Do you have a...

[Golf4food]

We have to record a new one (we moved and the outgoing message was erased). It used to something like:

DH: Hi! You've reached <Golf4food>
Me: And <Tazicket!>
DH: We can't come to the phone right now b/c we're probably feeding our cow..I mean, cat, Cricket
Me: :slapping noise: Stop that!
DH: What? She's a big cat!
Me: :slapping noise: Stop making fun of her!
DH: Ow! Anyway, for <Golf4food> press 1,
Me: For <Tazicket> press 2, and for Cricket, press 3
DH: And if she stops eating :slapping noise: Ow! Stop that! Leave us a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible

Beat me to it. Oh well. Close enough.

 

[AmyinKY]

You've reached the __________residence. We are either walking the pig or homeschooling the kids. Leave a message.

Funny thing is we get more comments like "Can you really homeschool" "is homeschooling legal?" "why would you want to be around your kids all day?" more than "do you really have a pig?"

Just my quircky sense of humor.

Amy

 

[kelleigh1]

My Dad's name is Bill White. When Clinton was in office, we tried to get my mother to record the following:

"You've reach the White House. Bill and I can't get to the phone right now, so please leave us a message and one of us will get back to you."

She wasn't going for it though.


When they moved to their new place, they had me set-up the answering machine, so it was my voice. Confused the heck out of my BIL a few times because he couldn't figure out if he was calling them or me. He was happy once I got married and so if he called "The White House", he knew he wasn't calling me.

 

[Forevryoung]

My grandfather was a very very serious man with a somber voice:

Their message "Regrettably, J&S can't come to the phone right now. If you leave your name, your number spoken very slowly, and the proper time to reach you, will will return your call"

My grandfather passed away over a year ago and everyone decided that my Grandma had to leave it- so I get to hear his voice every time she isn't home

 

[goofinoff]

Believe it or not, George isn't at home.
Please leave a message at the beep.
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone.
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home!

I thought the same thing when I started to read this thread.

A friend of mine used to have a good one on hers. It was her picking up the phone and saying "Hello" the way she normally would. so the person calling would say something and start talking thinking she was there. Then you hear her say Hello like 3 or 4 more times and then she says "speak up I can't hear you!" By now you're yelling into the phone! At the end she says "Just kidding...this is my machine! Leave a message!" Very funny!

Now I have that George Costanza song in my head!! Curse you Monte!!!!

 

[Diva of Dragons]

LOL! Great thread idea.

We have six cats and a dog so our machine says:

Hi! You've reached the (last name) zoo! The animals can't talk so leave a message and a human will call you back! Thanks a lot! Bye bye!

 

[DaisyD]

I hate listening to messages that either have the owners little kids on there or other "cutesy" messages. If I get a message that says more then the standard please leave a message then I hang up. No one wants to hear it!

 

[DaisyD]

We have to record a new one (we moved and the outgoing message was erased). It used to something like:

DH: Hi! You've reached <Golf4food>
Me: And <Tazicket!>
DH: We can't come to the phone right now b/c we're probably feeding our cow..I mean, cat, Cricket
Me: :slapping noise: Stop that!
DH: What? She's a big cat!
Me: :slapping noise: Stop making fun of her!
DH: Ow! Anyway, for <Golf4food> press 1,
Me: For <Tazicket> press 2, and for Cricket, press 3
DH: And if she stops eating :slapping noise: Ow! Stop that! Leave us a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible

Now THAT is an annoying message!

 

[Just Jan]

A friend's voice mail says, "You know what to do, I know what to do."

 

[IwasatWDWforamonth]

Ok here is ours

Hope Uber here the rest of the family has been abducted by aliens please leave a message and i'll give it to them when they get back.

 

[DisGirlAllie]

Mine says "You know what to do, I know what to do, must I explain this whole saga?"

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

A long time ago one of my sisters had the funniest message I ever heard. I can't remember the entire thing, but it went something like:

"Hi, I can't come to the phone right now because (long pause) I have (pause) been (long scream!) abducted by....ALIENS!!! aaahhhhhhhh...help me....ahhh..help...don't take me awaaaaayyyy.

It was hysterical the way she did it. She applied for a job and when she went in for the second interview, the person told her that he had called her house and thought he got her recorder, but since he wasn't sure he didn't leave a message.