Do you know anyone who constantly makes the wrong life choices?

[luvmarypoppins]

Dh and I were talking about this. Mostly it has to do with one of our tenants. We gave them a really good deal on the rent so they could save their money to eventually buy their own home or improve their life etc. They have a lousy credit report, filed for bankruptcy one for one of his businesses that had a fire and they have their 20 something son living with them whom they refuse to make look for a job etc. and just basically support him. He is very capable of finding some job to do. They buy him a car, gas, food etc. Well they are now crying on our shoulders saying the guys business or at least we think he runs it but does not own is is not doing well, his wife got her hours cut etc. They want us to pay for their oil etc. Hello, that is not part of their rent. We are already giving them well below market price and we just got the giant tax bill to pay for the house. I told dh go tell the dad to tell his son to get a job and contribute to their family income. our 3 ds are still in jr. high and high school and they all have jobs. They also didnt bag any of the leaves which they were suppose to do. I guess I am not in a very generous mood when it comes to them.

My other cousin, girl, has really made alot of bad life decisions. She just will never learn. Lately her big one was letting her 17 y o daughter have a guy sleep over for 4 days from canada whom she met on the internet. Gheesh.

Do you have know anyone like this? Friends or relatives?

 

[tlgoblue]

Do you have know anyone like this? Friends or relatives?

Lump most of these into relatives category. What can you do? Kind of scarry when I think too much about it, as I do share genetic goo with them. Still, I love them all and do what I can to put a smile on their faces, without allowing their poor decisions to make much of an impact on me. There is a trade off, though...the way I do that is by keeping vast distance between myself and the rest of my family. For the most part, I can get to them, but they can't get to me. This is both figurative and literal. It does get lonely at times, though.

As for dealing with non relatives who impose their poor choices on me, that won't happen. I've had too much practice with my family to allow anyone else that courtesy.

 

[goofy4tink]

Yes, my 29 y/o dd!!! She is always making bad choices...and thinks that something or someone will come along and bail her out.

 

[Just2554]

My boyfriend's parents. They make the stupidest financial decisions of anyone I know. The greatest thing they've done lately is withhold taxes from the government because they wanted to get the most money they could. They now owe TONS of money, none of which they have, due to the fact that they've spent it on ridiculous things all year.

 

[kilee]

My in-laws. My MIL and her bf bought a house last year that has a mortgage 5 times what they were paying. They still haven't sold their house. They've hit us up for money at least 6 times in the last 18 months. They've resorted to paying their mortgages w/ credit cards-- which will catch up w/ them I'd say by the end of this year.

 

[zippeedee]

When I was growing up my parents had a friend with four kids. One grew up to be a multi-millionaire business owner, the other three were just sadly dysfunctional. The one who did well would try to help the others. I remember one time he paid off his unemployed, welfare recipient sister's mortgage. She immediately refinanced the trailer-home, bought a fur coat and took her kids to Europe! My dad's advice to his friend? "Stop giving them money, those people would bankrupt Rockefeller". I always remember that when the urge to help out is really just pouring money into a bottomless pit. That being said..
I have neighbors who never lack for cigarettes, concert tickets, sports clothing for themselves (how many Patriot's jerseys does one need?) and other "necessities". Who feeds their kids? Half the time they are over here because there's no bread, no milk, nothing over there. I can't turn away a cold or hungry kid. I buy peanut butter, ramen, pancake mix, etc in bulk at BJ's and I live alone! This was the first year in about the last five that I didn't buy boots, winter coats, hats. The kids are getting to the age when only designer stuff will do, so they borrow from their friends. I am NOT playing that game!

 

[Tuffcookie]

I have a nephew (32. Same age as my oldest DS), who makes bad decision after bad decision. Then, add to that, my DM, who lives alone. Sometimes he stops by to visit her and I don't find out about it till much later. Of course she gives him money!!! I get so aggravated! I would have been embarrassed to take money from my grandparents when I was 32!

TC

 

[barkley]

yup-and the majority are the ones whose parents gave them everything.

we know 2 women in their late 30's (with kids) who have never held down a real job in their adult lives-their parent/grandparent always paid for everything. bought them homes, paid the credit cards when they ran them up, made sure food and clothing was there for the kids...they both have gotten into buisness schemes that no reasonable person would consider (one was going to make a fortune and "retire' selling people on changing from their local phone carrier to one that operated out of india?pakastan?-she got like 3 cents per month per subscriber and envisioned a huge telephone pyramid of customers , the other was going to "corner the market" on one item at garage sales-then "anyone who wants to buy them will have to come to me-and i will name the price"-can you say bancruptcy-several times over?). both are "seriel" wives ("why waste time dating-just marry the guy after a week"). and now their kids are following in their footsteps.

you just want to thump them on the head and say "WAKE UP-STOP HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON AND GREET REALITY".

 

[Disney Doll]

I know several people who do that, in several different types of scenarios (financial, romantic, life in general).

I have begun to not listen when they start their litamy of "poor me". I have actually gone so far as to say "You created your problem,s o oyu can fix it." Sounds cruel, but at a certain point in time, if you choose not to help yourself, then I certainly won't be killing myself to help you either.

 

[Marseeya]

yup-and the majority are the ones whose parents gave them everything.

That would be me.

I don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I mean, I'm smart and I work hard and value a good education, but I can't handle money to save my life. And if there's a decision to be made when it comes to money, I'll make the wrong one! On top of that, bad luck seems to follow me -- any normal person would be able to take it in stride, but it just sends me on a roller coaster. For example, we have our car insurance automatically deducted from our checking account. One month, they made a mistake and took it out twice -- wow, it just snowballed and made so many things bounce and it took us MONTHS to recover from it (we even lost our checking account from the mess). Just a lousy original $300 mistake probably cost us thousands. Another time, we moved to another house and the gas company never came and shut off the gas at the old house. A business moved in there and we got billed for their entire winter heat!!! DH works for the gas company and it turned into a huge mess with them threatening to fire him and everything -- $1500 that set us back for a good long time. What's worse, we'd just built up a nice little chunk in savings and that ate it right up.

Anyway, that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as things go. It's downright humiliating. My excuse is that my parents never taught me a thing about money -- it was something you didn't discuss with your kids. I went off to college and they handed me an ATM card and a check book, never explaining a thing. Combine that with a learning disability in math and you've got one big disaster. I don't know what DH's problem is. He always had jobs as a teen, and had to manage his own money. He handles millions at work, but can't keep us budgeted to save his life.

But we're good people and we'd give you the shirts off our backs. We do have some redeeming qualities. It's hard going through life being labeled as inferior or even subhuman because we can't handle finances.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My DH's brothers have never been able to support themselves in the way they'd like to live. I shouldn't say that they haven't been able as much as that they've made choices throughout the years and then don't want to live with those choices. IE, one brother moved to Israel, but the cost of living was then too high compared to their income, so instead of living within their means they convinced their parents to bail them out. Again and again. The other brother has been somewhat supported by his parents throughout the years.

But the ones making the bad financial decision are the parents. They spent so much of their money helping these grown sons that they are now in financial trouble in their retirement years. My DH is the only one who has never taken money from them, other than a little when we first got married, but that was paid back many years ago.

Parents are not doing their grown kids a favor by bailing them out. It's one thing if it's because of an illness or accident that leaves the grown children in a bind, but to give it to them to bail then out of yet another bad decision or because they don't want to live within their means is not helping them.

 

[BabyTigger99]

Yes, my cousin, who I have always been very close with, and it really bothers me to see her in this mess. She had her first child at 16. She is now 28, her husband is 42. He is a convicted felon and sex offender. Her first child with him will be 2 in February, the baby will be 1 in July. He has been in and out of jail, he is a cocaine addict, he is in a treatment facility, but we shall see how long that last. They have been married 5 years this October. They have had 3 vehicles repossessed, their house (which they bought dirt cheap from her mom) forclosed, Salvation Army provided Christmas for the kids this year and last year, phone is turned off more times than I can count, her mom bails them out every time (literally, my cousin has had her mom bail him out of jail TWICE!). My cousin is a realtor, and could be doing very well for herself, but she is so concerned about what her husband is out doing so she doesn't go into work. It is the kids I really worry about.

 

[bobbiwoz]

I must admit, I wonder if I'm making the right choice of always reading the Disboards! It may not be have tragic results, but I wonder what else I can be doing.

Bobbi

 

[Chicago526]

A friend of mine and her family are like this. They are good people, but they just make REALLY bad life choices. Her parents are both mentally ill at some level, and neither now work, they were borrowing money from her grandmother to pay the bills. My friend has now moved back home and is paying the mortgage. The mortgage is almost paid off (they've lived there 20 years), and she is terrified that if she doesn't pay it, that they will lose the house just as they are about to own it free and clear.

My friend was never taught money management herself and has made some huge mistakes of her own. But she HAS at least taken responsibility for them, and has actually learned from her mistakes. But her parents have never learned. Her grandmother with all the money just passed away, so I'm assuming they got some kind of inheratance. It will be interesting to see how long it lasts them. The sad part is that her father is an accountant!

 

[cardaway]

That story doesn't seem that bad considering folks were going off when others here were discussing how folks need to take financial responsibility.

Based on those other responses I would expect to see support for the people in the story because not everybody can be perfect.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

My brother. If there is a choice to be made he makes the one that will cause him the most problems. He is a hard worker but can't seem to figure out how to get out of a hole he dug himself.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I must admit, I wonder if I'm making the right choice of always reading the Disboards! It may not be have tragic results, but I wonder what else I can be doing.

Bobbi

Good point!

 

[froglady]

My brother. If there is a choice to be made he makes the one that will cause him the most problems. He is a hard worker but can't seem to figure out how to get out of a hole he dug himself.

Just double it. (2 brothers) I have 4 brothers; two are ants, two are grasshoppers.

I remember my ex-SIL, but current live-in girlfriend (yes, he divorced her after she got into an accident driving drunk with their daughter in the car. He got back with her, and has another child with her) complaining about not being able to "get a break in life" the day of my DF's memorial service. It was a 2PM service, and they had been popping beers from a cooler in the trunk of their car before the service. (according to a neighbor)

 

[Aidensmom]

That would be me.

I don't know what on earth is wrong with me. I mean, I'm smart and I work hard and value a good education, but I can't handle money to save my life. And if there's a decision to be made when it comes to money, I'll make the wrong one! On top of that, bad luck seems to follow me -- any normal person would be able to take it in stride, but it just sends me on a roller coaster. For example, we have our car insurance automatically deducted from our checking account. One month, they made a mistake and took it out twice -- wow, it just snowballed and made so many things bounce and it took us MONTHS to recover from it (we even lost our checking account from the mess). Just a lousy original $300 mistake probably cost us thousands. Another time, we moved to another house and the gas company never came and shut off the gas at the old house. A business moved in there and we got billed for their entire winter heat!!! DH works for the gas company and it turned into a huge mess with them threatening to fire him and everything -- $1500 that set us back for a good long time. What's worse, we'd just built up a nice little chunk in savings and that ate it right up.

Anyway, that's just the tip of the iceberg as far as things go. It's downright humiliating. My excuse is that my parents never taught me a thing about money -- it was something you didn't discuss with your kids. I went off to college and they handed me an ATM card and a check book, never explaining a thing. Combine that with a learning disability in math and you've got one big disaster. I don't know what DH's problem is. He always had jobs as a teen, and had to manage his own money. He handles millions at work, but can't keep us budgeted to save his life.

But we're good people and we'd give you the shirts off our backs. We do have some redeeming qualities. It's hard going through life being labeled as inferior or even subhuman because we can't handle finances.

Marseeya, I would hardly see the gas company not turning off the gas as requested, or the insurance company charging you twice, as a bad decision on your part. Both of those things would cause me problems too. I manage my money well and we keep to our budget, but we just don't have that kind of extra money laying around.

I am not one to just accept that kind of thing, sometimes you have to be a "witch" and get those companies to take responsibility for their mistakes.

 

[castleview]

I have a relative who makes one lousy financial decision after another...then has to be bailed out by her own kids (who have young families of their own). That drives me crazy. I'm not perfect financially but the bills get paid and I never impose that responsibility on others.

In other areas of life...my neighbor. Always keeps getting into bad abusive relationships. I feel offer for anyone who had to endure that, but she keeps finding dominating men.