Do you get along with your mom?

[Silent1CB]

Hell no. She has some of the traits that Marie Barrone (Everybody Loves Raymond) has, but its not funny. More in a dig or insulting tone, not in the kind tone Marie tries to get away with.

If I could stay away, I would, but she's also the queen of guilt trips, so its just easier to give in at times, suck it up for a short time, and get out of there asap. Until next time.

 

[DSNLvR]

Hell no. She has some of the traits that Marie Barrone (Everybody Loves Raymond) has, but its not funny. More in a dig or insulting tone, not in the kind tone Marie tries to get away with.

If I could stay away, I would, but she's also the queen of guilt trips, so its just easier to give in at times, suck it up for a short time, and get out of there asap. Until next time.

I am sorry but your post made me laugh

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I completely understand. I don't know how old you are or if you have children but at some point you'll have to just state outright that you don't want to be included in those types of conversations. When she starts in about something you don't agree with, you tell her to stop or you tell her you are going to hang up until she can have a regular conversation without gossip or whatever she is doing.

Some on here will say you should just walk away if you can't have a relationship but I understand it isn't that easy. It is your mom after all. Good luck I know it's not easy for you.

I now tell my mom when her behavior towards me is inappopriate.

It's quite empowering and a tool I got from my psychologist.

Stops her in her tracks. Of course I get annoyed when she moves on like nothing happened. Then later repeats herself.

 

[Aisling]

I love my mom, I just dont like her very much.

This is my situation with my mom, too.

 

[DSNLvR]

Well all I can say is - if it's bothering you a lot, then tell her you don't want to hear it. If she starts, hang up or leave - eventually she'll figure it out and stop, and if not - cut her off.

Either way, YOU determine how people treat you - once you decide you won't be treated that way - stick up for yourself and be firm - only allow her to treat you the way YOU want to be treated - and if she doesn't change then you are going to have to make the change. I had to do this for my own sanity - but, it took a long time before I finally stood up for myself and put my foot down - she didn't change though, and my only recourse was to completely end the relationship.

Hopefully for you, it won't get to that point.


EDIT -- I also wanted to add that I have a lot of support - EVERYONE in my family knows how she is and none of them get along with her either. Her sisters are "cordial" at family functions - but none of them have anything to do with her. I will say hello to her at a fam. gathering, but that is it, we don't have anything to do with each other - in fact, we NEVER speak otherwise - even at fam. gatherings she won't even acknowledge her grandkids or speak to them or hug them..... she is a cold cold cold nasty person - my youngest for a long time (and he's only 10) thought my aunt was his grandma!!!! My older boys NEVER speak to her - but, then again, she's never wanted anything to do with them. She ONLY ever wanted to be involved with my sisters DD who is now 16 - NO, they don't speak anymore either, she constantly put my sister down and ran her mouth about her to my sisters DD when she was with her, and that is when she was little - she is truely a brutal wicked evil person. ( She actually had all the grandkids at her house one day in the summer many many years ago -she was "babysitting" my sisters girls, so she wanted the boys to come over too........ - anyway, one of my sisters girls went inside and got an apple off the counter - she came back outside with it and her other sister saw her, so she went inside to get one, well, when my mom saw her with it........... NO LIE, she called the police to come get her for stealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) This is a TRUE story - my sister called my hysterically - it was a huge blow up - I thought my sister was going to kill her - but this is one of the TAMER - MILDER things she has done)!!!!!

OMG

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I adore my mom. Not only do we love each other, we understand each other. Since my dad died, that bond has only grown stronger.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Hell no. She has some of the traits that Marie Barrone (Everybody Loves Raymond) has, but its not funny. More in a dig or insulting tone, not in the kind tone Marie tries to get away with.

If I could stay away, I would, but she's also the queen of guilt trips, so its just easier to give in at times, suck it up for a short time, and get out of there asap. Until next time.

The script has the assistance of its genre and a laughing audience.

Marie (on the show) has ticked me off a time or two.

 

[DSNLvR]

I now tell my mom when her behavior towards me is inappopriate.

It's quite empowering and a tool I got from my psychologist.

Stops her in her tracks. Of course I get annoyed when she moves on like nothing happened. Then later repeats herself.

I try to defend the people she talks about and this makes her VERY mad. I am just trying to get her to see things with an open mind and open eyes. One time she was making fun of someone on welfare.This was the conversation

Her "Can you believe so and so, I just hate moochers. She fills her grocery cart every 1st of the month and uses her food stamps to pay for that food."

Me "Mom, we were on welfare growing up."

Her after alittle bit of silence "Well, I was disabled."

Me "How do you know she isn't disabled."

Her after alittle bit of silence "Well, maybe she is but it doesn't look like anything is wrong with her."

 

[Stevania]

I am very close to both of my parents.

 

[wendypooh]

LOL - Your Mom just sounds grumpy.................. I'm kidding, I know it's frustrating for you. Hopefully you'll come to some common ground.


As for me.......... You have NO idea just how it really is!!!

 

[minkydog]

My mother and I get along okay. Not great, not bad, just okay. My mother has always been very critical of me. All through my childhood, my teens, my 20s, 30s, 40s and now my 50s. I have to limit my time with her in order to remain healthy myself. I love her and she does have good qualities. She is very giving and emotionally open with her friends, but not as much with me. Whenever she gives something, she wants it back. So it's a complicated relationship.

Five years ago we had a break in our relationship. My father was dying a particularly painful and difficult death from lung cancer. Now the back story is myparents divorced bitterly when I was 19. My mother, to this day, cannot speak of him without anger and bitterness(and this after she was remarried for 20 years!) My father and I had a difficult relationship, but I just couldn't turn my back on him in the end. I went up to care for him the last 30 days of his life, and I must say it was the sweetest time of healing for both of us. My mother was having NONE of it. She called me repeatedly, screaming, saying horrible things, berating me. One afternoon I felt something physically "break" inside me. Suddenly, I didn't need my mother's approval. I didn't need her to like what I was doing and I didn't need to ask her permission. I didn't need to take her advice or attend to her at all except on my own terms. It was an epiphany, and not necessarily one I welcomed.

Our relationship has never gone back to the way it was. Mother has never apologized for hte way she acted and I know she never will. She has never apologized for ANYTHING. She's prideful. However, now I have learned to love her the way she is and I protect myself from her criticism by keeping things light. I don't share intimate things with her because I really don't want her input. I don't share my worries about hte kids very much,because she launches into all THEIR terrible, bad ways. Nobody wants to hear those things about their children. (Incidentally, she has been so awful to DS23 that he has not been to see her in about 8 years.)

 

[DSNLvR]

LOL - Your Mom just sounds grumpy.................. I'm kidding, I know it's frustrating for you. Hopefully you'll come to some common ground.


As for me.......... You have NO idea just how it really is!!!

She is grumpy but at the same time tries to convince everyone else what a great life she had/has.

She is good to the kids I just hope her opinions dont affect how they look at people. I had to undo some damage she caused after the Obama election....OMG ......I dont even know where to begin. Trying to explain to an 8 year old that the liberals were not brainwashing her in school....

 

[dislal]

If not has it always been that way or just now that you are an adult?
Recently I have been more aware of my moms personality and looking back she has always been this way but over the last few months it has gone from somewhat annoying to me completely avoiding her when I can.

Every conversation turns into her putting others down to pat herself on the back. Her hypocrisy is nothing short of amazing.

She will judge others for exact thing she has done, or is doing (but fails to remember it or conveniently justifies her reasons for doing the same thing)and then in the same conversation mention how so and so is so blind because they have double standards! I try to change the subject but it always goes back to how great she thinks she is and how terrible, lazy, self centered, spoiled someone else is. Sometimes I am just at a loss for words.

She throws everyone under the bus, her sisters, her boyfriend, my boyfriend, my brothers girlfriend, her boyfriends daughter usually gets the brunt of it.

Any one that comes to her house or anyone she randomly meets at a party.

For example, this past weekend we went to my brothers for a Halloween party and my SIL's sister was there with her new boyfriend. After a 2 minute meeting with this man she gripes to me the next day about his job, what he was wearing, how much he spent on their costumes, and she didn't like his mouth (he said damn 1 time while we were there) yet HER boyfriend could make a sailor blush with his mouth! Thinking back on that I can kind of laugh at that double standard, but it gets old hearing it day in and day out.

OMG!! I had to look after I read this and make sure it wasn't an old post by me. My mom has gotten so bad with this in the 3 years since my dad died. I find myself avoiding her more often.

 

[DSNLvR]

My mother and I get along okay. Not great, not bad, just okay. My mother has always been very critical of me. All through my childhood, my teens, my 20s, 30s, 40s and now my 50s. I have to limit my time with her in order to remain healthy myself. I love her and she does have good qualities. She is very giving and emotionally open with her friends, but not as much with me. Whenever she gives something, she wants it back. So it's a complicated relationship.

Five years ago we had a break in our relationship. My father was dying a particularly painful and difficult death from lung cancer. Now the back story is myparents divorced bitterly when I was 19. My mother, to this day, cannot speak of him without anger and bitterness(and this after she was remarried for 20 years!) My father and I had a difficult relationship, but I just couldn't turn my back on him in the end. I went up to care for him the last 30 days of his life, and I must say it was the sweetest time of healing for both of us. My mother was having NONE of it. She called me repeatedly, screaming, saying horrible things, berating me. One afternoon I felt something physically "break" inside me. Suddenly, I didn't need my mother's approval. I didn't need her to like what I was doing and I didn't need to ask her permission. I didn't need to take her advice or attend to her at all except on my own terms. It was an epiphany, and not necessarily one I welcomed.

Our relationship has never gone back to the way it was. Mother has never apologized for hte way she acted and I know she never will. She has never apologized for ANYTHING. She's prideful. However, now I have learned to love her the way she is and I protect myself from her criticism by keeping things light. I don't share intimate things with her because I really don't want her input. I don't share my worries about hte kids very much,because she launches into all THEIR terrible, bad ways. Nobody wants to hear those things about their children. (Incidentally, she has been so awful to DS23 that he has not been to see her in about 8 years.)

Maybe this is what I need to do. I have recently stopped telling her things about my life because I know if she wasn't talking to me, she was talking about me...so I stopped giving her ammo. That is hard to say about your mom but it is what it is. I can tell from her "sneaky" questions she is digging for something. But I'm not sharing, this drives her crazy as well.

I suppose she will never change.

 

[DSNLvR]

OMG!! I had to look after I read this and make sure it wasn't an old post by me. My mom has gotten so bad with this in the 3 years since my dad died. I find myself avoiding her more often.

well I hate that anyone has to deal with this but glad I am not alone. It is difficult realizing you dont like the person your mother is. I feel the need to protect everyone from her but I can't. I do try but she does not listen.

 

[wendypooh]

This is what finally broke the camels back for my sister.......... my sister had stopped talking to my mom - for many reasons, but she was talking to my dad about "why" she won't have anything to do with her anymore......... (yes, he called me as well years ago with the same question......... cause she - my mom - just couldn't understand why I refused to have anything to do with her............)

anyway - so my sister is telling him blah blah, all the stuff he's heard a million times before as to WHY........ so, my sister then says she talked to her dr. about her, and he suggested she might be bi-polar. So my sister looked it up and said it sounded like she could be and told my dad he should talk to her about it and tell her (my moms) dr. about it........... so, get this, my mom then starts telling EVERYONE that my sister IS bi-polar and on all this medication and is seeing a shrink........ all kinds of BS that is NOT true - she is telling everyone this is why she (my sister) won't have anything to do with her. She even called my sisters EX husband and told him - AND told him that he should try to get custody of thier daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is a psycho - literally - I'm not joking!!!

 

[DSNLvR]

This is what finally broke the camels back for my sister.......... my sister had stopped talking to my mom - for many reasons, but she was talking to my dad about "why" she won't have anything to do with her anymore......... (yes, he called me as well years ago with the same question......... cause she - my mom - just couldn't understand why I refused to have anything to do with her............)

anyway - so my sister is telling him blah blah, all the stuff he's heard a million times before as to WHY........ so, my sister then says she talked to her dr. about her, and he suggested she might be bi-polar. So my sister looked it up and said it sounded like she could be and told my dad he should talk to her about it and tell her (my moms) dr. about it........... so, get this, my mom then starts telling EVERYONE that my sister IS bi-polar and on all this medication and is seeing a shrink........ all kinds of BS that is NOT true - she is telling everyone this is why she (my sister) won't have anything to do with her. She even called my sisters EX husband and told him - AND told him that he should try to get custody of thier daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is a psycho - literally - I'm not joking!!!

You are making me feel better about my mom I am joking, I am really sorry. That is just crazy!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I try to defend the people she talks about and this makes her VERY mad. I am just trying to get her to see things with an open mind and open eyes. One time she was making fun of someone on welfare.This was the conversation

Her "Can you believe so and so, I just hate moochers. She fills her grocery cart every 1st of the month and uses her food stamps to pay for that food."
"

Since you know she does this.....and I know what my mom does....


You cut her off at her first statement. Pointing out the hypocracy is useless. She hasn't gotten it...she wont' get it.

Much like my mom doesn't get why she's problematic. I can't correct her. She doesn't see anything wrong. Now I know where I get my "I need to be right " attitude from. It's darn annoying and I am working on it. I have no desire to be her by the time I am in my 50s.

 

[wendypooh]

My mother and I get along okay. Not great, not bad, just okay. My mother has always been very critical of me. All through my childhood, my teens, my 20s, 30s, 40s and now my 50s. I have to limit my time with her in order to remain healthy myself. I love her and she does have good qualities. She is very giving and emotionally open with her friends, but not as much with me. Whenever she gives something, she wants it back. So it's a complicated relationship.

Five years ago we had a break in our relationship. My father was dying a particularly painful and difficult death from lung cancer. Now the back story is myparents divorced bitterly when I was 19. My mother, to this day, cannot speak of him without anger and bitterness(and this after she was remarried for 20 years!) My father and I had a difficult relationship, but I just couldn't turn my back on him in the end. I went up to care for him the last 30 days of his life, and I must say it was the sweetest time of healing for both of us. My mother was having NONE of it. She called me repeatedly, screaming, saying horrible things, berating me. One afternoon I felt something physically "break" inside me. Suddenly, I didn't need my mother's approval. I didn't need her to like what I was doing and I didn't need to ask her permission. I didn't need to take her advice or attend to her at all except on my own terms. It was an epiphany, and not necessarily one I welcomed.

Our relationship has never gone back to the way it was. Mother has never apologized for hte way she acted and I know she never will. She has never apologized for ANYTHING. She's prideful. However, now I have learned to love her the way she is and I protect myself from her criticism by keeping things light. I don't share intimate things with her because I really don't want her input. I don't share my worries about hte kids very much,because she launches into all THEIR terrible, bad ways. Nobody wants to hear those things about their children. (Incidentally, she has been so awful to DS23 that he has not been to see her in about 8 years.)

I know what you are talking about, the same thing happened to me, it was like all of a sudden I was hit by lightening or something. I realized that I didn't have to take it anymore - and so I stopped. It has been the absolute best thing I've ever done for myself. She is toxic and our relationship was toxic - it was literally making me sick - I was SO stressed my hair was falling out - she had me so angry and upset ALL the time. I had to stop it for my own health and sanity.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

She is grumpy but at the same time tries to convince everyone else what a great life she had/has.

She is good to the kids I just hope her opinions dont affect how they look at people. I had to undo some damage she caused after the Obama election....OMG ......I dont even know where to begin. Trying to explain to an 8 year old that the liberals were not brainwashing her in school....

Without getting too political, my mother and I have those differences as well.

My only issue is that she makes very public generalizations about her opposition that are demeaning and rude. So I have some fun and challenge her on that. It isn't very nice--but when you take it public, it's on, you know!

I know I'm not going to change her--but I only point out holes in what she says. Then she says--"well, I'm not talking about people like you".

Alrighty then.