Do you have a problem with your child being average?

[RF536]

In our house we expect our boys to do their best, and if the best they can do is average than that is ok. DS8 is already in accelerated reading and math, but he struggles with writing. But I am more proud of the fact that he is a nice boy, and will include everyone around him. In cub scouts, we have a special needs scout in our den and ds8 always makes sure that he is on his team so that he can help him when we play games.
DS6 is in K so it is to soon to tell one way or the other how he will do in school, but he is also a very caring boy and will gladly give up what he has to make others happy.
In our family we place great value in education, we also understand that if you lack social skills you will have a very hard time finding a job. You can be the smartest person in the world, but if people don't like you, you won't be able to find a job.

 

[Pigeon]

It would depend on the kid. If getting C's meant they were working hard and taking their studies seriously, and I felt that was the best they could do without killing themselves, I'd be good with it. Both my kids can do much better than C's, so they aren't OK in my house.

 

[kellyg403]

While we don't accept mediocrity, we also don't care what the grade is as long as they tried their hardest. Being medicore is not trying at all and accepting whatever you get. Trying hard and doing your best and maybe not getting that top grade but still giving it your all is not mediocrity.

I agree, this would be my version of mediocrity. Too many times I see parents who want to praise and be little Johnny's cheerleader when Little Johnny is doing exactly enough to get by. I tell the kids all the time that they have to learn to compete with themselves or be stagnant for the rest of their lives. And they can't expect people who rise to the bar to congratulate them for doing something minor. Just because my dd did the dishes on friday doesn't mean I am going to puff out with pride. It is what she is 'SUPPOSED' to do. No extra effort required. Now, doing the dishes, cleaning the cabinets, fridge etc. That deserves an award. I think the same with school. If you know you have to work for a B and go the mile for tutoring when you are lost, extra projects to make up for the grades you got while you were lost. You deserve your parents pride. To stand there and tell me you don't have any idea what is going on and have not even spoken to the teacher about what to change, well I guess you deserve that poor grade.

Kelly

 

[crjack]

She probably does feel like she has to.

I said this way up thread but it probably bears repeating this far out. I certainly do NOT mind my average daughter at all. KimR, I will say that my daughter will not do what your daughter does--it's just not that important to her. But she do lose a good friend because the girl could NEVER do anything and studied about 6 hours a day. Yes, she is honors/AP. My daughter just doesn't want to do that. She has a very average, very average GPA. It is now biting her in the butt.

In the state of Virginia (and many other states I'm sure), we have a lot of affluency, a high college attendance rate, and not enough state colleges. According to my daughter's counselor, schools that would have been a "walk in" for my daughter are no longer in her reach. There is so much competition that the state schools continue to be able to raise their bar higher and higher. Remember the saying "There is a school for everyone?", well, that's saying is no longer so true. The options for "average" students in the state of Virginia are dwindling. That last option is community college. I am waiting to hear that they are overflowing and can't fit her in! I have nothing against community college but I want my daugher to go away!!

Anyway, I'll say again: I have no issues with my average daughter. She is who she is. However, the colleges DO have a problem with my average daughter.

I worry about the exact same thing for my children. We live in Boston and have the very same issues with college. The state school applications will continue to rise over the next few years with the economy impacting parent's ability to pay for the private schools. We are surrounded by great colleges but there certainly is no shortage of students who want to attend so we worry more about acceptance than we do paying for them.

 

[Christine]

I worry about the exact same thing for my children. We live in Boston and have the very same issues with college. The state school applications will continue to rise over the next few years with the economy impacting parent's ability to pay for the private schools. We are surrounded by great colleges but there certainly is no shortage of students who want to attend so we worry more about acceptance than we do paying for them.

Yep, my problem EXACTLY. On top of that, there has been, apparently, a small baby boom for kids born in 1989-1993. I now that our state college enrollments are up approx. 21% this year--even with the economy!

 

[NY Disney fan]

I haven't read this whole thread but:
Your child's character and inner strength will count more toward future success than grades will. I have seen many high school C students who became successful in later life. I have also seen Honor Society students who became as average as average can be.

 

[jodifla]

My opinion, no one is average unless they start to think of themselves that way. There are so many other factors for success other than grades and I really urge you not to worry too much about them.

I've seen so many kids go through school and it's interesting to see how they turn out. Kids that did extremely well sometimes end up with rather average and unremarkable lives. Kids that struggled many times end up with exciting jobs and lives.

There are so many things to consider. Some really bright kids just don't test well. Many kids end up in good colleges because their parents have connections. Some kids get pressured by their parents so hard in school they just burn out and are miserable.

The best things you can do for your kids are to zero in on their talents and foster them. Everyone has something they are good at and love. Let those things be their guiding force. Instead of thinking about "settling for average" think of it as a journey toward finding what sets that child apart from others.

It should be a happy, positive experience and something everyone can feel good about. I guarantee if you accentuate the positive and just teach your kids to do their best, always their best, they'll live the rest of their lives doing just that, happily doing their best and realizing great opportunities.

No child is average. And even if kids have excellent grades in school that does not mean that they will go on to lead happy productive lives.

Good luck! Just be positive!

This is a GREAT post!

There are many ways to a happy, successful life. School grades are a VERY SMALL PART! Finding a passion, something you are good at, will get you the furthest in life.


I was driven to be a straight A student... my DH, not so much. But he's the one with the fellowship to an Ivy league school. He really learns the material. I was too focused on the grades until I hit my major in college. I loved the material, and actually really learned it.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Yeah, there were a lot of things that I doubted would become issues as my children grew up, but such is life. We have one plan, they have a different one.

Raising teenagers is an "interesting" journey. Those are the years in which most parents, if not all, learn to eat a lot of crow. I know I've eaten quite a bit already and have no doubt that there is more to come.

So true. What an excellent post. I had my childrens life all planned out while they were still safely in my belly. Guess what? It doesn't always work out that way. I have 2 special needs children. That is not what I expected, but that is what I was given. I expect my children to try their hardest in everything that they do. And I'm proud beyond belief when they are successful. But to say that your child will never receive a "B" in their life... You have no idea what life will throw your way.

 

[Becky2005]

I expect my children to try their hardest in everything that they do. And I'm proud beyond belief when they are successful. But to say that your child will never receive a "B" in their life... You have no idea what life will throw your way.

This is true. I guess I'm happy with my average kids. Of course, 2 of them have IEP's...so for the 6th grader to make the Honor Roll in & of itself 1st quarter was an amazement to me. He had gotten D's & F's on papers last year but this year they go to Middle School and totally different.

Part of it is probably a sticking point of when I was in school and to this day I have NEVER forgotten -- I got a D in Geometry class. I was an A/B student all my life, even graduated with High Honors BUT I got that one D in Geometry. Guess which class I worked the hardest in? I couldn't tell you what I got in the other subjects...the A's & B's came easily to me. That D though, I worked my rear off for that D...I really tried in Geometry. I was more proud of that D than any other grade because I was happy to basically not flunk the class! To this day, I understand Algebra way more than Geometry. And honestly...I have never ever had to use Geometry in real life at least not the calculating the degrees of any angles EVER. I could have become a totally productive adult without ever having taken that class. I only took the class because it was required to get to Algebra II (College Algebra) -- which I easily understood.

I always remember that when it comes to grades. In my working life, it has never been asked of me what grades I had in High School. All I have ever been asked is if I graduated.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I totally agree with the PP--it's the classes that really make you work, regardless of the grade, that you get the best life lessons from.

To people who expect nothing less than an "A"--I think you're short-changing your child. I tell my DD all the time: I'd rather see you bust your tail, and get a C, than to dumb down your course load because you're afraid of a poor grade! Is it really better to get straight A's, or stretch yourself and risk a B or C?

As far as having average kids--there's no such thing. Some kids get better grades than others. Some because they work harder, some because they're naturally smarter, some because they know how to game the system or teacher. I hope I never measure my child's worth solely by the grades they bring home. That said, we do have minimum standards, but it's mostly because I have a real smart kid who's a slacker. So, him we push. If I thought the problem was something other than laziness, I wouldn't be so hard on him. And even him, we're looking at expecting B's, NOT straight A's.

 

[SundancePass]

I have such a hard time with society (meaning parents) demanding/setting such "high" expectations for their children. BTW, mine and 29 and 31 and very good people - which is my measure of success. Grades have not much at all to do with how a person lives life. Our children were not scheduled to death when they were growing up. Neither was in a sport, club, scourts or anything like that until the oldest was in 9th grade and the youngest in 7th. They were kids...they grew up playing and imaging and playing with friends. Of course, the Net was not in their lives and neither were video games.

Our expectation was that 1: Each would graduate from college; and 2. Each would immediately find a job that would support him/herself.

Both graduated from college and both wanted to drop out their sophomore year. We were paying so they were staing. Both graduated in 4 years and both had jobs before they graduated because the "Bank of Dad" closed the minute the last class finished.

Both were "average" students; son graduated with a 2.1 and daughter with a 2.84 from State colleges. Both were identified as very high IQ in 1st grade but we never let them know. Both have had good jobs (son is a software developer, daughter a Talented and Gifted teacher/coordinator). Our only expectation was that they have talents to support themselves the rest of their lives and that they live an honorable life.

In my opinion, there is way too much pressure put on kids. It seems that they reach their own level. Besides, my life is average - how can I expect anything else from my kids. What kind of role model would I have been? What kind of parental role model would I have been. Life is short enough as it is. I am so in support of just letting kids be kids in our tough, competitive, dog-eat-dog society. They will find themselves sooner or later and in some cases way later.

At the end of this long rant, I wish all parents raising children today much success because it's the toughest thing I've ever done.