Do you hold hands?

[Kilted_Yank]

Just a thought from a straight guy. We are currently on our annual summer trip to Disney, and over the past week we have seen quite a few gay couples holding hands. As near as I can tell, no one cares.... except people like me who think: "how can they be so hand-holdy when it is so stinkin' hot?"

 

[OKW Lover]

As a "Dad" my wife's (grown) Lesbian daughter, I'm dismayed at how much my wife & I take for granted that is denied to her. My wife & I (both senior citizens) constantly hold hands, even after 17 years of marriage, everywhere. Our daughter, when she was in a committed relationship, couldn't do that with her partner. Something that was so ingrained with them that even in an accepting place as P-Town they were reluctant to hold hands in public.

I agree with Kilted_yank that I'm seeing a lot more gay couples holding hands in WDW these days. Thanks to Monika for starting this thread so many years ago. Things are progressing!

 

[SusanMatt]

If you're a couple who might hold hands in any other place, then I hope you will hold hands at the parks, too. The more people see couples being as appropriately affectionate as they would accept from any straight couple, the better for everyone. The more people see it, the less shocked/surprised/amused/whatever-messed-up-reaction they will be. By holding hands, you're helping every LGBTQ couple that comes after you.

I hope to see plenty of all of that during Gay Days at Disneyland when we go in October.

 

[karen1987]

We don't tend to hold hands, either in public or when we've visited WDW. We just don't feel comfortable, and we're always conscious somebody will say something negative to us. However, on the occasions we have, its been in a safe space, such as a Pride event, where we know that if anything was said to us, we're surrounded by allies who have our back! We will call each other pet names in public though, and I always say "babe" or "baby", I can't remember the last time I called her by her first name!

I often feel frustrated with myself for not having the confidence to hold my DFi's hand in public, as its certainly a privilege hetreosexual couples take for granted, and I'm some what jealous of their PDA's without the fear of stigmatisation from others.

Even though we live in the UK, which has recently legalised same-sex marriage, I still feel that same-sex relationships and same-sex PDA's are not completely accepted, even in seemingly 'gay friendly' cities such as London.

 

[alltwelve]

I often feel frustrated with myself for not having the confidence to hold my DFi's hand in public, as its certainly a privilege hetreosexual couples take for granted, and I'm some what jealous of their PDA's without the fear of stigmatisation from others.

I feel the exact same way and I wish I didn't. My DBF always wants to hold hands and tried to with me the last time we were at WDW. I can't describe the uncomfortable feeling it gave me, other than I just felt like every eye was glaring at us. After a few minutes of it, I told him I just couldn't do it. I'm sure it's just a perception and all in my head, but I still can't get over it. I don't want my vacation ruined by some homophobic idiot, and though I shouldn't let someone's ignorance affect me that way, I totally would. Even when I see other couples in the park hold hands who are gay, it still strikes me as something I don't see everyday. It seems to me that even though we hear that it's getting better for LGBT every day, you only need to go on social media for 5 minutes or read comments on LGBT articles to discover that there's still a lot of hateful people out there.

We are going on the Disney cruise in a month and my biggest fear is being sat with homophobic people at dinner. I'm hopeful that's not the case!

On a side note, I totally agree with the comment about it being too hot to hold hands!

 

[LadyD]

I never even thought of the cruise issue. I know my partner really wants to do a cruise in the not too distant future. I hope your cruise goes well and that you have wonderful table mates!

 

[karen1987]

To alltwelve:

Totally get what you said! If we do hold hands I end up feeling uncomfortable after a few minutes and feel like everyone is staring at us, even though I'm sure they're not at all! Plus, like you said, I'd be devastated if some ignorant idiot said something homophobic to us. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it would ruin our trip!

As for the cruise line, if you do encounter a homophobic couple on your table, it would be unpleasant, but you can ask to be moved. My parents have done cruises and have observed other people who have asked to move tables because they didn't get on with their table mates!

 

[alltwelve]

To alltwelve:

Totally get what you said! If we do hold hands I end up feeling uncomfortable after a few minutes and feel like everyone is staring at us, even though I'm sure they're not at all! Plus, like you said, I'd be devastated if some ignorant idiot said something homophobic to us. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it would ruin our trip!

As for the cruise line, if you do encounter a homophobic couple on your table, it would be unpleasant, but you can ask to be moved. My parents have done cruises and have observed other people who have asked to move tables because they didn't get on with their table mates!

So glad someone understands! I really want the two of us to have a great time and want to do what I can to prevent an potentially bad situation. I've even wondered about pictures on the ship- how will they pose us? It's fine with Photopass in the parks because we're usually standing with a character or just standing next to each other, but not posed like the cruise line pictures are. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but I've only cruised in the past with friends and family members, and I really don't have anything else to compare it to. Will we just skip the photo parts of the cruise?

We are booked at Palo the last night of the cruise. I initally thought about requesting the two of us be sat at our own table on the other MDR nights (its a 3-night cruise), but I believe part of the fun of cruising is meeting new people at dinner and I would hate to miss out on that due to my paranoia. I also think it would be even more awkward to have the two of us sitting there alone at a table, while everyone else has more than 2 at a table. My DBF has never been on a cruise before and I would like for him to get the whole experience and I think dining with other parties is part of that. As far as other aspects of the cruise, I do love the fact that we have a large verandah on the back of the ship and I look forward to sitting out there and enjoying the ocean with each other alone, as cheesy as that sounds. We are even participating in a fish extender group, and I don't think either of us realized how creative and crafty we are when we put our minds together! :good vibes

I suppose I could request we be sat at a different table if we do encounter an unpleasant experience with our table mates, but if the other party did the same thing and requested not to be sat with us because we're a gay couple, that would just ruin the whole trip for me, I'm embarrassed to admit. I guess my issue is also that I'm turning 40 in a few months and I just wonder when will it all be comfortable? When will the day come that I'm not so worried about what other people think? I guess I should be grateful to have found someone like DBF who puts up with this kind of paranoia!

For now, I'm putting it in the hands of fate and Disney and am not going to try to worry about it. It should be a stress-free experience and whatever happens, happens. To those of you who are in a relationship, no matter who you are, and feel completely free to express your love in subtle ways like holding hands or stealing a quick hug or kiss, I wish I could be more like you and hope one day to experience that freedom for myself!!!

 

[RubyWish]

I've always been a bit more of a PDA person than some, and have been in relationships with both men and women. I think because of this, I'm a bit more unencumbered by concerns than some of my past SO. Also because I grew up in Alabama, and since then have lived in LA and Seattle.

Because of that, I never worry about showing affection, unless I've become aware of a possible situation (rural areas, someone pay excess attention to us).

However, I've never been to Disney with a same-sex SO. We'll be going for the first time in November. I don't foresee any issues, and will not curb our PDA any more than I normally would around family (we'll be there with my sister), but I'll be sure to report my observations.

 

[alexxturnerr]

I've never been to the parks with a SO yet but if I did then I definitely would, I don't really care what people think!

 

[Teresa Pitman]

So glad someone understands! I really want the two of us to have a great time and want to do what I can to prevent an potentially bad situation. I've even wondered about pictures on the ship- how will they pose us? It's fine with Photopass in the parks because we're usually standing with a character or just standing next to each other, but not posed like the cruise line pictures are. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but I've only cruised in the past with friends and family members, and I really don't have anything else to compare it to. Will we just skip the photo parts of the cruise?

We are booked at Palo the last night of the cruise. I initally thought about requesting the two of us be sat at our own table on the other MDR nights (its a 3-night cruise), but I believe part of the fun of cruising is meeting new people at dinner and I would hate to miss out on that due to my paranoia. I also think it would be even more awkward to have the two of us sitting there alone at a table, while everyone else has more than 2 at a table. My DBF has never been on a cruise before and I would like for him to get the whole experience and I think dining with other parties is part of that. As far as other aspects of the cruise, I do love the fact that we have a large verandah on the back of the ship and I look forward to sitting out there and enjoying the ocean with each other alone, as cheesy as that sounds. We are even participating in a fish extender group, and I don't think either of us realized how creative and crafty we are when we put our minds together! :good vibes

I suppose I could request we be sat at a different table if we do encounter an unpleasant experience with our table mates, but if the other party did the same thing and requested not to be sat with us because we're a gay couple, that would just ruin the whole trip for me, I'm embarrassed to admit. I guess my issue is also that I'm turning 40 in a few months and I just wonder when will it all be comfortable? When will the day come that I'm not so worried about what other people think? I guess I should be grateful to have found someone like DBF who puts up with this kind of paranoia!

For now, I'm putting it in the hands of fate and Disney and am not going to try to worry about it. It should be a stress-free experience and whatever happens, happens. To those of you who are in a relationship, no matter who you are, and feel completely free to express your love in subtle ways like holding hands or stealing a quick hug or kiss, I wish I could be more like you and hope one day to experience that freedom for myself!!!

The cruise ships do have tables for two, so it's possible you may be seated at those.

I'm straight, but went on a cruise last year with my best friend (who is also straight - married with five kids!). We are quite affectionate with each other (though not sexual, obviously) and we will sometimes walk along holding hands or with our arms linked or with an arm around each other. We didn't get any comments or reaction from anyone that I can recall.

I also will hold hands or link arms with my adult kids sometimes. In some other cultures, it's not at all unusual for two men or two women who are friends to hold hands.

So I think you should do what you feel like doing and enjoy your cruise!

TP

 

[alltwelve]

In some other cultures, it's not at all unusual for two men or two women who are friends to hold hands.

I've been living in China for the past 2 1/2 years and I'm surprised at how many women I see holding hands! Men sometimes have their arms around each other too! It's so interesting to see; I kinda wish it was that way in the states (maybe someday).

I didn't know they had tables for two in the MDR's; good to know! I think I'm still gonna take my chances. Can't wait for the cruise; thanks Teresa

 

[amberg93]

I hold hands with my wife all the time in public and Disney is not an exception. Also, I tend to call her love or wife or sweetie instead of her name and we never get odd looks. Or, if we do, I ignore them.

We haven't cruised Disney together, but we cruised Princess in July and sat at a table of much older people, had afternoon tea with other couples, etc. and we never had a bad experience with that either. I've found people are more and more accepting or if they aren't, they simply keep quiet.

 

[CurtisB]

My DH and I have been to WDW several times and even had our wedding ceremony at Epcot. We've also been on several Disney cruises. We have never had an a negative experience, actually the opposite! Once as we were walking around World Showcase a straight girl came up to us and thanked us for being so brave about holding hands in the park. The day after our wedding, DH and I were walking through Animal Kingdom with our Happily Ever After pins on and decided to get our picture with Mickey and Minnie. When it's our turn to get our picture taken, Mickey see's our pins and motions to ask if it was us two. We said yes and that it had just been the day before. Oh lord he got excited, lol. He had us stand in back and lean in and give each other a little kiss while he and Minnie where in front of us on their knees giving each other a little kiss. It was soooo cute! I'll see if It can post the picture.
After our wedding, we took a Disney cruise (actually did back to back cruises) for our honeymoon and had awesome table mates on that cruise including another gay couple. We still keep in touch with just about everyone we've been seated with on all of our cruises, gay and straight. We can't imagine not being seated with people we don't know, it's so much fun meeting new people.
Also on our honeymoon cruise, we were decided to watch the "Match Your Mate" game that's kind of like the Newly Wed Game. Well we were the mostly newly married and my DH wanted to go up on stage, but I'm not one to be in the spotlight so I told the host to pick another couple. I think the crowd was disappointed we didn't do it. When we were sitting at the airport after the cruise, someone walked by and asked if we were the guys who had just gotten married and congratulated us!
One thing we love about Disney is that everyone is welcome to feel comfortable about being themselves.

 

[karen1987]

So lovely reading lots of positive stories and experiences, both at WDW and elsewhere.

Curtis, your story and photos are adorable and so heartwarming! Congratulations on your marriage.

 

[OnePrinceOnePrincess]

First of all, CurtisB those pictures are PERFECTION! Congratulations on your marriage - and your couples photos with Mickey & Minnie! What great souvenirs!

Secondly, as a straight woman - well, really, just as a human being - hold hands, squeeze butts, kiss, whatever! Do what you want to do, be who you are! Isn't Disney the "happiest place on earth" if you can't be happy and loving there - then we have real problems!
I don't know about any of the people who might give dirty looks or pass judgement, but what are they judging really? Someone's happiness? I'm just trying to raise my kids in a world where love is love.

 

[alltwelve]

My DH and I have been to WDW several times and even had our wedding ceremony at Epcot. We've also been on several Disney cruises. We have never had an a negative experience, actually the opposite! Once as we were walking around World Showcase a straight girl came up to us and thanked us for being so brave about holding hands in the park. The day after our wedding, DH and I were walking through Animal Kingdom with our Happily Ever After pins on and decided to get our picture with Mickey and Minnie. When it's our turn to get our picture taken, Mickey see's our pins and motions to ask if it was us two. We said yes and that it had just been the day before. Oh lord he got excited, lol. He had us stand in back and lean in and give each other a little kiss while he and Minnie where in front of us on their knees giving each other a little kiss. It was soooo cute! I'll see if It can post the picture.
After our wedding, we took a Disney cruise (actually did back to back cruises) for our honeymoon and had awesome table mates on that cruise including another gay couple. We still keep in touch with just about everyone we've been seated with on all of our cruises, gay and straight. We can't imagine not being seated with people we don't know, it's so much fun meeting new people.
Also on our honeymoon cruise, we were decided to watch the "Match Your Mate" game that's kind of like the Newly Wed Game. Well we were the mostly newly married and my DH wanted to go up on stage, but I'm not one to be in the spotlight so I told the host to pick another couple. I think the crowd was disappointed we didn't do it. When we were sitting at the airport after the cruise, someone walked by and asked if we were the guys who had just gotten married and congratulated us!
One thing we love about Disney is that everyone is welcome to feel comfortable about being themselves.

After reading this wonderful post and seeing these pics, I realize I've been way too cautious about something that shouldn't be that big of a deal. Thank you all for being so positive and supportive and helping me to understand this. And congratulations to you two guys on your Disney wedding!!!

 

[karen1987]

^ This!

Next time at WDW I hope we have a bit more confidence to hold hands and not be so scared of people's reaction.

These positive stories have been really inspiring, thank you!

 

[SirMickey]

My partner and I tend not to hold hands anywhere. We hail from a part of the country that is rural with a small-town mentality about LGBTs. We've just refrained from showing affection publicly for our safety. Might be overly cautious, but I'd rather not take chances. This behavior tends to translate to most other public places including Disney mainly out of habit.

 

[disneykin]

As a single traveller, and after being placed at tables with some worrisimely right-wing people in 4 out of 6 Disney Cruises, and, remembering that WDW is in the South, I can understand anyone's trepidation about PDA's there.
However, the desire to epater les bourgoisie is part of my makeup (some indigestion, no doubt, at those DCL tables ), so, if I had a boyfriend who was game, I'd hold hands at the parks.
Let them deal with it!