcoholic?

[apirateslifeforme]

First, my grandmother...she got stinking drunk every night after work until one day in 1995. I was 21 and found her lying on the bathroom floor. She was still alive, hadn't hit her head or anything, but it had taken its toll and she couldn't get up. I couldn't move her, she was pure dead weight. Called my mother at work, who came home, called Gram's doctor, who said to call 911. Gram went to the hospital in an ambulance and spent a week detoxing. She remained sober until she died 2 years ago.

Second, my cousin. He was a sad, "lost soul." No direction in his life and was often depressed, so he drank. A lot. I knew he'd been in and out of rehab, but it never seemed to work. A week before Thanksgiving last year, we got a call that he was in the hospital because his liver and kidneys were shutting down. He lived 2 more months, mostly under sedation in the hospital, but once in a while, they'd ship him off to a rehab center, who would in turn ship him back to the hospital within 24 hours. My uncle and (former) aunt finally decided to take him off life support, and he died two hours later. He was only 32 years old. It's been six months and we're all still trying to come to terms with it.

 

[stego]

well...yeah. I won't give EVERYTHING away. But I can share a few things.

A few posters have replied that most alcoholics relapse many times. Maybe in their neck of the woods, but from what I've seen there a quite a few folks who've made it stick. That's not to say there haven't been challenges. I don't think I'm not unlike a few folks who have realized they probably don't have another dry one in them.

I have seen people with years upon years without drinking and be so consumed by rage it is unimaginable. Just because someone is sober doesn't mean they are going to live their life perfect. I have heard many stories about people doing some really crazy stuff while sober.

So when the poll says that 98% of people say they know someone...it is read at every meeting: cunning, baffling, powerful.

I've also heard many times about people who have recovered and are not alcoholic anymore: the obsession to drink has been taken. Then the question simply becomes: what about all the other stuff? I have personally seen many people go back out...it is truly horrible.

Some of the PP's have had some really bad experiences with loved ones and I can relate. My son's mom was an alcoholic/addict and I've not seen her in years. It destroyed me inside to watch the woman I love succumb to a life of despair. If anything, it has given me resolve.

I am sober today because I do it one day at a time. A few people have told me they see AA as a cult and I can understand that. AA has many personalities so I make myself aware and try to bring something to the table each time I go to a meeting. I don't beat my chest and walk around with a neon sign. I try to live a life of example and most days it is pretty good. But occasionally I do have a bad day...and so I must trudge to road to happy destiny.

 

[C.Ann]

For anyone out there who loves an alcoholic, I highly recommend the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. The main point of the book is that the best thing you can do for an alcoholic is to allow them to suffer the consequences of their drinking. That means not making excuses, not covering up, and not doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. It also means not bailing them out of trouble, whether legal, financial, or otherwise. Only by doing this will the alcoholic hit their "bottom," come to realize what a destructive force alcohol is in their lives, and hopefully decide to seek help. Many people unknowingly become "enablers" when they try to control an alcoholic and their drinking. The book stresses the three C's, "I didn't cause, I can't control it, and I can't change it."

Hugs to everyone who have been affected by this terrible disease.

Thank you so much for mentioning this book.. I am going to purchase it for the dad of the person I spoke of here.. He is doing everything you mentioned above - a total enabler - and although the rest of us have followed through with cutting her "loose", he still thinks he can somehow "save" her - even though she doesn't want to be "saved"..

Now let's just hope he'll read it..

 

[Jynohn]

Thank you so much for mentioning this book.. I am going to purchase it for the dad of the person I spoke of here.. He is doing everything you mentioned above - a total enabler - and although the rest of us have followed through with cutting her "loose", he still thinks he can somehow "save" her - even though she doesn't want to be "saved"..

Now let's just hope he'll read it..

You're very welcome, C. Ann. I hope that he does read it, because I think it really might help him come to terms with the fact that there's nothing he can do to control someone else's drinking. By "detaching with love" from the still drinking alcoholic, you give them the best chance of recognizing that their drinking is out of control, and to eventually reach out for help. If nothing else, it might give him some peace of mind in realizing that his daughter's choices are hers alone. I know that I've read the book over and over and still reach for it when I'm tempted to try to "save" the alcoholic in my life.

I'll be keeping them in my thoughts...

 

[Kae]

My Dad has been sober for 18 years. and I know alot of sober people who have been sober for years.

Kae

 

[Danauk]

Not in my family, but 2 of my friends are alcoholics. One is now sober and has been for 2 years. The other was sober for a few months, but then his 13 year old son was killed in a car crash (he was with a friends mum at the time, no alcohol involved), he stayed sober for a month or so after the accident, but then had a relapse. He is getting help now though 18 month later.

 

[a paper star]

My grandfather was and possibly still is an alcoholic. I haven't seen him since I was around five or so. Because of his actions I have never in my life had even a sip of alcohol and decided a long time ago I would never drink.

 

[cassie714]

I know a bunch of alcoholics a majority of them sober. I see them at meetings. The only thing that can help a alcoholic to get and stay sober is to turn their life and their will over to their higher power, who i call God. AA is a spiritual program. Rehabs, AA and a support system will help the alcoholic learn to handle everyday life issues. Your higher power will relieve the obsession to drink. There are many people that NEED AA but the only ones that succeed are the ones the WANT the program.

 

[mickeyboat]

Unfortunately, yes.

 

[Conkozan]

A good friend of mine has been admitted to a clinic, The Priory, today for alchohol dependency. Their abstinence-based addiction treatment programme, usually incorporates a 28+ day hospital stay supported by twelve months of structured aftercare.

Do you know of anyone? Did they have any help/treatment and was it successful?

Family member- 24 years of sobriety. They have to WANT it

 

[disney1990]

I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to have to live with all these years.

My dad was an alcoholic. He drank when he was younger, and was told that he had liver damage and that he needed to stop. He was able to get sober and stay sober for many years. He recently had some ongoing pain issues with his back, and began taking prescription pain meds for it. He didn't know that the pain meds he was taking were doing further damage to his liver. He passed away a month ago tomorrow from liver failure. And none of us knew that he was sick. He probably knew and didn't want to worry us. He went into the hospital on a Friday and passed away a week later. He was 57.

My dad proved that alcoholics can get sober and stay sober. It's not easy, and it takes a serious realization on the part of the alcoholic to seek help. But it can be done. The key to it is that an alcoholic needs a strong support team of people who WILL NOT expose them to alcohol in any form. They have to basically let go of all of the "friends" who encourage/enable the drinking. The people with whom a recovering alcoholic surrounds himself/herself with need to be 100% committed to helping the alcoholic stay sober. Part of the guilt that I have after my dad's death is questioning whether or not I was always there for him the way I should have been.
But that's another story for another thread. The bottom line is that programs like the one you're talking about CAN work, and work really well. The person just has to be committed to making it work.

I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad. So many sad stories here about what alcohol has done to so many families. My heart goes out to each and everyone that has been affected.

 

[bellebuzzntink]

My mother. She was a functioning alcoholic while we were growing up. I thought it was normal for everyone's parents to buy jugs of wine and liters of vodka every week.

Her drinking got much, much worse after she and my dad divorced. She went through rehab and stayed sober a few years until her father passed away - it was a rough year where he died a slow death from cancer - when she relapsed. She went through rehab again and has been sober 7 years.

She says she stays sober by attending AA meetings, being involved in her church, taking prozac every day, and therapy. Since she has been sober though, she has become a binge eater.

I'm not sure what she struggles with, but she's not fully present in our lives because of it. We have a very strained relationship.

I'm surprised by the large number of people who have alcoholics in their family. It's not something that I discuss with very many people, and it's actually a relief to know I'm not the only one who deals with the ups, downs, stress, drama, etc. from alcoholism.

 

[mrs_hower726]

Wow, I can't believe I'm the only "no". No one in my family drinks nor my husband's family. We are non drinkers and none of our friends drinks either.

It looks like I'm the other no to join you. My side of the family doesn't touch the stuff and DH's family drinks but not to the point that they can't stop or that it's affecting their lives in any way. DH and I have one every friday night but that's about it.

to all the rest of you.

 

[Microcell]

My mother. She was a functioning alcoholic while we were growing up. I thought it was normal for everyone's parents to buy jugs of wine and liters of vodka every week.

Her drinking got much, much worse after she and my dad divorced. She went through rehab and stayed sober a few years until her father passed away - it was a rough year where he died a slow death from cancer - when she relapsed. She went through rehab again and has been sober 7 years.

My mom too, and I knew it wasn't normal to buy her Brandy in the store when we went grocery shopping and I begged her through the store not to get any.

My mom's drinking didn't get worse when my parents got divorced, but I saw more of it because I had to take care of her. I put her to bed every night, I hid her keys if I got too sleepy to watch her so she couldn't drive. I watered her brandy down in the hopes she wouldn't get as drunk. I cleaned her up when she threw up. I did that from 8-16 years old. Every night from 8-16. The year before she died, I was paying the bills and doing all the shopping, she didn't get alcohol when I went.. I was too young to get it. Two days before she passed I decided to get a full time job and quit school because she lost hers 6 months before and we were running out of money.

I hope to God that your friend does not have kids OP, because that is the worst thing for an alcoholic to do is burden their kids.

 

[christineann]

The ex-husband is an alcoholic, and it broke up our marriage. My kids even initiated a family court mediation when they were 15 and 12 and ended all contact with him (he was not a "nice" or "happy" drunk). That was the beginning of a new life for us.

 

[rie'smom]

My Dad was an alcoholic. He came home drunk one night and fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand. He died in the fire. I was 10 at the time and that was over 40 years ago.

I'm sorry.


OP, it's about 50/50 with the people I know. With a couple of the successful people, I've wondered if they were really alcoholics or just people who liked to drink. It's still great though that they put the brakes on the drinking.

 

[luvsJack]

My father: went into rehab when my youngest son was born and didn't drink again before his death 15 years later.

My ex-husband: still drinks. His father: died from hepatitis. Probably 75% of ex-h's family are alcoholics.

My grandfather: (on my mother's side) lived to be 94 years old. Up until Granddaddy died he still drank wine (much to his daughter's dismay) and smoked cigars everyday.

My brother: almost killed himself in a car wreck several years ago and doesn't drink as much now but still drinks.

Alcoholism is hell on earth for the alcoholic and for their loved ones.

 

[OK!]

Yep. My dad went to AA and has been sober for close to 20 years. My first serious boyfriend was an alcoholic as well; he used to call my dad in the middle of the night in a kind of quasi-sponsor-sponsoree sort of way when he was feeling like he wanted help, even several months after we broke up. Thankfully, my dad has the patience of a saint and never once complained about it, even though he wasn't actually my ex-BF's sponsor.

I have no idea if he ever actually got sober...we still keep in touch, but only on a very surface-ish level (Facebook), so we don't talk about stuff like that.

 

[RadioNate]

I'd say 1/2 the people i know are either alcoholics or have some sort of drinking problem.

My dad, my uncle, my late aunt.....nearly all my dad's friends....I wonder about my MIL but I don't see her enough to know.

My neighbor is a mean drunk who just completed a 28 day court mandated program. I was called in front of the judge in that one. I'm still NOT happy about that. These people are not my friends. I was just sick of calling the cops on him at 2 am.

so the short answer. yes.

 

[SamRoc]

My friends soon to be ex husband is an alcoholic. He used to bring water bottles to work filled with Sambuca. The boss thought he was drinking water. He lost his house, 2 cars, his wife. He has had countless affairs, and lost his licesnce because he was arrested for 2 DWIs. He is now living in a garage in another state, on an air mattress, with no money, no job, and no future. Everyone tried to get him to get help but he just couldnt or wouldnt do it. She found out that he is still driving though when he can get his hands on his brothers car.